语文/英语教学低效，病根在大学中文/英语教授水平太低！我写《2024高考语文作文题干语病成灾！甲卷、新I卷、天津卷》《北京外国语大学英文教授: 满屏语病开国际大会、投屏²更严重、全程错误英语国际大会演讲的哥拒载外宾》，及《上海外国语大学: 八句六病挂网十年！英语院长满口语病主持国际大会》。本篇谈北京师范大学王蔷教授主编《高中英语》必修一U1L3课文(截图见下)，该文含标题570词39句，通篇语病100余处。
【智华英语改定稿】
Following His Heart: Zhang Tian's Journey to a Village School《追随内心：张天的村教之旅》It was 8 p.m. when Zhang Tian returned to his small room, feeling tired. "What another long day!" he thought. He had started working at 7 a.m., took an hour-long break at noon, and rested briefly after supper. Nevertheless, he still needed to prepare lessons and correct homework after a break. This was a typical workday for him. Teaching in a remote village in Guizhou Province has been quite an experience.Last year, Zhang Tian graduated from university and earned a teaching certificate. Like most, his parents hoped he would seek better opportunities in big cities and win himself a name(活出个人样来). Similarly, all his friends chose to live and work in large cities like Shanghai or Beijing "to be a big fish in a big pond(大鱼去大溪)."However, Zhang Tian thought otherwise. Since his early school years, he had met great teachers in his town. He had read the instructive story of President Xi settling in the countryside as an educated youth(当知青插队农村故事), as well as news about volunteer teachers. All their deeds inspired him to teach where he was needed most."Be a doer, not a me-tooer)_(做实干家，不做跟风者)!" he was determined to start a different lifestyle. Much to the surprise of his parents and friends, he applied for a volunteer position and accepted a one-year offer to teach in a village school. Before long, he set out on his journey with many books, clothes, and an eager heart. Zhang Tian imagined himself living with the real people of China, teaching and shaping the future generation of China's leaders and builders(章天想着与人民群众生活在一起，培养和塑造中国未来一代的领导者和建设者). Wouldn't that be exciting!Unfortunately, not everything lived up to his expectations. The school had only three classrooms. Outside the classrooms was a simple playground, dusty on windy days and muddy on rainy days. Living in the village was hard. Power and water supplies were unreliable, so he could only shower every three or four days. In addition, he had to cook his meals. The thought of leaving crossed his mind, but he quickly gave up the idea because he soon found ways to deal with the challenges.The school has just three teachers: two locals are responsible for Chinese and math, while Zhang Tian teaches English. To make the students' school life healthy and lively, Zhang has restored art, music, and PE classes. The children enjoy playing sports on the new playground and singing the songs they've just learned. The school and the village are filled with laughter and singing. Zhang is planning to organise the first-ever school concert, which the school will invite parents and villagers to attend. Everyone is excited!Time flew all too soon! Zhang Tian's one-year contract is nearing its end. Although it has been a challenging year, he has enjoyed his work with the children. He is satisfied that his students have grown more confident in learning and can use some English. Besides teaching, Zhang has also brought changes to the community. For example, he asked friends to donate old books to set up a library and requested donations from their companies to have the playground rebuilt quickly. Additionally, he helped the villagers sell local products on social media platforms when and after he visited students' homes. His contributions to the village have been so significant that Zhang has become popular among the villagers, who treat him as one of their own. Now, Zhang has made the village his home(章天把村寨当成自己的家). Although he had only intended to stay for one year, he is now ready for another. Zhang Tian is happy that he followed his heart when choosing what to do with his life, even though it might not be what others expected.Zhang Tian's journey has embodied the idea that "Life is what you make it." By stepping out of his comfort zone and choosing to "serve the people" where he is needed most, Zhang has enriched his own life and created meaningful changes to the lives of others. ![]()
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《高中英语》必修一 主编：王蔷 (北师大研究所所长)
副主编：曹瑞珍(北师大出版教材分社英语部主任、教授) 陈则航(北师大外文学院教授博导) 王琦 (北师大出版集团基础教育分社副主编) 编者：陈新忠(北京教科院高中英语教研员) 马欣(北师大外文学院讲师) 程惠云(清华大学附中英语特级教师) 钱小芳(北师大外文学院副教授)
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逐句修改说明：
①原标题Your Life is What You Make It
1.蛇足词Your！课文用第三人称讲章天(音译)支教山村故事。零冠词的Life不加物主代词，泛指任何人的生活。原标题加蛇足词Your变成含教训读者意味“你(们)的生活就是你(们)]自己一手造成的”。句式“主语+is+表语what从句”常用于陈述观点，逻辑意思上相当于一问一答两句，如这句一问Life Is What? 一答Life Is What You Make It. (《生活是你我创造的》[1985英国Talk Talk乐队单曲名、2011印度最畅销长篇小说名]。泛指也可用we，如Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be. (Grandma Moses,1952) 生活由我们自己创造，一直如此，永远如此。该课文更好的标题是：Following His Heart: Zhang Tian's Journey to a Village School 《追随内心：张天的村教之旅》
原文第一段②After a long day, Zhang Tian finally got back to his small room, feeling tired. ③He had started working at seven in the morning and it was eight in the evening now. ④He had to prepare his lessons for the following day. ⑤This is a typical day for Zhang Tian. ⑥Coming to Guizhou Province to teach has been quite an experience for him.
2. 1).After说早了！ 结束了漫长的一天的劳作后，章天终于回到小卧室，觉得累了，但还得备课。那就是说，这一天的工作还没完嘛！改It was a long day again, ...或What another long day! 2).finally与实际难符。村校小，章天住校，午休、晚饭后短歇都回房间的。3).get back是多义词组，不如说returned来得直接。4).long day工作学习旅行等漫长的一天，已含令人疲倦等意思，同一句再用feeling tired是赘余。改为It was 8 p.m. when...强调句。
3.宜把now提前，说如...and now it was eight...才更流畅自然。应适当增加必要信息，如took an hour-long noon nap, and rested briefly after supper等。
【插花】英语教材要讲好中国故事，就必须传递正确信息，不能胡乱拔高制造错误信息把可能想去村校支教的人吓跑！
4. 1).把had to改为needed to更准确。因have to偏向被迫的(不情愿的)或因法令等因素的不得不，而need to更偏向因职责等客观需要的“得”。2).英文要让人读得顺畅，就要注意起承转合适当运用连接词语，Nevertheless, he still needed to…缓颊。3).备课自含提前之意，可把for...换成correct(/英mark/美grade) homework批改作业。4).句尾再加上after a break(稍事休息后)，减少过劳死的发生。
5.1).此句还不宜用历史现在时，改为This was。2).可改day为workday或day of work。3).typical day典型的一天，与前说long day暗含比平常更长的一天是矛盾的，建议long day后加again或前加another。
6. 中式英语Coming to GZP to teach分词短语内套不定式，错用一次性动作的come当核心词，而表示延续动作的teach才是核心。语义错误：贵州省也有大中小城市乡镇，得提及村校，改为It has been … for him to teach…或Teaching in a remote village has been...句式。
第二段原文(一)⑦Zhang Tian graduated from university and got a teacher’s certificate last year. ⑧His parents, like most, hope he would go to a big city to find a teaching job. ⑨Likewise, his friends all left his hometown for work in Shanghai or Beijing. ⑩Zhang Tian felt differently, however. ⑪He wanted to start a new lifestyle.
7. 改Last year为前置，兼起承转合，还能避免被误解成早就毕业了直到去年才考到教师证(teacher’s certificate结构同driver's licence驾照)。teaching certificate要求更严，劳动基地教学生烹调都得有。改为obtained /earned a teaching certificate更正式些。
8. hope时态错误，得改为hoped。父母望子成龙(Parents want their children to be successful.)希望他们能出人头地win oneself a name /make a name for oneself。面太窄的find a teaching job，应改如seek better opportunities...
9.1).误用Likewise：跟谁一样？章天又不去大城市！不在课标词表的2).Likewise，宜改为更模糊的Similarly(类似地)。大学生朋友不可能仅限于老乡，宜改为their hometowns。3).leave for work(离开住所等)去上班。“为了生活，人们四处奔波。”离开家乡去大城市工作，也没毛病，但不能“我的眼里只有你”上海北京，得加like表达举例。还不对！4).来自城市甚至大城市的大学生占多数，别再说离乡了！改如Similarly, all his friends chose to live and work in large cities like Shanghai or Beijing, to be a big fish in a big pond(大鱼去大溪!)。
10.误用feel：表示持有观点时，feel是及物动词后常跟宾语从句。feel differently意思是在感觉上(并非根据事实)不一样。惯用法say/think/decide otherwise(不一样地说/认为/决定)结合考虑章天的想法大相径庭的语境，选用think otherwise(to have a different opinion from the one that has just been presented)持有跟刚呈现的主张观点不同的看法，如Liu insisted that he should deserve that much money, but many people, such as Sima Nan, thought otherwise. 柳坚持他就应该拿那么多钱，但很多人如司马南却完全不这么认为。
11.误用new。章天去年毕业后并没先选择生活方式，说a new lifestyle欠妥！宜改用different。把wanted改成语气更强的He was determined to start/try a different lifestyle.(他决意尝试一种与众不同的生活方式。)此句宜推后到申请支教前说。
第二段原文(二)⑫He had met wonderful teachers from small villages during his early school years and he was inspired by them to go and teach where he was needed the most. ⑬For that reason he applied for and became a volunteer teacher in a village school.
12.多处错误！原句大意“他还在入学的头几年就遇到了来自小村庄的优秀教师，受他们的激励去最需要他的地方教书。” 1).用错from：原文teachers from small vilages暗示只有来自小山村老师才能激励学生。歧视大村乡镇县市来的。其实，小村教师反而会灌输学好“知识改变命运”，“走出去”经风雨见世面(see the world)甚至“出人头地”(stand out或make a name for himself)。任正非说“在穷山沟时我的伟大理想就是跳出山沟沟！”把from...改为in his hometown。
2).用错during：原文局限于小学低年级，应改为Since his early school years, Zhang had met great teachers in his hometown. 涵盖从小学低年级起的所有优秀教师。
3).用错inspired：句式inspire/encourage sb to do sth(逻辑)主语既可以是人，也可以是事件或先进事迹等激发/激励人做某事。男主大学毕业后小村来的小学老师们还亲自鼓励他做人生规划？难以置信。得增加信息如He read the instructive story of President Xi settling in the countryside as an educated youth, as well as news about volunteer teachers.并改为人物先进事迹激励男主：All their deeds inspired him to teach where he was needed most.
4).说wonderful teachers(很棒的老师)不如说excellent teachers(优秀教师)或great teachers(授业解惑还启迪人生的老师)的好！
5).再加"Be a doer, not a me-tooer(做实干家，不做跟风者)!" he decided.一句内心独白。
【插花】讲好中国故事，内容得真实可信！
13. became用早了！虽然apply for and become a…很常见，但这不是还没动身吗？全文3个became用法简单重复，先把这个became换成accept an offer…吧！人生重大决策要告知家人！To the surprise of his parents and friends, Zhang applied for a volunteer position and accepted a one-year offer to teach in a village school.
原文第二段(三)⑭Bringing with him lots of books, clothes, and two pairs of trainers, Zhang Tian travelled to the village with an eager heart. ⑮He imagined all sorts of exciting things about living independently and teaching in a village.
14. 1).别折磨学生！小众表达Bringing with him...(顺带/附带着)和with an eager heart(怀着一颗渴望热忱的心)，实质都是“带着…”，还矫揉造作地句首句尾各来一次，这是语病！应改成让with…一起带！把不正式的lots of改为many。两双鞋与下文没关联，不必说。2). 用错travel了！travel to a place去一个地方旅行，行程结束就得离开该地回家或去另一个地方，游山玩水探亲访友出差公干。去小山村支教一年得换时间范围更长的词，如adventure激动人心的历程/有冒险精神的探险，或journey旅途旅程人生历程，explore/exploration探究体验/考察旅行。选用动词+journey最佳：Soon, Zhang set out on his journey with many books, clothes, (two pairs of trainers,) and an eager heart. 带的东西，从多说到少，从物质到精神。妙哉！或简为eagerly set out...。
15.又错用about！王蔷教授不知常用词about和imagine doing sth用法，生造出imagine sth X about doing Y and doing Z完全不讲逻辑的结构。难道是按中文病句“他想象着关于独立生活和乡村支教的各种令人激动的事”硬译的？改正很容易，把about改成举例的such as，说成He imagined all sorts of exciting things, such as living independently and teaching in a village.就讲得通了！
第三段原文(一)⑯However, not everything lived up to Zhang Tian’s hopes. ⑰The school was much smaller than he had expected, with only three classrooms. ⑱In front of the classrooms, there was a playground which got dusty on windy days and muddy on rainy days. ⑲Living in the village was also more challenging than he had thought.
16.误用hopes：希望hopes偏感性，期望expectations较理性，要分清！come up to /live up to one's expectations不负期望；达到预期。
17.首句讲实情不如所料，第二句就宜先讲客观事实(三间教室)再讲个人观点：形容词短语作状语, (which was) even smaller than he had imagined才对！expected得避上句expectations而换imagined。
18.错用限定性定语从句。1).学校只有一个操场，根本无需对其做限定以示区别；特点(缺点)描述只是补充说明，所以只能用非限定性定语从句。修改：在which前加一个逗号。再改which got为更明确的{,which is}或删which got而直接用形容词短语作特性状语。2).改成Outside the classrooms更精确。3).删there，改主句为倒装句，营造出教室内外动静分明的两种氛围。4).在playground前加simple做铺垫更有意义。Outside the classrooms was a simple playground, dusty on windy days and muddy on rainy days.逗号后形容词短语作主语playground的补足语，说明其特性，也可以看作“being+形容词”结构或从句的省略，表示对主语做解释。这种省略结构使得整句简洁生动、有节奏感、意思又更丰满！如The avenue is full of holes, dusty on windy days and muddy on rainy days.[Apr30,1898纽约市志]
19.用错challenging[激发兴趣(/思考/行动)的，有积极的正能量意味]。描述纯粹的困难时，用hard/difficult/tough为宜，改more...为harder。
第三段原文(二)⑳The power and water supplies were unstable, so he could only shower every three or four days, and he had to learn how to cook. ㉑The thought of leaving once flashed through his mind, but he quickly gave up on the idea and found ways to deal with the challenges.
20. 1).用词不够贴切：unstable(电压/水压/情绪等的)不稳定+stable都不在课程标准词汇表内，改为词表内的reliable的反义词unreliable(人或物:不可靠的)更合理。2).表结果的so并列句后，又塞进and“还得学煮饭”，这跟水电不稳定有啥关系？逻辑混乱！煮饭人人都得会，说he had to cook his own meals, by burning grass, wood, charcoal or coal when electricity or gas was unavailable. 另起一句说In addition, he had to cook for himself.
21. 三个错误表达：1). 各种困难挑战着男主，想离开是正常的，怎么可能只是flash through somebody’s mind/head/brain瞬间一闪而过的念头？说come/spring to mind(浮现脑海[弹窗弹出])或cross/enter one’s mind才贴切。2). give up on对人/事感到绝望而放弃(to stop hoping that someone or something will change or improve)，放弃离开的想法，直接用give up the idea或let go of /dismiss the idea。3). 又在并列句里再乱套并列句！and后分句与前分句的时间逻辑顺序搞反了！要先说找到解决问题的办法，再说放弃离开的想法，才说的通顺。说成：, but he found ways to deal with the challenges and eventually dismissed the idea，或把and分句改为because原因状语从句，说如but he quickly gave up that idea because he soon found ways to deal with the challenges.也可以说成更常用的说法found solutions to the challenges直接明确表示问题的解决。4).不必强调once,又不是more than once。
第四段原文(一)㉒The school had just three teachers and Zhang Tian was the only English teacher. ㉓The other two local teachers were responsible for maths and Chinese. ㉔Zhang Tian introduced more subjects to the school—music, art and PE to make school life healthier and livelier for his students. ㉕It is not surprising that PE is the kids’ favourite subject!
22. 蛇足only：全校拢共才三名教师，不必强调男主是唯一英语教师。本段头三句也应改用历史现在时，以与下文一致。
23. 本国语文地位不容矮化！头两句得调整逻辑顺序，先说全校三师，接着说语文数学本地俩师，最后才说英语章天。The school has just three teachers: two local teachers are responsible for Chinese and math, while Zhang Tian teaches English.
24. 三处误用：1).图音体本来就在义务教育课程内，不宜用introduce引进(新事物)/开设(新课程)，可换reactivate(重新激活)resume(恢复)[可惜都不在词表]，那就从recover(恢复元气)restore(恢复)和bring back(带回)中选restore！2).误用more：文内没说以前没开英语课呀！3). 误用比较级：恢复开图音体课“更健康...”？那么不开就是“健康”喽？荒唐。把目的状语改为to make...healthy and lively,说成Zhang Tian restored music, art, and physical education classes. 读起来更顺。
25. 用人(事主)或相关事物作主语说成the kid’s favourite subject is PE，而不用PE作主语，保持行文顺畅。贵州人民能歌善舞，女生男生却都最喜欢体育？虽有贵州村超，总觉很难相信。
第四段原文(二)㉖Their school lives are now more attractive and interesting, and they enjoy playing football in the playground, as well as singing songs they’ve learnt. ㉗The school is now full of laughter and music. ㉘Zhang Tian is planning to organise the first-ever school concert! ㉙Everyone is very excited.
26.1).指学生集体共同的校园生活(单数)the students' school life，可用healthy/lively/attractive/interesting...等修饰；指学生们的个人校园生活时(复数)their school lives，描述的角度转向为选择是否丰富多样(colorful)内容是否好玩(enjoyable)。2).此句宜加连接词，说如As a result, their school lives become colourful and enjoyable. 隔一句就重复校园生活，啰嗦！此分句可删。3).“唱已学会的歌”纯属无意义的废话，应说在哪学的或向谁学的，至少得+just(刚刚)才有意义。4).唱歌和踢球同等重要，把as well as(其后的人或事是次要的)改为and。5).运动如是在平面上的也可用on。They enjoy singing the songs they've just learnt(/learned), and playing football/soccer on the playground.
27.语法没错，但要避免掉入“快乐教育”之类陷阱。学校是学知识的地方，读书声是顶流，不宜只说欢歌笑语。两种修改：一是改说如Now, the school is a place of both learning and joy, full of laughter and music.另一改法是1).主语加上村寨扩大时空背景使欢歌笑语不再突兀，又可增强校与村课内外紧密联系。The school and the village are filled with laughter and singing. 2). 把偏静态描述的be full of改为强调过程和结果的be filled with增加动态体验感。
28. 误用感叹号！可用非限定性定语从句补充重要信息：, which the school will invite parents and villagers to attend.学校将邀请家长和村民莅临音乐会！
29. 删very。筹划音乐会，不宜用力过猛。此句可用感叹号！
第四段【It is not surprising that the kids' favourite is PE. As a result, their school lives become more colourful and attractive.】 因篇幅过长，可删㉕句+㉖第一分句。
第五段原文(一)㉚Zhang Tian’s first year is almost over. ㉛It has been a tough year, but he has enjoyed working with the children. ㉜What made him feel satisfied was that his students were able to read, speak and write in English and they became more confident in learning.
段首加一句Time flew all too soon!时间飞得都太快！光阴荏苒，没享受够！一连五个单音节词，三个都押韵[u:]。
30.本来就只签一年合同，何来的first year之说？改如Zhang Tian's one-year contract is nearing its end.
31.tough(艰难的;难对付的)改成challenging(充满挑战的; 激发斗志的)。前已用but并列句，此处可改用让步状语从句Although...。前已用enjoy doing这里换用enjoy sth ，让行文表达更多样——文如看山不喜平！把enjoyed working with the children(喜欢跟孩子们在一起工作)(强调行为同处时空) 改为enjoyed his work with the children(喜欢做他的凡是跟孩子们有关的工作)(强调工作内容与孩子相关的)，包括不同处时空的备课、改作、家访、募捐等，意思更丰满！
32.应该继续用历史现在时。1). 使役结构被动意味浓What made him feel satisfied is太啰嗦，改为What satisfied him is好一些。To his satisfaction, his students...换主语也不妥。还是说be satisfied that...来得简洁。2.) 宜先讲学习更有信心，再讲细节。3).一年就都会说读写英语？太夸张。改说use some English才真实些。
第五段原文(二)㉝Besides teaching, Zhang Tian also brought changes to the village. ㉞He contacted charity organisations about rebuilding the playground and setting up a library, and helped the villagers sell local products online. ㉟The contribution he made to the village was great, so he became very popular among the villagers and they treated him as one of them.
33. village多处简单重复，此处换community社区(村落及居民)最佳，因下文还说章天帮村民。
34. 又错用about！用不定式表示目的都不会？村校募捐修操场、设图书馆的大量实操是发动个人捐赠(旧的)图书文具衣物等asked friends to donate old books to set up a library+企业捐款(抵税)requested donations from their companies to have the playground rebuilt quickly[使役结构]快捷高效又没管理费。加连接词For example以举例。
35.四处误用：1).固定说法The contribution he made to the ...[女的用she]常用于感念重要职务已离任人员的服务[service]贡献、缅怀离世者或对其作盖棺定论的悼词时，才以The contribution为关键主词+再用最简单定语从句he made修饰。可数名词contribution常用单数，表示整体贡献。章天是活人，得把The...he made改为His...。再，章天对村寨不止教学职务上的贡献，还有如捐赠图书衣物等行为[action]，用复数的contributions说如His contributions to the village... 2). “伟大贡献”过于夸张，great应改为significant(显著)或outstanding(突出)。3).又滥用and并列句里套并列句！把and they改为：,who定语从句。4). (他们)把他当成自家人treat him as one of their own是纯正英语说法。
章天教学任务繁重，要募捐建图书室、重修操场，还帮村民卖土特产？这样写很难令人信服！应补充细节如，章天周末家访时及后when and after he visited students' homes顺便教家长用自媒体销售的，如顺便发个朋友圈啥的，那就很有说服力了！
第五段原文(三)㊱The village is like his second home now. ㊲Although he had only intended to stay for one year, he now feels ready to stay for another year. ㊳He feels so happy that he followed his heart when choosing what to do with his life, even though it may not be what others expected of him.
36. 用错词：second home短期使用(如度假)的家，或夸张说法(a place where you spend a large amount of time but which is NOT where you live花很多时间但又不住那里的地方)。如From then on, the hospital has become her second home.打那时起，他就把医院当成第二个家(老是住院，一住老久)。咋改？用make a place one’s home(把某地当成了家；在某地安居乐业)说成章天把村子当成了他的家！Zhang Tian has made the village his home.
37. 1).头半句是常用说法，only的位置可换originally(原本)甚至initially(最初)；2).可用plan to do替换intend to do；3).用stay(逗留/呆在)略微冲淡了志愿者工作意义，可改work there或serve(服务)。4).前用stay还行，后半句再用stay是败笔， 改为he is now ready (to continue) for another.。5).惯用法be ready to do sth/for sth(准备好做...事)为何要换小众的feel ready to do？而feel ready for sth(想要尽快得到某物)。急切想再签一年合同？意思偏了！全文已用了五次feel，还是改为is ready吧！6).前说one year后面就可以省略year说another即可。
38. 滥用feel、误用so。惯用法句式be happy that+句子，表达对某事的发生或属实感到开心/乐见...。句式与本段改定稿第二句He is satisfied that一样。may改成might，语气更柔和。of him不是错，但可省略。文章结尾可加回删改后的原标题，说两句话归纳作结，说如：Zhang Tian's journey has embodied the idea that "Life is what you make it." By stepping out of his comfort zone and choosing to "serve the people" where he is needed most, Zhang has enriched his own life and created meaningful changes to the lives of others.教材是种子，教材有病就是遗传病。学生学用课本有病的“金句”，一代传一代，那可是几千万人的语灾啊！要提高英语教学质量，就要提高英语教材质量。国家教材应设召回机制以及奖惩机制奖励指出教材错误的纠错者。Easy Come, Never Go!™易记看，耐味够！™
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