原文第一段Time flies! You are now in junior high! Are you ready for your new life?
1.标题缺漏：教材课文应加标题，如A letter/message from parents to their daughter以利于教与学。
2.英美混语：真实度差的教材增加学习困难。be in junior high (school)是美国英语，后面primary school和Mum是英国英语。美国英语elementary school小学、Mom，初中用junior high (school)或middle school。关于中学、初中、高中的英译，请参阅拙作《中国教育，不容矮化！专家一错影响几亿人！还不改？》
3.误用叹号！英语感叹号的使用频度远不如汉语的广。第一句Ti
4.不当疑问：早在开学前，家长就关心过孩子升学准备了！第三句问得太迟，不像关心而像质疑。
5.语用失误：后两句读起来像是父母在责备女儿。原文You are now in junior high! (你现在读初中/是初中生了！) Are you ready for your new life?(你准备好新生活了吗？) 身份事实+疑问(质疑)的两句话之后，可能的话语如Do you still want to play for hours every day? (还天天想着一玩就好个几小时？)No way! (没门！)
英汉偶合的批评指责：先陈述一个对方不可辩驳的事实，如身份
即使改为Time flies! Now you're starting your junior high. What are you most looking forward to? /Are you excited for this new chapter in your life? 如此提问也不像父母寄语。第一段应该肯定孩子长处(铺垫下文鼓励她勇敢面对学习挑战)如：We are so proud of how you are smart, loving, and hardworking.
原文第二段(1)：Primary school was like a pool. It was small and safe. Dad and Mum protected your boat from winds.
寄语初中生一百来个词短笺，回忆过去不是合适话题。
5/6. 时态不当：Primary school was like a pool. It was small and safe. 讲共性常情，该用现在时，改was为is。加个人因素谈经历才用过去时。cf.9.
7. It指代不明：前句讲小学阶段像是...，后句容易被误解为It再指小学的补充说明，但It却指pool。cf.15.17.不当拆句。
8. small使用不当：初中只有三个年级，而小学有六个年级，并不small。可改为calm and safe或safe and quiet。
9. 喻体不当：在pool水塘/水池/游泳池放不了boat(
10.Dad and mum非标英语：违反英语表达习惯的“发音顺利”原则，and mum无法流畅连读，而不受欢迎。习惯说法是Mum and Dad(英澳新加)/Mom and Dad(美加)，是可以流畅连读的(符合发音顺利原则)。又如，the bank of mom and dad(爸妈钱包/父母银行)。用于正式场合的称呼语Ladies and gentlemen遵循读音顺利原则，连读+音节数[2+1]:3重轻轻重轻轻(碰巧符合Ladies first女士优先)。再如：Gents and Ladies男厕女厕；men and women男男女女。
11.喻指不明：这your boat是喻指女儿呢，还是实指纸船？
12.错漏定冠词：风之于行船，有利有弊，不能都拒。winds特
13.语用失误：女儿读小学时，父母protected她(的船)
建议：增加德育内容，如Make more friends and treat your classmates well(多交朋友、善待同学/be kind to your schoolmates). No bullying.(禁绝霸凌)，以及安全教育内容，如Always stay safe等。
原文第二段(2)：But junior high is like a river. It is wide, and the water moves fast. You will face new problems.
14.用错But：连词but(但是)不放句首，
15.It指向不明：改为明确的The river is wide...再把the water改为its water加固it指代river，而不是指初中，使句子意思更连贯更晰。cf.7.
16.写作错误：寄语Message就像一部短剧，
17.拆句不当：七年级学生至少已学了四年小学英语，心智水平早已超过稚童碎句阶段。写小学和初中的两组明喻句，结构过于简单，把分明的一句话硬拆成两句，致使It使指向不明。第二句都应合并进各自的第一句，改如：Primary school is like a calm and safe lake in a park. However, junior high (school) is like a wide and fast-moving/rapid river.
18.用词不当：problems除了指各学科习题，就是各种
原文第二段(3)：We are still here to help.
19.用错副词：still仍然/依然/还，此句暗示发生了不好的事/
20.用错help词性：help vi.服务/提供帮助(AHD美国传统词典:To be of service; give assistance; ...)。help vt.帮助/援助/资助(AHD: a). To give assistance to sb; make it easier for sb to do something; aid; b). To give material or financial aid to)。父母帮助孩子还包括提供钱物，应该用及物动词help(帮助/援助/资助)说成...help you。
21.用错对象：服务机构常说We are still here to help.，父母一般不会对子女那么说，而会说Mom and Dad are always here to help you. 如考虑叛逆期少年不太喜欢听父母总是说帮助了孩子，
原文第二段(4)：But sometimes you have to sail your boat by yourself. Just try your best and work hard.
22.用错but：连词but(但是/可是)一般不写在句首。cf.14.
23.用错频度副词：初中阶段学业sail your boat by yourself是常态，应删sometimes。
24.用词不精确：have to是被迫无奈的不得不，所以宜改用need to说成you need to sail your boat by yourself.
25. 喻体漂移：两次出现的your boat喻指对象不同，第一次your boat指的是小学时的女儿，说父母在小学阶段对女儿的保护；
26.句序混乱，意思不连贯。sail your boat句应提前到river比喻句之后。
27.逻辑顺序：原文 Just try your best and work hard.这两个并列行为的语序应遵循逻辑意思上的递进关系，
原文第二段(5)：Remember this: no pain, no gain.
28.加重压力：no pain, no gain. (不吃苦就没有收益)付出艰苦甚至痛苦的努力将获得
29.冗余词this：原文Remember this: no pain, no gain.加了this，其后内容被特别强调，其他句子都暗淡了！应删this、删Remember。
30.应把Remember用在最关键处：要让孩子牢记父母永远是最坚实的后盾。说如：Remember: we are always here to support you(这可是珍爱生命教育的保命句). Talk to us, write a letter, or text a message. We will always listen and help guide you. 任何时候都不要干傻事，......
原文第二段(6)：You will go through storms towards the sea.
31.用词错误：storms风暴/暴风雨；(社会等)风暴/
32.搭配错误：go through历经艰难困苦(危机、离异、甚至战争等)，如：
go through storms强调过程历经风暴的痛苦并暗示遭到伤害，用来描述初中生活不利于七年级学生身心健康。即使改为强调良好结果的常见搭配ride (out) the storm(度过一场风暴/一个难关)或weather the storm(经受住暴风雨的考验)，强调战胜暴风雨后的结果，也还不够！建议改为程度更低的the ups and downs(起起落落)既指船因水面不平的起起落落，
33.用错towards：上初一刚进river河，距离大海s
34.垂悬修饰语：You will go through storms towards the sea.方向介词短语towards the sea(朝着大海)修饰谓语动词go，但是go已在前被裹进短
原文第三段：We made this letter into a new paper boat. We hope it helps you in the coming years！
35.时态错误：一般过去时的made应改用现在完成时have made，强调对现在和未来的影响。折叠成船形的寄语短笺，须打开才可阅读，但因已有折痕，很容易再叠成船形。
36.用错new：六岁时的玩具纸船(教材p.24)放水上飘走了！
37.用错help： 使劲拼命把一艘纸船(一封信)拔高成能hel
38.时间单位过大：in the coming years(未来的岁月里)使用years年来计
【智华英语修改版】132词
A message from parents to their daughter
Dear Mia,
Time flies! Now, you are starting junior high school. We're so proud of you. You're smart, loving, and hardworking.
Junior high is like a wide, fast-moving river. You'll need to sail/guide your boat and face new challenges. Every challenge will make you stronger. There will be ups and downs on the way to the sea. Just work hard and try your best.
Make more friends, be kind to people, and always stay safe. Say "no" to bullying. Remember, Mom and Dad are always here to support you. Talk to us anytime. We'll listen and help guide you.
We've made this letter into a special paper boat. We hope it brings you power and courage in the coming days.
With love,
Mom and Dad
没有金刚钻，别揽瓷器活！北京外国语大学是头牌大学啊，外研社是名社啊，教授博导啊瞎编乱写中小学教材，......。啊！这叫全国大中小学英语教师、数以百万计的学生及家长情何以堪？建议改正低质教材！
不才理工男，请关心英语教育的网友们批评指正、关注、转发！谢谢！
P.S.本号多篇拙文(语文、英语)在大学、中学，获一线教师和教研人员的垂青，用作教学讨论、教师集训等方面的素材。公号一个月未更新，但有一波又一波的大量阅读和成批关注。还有多个AI应用也关注本号。感谢大家！
