美国当代诗人法兰克·毕达特的诗《历史》4
法兰克·毕达特（Frank Bidart, 1939-）曾跟随罗伯特·洛厄尔习诗，融入了很深的自白派风格。他也是洛厄尔诗全集的编者。1973年出版第一本诗集，2021年出版最新诗集。他诗歌从形式、语言、写作角度和主题呈现上都很独特，且风格多变。1997年的诗集《欲望》Desire史无前例地进入美国诗歌三大奖（普利策、全国图书奖、书评人协会奖）的终选名单。他是同性恋，这在他的诗歌中有明确的表现。他获得美国许多重要诗歌奖、以及加拿大的格里芬国际诗歌奖终身成就奖等。
《历史》History
For two years, my father chose to live at
The Bakersfield Inn, which called itself
the largest motel in the world.
There, surrounded by metal furniture
painted to look like wood, I told him that I
wanted to be a priest, a Trappist.
He asked how I could live without pussy.
He asked this earnestly. This confession
of what he perceived as need
was generous. I could not tell him.
有两年之久，我爸爸宁愿住在
贝克菲尔德旅馆，那家旅店
自称是世界上最大的汽车旅馆。
那家店用的都是金属家具，
漆成木头感觉，我告诉他说我想
成为牧师，一名特拉普派修士。
他问我没屄的日子怎么过。
他问得很认真。他这么坦承，
认为那是一种需要，
倒是慷慨。我无法告诉他。
【译按】特拉普派（Trappist）全称为 Cistercians of the Strict Observance（严格遵守的熙笃会），这个修会由阿尔芒-让·勒·布蒂利耶（Armand Jean le Bouthillier de Rancé, 1626-1700）创立于1664年，起源于法国诺曼底的特拉普修道院（La Trappe Abbey）。特拉普派修士遵循圣本笃的规则，强调简朴、勤劳和禁欲，日常生活包括祈祷、冥想、劳动和自给自足。
•
Sex shouldn’t be part of marriage.
Your father and I,—
… sex shouldn’t be part of marriage.
“性不该成为婚姻的一部分。
你父亲和我，——
……性不应成为婚姻的一部分”。
•
That she loved and continued to love him
alone: and he, her: even after marrying others—
then they got old and stopped talking this way.
她那时爱他，而且一直爱他，
只爱他一人：而他也爱她：即便和别人再婚后——
后来他们老了，不再这样说话。
•
Ecstasy in your surrender to adolescent
God-hunger, ecstasy
promised by obliterated sex, ecstasy
in which you are free because bound—
in which you call the God who made
what must be obliterated in you love.
你顺从了青春期，充满狂喜
对上帝的渴望，以及被抹除的性
所承诺的狂喜，那狂喜
令你窘困其中而得自由——
在那狂喜中，你将那位创造了你身上
必须抹除之物的上帝称为爱。
•
In a labyrinth of blankets in the garage
at seven
with a neighbor boy
you learned abasement
learned amazed that what must be
obliterated in you is the twisted
obverse of what underlies everything.
在车库的毯子迷宫下
七岁的你
和邻居家的男孩
体悟何为屈从
惊异地懂得你身上
必须抹除的东西其实是个
扭曲的对立面，存在于一切事物之下。
•
Chaos of love, chaos of sex that
marriage did not solve or
mask, God did not solve or mask.
爱的混乱、性的混乱，
婚姻无法解决或
掩盖，上帝也无法解决或掩盖。
•
Grant and Hepburn in Bringing Up Baby,
in which Grant finally realizes being
with her is more fun than anything.
What they left behind
they left behind
broken. The fiction
even they accepted, even they believed
was that once
it was whole.
Once it was whole
left all who swallowed it,
however skeptical, forever hungry.
格兰特和赫本主演的《育婴奇谭》，
到最后，他意识到和她
在一起，比什么都有意思。
他们留下的，
他们就让它破碎地
留下。而他们甚至
接受也相信了那虚构：
它曾经
很完整。
“它曾经完整”
这让所有全盘接受的人，
无论多么怀疑，都会永远渴望。
•
The generation that followed, just like their
famished parents, fell in love with the fiction.
They smeared shit all over
their inheritance because it was broken,
because they fell in love with it.
But I had found my work.
之后的一代人，就像他们
经历饥馑的父母一样，爱上那虚构。
他们所继承的
被他们弄成屎一样，因为它已破碎，
因为他们已爱上了它。
而我，我发现了我的作品。
