笔者曾批北外800词英文28处语病，北外从善如流，几乎照单全改。9.26拙文《全篇语病！北外孙有中张虹初一英语(外研社2024)》当天被外研社以“视频...对外研社的商业信誉造成负面影响”投诉。事实是本号从未发过任何视频。平台10.7删文。10.2批郑新民和10.8批外研社另一课文八句语病又被它投诉！笔者改标题的外研社为XX社。外研社不让批，那么咱批北外？却惊喜发现，北外英文网水平已大幅提高！
今天谈北外2024开学典礼英语报道(截屏见后)。该篇写作结构清晰行文流畅，用语精炼搭配地道，文风高雅朗朗上口，算是一篇佳作。出彩之处颇多，如embody the university's motto of...(把校训镌刻进身心去践行)。但该文仍有八处值得提高。开提！1.中式英语：Jia encouraged the students to set clear goals and align personal development with the broader mission of serving the people and benefiting society.
中文大意：贾文键校长鼓励学生树立明确人生目标，并将个人发展与服务人民、造福社会的更宏大使命结合起来。中文这么说可以理解，但原英文那样直译(把and改that也属似是而非)却是病句，因为英语句子要符合逻辑。逻辑分析：personal development(个人发展)就是goal(人生/职业等的目标)的一个过程，逻辑归并成更普遍的说法：personal development goal个人发展目标。难词解释：align就是把前缀a-加到名词line前使其动词化a-line异体拼写成align转变为动词的，意为”使...成一条(利益)线(上的人)；使...结盟。惯用句式：align oneself with sb(人)与他人结成同盟；align oneself with sth.人与...结为同盟关系；align sth with sth.把...同...(紧密)结合起来；be (closely) aligned with sth(人/事)与...(密切)关联。正确解释：Jia encouraged the students to align themselves with the broader mission of serving the people and benefiting society when setting their personal development goals.
精准英文：Jia encouraged the students to align their personal development goals with the broader mission of serving the people and benefiting society.2.欠缺具体Where：报道应提及活动举行的地点in the gymnasium of the East Campus东校区体育馆。新闻写作5W1H，少了哪个都可能让读者觉得报道不完整。3.欠缺Why的说明：英文报道可适当加三两句话，说...感激校友慷慨捐款，感谢校友及社会各界对学校学术等的批评指正和宝贵意见，如：The ceremony celebrates the university’s strong connection with its alums, who are recognized for their generous donations and constructive feedback on academic and institutional matters.4.用词重复：两处encouraged的第一处可改如called on，两处adding that的第二处可改如He further noted that。5.双重不定式，尤其是后又含并列不定式的句子，表达的清晰度低：如原文这句...advising students to utilize...to develop..., to engage...，可把第一层不定式改用从句。参看拙作《砸牌！英语权威TESOL上海宣言：中英语病浪奔！》52条之44。不定式表示的行为动作是在谓语动词的动作的同时或更经常地是在其之后发生，所以to talk宜改为从句表达。cf.6.6.要掌握报道feature常用句式。倒数第二句The ceremony also included a session for student representatives to ...可改为The ceremony featured presentations by student representatives, who shared their previous learning experiences and discussed their expectations for university life. 7.视角偏移：逻辑方向应保持面向audience，原文说仨学代to talk about会让人误为发生在学生代表之间，改为shared...and discussed...。cf.6.8.不当省略provide宾语：惯用法provide sb with sth 或 provide sth for sb.或offer sb sth [/sth to sb]。原文应补回宾语，改为：Jia Wenjian, ..., extended a warm welcome and congratulations to the incoming students and provided them with advice for the journey ahead.或...provided advice for the journey ahead for them.或...offered them advice for their journey ahead. 被动句式Sth will be provided.无需提及对象才省略，如：Free Coffee, tea, and cookies will be provided.本次活动将免费提供咖啡、茶和曲奇饼。9. 9月9日开学式，英文报道9.12才发，Slow boat to India慢了！结语：本号曾批高考语文试卷作文题干语病成灾，批北外网、文秋芳全程错误英语、北师大王蔷高中英语全篇语病、上外网及英语院长、上外郑新民、TESOL上海宣言语病。学术批评可以促进提高学术质量。北外领导还是有接受批评并提高学术水平的雅量。北外上外北师大应把重要英语学术岗换上基本功扎实过硬人才把外语教育发展得好！关于外研社投诉，大腿上画老虎—怕个啥呀！Drawing a tiger on the thigh--what's there to be scared of? 几年来，朋友们多次建议我在各大平台发文字和视频，阅读量/播放量会有十倍百倍，还能顺带有流量收入。然而，我写作目的主要是想给中英文字工作者提个醒，给教材编写者纠个错，让一线教师了解教材哪错就行了，没想让全国家长都知道他们孩子学那么多错误英语。为国为民，提高英语教材质量，笔者要继续批改。
感谢九千多位网友包括北外师生校友关注智华英语公众号、感谢网友垂阅拙文！
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Easy Come, Never Go!™易记看，耐味够！™语文灾难！范曾四婚启事30语病！
