Enough of reading Higashino Keigo…

Introduction

前言

Humans think that their behavior is controlled by themselves, but in fact, it is all reactions that are produced unconsciously along with the environment.

人类以为自己的行为是由自己掌控的，但其实都是无意中随着环境产生的反应。

If a person has not been loved by their parents since childhood, or even has never been loved, their birth is regarded as the family's dissatisfaction, their existence value is denied, they are an 'invisible person', and they live every day with a feeling as if they are about to step into nothingness......

如果一个人，从小不被父母疼爱，甚至从未得到过爱，出生被认为是家庭的不如意、存在价值被否定、是「隐形人」，每天怀着仿佛要踩空般的心情生活……

If a person has never clearly seen themselves, and is unfeelingly abandoned by society when they grow up, the empty body brought by their original family cannot bear the illusory reality, and the heart that has not been meticulously cared for is trampled on mercilessly by others. After experiencing all this,even the only, miraculously emerging love is not regarded......

如果一个人从未清楚地看到自己，长大了被社会无情抛弃，原生家庭带来的空空如也的躯体撑不住现实的玄幻，未被精心呵护过的心灵被他人无情践踏，经历过这一切之后，连仅有的、奇迹般涌出来的爱不被珍惜……

So, can her choice of a path that is socially negated be evaluated as self degradation? How can a person who has lost themselves, no, never had themselves from beginning to end, fall into depravity?

那么，她选择一条被社会否定的路可以被评价为自我堕落吗？一个失去自我，不，从始至终都没有拥有过自我的人，怎么堕落？

Behavior without self is like a black hole, silently devouring everything around her. However, one day, she returned everything she had previously endured to the world.

没有自我的行为就像黑洞，平时悄无声息吞噬周围的一切，只是突然有一天，她把以前承受的一切返还给了世界。

Today we are going to tell this " story of the black hole", a story of a woman, a story of an ordinary person.

今天我们要讲的就是这个“黑洞的故事”，一个女人的故事，一个平庸者的故事。

A woman named Yangzi

一个名叫阳子的女人

Yoko has died, in her own flat, and the body is in a ghastly condition. The police consider it a "lonely death". To cater to readers who haven't read the original, I can only inform you that one of the four facts mentioned in the previous sentence is incorrect.

阳子死了，在自己的公寓里，尸体惨不忍睹，警方认为是“孤独死”。为了照顾没看过原著的读者，我只能告诉你前一句话描述的四个事实中，一个是假的。

Yoko has died. Yoko was married three times before her death, but oddly enough, all of her husbands died in traffic accidents, and even more strangely, Yoko received large insurance payouts for the deaths of each of her husbands.

阳子死了，阳子生前结过三次婚，但离奇的是她的历任丈夫都因交通事故死亡，更令人匪夷所思的是每一任丈夫的死亡阳子都拿到了巨额保险金。

 It is hard not to notice that Yoko's actions are highly likely to have touched on criminal cases.

很难不看出，阳子的行为极大可能触及到了刑事案件。

What is even more preposterous is that Yoko's behavior has never been suspected by the police. Yes, Yoko has always been hovering on the moral bottom line and exploiting legal loopholes.

更让人感到荒诞的是阳子的该行为从未被警方怀疑过。是的，阳子一直徘徊在道德的底线上，钻法律的空子。

At that time, she had not yet attracted the attention of the police, and could have lived a carefree life after getting the money.

当时还未引起警方注意的她，本可以拿到钱之后逍遥自在地生活。

However,how could Yoko,who got a huge insurance payout,die alone in a small apartment?

但是，拿到巨额保险金的阳子怎么会在狭小的公寓里孤独地死去呢？

All of this puzzled the police officer, so the police officer began to investigate the woman named Yoko.

这一切令警官感到匪夷所思，于是警官开始调查这个叫阳子的女人。

"Family is not a safe heaven."

“家庭不是避风港”

"Actually, I wanted a boy."

“我其实想要男孩子。”

"Your sense of presence is very low, so low that you yourself are not even aware of it."

“你的存在感就是很低，低到你自己都意识不到。”

Can you imagine that this is something a mother said to her daughter?

你能想象这是一个母亲对亲生女儿所说的话吗？

Parents' love is not instinctive. They are just choosing to love or not.

父母的爱不是本能，他们只是在选择爱与不爱。

Yoko was born on a very ordinary sunny day, so her parents also gave her a very ordinary and even tacky name "Yoko".

阳子出生在一个很普通的晴天，于是父母也给她起了一个很平凡，甚至烂大街的名字“阳子”。

Yoko's relationship with his father is like a stranger, and their conversation does not exceed two sentences a day; Yoko's mother hates her, at least Yangzi thinks so; later, Yoko have a new member of the family - her younger brother, her mother's treasure, her mother's everything, the best person in the world in her mother's mind, at least better than Yoko.

阳子和父亲的关系像陌生人，两个人一天的对话都不超过两句；阳子的母亲讨厌她，至少阳子是这么认为的；后来阳子迎来了家里的新成员——弟弟，母亲的宝贝，母亲的一切，母亲眼里世界上最优秀的人，至少比阳子优秀。

Her mother never said "I love you" to Yoko. She gave all her patience to her brother, and even left the false feelings to her father and the people around her. She only left verbal violence and contempt  to Yoko.

母亲从未对阳子说过我爱你，她把所有的耐心给了弟弟，连虚情假意都留给了爸爸和身边的人，她把言语上的暴力和蔑视唯独留给了阳子。

She doesn't understand her mother, but she longs for her mother's love.

她不理解母亲，但她渴望母亲的爱。

One day, mother found out that her father was cheating on her. They quarreled downstairs, and her father humiliated her mother in the most dirt words and even used violence.

有一天，母亲发现父亲出轨，他们在楼下争吵，父亲用最龌龊的语言羞辱母亲，甚至使用暴力。

At this time, Yoko was watching them upstairs. Suddenly, his father tore off his mother's coat and had sex in a very violent way.

此时的阳子正在楼上观察着他们，突然父亲撕掉了母亲上衣，以非常暴力的方式进行交媾。

Yoko was scared, as if she was witnessing the weak being swallowed up by the bad one. This is the earliest social rule that Yoko felt: the weak will eventually be defeated by the strong.

阳子感到害怕，仿佛在目睹弱者被坏人吞吃入腹。这是阳子最早感受的社会规则：弱者终将败于强者之下。

The next day, mother continued to show the appearance of "our family is very happy" as if nothing had happened.

第二天，母亲像什么事情都没有发生一样继续表现出“我们一家很幸福”的模样。

Later, his brother died, and the police thought it was a simple car accident, but Yoko knew that the younger brother, who was not so close to her, was likely to commit suicide.

后来弟弟死了，警方认为是单纯的车祸，但阳子知道这个和自己关系并不那么亲密的弟弟很有可能是自杀。

When Yoko gave her brother's suicide note to his mother, her mother slandered Yoko for forging the suicide note and scolded loudly:

当阳子把弟弟的遗书给母亲的时候，母亲污蔑阳子伪造遗书，并且大声呵斥：

"Your brother is a thousand times more sensible than you, why was he the one that died?"

“你弟弟比你懂事千倍万倍，为什么死的是他？”

Yoko knew that what her mother was really trying to say was, "Why didn't you die?"

阳子知道母亲其实想说的是：“为什么死的不是你？”

If you were born into this kind of family, what would you want most? Like the relationship between brother and mother, being the "weak" but protected by the "strong"? Or become "strong" and devour the "weak", just like the relationship between mother and father?

如果出生在这种家庭中，你最渴望的会是什么？像弟弟和妈妈的关系一样，成为“弱者”但被“强者”保护？还是像爸爸和妈妈的关系一样，成为“强者”后吞噬弱者？

Will everything be all right after you get what you want?

得到渴望的东西之后一切就会好起来吗？

A person on the edge of society

一个在社会边缘的人

“You are a loser！”

“你就是一个废物！”

Adult Yoko's mind often revolves around this sentence.

成年阳子的脑海中也经常围绕着这句话。

Yoko left her hometown and came to Tokyo, because of the pressure of life, she found a "quick money" job - selling insurance.

阳子离开家乡来到了东京，生活所迫便找了一个“来钱快”的工作——销售保险。

But once she started working, she found that the job was not "quick money." She tried everything she could to sell a few policies, but then she couldn't sell them at all.

但开始工作之后，她发现“来钱并不快”。她用尽所有方法卖了几份保险，但后来她彻底卖不动了。

So her manager, Haga, a charming and gentle man, asked her for an appointment.

于是，她的经理，一个很有魅力、温柔的男子——芳贺，找她约谈。

However, during the appointment, Hage showed the opposite of his usual self. He shouted at Yoko and seemed to encourage her in a way that Yoko could not accept, but was actually gaslighting her.

但是在约谈过程中，芳贺表现出了另外一面，他大声呵斥阳子，看似以阳子难以接受的方式鼓励阳子，实则是在PUA她。

But Yoko was successfully brainwashed. She begins to sell insurance by fair means or foul, which is exactly the way Haga suggests - by selling her body.

但阳子，成功被洗脑了。她开始不择手段地卖保险，也就是按照芳贺暗示的方式——出卖身体。

Yoko moved from bottom of the ladder to sales management and her relationship with Haga becomes closer and closer.

业绩垫底的阳子摇身一变成为了销售冠军，与芳贺的关系也变得越来越亲密。

Until one day, Haga's true nature is revealed - it turns out that Haga has an improper relationship not only with Yoko, but also with several women in the company. So Haga was transferred, and then Yoko was fired.

直到有一天，芳贺的真面目被揭开——原来芳贺不仅和阳子，还有与公司里的数个女性有不正当关系，芳贺被调走了，随之阳子也被辞退了。

"The only love I've ever had in my life was also full of being taken advantage of."

“我的人生中得到过的唯一的爱，却也充满了利用的意味。”

With no income, Yoko began to sell her body for a living, but even in these difficult days, Yoko made a boyfriend.

无收入的阳子，开始以卖身为业，即便是在这种自身难保的日子，阳子交了一个男朋友。

Her boyfriend is inferior、testy and poorly educated，he often treat Yoko in some violent way. After he got together with Yoko, he stopped going to work and only relied on Yoko to support him.

男友自卑、易怒、文化程度低，经常对阳子使用暴力，和阳子相识之后他就不再出去工作，靠阳子来养活他。

Every day through the muddleheaded, numb days, Yoko saw no hope in life.

每天过着浑浑噩噩、麻木的日子，阳子看不到任何希望。

Until one day she met Kamishiro, a man who specializes in taking in the "outcast" of society. When they first met, Yoko begged kamishiro to kill her boyfriend.

直到有一天她遇到了神代，一个专门收留社会“弃民”的男人。第一次见面时，阳子就祈求神代帮她杀了男友。

Kamishiro saw a desire in Yoko - the desire to live, whether to be a weak person protected by the strong, or to be a so-called strong person.

神代看到了阳子身上的一种欲望——活下去的欲望，无论是成为被强者保护的弱者，还是成为一个所谓的强者。

Then this boyfriend became the beginning of Yoko killing people for insurance fraud.

于是，这个男友成为了阳子杀人骗取保险的开头。

The Final Roar

最后的嘶吼

“Your daughter, namely me, is a murderer!”

“你的女儿，我啊，是个杀人犯！”

Yoko has energetic vitality,yet she also despises life.

阳子具有旺盛的生命力，但她同样也蔑视生命。

It may come from the fact that Yoko's birth mother was despised,her personality was denied by others,and her personal value was abandoned by society.

这或许来源于阳子的出生母亲被蔑视、人格被他人否定、个人价值被社会抛弃。

She lives in this grotesque society with the notion of “the weak being devoured by the strong,” a concept she realized when she was young and she considers a "natural phenomenon."

她怀着年少时意识到的“弱者被强者所吞噬”的观念，在这个荒诞的社会里存活着，她认为这是一种“自然现象”。

In situations with few choices, the actions that Yoko chooses to implement are all caused by the things lacking in her heart. The love, hugs, affirmation, and protection that were missing in her childhood have all become the things she pursues all her life.

在选择少的情况下，阳子所选择实施的行为都是被她内心匮乏的东西所引起的，童年缺失的爱、拥抱、被肯定、被保护等这一切都成为了她毕生追求的东西。

Finally, nihilism engulfed Yoko. She wanted to end it all. She killed Kamiyo and became the dragons layer teen who slew the evil dragon.

最后，虚无扑向了阳子，她想结束这一切，她杀了神代，成为了杀死恶龙的屠龙少年。

However, this dragons layer teen is also evil dragon. She discovers that if she wants to completely end everything, killing Kamiyo is far from enough. She has to cut off the source of all this ----her mom.

然而这个屠龙少年也是个恶龙。她发现如果想彻底结束一切，杀了神代远远不够，她得切断这一切的源头——她的母亲。

"In this world where one cannot make decisions,cannot fathom, has no reason at all, and everything is a "natural phenomenon", as a person, I still cannot erase the longing in my heart."

“在这个无法做主、无法猜透、毫无道理可言、一切都是‘自然现象’的世界，身为一个人，我依旧无法抹灭内心的渴望。”

"Mom! I want to live! I must kill you,kill myself,and then live! I will crave, compete, give and then survive! I will stand up and fight until the life you gave me disappears!"

“妈妈，我要活下去！我要杀了你，杀了自己，然后活下去！我要渴求、争夺、给予，然后活下来！我会挺身而战，直到你给的这条命消失为止！”

Yoko killed her mom and killed "herself"

阳子杀掉了母亲，杀掉了“自己”。

At first, the young Yoko screamed by the sea, then she gradually fell silent, and the adult Yoko finally let out a beastly roar after everything was over.

最初，年少的阳子在海边呐喊，后来她渐渐无声，成年的阳子最后在结束一切之后发出了野兽般的嘶吼。

The End

写在最后

Flesh and blood are formed in the nurturing and loving embrace of the family. And it's through social experience and trial and error that our characters become stronger and stronger.

人的血肉是在家庭的养育和爱的滋养中形成的，品格是在社会历练、不断地试错过程中变得愈来愈稳固的。

There's a concept in criminal law called 'expectancy of probability'. It basically means that the perpetrator can be expected to carry out a lawful act given the circumstances at the time.

刑法上有个概念叫“期待可能性”，大致意思是“根据行为时的具体情况，能够期待行为人实施合法行为的可能性”。

The law doesn't punish behaviour that's unlikely to happen, and there's no penalty for it.

当行为没有期待可能性的情况下，法律不会惩罚该行为，法律不强人所难。

It's not possible to view Yoko's murder and insurance fraud as acts with potential legal implications. These are all acts that the law prohibits and tries to combat. The loss of human life is a legal no-go area.

阳子杀人、保险诈骗的行为不能判定为是法律意义上的具有期待可能性的行为，甚至这一切都是法律所禁止和打击的行为，剥夺人的生命是法律上不可逾越的一条线。

From a human perspective, sociological standpoint and with an eye to basic human decency, Yoko's actions are worthy of our attention. Yoko has no choice but to resort to questionable tactics in order to achieve what she believes is a positive outcome.

但是从人性、从社会学的角度，从一个普通人对普通人的悲悯出发，阳子的行为值得我们思考。阳子身不由己，她在用恶的手段来追求内心仅有的“美好”。

We can't evaluate Yoko's actions as purely self-sacrificial. She was born into a difficult situation, and it's unfair to judge her actions by the standards of someone in a different context.

阳子所做的一切不能单纯评价为自甘堕落，她生在地狱，一个身处地狱之中的人，我们无法按照天使的标准评判她。

Some people use the happy memories of their childhood to help them move on with their lives, while others use the rest of their lives to heal the wounds of their childhood. Yoko, on the other hand, spends the second half of her life moving on from her childhood experiences and embracing a 'new life'.

有人用幸福的童年治愈后半生，有人用后半生来治愈童年。而阳子，她用后半生斩断前半生的一切，迎来自己的“新生”。

Don't ignore your inner voice. The more you try to ignore it, the more it will manifest as a negative force that will affect you and those around you.

不要忽视你内心的声音，你越掩盖，越到后面它会变成野兽般的嘶吼，吞噬周围的一切，包括你自己。

Hope you get a chance to read the original book when you have a moment. As well as showing the darker side of Yoko's life, the book also highlights some of the absurdities and sinister aspects of the world we live in. It's definitely worth your attention.

希望大家在有空之余细细品味原著，除了阳子苦涩的一生，本书展现的世界荒诞的一面以及人性的险恶，也非常值得大家思考。

We also suggest watching the film version based on the novel of the same name!

当然，也推荐大家观看根据同名小说改编的电影版哦~

Finally, feel free to share your thoughts or recommend books with similar themes in the comments.

最后希望大家在评论畅所欲言，留下自己的感受或者推荐类似题材的书籍~

-END-

Chief editor：Abu、Meiyi Liu

Deputy editor：Aziz、Luqi Xu、Munira

Moderator：Asat、Destiny

Translator：Gvlmira、 Sisley、Raphael、Qiu Shiyun、Herman

Press—corrector：Asat

Design by：Raziya

Backstage：Lorna

Picture source：Network、Official account