衣服的紧身程度，反映了我们的什么情绪？ | 卫报

衣服的紧身程度反映了我们的什么情绪？

结果会令你大吃一惊

Desperate to be swaddled, embraced or comforted? You may find yourself reaching for a skintight T-shirt or some Kim Kardashian shapewear

渴望被包裹、拥抱或安慰？你可能会发现自己想要一件紧身 T 恤或一些金·卡戴珊塑身衣

Moya Sarner

莫亚·萨尔纳

Mon 2 Dec 2024 11.00 GMT

2024 年 12 月 2 日星期一 11:00 GMT

Now that winter has arrived, with its bone-chilling winds and dark nights that start in the afternoon, I find myself reaching more and more for one particular jumper, which used to be loose-fitting and now is anything but. When I took it out of the washing machine and realised it should never have been in there in the first place – and that, as a result, it looked like something my toddler might wear – I felt angry and disappointed with myself for my mistake. But this soon transformed into elation when, after giving it a bit of a stretch, I found not only that it still fitted, but that it did so like a glove.

冬天来了，寒风刺骨，下午开始夜幕降临，我发现自己越来越喜欢穿一件毛衣，它以前很宽松，但现在却完全不合身了。当我把它从洗衣机里拿出来，意识到它根本就不该放进去——结果，它看起来像我的孩子会穿的衣服——我为自己的错误感到生气和失望。但很快，这种感觉就变成了兴奋，因为在把它拉长一点之后，我发现它不仅仍然合身，而且就像手套一样合身。

In shrinking, the fabric has transformed. Previously a lightweight spring number, the jumper has become a tightly woven, thermal-style top that keeps me toasty, letting no air in or out and giving very little, like a woollen wetsuit. In it, I am impervious to the cold – I don’t even need a coat. Wearing it feels like receiving a tight hug, which, in these dark days, is exactly what I want. The only problem is that the neck sometimes seems so constricting that it feels as if I can’t breathe.

在缩水过程中，面料发生了变化。这件套头衫以前是轻便的春季款，现在变成了一件紧密编织的保暖上衣，让我感觉很温暖，既不透气也不透气，而且几乎不透气，就像羊毛潜水服一样。穿上它，我就能抵御寒冷——我甚至不需要外套。穿上它就像被紧紧拥抱一样，在这些黑暗的日子里，这正是我想要的。唯一的问题是脖子有时似乎太紧了，感觉好像我无法呼吸。

But what on earth, you may be thinking, has this got to do with building a better life?

但你可能会想，这到底与建设更美好的生活有什么关系？

Well, sometimes a shrunken jumper is not just a shrunken jumper. At times, we all find ourselves reaching for a protective outer layer that feels comfortable and comforting because it is impenetrable. We unconsciously believe that this psycho-emotional thermal will shield us from the cold, darkness and rejection that threaten to come from other people and, perhaps more frighteningly, from within us. It feels safe and warm inside this protective force field – but the reality is that, in a fundamental way that has nothing to do with oxygen, we cannot breathe. We might feel relieved to be at a distance from others who could reject us, but we might also find ourselves unable to make contact with others who could offer us love, care and attention. And we might find ourselves unable to love them back.

嗯，有时候，缩水的套头衫不仅仅是一件缩水的套头衫。有时，我们都会发现自己想要一个保护性的外层，因为它是坚不可摧的，所以感觉舒适和安心。我们潜意识里认为，这种心理情绪热能会保护我们免受来自他人的寒冷、黑暗和排斥，也许更可怕的是，来自我们内心的排斥。在这个保护力场里，感觉很安全、很温暖——但事实是，从根本上说，这与氧气无关，我们无法呼吸。与那些可能拒绝我们的人保持距离可能会让我们感到宽慰，但我们也可能会发现自己无法与那些可以给我们爱、关心和关注的人建立联系。我们可能会发现自己无法回报他们的爱。

Deep down, we crave a feeling of emotional containment, but this kind of psychological skin cannot be ordered online

我们内心深处渴望一种情感上的包容感，但这种心理上的外皮无法在网上订购

Whether the dark and cold come from the climate outside or our own internal weather, the temptation to wrap up comprehensively needs to be thought about. If we wear too many thick layers, we will end up a hot, sweaty mess; if we give in to the instinct to hibernate, barricade the doors, eschew the office party and do nothing but watch movies and eat chocolate for months, we could find that we never want to leave the house again. And if our response to heartbreak – whether romantic or platonic – is never to let anyone in, to keep all others at a safe distance where they cannot hurt us, we risk a loneliness that is even more painful, and far more difficult to emerge from, than a relationship breakdown.

无论黑暗和寒冷是来自外部气候还是我们自己的内部气候，我们都需要考虑将衣服裹得严严实实的诱惑。如果我们穿太多厚衣服，我们最终会变得又热又汗；如果我们屈服于冬眠的本能，用路障堵住门，避开办公室聚会，几个月内除了看电影和吃巧克力什么都不做，我们可能会发现自己再也不想出门了。如果我们对心碎的反应——无论是浪漫的还是柏拉图式的——是永远不让任何人进入我们的内心，让所有人都保持安全距离，让他们无法伤害我们，我们就会面临孤独的风险，这种孤独比感情破裂更痛苦，也更难摆脱。

I often wonder about the psychological and emotional meaning of wearing clothes that cling: skinny jeans, skintight T-shirts and Kim Kardashian’s Skims shapewear. I think it’s not just about how these clothes make us look, but also about how we want to feel inside. Deep down, we crave a feeling of emotional containment, but this kind of psychological skin cannot be ordered online. When we are missing a sense of feeling secure with boundaries, safe within ourselves – unable to find meaning in our emotions and thoughts, instead feeling constantly overwhelmed by them – perhaps we seek a secure physical container instead. One thing I have noticed is that the deeper I have gone into psychoanalysis, the looser my clothes have become. Slim-fit rather than skinny. A little more space to breathe.

我经常想知道穿着紧身衣服的心理和情感意义：紧身牛仔裤、紧身 T 恤和金·卡戴珊的 Skims 塑身衣。我认为这不仅关乎这些衣服让我们看起来如何，还关乎我们内心想要的感觉。在内心深处，我们渴望一种情感包容的感觉，但这种心理上的皮肤无法在网上订购。当我们缺乏一种有界限的安全感、内心安全感时——无法在我们的情绪和思想中找到意义，反而感到不断被它们压倒——也许我们会寻求一个安全的物理容器。我注意到的一件事是，我对精神分析的了解越深，我的衣服就变得越宽松。修身而不是紧身。多一点呼吸的空间。

You may argue that these changes came about because fashion has moved on, I have aged and my style has changed for other reasons – a natural progression from skinny jeans to mom jeans. I am sure that’s also true. Part of growing up in my analysis has meant being able to hold in mind that many different things can be true at the same time. But I also think that, as my analyst has offered me a different kind of containment, and as my own psychic skin has grown more robust as a result, I have less need to seek this in my wardrobe.

你可能会说，这些变化的发生是因为时尚在发展，我变老了，我的风格也因为其他原因而改变——从紧身牛仔裤到妈妈牛仔裤的自然发展。我相信这也是事实。在我的分析中成长的一部分意味着能够记住许多不同的事情可以同时发生。但我也认为，由于我的分析师为我提供了一种不同类型的遏制，并且我的精神皮肤因此变得更加强大，我不再需要在衣柜里寻找它。

This brings me back to my shrunken jumper, which I continue to wear, despite its suffocating neck. It is comfortable and uncomfortable – like those old skinny jeans. It may be that I cling to it so tightly because I cannot bear the loss of a much-loved sweater that came to harm by my own hand. That’s the thing about building a better life and a more comfortable wardrobe (and about breathing out): you have to learn to let go.

这让我想起了那件缩水的套头衫，尽管它的领口很闷，我还是继续穿它。它既舒适又不舒服——就像那些旧的紧身牛仔裤。我之所以如此紧紧地抓住它，可能是因为我无法忍受失去一件被我亲手弄坏的心爱毛衣。这就是打造更好的生活和更舒适的衣柜（以及呼吸）的意义所在：你必须学会放手。