国人要学好母语，不要学那些高考语文命题专家中文系教授在甲卷、新I卷、天津卷写成堆语病！英语界要夯实基础，不要像北京外国语大学英文教授全程错误英语国际会议讲故事！7月笔者批评北京师范大学王蔷教授高中英语课文通篇语病还用了十余年！7月25~28日，国际英语教育中国大会TCA2024年会闪亮珠海！遗憾，上海外国语大学英语院长王欣取消原定的参会发言，没能一展其英语改进后的风采。唉，上外英语官网八句六病就不改！浪奔，浪流！上海滩引领潮流。
本篇批评英语权威TESOL《2018上海宣言》中英文语病潮涌！据TESOL中国官网https://www.tesolsh.com/news_content.asp?id=11229或21世纪英语网https://h5.i21st.cn/2018/tesolh5/，上海外国语大学梅德明教授说该宣言起草历时两个多月，经许多英语权威专家提修改意见。
The Shanghai Declaration of 2018 TESOL China Assembly
原文第一段：我们，来自中国和世界各地的英语教育工作者，相聚在上海，围绕“新时代背景下的③中国英语教育”这一①主题展开交流，决心②采取更加有力和持续的共同行动，为中国英语教育事业注入新活力与新动力。We, ④together with English language educators from China and ⑥across the world, are gathered⑤ in Shanghai under⑦ the theme “English Education in China: Striding into a New Era”. We are determined to take more energetic and sustainable joint action⑧ to inject fresh vigor and impetus into English education in China.
1. 删“这一”赘词。2. 错用“决心”。名词决心表示的是坚定不移的意志，“决心”作副词意为一心一意地坚定不移地。而原文语境不涉及意志动摇与否，故“决心”宜改为决定或决意(同[决议]音)，“决意”是拿定主张、决计、主意已定并计划之意。3. “背景下的”空间描述不当，给人一种在照相馆拍照的静态感。中国英语教育本已身处新时代，还是时代巨画里的重要组分。Brevity is the soul of wit.言贵简洁。
4. 错用插入语together with...，使得We与are gathered主谓关系被隔开太远，还把主语同位语的主语地位的与会者降级为陪同者，也让We缩减到只剩下会务人员。主语“代词+同位语”的表达，还可用介词As(作为)表身份说如As English educators..., we...。
5. 惯用法be gathered together[受(/被)共同使命等召唤]聚集在一起，形态上被动但意义主动，部分的gather语意用together补充重复是必要的强调，故不宜拆成如原文。此表达常用于宗教或文教主题的庄重聚会。TCA不具宗教性质，参会者不显宗教信仰，所以不宜用被动态be gathered，而应改用主动态形式We gather together...如APEC诸多宣言就用主动态。请参阅：王欣主持辞批评5及留言区讨论。
6. 句子较长时，可以把一些短语(如across the world)改为单词(如worldwide⑥)来简化表达。
7. theme跟topic一样，最常用的介词搭配是on the theme of。当主题较为宏大时，around/under/with the theme都是正确用法，不过under the theme会给人一点压迫感，所以宜改为around the theme(围绕...主题)，跟前面的gathered形成具象与抽象的和谐统一，还形成首尾呼应。完美！
8. 采取行动take action常用单数表示抽象行为[难以分解具体动作]，但说到采取联合行动，那就可分为至少两个执行方的行动，于是用复数名词的take joint actions就更符合逻辑、更地道了！
【近义词叠用】vim and vigor(押头韵v); vigor and vitality(押头韵v); vitality and impetus; vigor and momentum;
【英文修改稿】We, English language educators from China and worldwide, are gathered together in Shanghai around the theme “English Education in China: Striding into a New Era”. We are determined to take more energetic and sustainable joint actions to inject fresh vigor and impetus into English education in China.
原文第二段：在中国特色社会主义进入⑨新时代之际⑩，⑪要提高我国参与全球治理的能力，响应⑫“一带一路”倡议，促进人类命运共同体的构建，需要一大批具有中国情怀，⑬拥有全球视野，⑬熟练运用外语，⑬通晓国际规则，⑬精通国际谈判的专业人才。外语能力，尤其是英语能力，是⑭国际化人才应具备⑮的一项⑯关键能力。
9. 蛇足词！进入：进到了某个范围或时期里，强调动作或时间过程。“进入”宜省略，如一定要用可用英文theme里拟人化的Striding into(大步迈入)。10. 蛇足的“之际”错误压缩时间长度。在...之际：在...(事件)的时候，强调短暂的时刻，如：毕业临别之际；建军97周年到来之际。或改作：随着...迈入新时代。11. 主语不当省略造成英译混乱。宾语里的“我国”是“要提高/响应/促进”仨谓语动词的主语。宜改为“我国要提高...”。
12. “响应”使用不当：“一带一路”倡议是中国提出来的，怎么能说中国自己来响应呢？改如：推广。14. 在“尤其是”之后紧挨着的“是”可以用“乃”代替。是/系/为/乃/属！
15. 长式的“应具备的”宜改为凝练点的“必备(的)”。
16. 可省的“一项”，简洁化体现中文之美！还有车轱辘话：前已说“熟练用外语”！原英文第二段⑰With socialism with Chinese characteristics having entered a new era, ⑱it is necessary to improve our ability to participate in global governance, adapt to⑲ the “Belt and Road” Initiative and meet the requirements of⑳ building with joint efforts㉑ a community with a shared future for mankind. A large number of professionals are needed for this㉒, ㉓professionals with passion㉔, a global perspective, ㉕the skilled use of foreign languages, knowledge of international rules and expertise in international negotiations. Foreign language ability㉖, especially English language ability㉖, is㉖ a key competency required of such international talents.
第二段中英文都写得繁乱！开头With ~ with...双重介词结构就能把读者绕晕，同一句内，第二波的with...with海浪building with...with a ...又涌上来！读这样的英文，简直就是受罪！英语本来是简单易学的，懂一点基本逻辑就可以捋顺英语句子！17. 改用As/When...enters...简洁明了。但因As socialism容易让人视觉联想Ass或Asso，宜用When。18. 句式it is necessary to正主China(逻辑主语)竟然没出现！改为China needs to...最直接。19. 用adapt to(适应)不准确。可改为implement(落实)或promote[后已用]，对外推广不宜译为advance(有军事推进之意)。20. 蛇足！meet the requirements of [Building Codes]常用于表达“符合...(建筑标准/规则等的要求)”。21. 蛇足短语with joint efforts此处要说也是用简洁的jointly。22. 砸招牌了！原英文译者不让正主China出场，让professionals作主语+被动语态；23. 还整出个professionals同词重复的主语补足语蜿蜒数公里，怎么复杂就怎么整，整得TESOL、上海外国语大学两块金字招牌东倒西歪！24. 表达缺失：with passion有激情。具有中国情怀with Chinese sentiments(正式)或with (a) passion/love for the country(/China)。25. 胡译乱搭！熟练运用外语(的能力)可译为精通外语proficiency in foreign languages, (with) strong foreign language skills。而the use of sth的核心词是use(应用/使用/使用权/用处)，如the increasing use of computers in education电脑在教育领域的应用日益广泛。而skilled形容人熟练的、有技能的，如skilled worker技工，有技术的劳动者。26. 错用单数ability！外语能力指听说读写译综合技能，而非单项能力(His ability to translate Chinese into English is top-notch.)，所以要用复数说成foreign language abilities，当然，更贴切的是foreign language skills。【ability与skill】ability偏向于有点天赋a-自从/b-出生/已装进里面容易拿出来的-ility能力如facility的能力，而skill是人类为survive生存下来而kill杀掉野兽的磨难训练出来的熟练的技能。这些英语专家教授with...with两套，it's necessary to之后双重不定式+并列不定式，还尽说车轱辘话(internationalX3+global; abilityX3+competency; professionalsX2+talents)！这叫全国英语教师怎么能轻松教好、大中小学生怎么能轻松学好英语？中国英语教育还怎么能轻松地讲好中国故事？以其昏昏使人昭昭？这些专家误国啊！【中文修改】：在中国特色社会主义新时代，国家要提高参与全球治理的能力，落实“一带一路”倡议，促进人类命运共同体的构建，需要一大批具有中国情怀、拥有全球视野、熟练运用外语、通晓国际规则、精通国际谈判的专业人才。而外语能力，尤其是英语能力，乃国际化人才之必备。
【英文修改】When socialism with Chinese characteristics enters a new era, China needs to enhance its ability to participate in global governance, implement the Belt and Road Initiative, and promote the building of a community with a shared future for mankind. Therefore, China requires a large number of professionals with national sentiments, a global perspective, (proficiency in foreign languages,) knowledge of international rules, expertise in international negotiations, and, crucially, strong foreign language skills, especially in English.
原文第三段中英：今年以来㉗，中国教育部相继发布了《普通高中课程方案（2017年版）》《普通高中英语课程标准（2017年版）》《普通高等学校本科专业类教学质量国家标准》《中国英语能力等级量表》等纲领性文件，为新时代中国英语教育的发展确定了方向。Since the beginning of this year㉘, China’s Ministry of Education has issued a number of programmatic documents, such as The Curriculum Framework for General Senior High Schools (2017 edition), English Curriculum Standards for General Senior High Schools (2017 edition), National Teaching Quality Standards for Undergraduate in General Colleges and Universities, and China’s Standards of English Language Ability. ㉛These educational documents㉙are a㉚ blueprint for the direction of China’s English education in the new era.
27. 事实是前两份文件2017年颁布的，应改为去年以来。28. 英文改为Since last year。29. 先programmatic documents后又educational documents，太啰嗦！30. 复数主语+are+单数表语a blueprint语法正确但显得生硬，不如用serve as a blueprint/roadmap for来得自然(甚至可用act as或provide替换serve)。31. 第二句应直接用非限定性定语从句说如..., which have set the direction for China's English education in the new era.免得大量重复。【英译修改】Since last year, the Chinese Ministry of Education has successively issued several programmatic documents, including the "2017 General High School Curriculum Plan," the "2017 General High School English Curriculum Standards," the "National Standards for Undergraduate Teaching Quality in General Higher Education," and the "China's Standards of English Language Ability," which have set the direction for the development of English education in China in the new era.原文第四段中文：我们此刻㉜相聚，旨在㉝立足中国国情和现状㉞，从时代发展的新㉟需求㊱出发㊲，充分㊴研究中国英语学习者的特点及㊳需求，深入㊴了解中国的英语教育现状㊵，探索新时代背景下中国英语教育的理论模式和实践路径㊶。
32. 错用“此刻”强调时间，却无危难或紧迫之情，应改为强调场合的：我们相聚于此。33. 说得太早！旨在：目的在于，用在表示目的的行为前。35. “时代发展”已含“新”的概念，“新(需要)”宜删“新”，或改修饰时代：新时代发展的需要。36. 错词！需求，用于指人/群体的需求、市场需求等。需要，应该有的必须具备的东西。37. 不贴切！“从...出发”离开的是一个点“你的出发点是好的”或某个事物“从长远利益出发”，而时代发展的需要是全方位的，初改为基于。但考虑上个条件用了动词语法化的介词立足(于)...，这里也可从适应/顺应/把握/满足这些动词选择，顺应。时代发展具有全球性质，宜提前一个位置。38. 错用“及”，改为“与”(正式)：...的特点与需求。正式语场合常用“与”代替“和”。40. 行为的逻辑顺序：(充分)了解...(深入)研究...(积极)探索...(全面)提高...。本分句㊵应提前一位。41. 太窄：理论模式和实践路径，改为：理论与实践。意犹未尽！应增加一个分句。见下：【中文修改】我们相聚于此，基于时代发展的需要，(牢牢)立足中国国情，充分了解英语教育现状，深入研究英语学习者特点与需求，旨在探索新时代中国英语教育的理论与实践。We gather here, based on the needs of the times and (firmly) rooted in China's national conditions, to fully understand the current state of English education and conduct in-depth research on the characteristics and needs of English learners. We aim to explore the theory and practice of English education in China in the new era.英文原文第四段Grounded㊷ in China’s national conditions and current situation㊸, and motivated㊷ by the needs of modern development, we are gathered here to engage in full-fledged seminars to learn about the characteristics and requirements of Chinese EFL learners, ㊹to carry out in-depth investigations into the status quo of English education in China, ㊹and to explore the theoretical mode and practical approach of China’s English education in the new era.42. 太压抑了！用两个被动意味的过去分词短语作前置状语，谓语动词还再用被动形式的are gathered(被使命召集)，应改为主动的gather，或把状语改为主动意味的现在分词短语。43. conditions and current situation后又是拉丁语status quo重复啰嗦。44. 双重不定式之后，又是两个并列不定式，从上下文看它俩应该是跟第二级并列。那么可在第一级不定式后用冒号后接三个并列不定式，或去掉最后并列两个不定式的to，但都不如改用so that we can目的状语从句，说如：Basing ourselves on China's national conditions and responding to the demands of modern development, we are gathered here to engage in full-fledged seminars so that we can fully study the characteristics and needs of Chinese English learners, gain an in-depth understanding of the current state of English education in China, and explore the theoretical models and practical paths for English education in the new era.原文第五段：我们认识到，新时代中国英语教育既要实现语言目标，又要实现文化目标，更要实现立德树人的德育目标，各项目标的协同发展尤为重要。新时代中国英语教育同时要求英语教师在专业素质、学科知识和教学能力方面达到更高的境界，为英语教学改革提供根本保障。鉴此，我们承诺共同采取以下行动：
【修改】我们认识到，新时代中国英语教育要实现语言目标与文化目标，更要实现立德树人的德育目标，还要确保三项目标的协同发展。同时，新时代中国英语教育要求英语教师在专业素质、学科知识和教学能力方面达到更高的水平，为英语教学改革提供保障。鉴此，我们承诺共同采取以下行动：【说明】1.四个要改为要...更要...并(要)。2. 增加动词确保。3. 把”同时“前置到句首。4.搭配不当！境界，指人的思想觉悟和精神修养所达到的程度，也指人在某方面的表现超越常人水平后所达到的程度，如他的演技已达出神入化的境界。境界应改为水平。
【参考英译】We recognize that China's English education in the new era must achieve not only language and cultural goals but also the moral education goal of cultivating people with integrity and ensuring the coordinated development of these three goals. At the same time, it also requires English teachers to reach higher levels in professional quality, subject knowledge, and teaching ability to provide support for the reform of English teaching. In view of this, we commit to jointly taking the following actions:
英文原文第五段We recognize that China’s English education in the new era aims to achieve not only language goals, but also cultural goals, and more importantly, to achieve the moral goal of fostering virtue through education. Therefore, the coordinated development of these goals is of particular importance. The mission of China’s English education in the new era requires English teachers to meet higher standards for professional quality, subject knowledge and teaching competence, so as to ensure reform programs in English teaching are implemented. In this light, we promise to jointly undertake the following actions: 后8条略。
原译用aims to欠妥，一是意思不贴切，二是用法不大符合惯用法：You aim to do sth.的主语是人，尽管偶尔也用拟人化的如政府作主语、或行为如项目/计划/改革/政策等作主语。
原中文结语：让我们携手共进㊺，加强中外英语教育领域㊽的对话和㊻交流，推动中国英语教育系统性㊼、整体性㊼和㊻协同性㊼发展，共同创造㊾中国英语教育的新时代。
【中文修改】让我们携手合作，加强中外英语教育的对话与交流，推动中国英语教育系统化、整体化协同发展，共同迈入中国英语教育的新时代。
45. 共进？用词不当！共进晚餐？(同担当)共进退？共进会与文学社联手发动武昌起义！英语教育本身没受阻挠破坏等挑战，把“共进”解释为共同进步也不大说得通。直接说“携手合作”就好！
46. 和vs与：正式语场合常用“与”代替“和”，改为：对话与交流。和vs及：甲、乙和丙>甲、乙及丙。原文初改为：系统性、整体性及协同性发展。
47. “性”泛滥。改说“系统化、整体化协同发展”。
48. 搭配不当：加强...领域的对话与交流。修改：要么删领域把教育拟人化，要么改为“在...领域加强对话与交流”。
49. 用力过猛：“创造...新时代”，比如找一个大学英文教授初中英语都不过关的创造一个POA“输出导向法”？前后矛盾：结语否定开篇！第一段大会主题“English Education in China: Striding into a New Era”“新时代的中国英语教育”，第三段第五段又再述及。说明已经在新时代里面了的呀！一眨眼功夫，到了结尾，就又要开创新时代了？
原英文结语：Let us work together to enhance dialogue and exchanges in the international community㊿ of English education㊿ and promote the systematic, holistic and synergistic development of English education, therefore ushering in a new era of English education in China.
50. 错误搭配！因community(社区;界)的概念是以人为主体的community of ...样的人，所以education应改为educators才对！或可以把community换成field(领域)说成in the field of global English education...
51. ushering in...将迎来...新时代，意思与大会主题“English Education in China: Striding into a New Era”(中国英语教育迈入新时代)矛盾了！
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52. 1).usher in正式语：是新事物的开端或催生出新事物(formal) to be the beginning of something new or to make something new begin，如：The fall of the Berlin Wall ushered in a whole new era.柏林墙的推倒，标志着世界迎来了一个全新时代！
2). usher in...迎来...：全军指战员正迎来中国人民解放军成立97周年！All commanders and soldiers are ushering in the 97th anniversary of the founding of the Chinese People's Liberation Army.
3).usher in宣示...(时代)的来临；标志...来到了(新时代)：
嫦娥六号以31马赫速度成功返回地球，开启了中国的太武科技独步全球的新纪元！Chang'e-6 successfully returned to Earth at a speed of Mach 31, ushering in a new era of China's unique space weapons technology globally.
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