Here are two things that recently happened in very quick succession: my oldest son opened his laptop and said: "Daddy! There's a new Snow White trailer!" And then, less than two minutes after that, he shrieked: "Daddy! These dwarves are TERRIFYING!"
以下是这两件事的经过，它们几乎同时发生：我的大儿子打开笔记本电脑，兴奋地喊道：“爸爸！有新的《白雪公主》预告片！”然而，不到两分钟，他又惊恐地尖叫：“爸爸！那些小矮人太可怕了！”
Reader, it brings me no happiness to inform you that Disney has done it again. Several decades after shaping the animation industry as we know it with exquisite, characterful, cutting-edge feature-length fairytales that are still rightly regarded as classics, it has decided to squeeze out a hot fat turd. As the years of counselling my son now requires will tell you, there is a trailer for Disney's new live-action Snow White movie. And it is beyond horrible.
读者朋友们，我必须遗憾地告诉你们，迪士尼再次让我们失望了。几十年前，它以精致、有特色、 开创性的长篇动画电影塑造了动画产业的辉煌，这些作品至今仍被视为经典。然而，现在迪士尼却决定推出一部令人难以接受的作品。从我儿子现在需要接受长期心理咨询这一事实就可以看出，迪士尼新的真人版《白雪公主》电影预告片已经发布， 而且糟糕至极。
What's so horrible about it, you may ask? Well, there's the fact that, after the 1937 Snow White movie and the 1961 Snow White movie and the 1969 sex comedy The New Adventures of Snow White and the 1987 Snow White and 1997's Snow White: A Tale of Terror and 2005's The Brothers Grimm and 2012's Mirror Mirror and 2012's Snow White and the Huntsman and 2016's The Huntsman: Winter's War – plus all the assorted books, plays, operas, TV shows and video games based on Snow White – there isn't really all that much meat left on the bone.
你可能会好奇，这部电影到底糟糕在哪里？首先，从1937年的《白雪公主》电影，到1961年的版本，再到1969年的性喜剧《白雪公主新传》，以及后来的各种改编作品， 如1987年、1997年的《白雪公主：恐怖童话》，2005年的《格林兄弟》，2012年的《白雪公主之魔镜魔镜》和《白雪公主与猎人》，再到2016年的《猎神：冬日之战》——再加上所有基于《白雪公主》改编的书籍、戏剧、歌剧、电视节目和视频游戏——可以说，《白雪公主》这个故事已经被挖掘得差不多了。
More pressingly, though, there is the fact that this new Snow White is arguably the ugliest thing ever committed to screen. It treats the animals that Snow White finds in the woods with the same photorealistic CGI that was used in the most recent Lion King remake, which has the effect of transforming helpful woodland creatures into literal vermin. And then there are the dwarves. My God, the dwarves.
但更关键的是，这部新的《白雪公主》电影可能是有史以来最丑陋的银幕作品。它用最近在《狮子王》翻拍中使用的逼真CGI技术来处理白雪公主在森林里遇到的动物， 这种效果将原本友善的森林生物变成了令人不适的生物。然后还有那些小矮人的形象， 简直让人不忍直视。
But Snow White represents a new low. Until now, the theory was that Disney was embarking on its campaign of live-action remakes as a way to extend copyright on its characters and stop them lapsing into the public domain. But having seen the new Snow White dwarves, I think something slightly more fiendish is going on. I now think that Disney is making these ugly films so that any time in the future, if anyone thinks of making a Snow White movie of their own, they'll automatically be haunted by visions of this film's bulbous, gruesome hell-spawn dwarves and be so busy crying and vomiting that they'll immediately go off the idea. At this point, that is the only logical conclusion.
《白雪公主》的翻拍刷新了下限。之前，人们普遍认为迪士尼启动真人翻拍计划，主要是为了延长其角色版权的保护期，避免被公众使用。然而，在目睹了新版《白雪公主》中的小矮人形象后，我认为事情可能更为复杂。我现在认为，迪士尼制作这些令人不悦的电影，可能是为了确保将来如果有人想要拍摄自己的《白雪公主》电影， 他们脑海中会立刻浮现出这部影片中那些怪异、恐怖的畸形小矮人形象，以至于他们会因恐惧和反感而放弃这个念头。到目前为止，这似乎是最合理的解释。
If all were right in the world, then on the basis of this trailer Snow White would be locked away forever like The Day the Clown Cried. As it is, it will leak out to cinemas next March and scar a generation of young kids the same way Return to Oz did for us. On the plus side, though, I now have a new thing to threaten my son with: clean your room, kid, or I'll make you watch the trailer again. Honestly, it's that bad.
如果一切正常的话，基于这个预告片，《白雪公主》应该像《小丑那天哭了》一样被永久封禁。然而，事实并非如此，它将在明年三月上映，并可能像《重返奥兹国》给我们这一代人留下的心理阴影一样，给又一代孩子带来伤害。不过，从另一个角度来看，我现在有了新的“威胁”我儿子的手段：小子，把你的房间打扫干净，否则我就让你再看一遍这个预告片。说真的，它太糟糕了。
