The Power of Gifting
Gifts can shape relationships and create memories.
Posted December 16, 2024
Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
Gifts symbolize love, care, or loyalty and can reshape relationships over time. Experiential gifts create powerful memories and deepen emotional connections. The meaning of a gift evolves, shaped by intention, culture, and shared context. Thoughtful gifts matter most, showing care and strengthening close relationships.
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The Power of Gifting
送礼的力量
Gifts can shape relationships and create memories.
礼物可以塑造关系并创造回忆。
Posted December 16, 2024 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
发表于 2024 年 12 月 16 日 | 由 Gary Drevitch 测评
Gifts symbolize love, care, or loyalty and can reshape relationships over time. Experiential gifts create powerful memories and deepen emotional connections. The meaning of a gift evolves, shaped by intention, culture, and shared context. Thoughtful gifts matter most, showing care and strengthening close relationships.
礼物象征着爱、关怀或忠诚，可以随着时间的推移重塑关系。体验式礼物可以创造强大的回忆并加深情感联系。礼物的含义会随着意图、文化和共同背景的变化而变化。贴心的礼物最重要，可以表达关心并加强亲密关系。
For the last two weeks, I’ve been swept up in the usual holiday whirlwind: searching for gifts that feel meaningful for everyone on my list. Some were easy to decide—my toddler’s excitement at a simple toy will light up the room—but others, like choosing something for my in-laws, left me second-guessing myself. Would they find it thoughtful enough? Practical enough?
在过去的两周里，我一直被卷入通常的节日旋风中：寻找对我清单上的每个人都有意义的礼物。有些很容易决定——我蹒跚学步的孩子对一个简单玩具的兴奋会点亮房间——但其他一些，比如为我的公婆挑选东西，让我怀疑自己。他们会觉得这足够周到吗？够实用吗？
The truth is, gift-giving is far more than a seasonal tradition or a material exchange. Research shows that gifts hold deep symbolic and emotional significance, serving as tools for connection, care, and even relationship management. A single gift can reflect love, gratitude, or shared memories, while another might create stress or obligations for both giver and receiver.
事实是，送礼远不止是季节性传统或物质交换。研究表明，礼物具有深厚的象征意义和情感意义，可以作为联系、关怀甚至关系管理的工具。一份礼物可以反映爱、感激或共同的回忆，而另一份礼物可能会给送礼者和接受者带来压力或义务。
Gifts play a vital role in managing and nurturing relationships, helping us strengthen bonds, signal commitment, and express emotions that words sometimes fail to convey. Relational gifting focuses on care, connection, and reciprocity, fostering trust and intimacy, while transactional gifting tends to be more self-serving or impersonal. Motivations behind gifts often blend altruism and self-interest—whether we’re showing appreciation, demonstrating affection, or hoping for a particular emotional response. Gifts can be used for expressing love, gratitude, and loyalty, as well as demonstrating power, seeking prestige, or manipulating relationships. Ultimately, the recipient’s reaction determines the success of the exchange. Gifts that align with expectations and relationship context foster positive emotions, while thoughtless or inappropriate choices can strain bonds.
礼物在管理和培养人际关系方面发挥着至关重要的作用，帮助我们加强纽带，表明承诺，并表达有时无法用语言表达的情感。关系型送礼侧重于关怀、联系和互惠，培养信任和亲密关系，而交易型送礼往往更加自私或不近人情。礼物背后的动机往往融合了利他主义和利己主义——无论我们是表达感激、表达爱意，还是希望得到特定的情感回应。礼物可用于表达爱、感激和忠诚，以及展示权力、寻求声望或操纵人际关系。最终，接收者的反应决定了交换的成功。符合期望和关系环境的礼物可以培养积极的情绪，而轻率或不适当的选择会使纽带紧张。
At their best, gifts serve as powerful, unspoken gestures of care. A simple handmade scarf or a lemon tree planted together may not only bring immediate joy but can also reshape how we feel about each other over time, reminding recipients of the giver’s thoughtfulness and connection. Even small, seemingly ordinary gifts can have a profound impact on relationships.
在最好的情况下，礼物是有力的、无声的关怀姿态。一条简单的手工围巾或一棵柠檬树一起种植，不仅可以立即带来快乐，而且随着时间的推移，还可以重塑我们对彼此的感觉，提醒接受者送礼者的体贴和联系。即使是看似普通的小礼物也会对人际关系产生深远的影响。
Research shows that receiving a gift can lead to various relational outcomes: A well-chosen gift can strengthen a relationship by expressing commitment or shared meaning, often marking significant milestones like anniversaries or birthdays. Gifts can also affirm the positive qualities of an existing relationship, reminding us of closeness and familiarity—like a cherished book or photo album that symbolizes years of friendship.
研究表明，收到礼物可以导致各种关系结果： 精心挑选的礼物可以通过表达承诺或共同的意义来加强关系，通常标志着周年纪念日或生日等重要里程碑。礼物还可以肯定现有关系的积极品质，提醒我们亲密和熟悉——就像一本象征多年友谊的珍贵书籍或相册。
Not all gifts carry the same weight, however. Some have a negligible effect when they feel irrelevant or when preexisting bonds are already strong enough to make the gift inconsequential. In other cases, gifts can have unintended consequences. They may reinforce negative qualities in a relationship, such as misunderstanding or a lack of effort, or weaken it by introducing unwanted obligations or sending inappropriate messages. In rare but impactful instances, gifts may even sever ties by symbolizing control, disrespect, or a breakdown of trust. Imagine receiving a gift so inappropriate that it feels more like an insult—like the time a friend proudly gifted me a giant chocolate sculpture of a man’s intimate parts on my wedding day, right in front of the stunned faces of my parents, husband, and in-laws.
然而，并非所有的礼物都具有相同的重量。当它们感觉无关紧要，或者当先前存在的纽带已经足够强大以至于礼物变得无关紧要时，有些影响可以忽略不计。在其他情况下，礼物可能会产生意想不到的后果。它们可能会强化一段关系中的负面品质，例如误解或缺乏努力，或者通过引入不必要的义务或发送不适当的信息来削弱它。在极少数但有影响力的情况下，礼物甚至可能通过象征控制、不尊重或信任破裂来断绝关系。想象一下，收到一份如此不合适的礼物，感觉更像是一种侮辱——就像在我结婚那天，一个朋友自豪地送给我一个巨大的男人私密部位的巧克力雕塑，就在我父母、丈夫和公婆震惊的脸上。
Why Experiences Make the Best Memories
为什么体验会留下最美好的回忆
When choosing a gift, many of us focus on physical items, but research shows that experiential gifts—like a cooking class, concert tickets, or a shared weekend trip—are especially powerful for relationships. These gifts create moments of joy and shared memories that linger far longer than most material possessions. The magic lies in the emotions we experience. Whether we’re sharing the moment with the giver or enjoying it on our own, experiential gifts evoke stronger feelings of connection. Even small experiences, like a dinner reservation or a surprise day out, can leave a lasting mark. Of all the gifts I gave my parents last year, the ones they cherished most were a romantic photo session and a 3-day spa retreat in a peaceful suburban forest. In contrast, the material gifts I gave—whether a pair of warm socks, a piece of jewelry, or something else—have already faded from memory, even for me.
在选择礼物时，我们中的许多人都关注实物，但研究表明，体验式礼物（如烹饪课、音乐会门票或共享周末旅行）对人际关系特别有效。这些礼物创造了欢乐和共同回忆的时刻，比大多数物质财产的持续时间要长得多。魔力在于我们体验到的情感。无论我们是与送礼者分享这一刻，还是独自享受，体验式礼物都能唤起更强烈的联系感。即使是小小的体验，如晚餐预订或惊喜外出，也可以留下持久的印记。在我去年送给父母的所有礼物中，他们最珍惜的是浪漫的合影和在宁静的郊区森林中为期 3 天的水疗静修。相比之下，我送出的物质礼物——无论是一双温暖的袜子、一件珠宝还是其他东西——都已经从记忆中消失了，甚至对我来说也是如此。
Showing You Care: Thoughtful Gifts Matter Most
表达您的关心：贴心的礼物最重要
We’ve all felt the urge to give a gift that feels personal—something that shows we truly know and understand the recipient. Interestingly, this is especially common in close relationships. Research shows that when giving to close friends or family, we tend to prioritize gifts that signal thoughtfulness and intimacy, even if those gifts don’t perfectly align with the recipient’s stated preferences. For instance, instead of buying the cookbook someone asked for, we might choose a hand-picked baking set because it feels more heartfelt. While practical gifts like those from a registry often satisfy recipients more, the intention behind relationally meaningful gifts shines through.
我们都曾有过一种冲动，想要送一份感觉很私人的礼物——这表明我们真正了解和理解接收者。有趣的是，这在亲密关系中尤其常见。研究表明，在送给亲密的朋友或家人时，我们往往会优先考虑那些表明体贴和亲密的礼物，即使这些礼物并不完全符合接收者所陈述的偏好。例如，与其购买某人要求的食谱，我们可能会选择精心挑选的烘焙套装，因为它感觉更发自内心。虽然像登记处的那些实用的礼物通常更能满足接收者，但具有关系意义的礼物背后的意图却显现出来。
Gifts Reflect Culture, Care, and Connection
礼物反映了文化、关怀和联系
Gifting has always been central to human connection, but it is far more complex than simply exchanging objects. Across cultures and throughout history, gifts have symbolized everything from care and generosity to power, loyalty, and obligation. Anthropologists remind us that gifting is not just about the item itself but about the relationships, intentions, and meanings negotiated between the giver, recipient, and even observers.
送礼一直是人际关系的核心，但它远比简单地交换物品复杂得多。在不同文化和历史上，礼物象征着从关怀和慷慨到权力、忠诚和义务的一切。人类学家提醒我们，送礼不仅仅是物品本身，还关乎送礼者、接受者甚至观察者之间协商的关系、意图和意义。
Unlike market transactions, gifts occupy a unique space in which social bonds, symbolic gestures, and cultural expectations converge. A gift can strengthen bonds, express gratitude, or create a sense of collective care, but it can also carry strategic significance. Historically, rulers used gifts to assert dominance or secure loyalty, while recipients could redefine their meaning to resist subjugation. Similarly, gifts to religious institutions or political figures often held underlying agendas, transforming material wealth into social or spiritual capital.
与市场交易不同，礼品占据了一个独特的空间，在这个空间里，社会纽带、象征性姿态和文化期望交汇在一起。礼物可以加强纽带、表达感激之情或营造集体关怀感，但它也可以具有战略意义。从历史上看，统治者使用礼物来维护统治或确保忠诚，而接受者可以重新定义它们的含义以抵抗征服。同样，送给宗教机构或政治人物的礼物往往具有潜在的目的，将物质财富转化为社会或精神资本。
What makes gifting so fascinating—and sometimes challenging—is its inherent ambiguity. The meaning of a gift is not fixed but shaped by its cultural context and the power dynamics of the moment. A thoughtful gesture in one setting might be misinterpreted in another, leading to unintended consequences or strained relationships. For example, a gift that is perceived as too extravagant may feel like an obligation, while a modest offering could be seen as a sign of care and sincerity.
送礼之所以如此迷人，有时甚至具有挑战性，是因为它固有的模糊性。礼物的意义不是固定的，而是由其文化背景和当下的权力动态决定的。在一种情况下，体贴的姿态可能会在另一种情况下被误解，从而导致意想不到的后果或紧张的关系。例如，一份被认为过于奢侈的礼物可能感觉像是一种义务，而一份适度的礼物可能被视为关怀和真诚的标志。
Throughout history, the language of gifting has evolved alongside societal structures. In feudal systems, gifts reinforced hierarchical relationships, while in modern economies, they increasingly reflect personal intention and sentiment. Whether elaborate or simple, what ultimately matters most is the intention behind the gift—and the dynamic, evolving connection it represents.
纵观历史，送礼的语言随着社会结构的发展而发展。在封建制度中，礼物加强了等级关系，而在现代经济中，它们越来越多地反映了个人的意图和情感。无论是精心设计的还是简单的，最终最重要的是礼物背后的意图，以及它所代表的充满活力、不断发展的联系。
The Gift That Keeps on Giving
不断给予的礼物
As I wrapped the last of my gifts this year, I reminded myself of something simple but important: The perfect gift doesn’t exist. Instead, what truly matters is the thought, care, and connection we bring to the act of giving. Even if a gift isn’t immediately cherished, its meaning can grow over time. A quirky vase or a well-loved sweater might someday remind someone of the love and effort we put into choosing it. This holiday season, let your gifts be symbols of care and connection. Whether it’s a shared experience, a meaningful keepsake, or simply something that brings joy, every thoughtful gift has the power to say, I see you, and you matter to me.
当我包装今年的最后一份礼物时，我想起了一件简单但重要的事情：完美的礼物并不存在。相反，真正重要的是我们为捐赠行为带来的思考、关怀和联系。即使礼物没有立即受到珍惜，它的意义也会随着时间的推移而增长。一个古怪的花瓶或一件深受喜爱的毛衣有一天可能会让某人想起我们为选择它而付出的爱和努力。这个节日季，让您的礼物成为关怀和联系的象征。无论是共享的经历、有意义的纪念品，还是仅仅带来快乐的东西，每一份贴心的礼物都有力量说，我看到了你，你对我来说很重要。
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