—点击上方阅读汉语版原文内容—
—点击上方阅读维语版原文内容—
Foreword
前言
In June this year, the cultural and tourism short drama Once Upon a Time,There Was a Taqian City was finalised in Shaya County in Aksu, Xinjiang, in which a young actor of Xinjiang nationality played the role of a prince from the ancient Kingdom of Kucha.
今年6月，文旅短剧《从前有座它乾城》在新疆阿克苏地区的沙雅县杀青，一位新疆籍青年演员在其中饰演了龟兹国的王子。
In April, a video titled Xinjiang, Warmed Up China went viral on the internet. He introduced his hometown as a special guest speaker in the video.
4月，一则名为《新疆，热烈了中国》的视频在网络上走红，他作为特邀主讲人向大家介绍了自己的家乡。
In 2022, on the stage of Open the Door to Good Fortune, his friends laughed that he was nicknamed"experienced tour guide"because he often accompanied his friends from Xinjiang to Beijing for medical treatment.
2022年，在《开门大吉》的舞台上，他的朋友笑称他有个外号叫“金牌地陪”，起因是他常陪同从新疆来北京的老乡就医。
He seems to have embedded his hometown in his DNA, thinking of it and promoting it at all times wherever he goes. Every time he introduces himself publicly, he says,"I'm Xirzat, a Uygur actor from Xinjiang."
他似乎把自己的家乡刻进了DNA里，走到哪里，时刻都想着家乡、宣传家乡，每一次公开自我介绍时，他都会说：“我是来自新疆的维吾尔族演员西尔扎提。”
In 2016, he officially entered the film and television industry. Counting from 2013, when he entered the Central Academy of Drama, he has been drifting in Beijing for ten years.
2016年，他正式进入影视圈。从2013年考进中央戏剧学院算起，他已经在北京漂了十年。
On acting, and on the Beijing drifting, here's what he had to say in his own words.
关于表演，关于北漂，以下是他的自述。
After failing the preliminary examination for the CCAD,I still got my acceptance letter.
中戏初试落榜后，我仍拿到了录取通知书
It's been ten years since I took the art exam.
从参加艺考到现在，转眼已是十年。
I graduated from the Central Academy of Drama (hereinafter referred to as the"CCAD") in 2013, majoring in Musical Theatre Performance1. According to my mother's memories, I would listen to lullabies before falling asleep, and when she took me out, I would dance in front of the door if there was music playing in any shop.
我毕业于中央戏剧学院（下文称“中戏”）2013级音乐剧表演1专业。据我妈回忆，我睡前一定要听安眠曲；她带我出门时，如果有哪家店铺在放音乐，我都会在门口手舞足蹈。
During my university life, I used to go to various arts and cultural activities at school and learned to act at the Children's Palace after class. My relatives laughed and said,"This kid born to be an actor."Maybe they just mentioned it in passing, but I took it to heart and aspired to become an actor.
读书后，我常辗转于学校里的各项文艺活动，并在课余时间去少年宫学表演。我的亲戚们都笑称“这孩子是个当演员的料”，也许当时他们只是随口一提，我却把这番话记在了心上，立志要成为演员。
▲Xirzat as a child
▲小时候的西尔扎提
When I was in high school, my Mandarin had a distinct accent. To make up for my deficiencies in lines, in the autumn of my senior year of high school, I chose to take a six-month break from school to study at an art training school in Beijing.
读高中时，我的普通话带有明显的口音。为了弥补自己在台词方面的缺陷，高三的秋天，我选择了休学半年前往北京的一所艺术培训学校学习。
At that time, I tried to book a flight on the Internet, but I didn't expect that after I paid the money and refreshed again, the web page would not open, and my 2,000 yuan went down the drain.
那时我试着在网上订机票，没想到付完钱再次刷新时，网页却打不开，我的2000元就此打水漂。
Although my parents said I could still buy a plane ticket when they found out what happened, I felt guilty over the missing 2,000 yuan and lied to my parents that I had bought a sleeping berth, but in fact I had bought a standing ticket, occasionally taking breaks on the empty seats in the carriages during the journey. I spent nearly 40 hours on the green train before arriving in Beijing.
虽然父母知道事情的来龙去脉后表示我仍然可以买机票，但我因丢失的2000元而愧疚，向父母谎称自己买的是卧铺，实际上买了站票，中途偶尔在车厢内的空位上歇脚，在绿皮火车上待了近40个小时才抵达北京。
The moment I left the train station, I fell into self-doubt. In front of me were the bustling crowds inside and outside the station and unfamiliar city buildings. I was carrying two large suitcases and asked myself: why did I come to Beijing? But I was reluctant to embark on the return journey in disgrace, so I first found a hotel near the station and contacted the teacher of the training school.
出火车站的那一刻，我就陷入了自我怀疑。眼前是穿梭于站内外熙熙攘攘的人群和陌生的城市建筑，我拎着两件大行李箱，在心里问自己：我为什么要来北京？但我也不情愿灰头土脸地踏上返程的路，便先在车站附近找了家酒店，联系培训学校的老师。
▲Xirzat practising figure at the training school
▲西尔扎提在培训学校练习形体
During the training period in Beijing, I once met a talent scout in Wangfujing, and at their invitation, I visited their company.
在北京培训期间，我曾在王府井遇见一个星探，在对方的邀请下，我参观了他们的公司。
When I noticed the photos adhered all over the wall, naive as I was, I considered I could also become a star right away, and quickly called my mother to come to Beijing. This talent scout demanded 200,000 "training fees" from us, and I prepaid 50,000 yuan initially. Only after giving away the money did I remember to verify the authenticity of this company.
望见墙面上贴满的照片时，没见过世面的我以为自己马上也能成为明星，便急忙把我妈妈叫来北京。这位星探向我们索要20万“培养费”，我先预交了5万元。把钱交出去后，我才想起来核实这家公司的真实性。
At that time, it was the period when the Tieba was prevalent. I found a post on the Tieba that exposed the company's act of defrauding money. After my mother was informed, I fell into guilt again, but she still chose to support me, which gave me the confidence to move forward.
当时是贴吧流行的时期，我在贴吧找到了曝光这家公司骗钱行为的帖子。我妈知情后，我再次陷入了愧疚，但是她依然选择了支持我，这给了我向前看的底气。
After training in Beijing for 4 months, I rented a 120-square-meter house outside the Fifth Ring Road with six other candidates who also applied for the performing arts major, and we all prepared for the art college entrance examination together.
在北京培训了4个月后，我和同样报考表演专业的6名考生合租了位于五环外一套120平的房子，一起为艺考冲刺。
In that year, the winter in Beijing was extremely cold. As the rent of 4,600 yuan a month had been apportioned among the seven people, we were not willing to spend money on natural gas again, and could only boil hot water with a kettle for washing and cleaning, and at night we slept with several thick layers of clothes on.
那年北京的冬天格外寒冷，因为7个人已经分摊了一个月4600元的房租，我们不舍得再为天然气花钱，只能用水壶烧热水洗漱，晚上则穿着几层厚衣服睡觉。
▲Xirzat and his roommate seat in their rented house
▲西尔扎提和室友们在出租屋吃饭
At that moment, there was a prevailing view on the Internet " Beijing Film Academy creates stars and Central Academy of Drama cultivates actors". In addition, the majority of the actors I adore graduated from the Central Academy of Drama. Despite having applied for Beijing Film Academy (hereinafter abbreviated as "BFA"), Communication University of China (hereinafter abbreviated as "CUC") and other colleges simultaneously, my biggest aspiration remained to be enrolled in the Central Academy of Drama.
当时网络上有个广为流传的说法——“北电出明星，中戏出演员”，外加我喜欢的演员多数都毕业于中戏，尽管同时报考了北京电影学院（下文简称“北电”）、中国传媒大学（下文简称“中传”）等院校，但我最大的心愿依然是考上中戏。
That year coincided with the reform of the art examination in the Central Academy of Drama, and the "three-round test" turned into "two-round test",which meant that a large number of examines would be weeded out in the initial test. Additionally, due to a certain amount of information delay in high school, it was only after coming to Beijing that I knew that the initial test subject of the Central Academy of Drama was poetry recitation,which was my least proficient area.
那年恰逢中戏艺考改革，“3试”变为“2试”，这意味着初试环节便会刷掉大量考生。此外，由于高中时存在一定的信息滞后性，来北京后，我才知道中戏的初试科目为诗歌朗诵，这是我最不擅长的领域。
In that rented house, besides me, there were also two examines from Xinjiang. We all faced the same problem: accent. So, while other roommates practiced for one hour, we practiced for three hours, and could only make up for the deficiency by practicing more.
在那间出租屋里，除我之外还有2名新疆考生。我们都面临同样的问题：口音。于是，其他室友练1个小时，我们练3个小时，只能通过多加练习来弥补不足。
▲Xirzat and his classmates are waiting in the art exam hall
▲西尔扎提和同学在艺考候场中
Besides practicing recitation, I asked someone to tailor a set of ethnic costumes specially for me, intending to present the content with ethnic characteristics in the re-examination round. Nevertheless, none of the seven candidates,including me,passed the initial test. After being rejected by the Central Academy of Drama, I then placed my expectations on the BFA and the CUC.
在练习朗诵之余，我托人专门定做了一套民族服饰，准备在复试环节展现具有民族特色的内容。然而，我们7个考生均未通过初试。落榜中戏后，我便寄希望于北电和中传。
The initial test of the BFA was later than that of the CUC. When I was in the queue waiting to take the exam at the Beijing Film Academy, I still had not learned the result of the re-examination of the Communication University of China. At that time, I felt that the Beijing Film Academy was my only chance to remain in Beijing, but I did not expect to receive the notice of the re-examination of the CUC all of a sudden.
北电的初试晚于中传，当我站在北电候考的队伍中时，还未知晓中传的复试结果，那时的我觉得北电是我留在北京的唯一机会，却未料到突然收到中传复试的通知。
Therefore, hope rekindled in my mind once again. However,despite feeling confident about my performance in the exams for the BFA and the CUC,which I thought was good, but the consequence was that I was unsuccessful in both.
于是，我心中又燃起希望。可是，对于北电和中传的考试，我自认为表现良好，信心十足，结果却是双双落榜。
▲Xirzat received a notice of interview from CUC
▲西尔扎提收到中传的复试通知
After being aware that I had failed to get into the well-known art institutions in Beijing, I locked myself in the bedroom and did not want to go out.
意识到自己与北京的知名艺术院校失之交臂后，我把自己关在卧室里不愿意出门。
The two friends who were also from Xinjiang like myself also failed the examinations continuously. Although we all said," It's okay, we can still go on to apply to the art colleges in Xinjiang", In fact, not being able to enter the CCAD led me to a situation of anxiety and puzzlement.The original aspiration of my participating in the art college entrance examination was to be admitted to the CCAD. Even if I couldn't be admitted,it would be fine if I could be admitted to other schools, as long as I could stay in Beijing.
和我同样来自新疆的2位朋友也纷纷落榜，虽然我们一同说“没事，我们还能继续报考新疆的艺术院校”，但无缘中戏其实让我陷入了焦躁与迷茫，我参加艺考的初衷就是考上中戏，就算考不上，如果能考上其他学校也好，只要能留在北京就好。
However, in the face of the reality before my eyes, I could only buy a ticket home and prepare to pack my luggage to return to Xinjiang.
然而面对摆在眼前的现实，我只能买回家的车票，准备打包行李回新疆。
While I was indulging in the depression of leaving Beijing, I suddenly read a news that 18 universities will train 100 cultural and artistic talents for Xinjiang in 2013, and the exam is scheduled to be held at the end of March. Thankfully, the Central Academy of Drama is also on the list.
正当我沉迷于即将告别北京的沮丧中时，我突然刷到一条新闻，了解到2013年有18所名校将为新疆定向培养文化艺术人才100人，计划于3月底考试。令人欣慰的是，中戏也在可报考的名单之列。
The first time I attended the examination of the Central Academy of Drama, I chose the direction of drama, film and television performance of the major. This time, I listened to my mother's advice, and she saw that "musical performance" was related to music, so I tried to apply for this direction.
第一次参加中戏校考时，我选择的是表演专业的话剧影视表演方向。而这一次，我听取了妈妈的意见，她看到“音乐剧表演”和音乐有关，便让我尝试报考这个方向。
The musical performance professional test has only one round, and the test content is vocal, physical, reciting, and acting. The examines in my group chose classic musical songs such as "Memory"2 and jazz, ballet, tap and other Broadway style dances.
音乐剧表演专业测试只有一轮，考试内容为声乐、形体、朗诵、表演。和我同组的考生多选择了《Memory》2等经典音乐剧曲目；爵士舞、芭蕾舞、踢踏舞等百老汇风格的舞蹈。
The song I chose to sing is "Youth Dance", and the soundtrack chosen for the dance presentation is "Lift up your red veil". Compared with them, I know little about musical theater, but I did not expect to win the first place in the group.
而我选唱的曲目是《青春舞曲》，舞蹈展示环节选择的配乐是《掀起你的盖头来》。和他们相比，我对音乐剧的了解非常之浅，却未料到自己拿下了小组第一名。
After the exam, I asked the teacher for help, and I still remember the great encouragement he gave me: "Your basic skills are so-so, and you don't look serious before you go on stage, but when you go on stage, your eyes light up. The basic skills can be practiced again, but the eyes and aura during the performance are difficult to achieve quickly.”
考试结束后我向老师请教，仍记得他那番话带给我的莫大鼓励：“能看出来你的基本功一般，虽然你在台下像个吊儿郎当的毛头小子，但一上台眼神便有光。基本功可以再练习，但是表演时的眼神和气场很难速成。”
After "two" art exams, I finally got the certificate of the Central Academy of Drama, and received the admission notice in July.
历经“两次”艺考，我终于如愿以偿拿到了中戏的合格证，并在7月收到了录取通知书。
▲The Central Academy of Drama 2013 musical class
▲中戏2013级音乐剧班
After entering the musical theatre class, voice, body, performance, lines... We studied almost everything, but I came to realize that the major seemed to focus more on developing students' singing and dancing abilities, as well as their ability to role-play in musicals.
进入音乐剧班后，声乐、形体、表演、台词……我们几乎什么都学，但我逐渐意识到这个专业似乎更注重培养学生的歌唱和舞蹈能力，以及在音乐剧中的角色扮演能力。
And I want to enter the film and television industry, so I wait for the right time to pursue my dream film industry. Every spring and autumn, a number of film and television companies will come to our university to find new people. In 2016, through the school's recruitment activity, I became a new actor in Le Vision.
而我更想进入影视行业，便等待能有合适的时机逐梦影视圈。每一年的春秋之际，多家影视公司会来中戏挖掘新人。2016年，通过学校的招聘活动，我成为了乐视影业的一名新演员。
The D-list actor's survival norm
18线演员的生存常态
After entering the film and television industry, I once referred to myself as an "D-list actor" in the title of a Bilibili video. In fact, there have been several experiences that have made me feel that I am only one step away from being "popular".
进入影视行业后，我曾在一条B站视频的标题中称自己为“18线演员”。其实，曾有几次经历，让我觉得自己离“走红”只有一步之遥。
After "Go Princess Go" went viral in 2015, various film and television companies followed suit and tried to turn online literature and comics into films. After entering Le Vision, my first play "Beauty Water" is adapted from the Korean comic of the same name, about a product called "Beauty Water" can make people change their appearance and body.
2015年，《太子妃升职记》爆火后，各家影视公司纷纷效仿，尝试将网络文学、漫画进行影视化。进入乐视后，我的第一部戏《整容液》便是改编自同名韩国漫画，讲述了一款名为“整容液”的产品能让人改变容貌与身材。
When I was in school, my image was always "lively" and "sunny", but I accidentally took the villain script in the first play, but as a newcomer, I knew I should adapt to the role.
读书时，我对自己形象的定位一直是“活泼”“阳光”，却意外在第一部戏中拿了反派剧本，但作为新人，我清楚自己应该适应角色。
▲Stills of Xirzat in "Beauty Water"
▲西尔扎提在《整容液》中的剧照
The comic "Beauty Water" was very popular at that time. Moreover, this online drama is jointly produced by China and South Korea. I guess it will attract the attention of a number of people after it is broadcast. Although the role I play is not likable, but sometimes "being a villain" means leaving a deep impression on the audience. In addition, when I was in high school, I went to South Korea as a student representative to participate in exchange activities. I fantasized about whether I would be recognized by South Korean audiences.
漫画《整容液》当时人气颇高，且这部网剧由中韩联合出品，我猜播出后会吸引相当一部分人关注，虽然我饰演的角色不讨喜，但“坏人”有时意味着给观众留下深刻印象；此外，我曾在高中作为学生代表前往韩国参与交流活动，我幻想着自己会不会被韩国观众认出来。
However, this play has been full of twists and turns since the shooting began. During the shooting in Xiamen, the typhoon interrupted our shooting process.
然而，这部戏从拍摄起便一波三折。在厦门拍摄期间，台风中断了我们的拍摄进程。
It was midnight. The roof of the hotel where we were staying was overturned, the prop warehouse collapsed, and the outdoor shooting set was damaged. The staff guided everyone to gather in the relatively safe lobby one by one. Fortunately, the crew has a lot of people and great strength. After coping with the aftermath of the disaster in time, we re-entered the shooting state and wrapped up in October.
当时是半夜，我们所在的宾馆楼顶被掀翻，道具库坍塌，外拍布景受损，工作人员挨个引导大家集中在相对安全的大厅。好在剧组“人多力量大”，及时处理好善后工作后，我们重新进入了拍摄状态，并在10月杀青。
However, this online drama was originally planned to be broadcast in the first quarter of 2017, but it failed to be broadcast due to the influence of the "restriction on South Korean entertainment".
然而，这部剧原本计划在2017年第一季度播出，却由于“限韩令”影响未能播出。
▲The “Beauty Water” crew was hit by a typhoon suddenly.
▲《整容液》剧组突遇台风
The first play was “not very smooth”, which really made me a bit frustrated. But with the mentality of “this is just the beginning”, I was waiting for the next opportunity. In 2017, the TV series “ Inference Notes” was premiered, telling the story of the protagonist group unraveling the mysteries of a series of murder cases.
第一部戏就“不太顺利”，确实令我有些沮丧。但我抱着“这才刚开始”的心态，等待下一次机会的来临。2017年，电视剧《推理笔记》上线，讲述了主角团挖掘连环谋杀案谜团的故事。
In this play, I played Guan Haoyu, a scenic area administrator. He has the inner qualities of being simple and helpful and plays an auxiliary role in the process of the protagonist group exploring the mystery.
在这部剧中，我饰演了景区管理员关浩宇，他有着单纯、乐于助人的内在品质，在主角团探寻谜底的过程中起着辅助作用。
In order to better enter into the character, I didn't go out for a month before shooting. I repeatedly read the script and tried to figure out Guan Haoyu's inner world. At the same time, I also participated in the shooting of the movie of the same name.
为了更好地进入角色，拍摄前我曾一个月没出门，反复翻读剧本，揣摩关浩宇的内心世界。同时，我也参与了同名电影的拍摄。
▲Promotion site of the movie “ Inference Notes”
▲电影《推理笔记》宣传现场
▲Script of “ Inference Notes”
▲《推理笔记》剧本
Just starting out in the acting industry, “ Inference Notes” let more people see me.
在演艺行业初出茅庐，《推理笔记》让更多人看见了我。
In 2018, I was invited to participate in the reality show for talent show “The Next Legend” on Dragon TV. Before the show started, the contestants were divided into four classes: A, B, C, and D3. I was assigned to class C.
2018年，我受邀参加了东方卫视的选秀类真人秀《下一站传奇》。在节目开始前，选手们被分为ABCD3四个班，我被分到了C班。
In the “Legend Academy”, we gathered in a huge rehearsal hall to practice dancing. Everyone was wearing uniform clothes and had name tags. We received five random song and dance assessments every week.
在“传奇学院”，我们聚集在一个偌大的排练厅练舞，所有人身上穿着统一的衣服，贴着姓名牌，每周接受5场随堂歌舞考核。
At that time, the rehearsal venue was an hour's drive from the hotel. In order to save time, we would sleep on the ground when we were exhausted from dancing.
那时，排练场地距离酒店有一小时的车程，为了节省时间，我们跳累了就趴在地上睡觉。
In this program, the results of random assessments determine whether we can appear on the next official stage. In the second episode, I got the opportunity to take the “dream elevator”.
在这档节目中，随堂考核的成绩决定着我们是否能登上下一轮的正式舞台。在第二期中，我得到了搭乘“梦想电梯”的机会。
According to the show's rules, we need to go up the elevator in groups of three. Within one and a half minutes, we show our choreographed dances with the same piece of music. Contestants who pass the test can get out of the elevator and enter the singing session. I remember that in the dance show session, I got a good impression from several mentors. But in the singing session, I couldn't move forward.
根据节目规则，我们需要三人一组升上电梯，在一分半的时间内，以同一段音乐展示自己编排的舞蹈，通过考验的选手才能走出电梯进入演唱环节。记得在舞蹈展示环节，我获得了几位导师的好印象。但在演唱环节，我未能继续向前。
In fact, three days before the performance, I suddenly received a notice from the program team to change the singing track. In the previous two months, I had been practicing another track. Although I majored in musicals, I know that my singing skills are relatively weak. Singing a strange song well within 72 hours was not an easy task for me.
实际上，临开演前3天，我突然收到节目组更换演唱曲目的通知，此前的2个月，我一直在练习另一首曲目。虽然出身于音乐剧专业，但我深知自己的唱功较为薄弱，在72小时内唱好一首陌生的歌曲，对我来说并非易事。
▲Xirzat in “The Next Legend”
▲西尔扎提参加《下一站传奇》
On the day of the recording, I cracked my voice during the high note before the end of the song, which directly led to my elimination. As I descended slowly from the stage, "Don’t say goodbye" echoed through the venue.
节目录制当天，我在歌曲结束前的高音部分出现了破音，这直接导致了我的淘汰。当我随着舞台缓缓下降，场上响起“Don’t say goodbye”。
At the moment I was off the stage, I cried in the arm of my Follow PD4, the one who was solely responsible for me, because my elimination meant that she would have to leave the show as well. In my grief for myself, I felt equally heartbroken for her.
一下台我就抱着负责我的Follow PD4哭，因为她只带我一个选手，我的淘汰意味着她也将离开这个节目，为自己难过的同时，我也很心疼她。
After participating in this show, I saw some negative comments about me in the Internet. Being in my early twenties, I was really sensitive to others' opinions. Being eliminated right after my debut cast a shadow over me for several days, but the setback also brought a readjustment in the mindset.
参加这档节目后，我看见了网络上关于我的一些恶评。在二十出头的年纪，我非常在意别人的评价。刚亮相就遭淘汰令我郁闷了一段日子，但是打击也带给我心态上的调整。
I realized that whether as an actor or a competitor in a reality show, once I entered the public eye, I must have a strong heart. Being overly sensitive means hurting myself.
我意识到：无论是作为演员，还是真人秀的选手，当我进入舆论视野中时，我必须拥有强大的内心，太敏感意味着伤害自己。
▲Xirzat on the stage of "The Next Legend"
▲西尔扎提在《下一站传奇》的舞台上
Therefore, I decided to gear up to wait for new opportunities. At the same time, I was also considering terminating my contract with the then-current talent agency. From the end of 2017, LeEco faced a debt crisis, and the LeEco Pictures also didn't survived. Then I chose to peacefully terminate my contract with the company in 2019.
于是，我准备打起精神等待新的机会。与此同时，我还考虑与当时的经纪公司解约。从2017年年底开始，乐视系遭遇债务危机，乐视影业也未能幸免，我在2019年选择了与公司和平解约。
After that, I still looked forward to getting a good role to build up my reputation. However, due to my distinct facial feature, I was often told I was suitable for roles like a prince from an Arab country, which has somewhat limited the range of roles offered to me.
解约之后，我仍期盼着能接到一部好戏，为自己积攒口碑。然而，由于我的长相特征较为明显，常被说适合出演来自阿拉伯国家的王子这类角色，戏路受到了一定的影响。
There was once when I landed a role in a drama series, but soon after, I received a notice that I was being replaced, the reason was my double eyelids. But I believe an actor's range shouldn't be confined within rigid stereotypes, much like how Dilraba played the role of Gaowen5, and Yu Shi played Batai6. I also hope for more opportunities to explore a variety of roles.
我曾有一回拿到一部剧中的角色，但很快接到更换人选的通知，原因是我有双眼皮。但我认为一个人的戏路不应该被局限在一个固化的框内，就像迪丽热巴曾饰演高雯5，于适曾饰演巴太6，我也希望自己有更多机会尝试不同的角色。
Aside from the facial feature, being lack of representative works also leaved me at a certain competitive disadvantage. Around the year of 2022, I came across a great play, but was suddenly replaced in my role by someone with connections.
抛开长相特征之外，稀少的代表作也使我缺乏一定的竞争优势。大约是在22年，我遇见一部很好的戏，在其中的角色却临时被关系户顶替。
After encountering numerous setbacks, I realized that since entering the entertainment industry, my luck doesn't seem to have been on my side. Having been in the film and television industry for nearly a decade, I still haven't produced a breakthrough representative work, and I fear that my fans may be disappointed because of this.
屡屡碰壁让我意识到，从进入演艺圈开始，我的运气似乎一直不太好。进入影视行业也有近10年，至今没有一部出圈的代表作，我也担心我的粉丝们因此而失望。
Haunted by anxieties such as "no roles to play," "scenes being cut," and "roles being replaced," I once attempted to end my own life. On the day I had this thought, I didn't sleep until 6 a.m. The next day, I posted on my Wechat moments to say goodbye to the world, but it was seen by an actor friend who lived upstairs. He broke into my apartment and saved me, counseling me persistently.
因为不断被“没戏拍”“戏份被删”“角色被换”等焦虑裹挟，我曾试图结束自己的生命。产生这个想法的当天，直到第二天早上6点我都没睡，发了一则朋友圈准备告别这个世界，却恰巧被住在楼上的演员朋友看见，他破门而入救下了我，不断开导我。
At the moment that I felt extremely disappointed for myself, my friends and families encouraged me continually and give me courage.
在我对自己极度缺乏自信的时刻，我的朋友和家人们不断激励我，给予我鼓励。
At the same time, I was also not content with my current achievements, I love performing, and I want to seize any opportunity that comes to me. Therefore, I began to try more different "avenues"
与此同时，我也不甘心于眼前的成绩，我喜欢表演，有机会我就想尽力抓住。于是，我开始多尝试不同的“赛道”。
▲Poster of Xirzat playing in the "The Great Sea Route"
▲西尔扎提参演的《大海道》海报
In the past two years, I have participated in some variety shows in my hometown, such as "The Most Beautiful Voice" on Xinjiang Television; I have also traveled to my hometown to shoot some film and television works on Xinjiang themes, like "The Great Sea Route" and "Once Upon a Time, There Was a Taqian City". These experiences have been enriching life journeys for me.
近两年，我参加了家乡的一些综艺节目，例如新疆电视台的《最美声音》；也去到家乡拍了一些新疆题材的影视作品，如《大海道》《从前有座它乾城》，这些经历对我来说也是丰富人生体验的过程。
When filming "The Great Sea Route" in Hami, we arrived at the filming location half a month earlier to learn how to ride motorcycles.
在哈密拍摄《大海道》时，我们提前半个月入驻拍摄场地，学习骑摩托车。
While filming "Once Upon a Time, There Was a Taqian City," I spent a day learning how to ride a horse. I cherish these moments that enrich my life experiences and broaden my knowledge.
在拍摄《从前有座它乾城》时，我花了一天时间学习骑马。我享受这些增加人生阅历和“涨知识”的时刻。
▲Xirzat participated in the filming of "Once Upon a Time, There Was a Taqian City"
▲西尔扎提参与《从前有座它乾城》拍摄中
Additionally, I have started to explore some short drama resources and played the role of a "domineering CEO," which received positive feedback. In fact, my original intention for taking part in short dramas was to pay my rent.
此外，我开始尝试接触一些短剧资源，出演“霸道总裁”，收获了较好的反响。事实上，我拍短剧的初衷是为了交房租。
Initially, I didn't have high hopes for it. When I first filmed a short drama, I doubted myself, and the director thought I couldn't act. I had only been part of medium to long-length drama production teams before. For medium to long-length dramas, a certain sense of rhythm is required in performance, whereas short dramas, due to their brevity, require a relatively exaggerated acting style.
起初我并不看好它，第一次拍短剧时，我曾对自己陷入怀疑，导演认为我不会演戏。我只进过中长剧集的剧组，对于中长剧集的影视剧来说，表演时需要一定的节奏感，而短剧因体量短小，需要相对夸张的表演风格。
Furthermore, when the production team asked me to promote the short drama on social media platforms, I declined out of embarrassment. Based on my past understanding, filming short dramas seemed somewhat demeaning, and I was also concerned that the lines in it might have a certain impact on the viewers' values.
另外，当拍摄团队让我在社交平台进行宣发时，我因怕尴尬而回拒。因为在我过去的认知里，拍短剧似乎有些掉价，而我也担心其中的台词会对观者的价值观带来一定影响。
▲Short dramas featuring Xirzat
▲西尔扎提参演的短剧
However, as I gradually got into the filming, I discovered that today's short dramas are also becoming rhythmic, high-quality, and rich in themes. When I had the need to adjust the script or lines, I would also strive to communicate with the director.
然而，随着我慢慢进入拍摄状态，我发现如今的短剧也正在变得有节奏、有质量，且题材丰富。当我有调整剧本或是台词的需求时，我也会尽力和导演进行沟通。
Moreover, actors are actually like products on shelves, waiting to be chosen. Most of the time, I am in a situation where "if you give me a role, I can play it; I have to play it." So, since I have chosen to accept a script, I need to strive to adapt to the role.
况且，演员其实很像货架上的商品，等待着被人挑选。大多数时间，我面临的处境都是“你给我角色我就能演，我得演”。所以，既然我选择了接住一个剧本，就需要努力去适应角色。
Besides acting, I always keep my life fully occupied. Because the end of each film shoot feels like unemployment to me, and I worry about when my next acting opportunity will come. It's like a student waiting for their college entrance exam results, guessing their score and worrying about which university they will be admitted to.
在拍戏之余，我也总是把生活安排得满满当当。因为每一场戏杀青对我而言都是失业，我会焦虑自己下一次拍戏是什么时候，就像高考完等待成绩的学生一般，猜测自己的分数，忧虑自己能考上哪所高校。
I enjoy the feeling of having my life filled with work, as such moments make me feel successful. Having a "to-do" list brings me peace of mind.
我喜欢生活被工作填满的感觉，这样的时刻会让我觉得自己是成功的，有“待办”意味着安心。
Therefore, when I'm not filming, I make plans with friends to visit exhibitions, play Frisbee, go on picnics, and learn about new things in unknown fields from friends in various industries. I get to know an artist through an exhibition... While keeping my life busy and fulfilling, I also try to alleviate my anxiety through these activities.
所以，在没拍戏时约朋友看展、打飞盘、野餐，从各行各业的朋友口中了解未知领域的新鲜事，通过一场展览认识一位艺术家……我用忙碌充实生活的同时，也试着以此缓解焦虑。
I'm doing well in Beijing
我在北京挺好的
In November 2022, I appeared on the stage of CCTV's "Open the Door", with the theme of that episode being "I'm Doing Well in Beijing", which gathered several guests who had similar experiences as Beijing drifters.
2022年11月，我登上了央视《开门大吉》的舞台，那一期的主题名为“我在北京挺好的”，聚集了几位同样经历北漂的嘉宾。
At that time, Neghmet(The host of this variety show)asked me, "Why did you come to Beijing?" When I talked about my strong interest in singing and dancing since childhood, a Uygur dance song suddenly played on the stage, so I took the opportunity to show the audience a dance.
那时小尼问我：你为什么来到北京？当我谈及自己儿时对唱歌跳舞的浓厚兴趣，舞台上突然放起了一首维吾尔语舞曲，我便借着机会向观众展示了一段舞蹈。
In the second song-guessing session, I turned to friends and family. My good friend Lamu revealed my nickname – 'experienced tour guide'. I've been called this throughout my years of working in Beijing.
在第二扇门的猜歌环节，我求助了亲友团，我的好朋友拉木向大家透露了我的外号——“金牌地陪”。在北京打拼的这些年，这个外号一直陪伴着我。
I happened to met some old villagers from Xinjiang who had come to Beijing for medical treatment at first. I did my best to help them settle in and took them to the doctor.
起初，我只是偶然接触到从新疆来北京看病的老乡，我便尽自己所能协助他们安顿住所，陪同他们就医。
After one experience, I met more of these people, who had something in common: they were ordinary families who had travelled a long way just to get better treatment, and they had some difficulty communicating in the language.
有过一次经历后，我接触到更多这样的人群，他们身上有着共同之处：家境普通，在语言交流方面有一定难处，千里迢迢而来只为得到更好的治疗。
I was a"volunteer"and gave them as much help as I could from the moment they landed until they left Beijing.
我便充当起“志愿者”的角色，从他们落地开始直到离开北京，尽可能为他们提供需要的帮助。
▲Xirzat's friend reveals his nickname in"Open the Door"
▲西尔扎提的朋友在《开门大吉》中透露他的外号
One of the people who made a big impression on me was a couple from Aksu. At the time, they were renting a small room near the General Hospital of the Chinese People's Liberation Army.
其中，让我印象最深的是一对来自阿克苏的父母。当时，他们在中国人民解放军总医院附近租了间小卧室。
During their year in Beijing, they lived close to the hospital and travelled every day between the hospital and their rented house. They didn't know much about the rest of the city.
在北京的一年时间里，他们在医院附近住下，每日往返于医院和出租屋之间，对北京的其他地方几乎一无所知。
Their son had leukaemia and needed chemotherapy to replace his blood, so I helped them raise money through Water Drop Fundraising and found a female classmate from my university to donate blood for sick brother.
他们的儿子患了白血病，需要化疗换血，我通过水滴筹帮他们筹款，并找到了大学时期的一位女同学为患病的哥哥献血。
When the blood donation was over, the old man took some money out of his pocket with his old hand and gave it to my classmate, who thanked him kindly but said he didn't need it. I was emotional when I saw that.
献血结束后，年迈的老父亲用苍老的手从口袋里掏出钱递给我的同学，她婉拒了老人的谢意。看到这样一幕时，泪水在我眼里打转。
I thought it would be good for them to see more than just the hospital and the rented house. So, one day, I asked a friend to look after their son in the hospital while I took the two old people out for a tour of some of Beijing's most famous sights, including Tian an men Square and the Forbidden City. On that day, I thought I saw a smile at the corner of their mouths.
除了医院与出租屋，我也希望他们能看看这座城市的另一面。于是，某天，我托付一位朋友在医院负责照看，我则带两位老人出门，打卡天安门、故宫等北京代表性的景点。那一天，我似乎看见了他们嘴角的笑容。
▲Xirzat's classmates donate blood to sick family members
▲西尔扎提的同学为患病家属献血
However, given the slim chance of a cure, they had to head back home. At the airport, the two old men pushed their son in a wheelchair. When they said goodbye, they didn't want their son to see them in tears, so they turned their backs on their son and hugged me. They were trying to hide their emotions. Over the course of a year, we've actually become like family.
然而，因为治愈几率渺茫，他们不得不踏上了回家的路。在机场，两位老人推着坐在轮椅上的儿子，临行告别时，因为不想儿子看见他们落泪，他们背对着孩子与我拥抱，极力掩饰着情绪，一年的时间里，其实我们已经像亲人一般。
As I watched the family gradually walk away, I felt a mixture of emotions. The next time I reached out to them was when I learned of that brother's passing. At that moment, I couldn't help but think: if I were stronger and had better financial capabilities, could I have provided them with more help and rewritten a different outcome?
望着一家人的背影逐渐走远时，我内心也五味杂陈。再次和他们取得联系，是我得知哥哥去世的消息，那时我在想：如果我更强大，有更好的经济能力，是不是能为他们提供更多帮助，改写不一样的结局。
People ask me why I work as an unpaid 'tour guide'. I think it's because of my mom.
我曾被问为什么要无偿做“地陪”，我想这与我妈妈有一定的关联。
My mom is a primary school teacher and a class head teacher. When I was younger, I always came home from school to see lots of kids my age at home.
我的妈妈是一名小学老师，也是一名班主任。小时候，我放学回家总能看见家里有许多和我一般大的孩子。
Maybe it was jealousy, thinking that they'd take my mom's love away, or the idea that the house was mine and my brother's space and that we couldn't tolerate other people there, and I often showed my frustration at this.
也许是嫉妒心作祟，担心他们抢走妈妈的爱；或是认为家里是我和我哥的地盘，无法忍受他人“入侵”，我常对此表示生气。
My mother said that these kids were the poorest students in her class. She also brought them to my house to help them with their homework for free and gave them clothes that I didn't wear.
妈妈告诉我这些孩子是班里的贫困生，带到家里是想免费给他们辅导功课，平常还会将我不穿的衣服送给他们。
▲Xirzat and his family
▲西尔扎提和他的家人
Over time, I picked up the habit of helping others as much as I could, largely thanks to my mother.
久而久之，在妈妈的影响下，我也逐渐形成了尽自己力所能及帮助他人的习惯。
I'm setting up a fund to buy gifts for the kids at my mom's school. Before I joined"Open the Door", I hadn't filmed for a whole year, and I just couldn't afford to pay for it out of my own pocket at that time, given the state of the economy.
我的梦想基金就是想用来给妈妈学校的孩子们买礼物。在参加《开门大吉》之前，我已经整整一年没拍戏，当时的经济状况下，我无法自掏腰包。
As well as working as an 'tour guide' in Beijing, I often get involved in charity activities when I can.
除了在北京做“地陪”之外，我也常在自己的能力范围内参加公益活动。
▲Xirzat took part in the 'Volunteer Pioneer Sing Together' public welfare activities.
▲西尔扎提参加“先锋尚善 一同歌唱”公益活动
Neghmet said a few words before leaving the stage. He said that while there are many qualities of a good actor, a loving actor may be more capable of interpreting some loving roles. He encouraged the audience to give the actor a chance if the episode airs today. He said that he is sure the actor will not fail to live up to expectations.
在离开舞台前，小尼说了这样一段话：“好的演员有很多种品质，但我觉得一个有爱的演员，他也许更能够诠释一些有爱的角色，希望如果今天这期节目播出，看到他，如果你能给他一个机会，我相信他一定不会辜负你的期待。”
I'm grateful to Neghmet for giving me the chance to speak up the whole time, from when I walked out backstage to when the quiz finished.
我很感谢小尼，从走出后台到猜歌结束的全程，他一直在给予我展现自己的机会。
This programme has got me thinking about the word 'northern drift' again. I guess I could say that Beijing and I have a connection because of my obsession with acting and the Chinese Theatre when I was 18.
通过这期节目，我再次思考“北漂”这个词。连接起我和北京的纽带是18岁时对表演和中戏的执念。
Every time I come back from a business trip and land in Beijing, I feel a sense of solidity. I think it's because I've been here so long, I feel like I belong. When it's my birthday, I always invite a bunch of friends to sing, dance and chat about everything.
这些年来，每一次出差回来落地北京的时刻，我都会感到踏实，我想这也许是经年累月的归属感。每回在北京过生日时，我都会请很多朋友一起唱歌跳舞，畅聊无尽的话题。
I think Beijing has really made me feel at home, except for Xinjiang. My family told me I should go back to my hometown to get a stable job, but I wanted to stay in Beijing because I love performing. In terms of my future, I'd rather enjoy the present and let things happen naturally.
我想，除新疆之外，北京确确实实给予了我“家”的感觉。虽然我的家人也曾劝我回家乡找一份稳定的工作，但我坚持留在北京是出自对表演的热爱。而关于未来的落点，我更想珍惜当下，顺其自然。
-END-
—设置“我从新疆来”为星标—
—点击跳转“我从新疆来”各平台—
Chief editor：Abu、Meiyi Liu
Deputy editor：Aziz、Luqi Xu、Munira
Moderator：Asat、Mihray、Destiny
Translator：Sophie、Becky、Gvlmira、Herma、Sisley、Rebecca、Qin Shiyun
Anchor：Pahira
Press—corrector：Rebecca
Design by：Risalt
Backstage：Adina
Picture source：Network
