摧毁爱情的四大谎言 | 今日心理学

• Minimizing your feelings or your partner's actions is a lie that can wreak havoc on a relationship.
  

• 淡化你的感受或伴侣的行为是一个谎言，它会严重破坏你们的关系。
  

• The belief that you can change your partner is a dangerous lie that sets both of you up for disappointment.

• 认为你可以改变你的伴侣是一个危险的谎言，它会让你们双方都感到失望。
  

• "We don’t need to talk about that" is one of the most destructive deceptions in a relationship.

• “我们不需要谈论这个”是恋爱关系中最具破坏性的欺骗之一。
  
  

Lying is often seen as the ultimate betrayal in a relationship, but the most destructive lies are not always the obvious ones. These subtle, insidious deceptions can slowly erode the foundation of trust, leaving even the most vital relationships in ruins. Here are four of the biggest lies that destroy intimate relationships and scenarios that illustrate how these lies can lead to heartbreak.

谎言通常被视为一段关系中的终极背叛，但最具破坏性的谎言并不总是显而易见的。这些微妙、阴险的欺骗会慢慢侵蚀信任的基础，甚至让最重要的关系也毁于一旦。以下是破坏亲密关系的四个最大谎言，以及说明这些谎言如何导致心碎的场景。

1. “I’m Fine.”

1.“我很好。”

Scenario: Sandra and Abe had been together for three years. Lately, Sandra had been feeling overwhelmed by work and the lack of intimacy in their relationship, but whenever Abe asked how she was doing, her response was always, “I’m fine.” She believed that by keeping her struggles to herself, she was protecting Abe from stress. Over time, her resentment grew, and Abe became increasingly distant, sensing that something was off but not knowing what it was.

场景：桑德拉和阿贝在一起已经三年了。最近，桑德拉一直觉得工作压力太大，而且两人的关系也缺乏亲密感，但每当阿贝问她过得怎么样时，她总是回答“我很好”。她认为，把自己的挣扎藏在心里，可以保护阿贝免受压力。随着时间的推移，她的怨恨与日俱增，阿贝变得越来越疏远，她感觉到有些不对劲，但不知道到底是什么。

The Lie: “I’m fine” lie is a silent killer in relationships. It’s often used to avoid confrontation or maintain peace, but it creates a chasm between partners.

谎言：“我很好”的谎言是人际关系中的隐形杀手。它通常被用来避免冲突或维持和平，但它会在伴侣之间造成隔阂。

By denying your true feelings, you deny your partner the opportunity to support and understand you. The façade of everything being “fine” only postpones the inevitable explosion where suppressed emotions finally surface, often with damaging consequences. True intimacy requires vulnerability, and that means being honest about when things are not OK.

通过否认你的真实感受，你剥夺了伴侣支持和理解你的机会。一切“都很好”的假象只会推迟不可避免的爆发，压抑的情绪最终会浮出水面，这往往会带来破坏性的后果。真正的亲密需要脆弱性，这意味着当事情不好时要诚实。

2. “It’s No Big Deal.”

2.“没什么大不了的。”

Scenario: Tom and Rhiana had always prided themselves on being a low-drama couple. Whenever Tom flirted with other women or spent excessive time on his hobbies, Rhiana would tell herself, “It’s no big deal.” She didn’t want to appear needy or insecure, so she buried her discomfort.

场景：汤姆和蕾哈娜一直以自己是一对低调的夫妻而自豪。每当汤姆和其他女人调情或花太多时间在他的爱好上时，蕾哈娜都会告诉自己，“这没什么大不了的。”她不想表现出需要别人照顾或缺乏安全感，所以她隐藏了自己的不适。

However, this lie began to eat away at her self-esteem, and the more she convinced herself that it wasn’t a big deal, the more disconnected she felt from Tom. Eventually, the minor grievances Rhiana had ignored snowballed into a much larger issue that became impossible.

然而，这个谎言开始侵蚀她的自尊心，她越是说服自己这不是什么大事，她与汤姆的关系就越疏远。最终，蕾哈娜忽略的小小不满逐渐演变成一个更大的问题，变得无法解决。

The Lie: Minimizing your feelings or your partner’s actions is another lie that can wreak havoc on a relationship. Telling yourself, “It’s no big deal,” when something genuinely bothers you leads to unresolved issues and resentment.

谎言：淡化你的感受或伴侣的行为是另一个会破坏关系的谎言。当某件事真的困扰你时，告诉自己“没什么大不了的”，会导致问题无法解决和怨恨。

Over time, these small lies accumulate, creating an emotional distance that can be difficult to bridge. In healthy relationships, even the “small deals” are addressed and respected because they reflect deeper needs and boundaries.

随着时间的推移，这些小谎言会不断积累，形成难以弥合的情感距离。在健康的关系中，即使是“小交易”也会得到处理和尊重，因为它们反映了更深层次的需求和界限。

3. “I Can Change Them.”

3.“我可以改变他们。”

Scenario: When Lisa met Mike, she was immediately drawn to his charm and adventurous spirit. However, she also noticed his reluctance to commit and his habit of avoiding difficult conversations. Despite these red flags, Lisa convinced herself that she could change him over time—that with enough love and patience, Mike would become the partner she wanted him to be. After years of trying to mold him into her ideal, Lisa was frustrated and heartbroken as Mike remained elusive.

场景：当丽莎遇到迈克时，她立刻被他的魅力和冒险精神所吸引。然而，她也注意到他不愿承诺，并且习惯于回避艰难的谈话。尽管有这些危险信号，丽莎还是说服自己，她可以随着时间的推移改变他——只要有足够的爱和耐心，迈克就会成为她想要的那种伴侣。经过多年的努力，丽莎试图把他塑造成她理想中的样子，但迈克仍然难以捉摸，丽莎感到沮丧和心碎。

The Lie: As I wrote in my book, Why Can’t You Read My Mind? , the belief that you can change your partner is a dangerous lie that sets both people up for disappointment. People can grow and evolve, but change must come from within, not from someone else’s efforts or expectations.

谎言：正如我在《你为什么读不懂我的心思？》一书中所写，相信你可以改变你的伴侣是一个危险的谎言，它会让双方都失望。人们可以成长和发展，但改变必须来自内心，而不是来自别人的努力或期望。

When you enter a relationship hoping to change fundamental aspects of your partner, you’re not truly accepting them for who they are. This lie leads to frustration, resentment, and, often, the realization that you’ve been in love with an idealized version of someone rather than who they are.

当你希望从根本上改变伴侣的性格时，你并没有真正接受他们的本来面目。这种谎言会导致挫败感、怨恨，而且，通常，你会意识到你爱上的是理想化的人，而不是他们本来的样子。

4. “We Don’t Need to Talk About That.”

4.“我们不需要谈论这个。”

Scenario: John and Allie had been married for 10 years, but John started feeling disconnected from Allie. He thought about bringing it up but then said, “We don’t need to talk about that. It’ll work itself out.”

场景：约翰和艾莉结婚 10 年了，但约翰开始感觉与艾莉疏远了。他想提起这件事，但后来又说：“我们不需要谈论这件事。一切都会好起来的。”

Meanwhile, Allie notices John’s withdrawal and wonders if she has done something wrong. Instead of addressing their growing emotional distance, they avoided the conversation, hoping that time would heal whatever was wrong. But the distance only grew, and the damage was too severe to repair by the time they finally confronted the issue.

与此同时，艾莉注意到约翰的退缩，怀疑自己是不是做错了什么。他们没有解决日益加深的感情隔阂，而是回避谈话，希望时间能治愈一切错误。但两人的距离越来越大，当他们最终面对问题时，伤害已经严重到无法弥补。

The Lie: Avoiding difficult conversations with the excuse of “We don’t need to talk about that” is one of the most destructive lies in a relationship. Communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, and when you choose not to address issues, they don’t go away; they rot.

谎言：以“我们不需要谈论这个”为借口来避免艰难的对话是关系中最具破坏性的谎言之一。沟通是任何成功关系的基石，当你选择不解决问题时，问题不会消失；它们会腐烂。

This lie often stems from fear of conflict or hurting your partner, but the truth is that avoidance only leads to more significant misunderstandings and emotional distance. The sooner you address the tough topics, the stronger your relationship will be.

这种谎言通常源于害怕冲突或伤害你的伴侣，但事实是，逃避只会导致更大的误解和情感距离。你越早解决棘手的问题，你们的关系就会越牢固。

The Take-Away

总结

These four lies—spoken or unspoken—can slowly dismantle the love and trust that holds a relationship together. Commit to honesty, vulnerability, and open communication to protect your relationship, no matter how uncomfortable. Only then can you build a love that is resilient and true.

这四个谎言——无论是说出来的还是不说出来的——都会慢慢瓦解维系一段感情的爱与信任。无论多么不舒服，都要致力于诚实、脆弱和开放的沟通来保护你们的关系。只有这样，你才能建立一段坚韧而真诚的爱情。