宽恕是发菩提心的修练中最重要的元素。它让我们有能力放下过去的一切，重新开始。
我的一位好友在濒临死亡时，某位藏传导师要求她诚实而慈悲地回顾自己的一生。回顾的过程中，她进入了内心的某些阴暗的角落，里面埋藏着累积已久的内疚和嫌恶。老师告诉她，最重要的一件事就是宽恕自己。他建议她进行各种步骤的自他交换。她应该透过观想引出内心的悔恨，但重点并不是要耽溺在痛苦的回忆中，而是要跟埋藏已久的痛苦产生连结：可能是内疚、羞耻感、困扰或自责。那些感觉不需要冠上名称；她只需要默默地连结那些被卡住的情绪就够了。
接下来的步骤是要吸入这些感觉，尽量敞开心胸，试着去宽恕自己。接着她必须为那些有相同苦恼的人行自他交换，也就是吸入他们和自己的痛苦，释放出宽恕给每一个人。
我的好友发现这个方法真的具有疗效。她透过这个方法而宽恕了自己曾经伤害的人以及那些伤害过她的人。
某位来到甘波静修院进行自他交换闭关的女士，童年曾数度遭到父亲的性侵害。她强烈地认同那些被关在笼子里的鸟儿，她告诉我她时常觉得自己是一只笼中鸟。进行自他交换时，她试着吸入那份渺小而受困的感觉，呼气时她试着观想笼子打开了，所有的鸟儿都飞了出去。她心中出现了一个画面：有一只飞出笼外的小鸟，突然降落在某个男人的肩膀上。男人转过头来，她发现他竟然是自己的父亲。就这样，她首次宽恕了他。
宽恕似乎是无法勉强的。一旦能勇敢地敞开心胸面对自己，宽恕便自然出现了。
有一项简单的训练可以培养宽恕的能力。首先要认清自己的感觉---羞耻感、报复心、丢脸或是自责的感觉---然后宽恕自己的人性展现。
与其耽溺在痛苦里，不妨放下心中的感觉，重新开始。我们不需要再继续背负着重担。我们可以认清真相，宽恕，然后改过自新。
如此修行下去，我们将逐渐学会面对因伤害过自己和他人而产生的悔恨，也将学会自我宽恕，然后以自己的进度逐渐学会宽恕那些伤害过我们的人。我们将发现，宽恕是开放心胸的自然展现，也是本善的自然流露。这份潜力就埋藏在每个当下。每个当下都是重新开始的大好契机。
佩玛·丘卓
Forgiveness is the most important element of bodhichitta practice. It gives us the ability to let go of the past and start anew.
When a close friend of mine was dying, a Tibetan teacher asked her to review her life honestly and compassionately. As she did so, she entered some dark corners of her mind where she had been hiding a lot of guilt and resentment. The teacher told her that the most important thing to do was to forgive herself. He suggested that she practice various steps of self-other exchange. She should use visualization to draw out her regrets, but the point is not to dwell on painful memories, but to connect with the pain that has been buried for a long time: guilt, shame, obsession, or self-blame. Those feelings don’t need to be named; she just needs to quietly connect with the stuck emotions.
The next step is to breathe in these feelings, open her heart as much as possible, and try to forgive herself. Then she must practice self-other exchange for those who have similar suffering, breathing in their pain and her own, releasing forgiveness to everyone.
My close friend found this method really effective. Through this method, she forgave people she had hurt and those who had hurt her.
One woman who came to the Gampo Ashram for the Self-Other Exchange retreat had been sexually abused several times by her father as a child. She identified strongly with caged birds and told me that she often felt like one. While doing the Self-Other Exchange, she tried to breathe in the feeling of being small and trapped, and as she exhaled she tried to imagine the cage opening and all the birds flying out. She had a mental picture of a bird that had flown out of the cage and suddenly landed on a man's shoulder. The man turned around and she saw that he was her father. Just like that, she forgave him for the first time.
Forgiveness seems to be something that cannot be forced. Once you are brave enough to open up to yourself, forgiveness comes naturally.
There is a simple exercise to develop the ability to forgive. First, recognize your feelings—feelings of shame, revenge, humiliation, or self-blame—and then forgive your human nature.
Instead of dwelling on the pain, let go of the feelings and start over. We don't need to carry the burden anymore. We can recognize the truth, forgive, and then change.
As we practice this, we will gradually learn to face the regrets of hurting ourselves and others, and we will also learn to forgive ourselves, and then gradually learn to forgive those who hurt us at our own pace. We will find that forgiveness is a natural expression of openness and goodness. This potential is buried in every moment. Every moment is a great opportunity to start over.
Pema Chödrön
