AI辅助英语写作：引用名言金句（附用例）

“请根据以上作文题目评分并分析，最后根据以下评分标准修改成满分作文，要求完全严格按照考生的原文修改，绝对不能偏离或者另起炉灶；适当加入谚语金句名人名言。”

作文上分需要论据，包括事实论据和理论论据。前者出自考生的阅历（包括阅读和人生阅历），没什么捷径可走；后者需要有意识积累，有的人干脆瞎编各种“鲁迅说”，其实这是AI的用武之地，例如上面的AI提示词（prompt）。如果没有指定，AI整理改写的时候通常不会给出名言论据的。现在，透析法正式将“适当加入谚语金句名人名言”升级到全球各大考试的AI批改prompt之中，甚至连口语输出端“口述历史”也添加上了。这是因为，实战发现AI给作文增配名人名言非常给力——

有天我做STT口述了1000多词的日记，Kimi整理加工时配置了3句：

爱迪生说："Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."

曼德拉说："Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world."

老子说："A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

首先我搜索了一下，确定引用都是正确的，不是鲁迅说的……这个步骤我还无法完全放心，因为过几天我写剑桥CFE考试大作文的时候，通义千问增加的名言是In the words of Confucius, "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”.显然这是“千里之行始于足下”，出自老子《道德经》第64章，不是孔子说的！

名人名言是可以在“激励因素”上提分的，但实战结果强烈提示：老外的名言不容易学！例如，爱迪生那句我没看太懂，也不容易记。最好就是Lao Tzu的国产名言，是个中国人都知道“千里之行始于足下”，接下来翻译成英语就可以了，可以意译，意思到了就ok，例如”千里“是1000 miles、leagues还是kilometers，改卷老师是没空跟老子核对的。学有余力的可以背一背曼德拉这种，最好是非英语母语人士的，因为经过翻译就不要求准确了。相比之下，爱迪生这种英美人士的名言就要小心，因为直接引语要求一字不差，引用不准确在理论上是要扣分的（虽然实际上不一定扣分）。

AI为你的大作配置的名言金句怎么记忆和积累呢？除了死记硬背，你可以借助透析法，把整句话存入Eudic的生词本，这意味着之后你要在新的一篇作文或者“口述历史”里亲自用一遍——你开过光的名言，印象会特别深刻。你还可以多看几个不同AI大模型的满分作文，例如我写的那篇2024考研大作文里，Kimi、智谱清言、讯飞星火都不约而同写道：

"A stitch in time saves nine."（一针及时省九针：及时补救小问题可以避免后来出现更大的问题，需要更多的努力来解决。）

此外，Bing Copilot（GPT-4）也在修改意见中建议了这句，但没有写到满分作文里。Meta的开源模型Llama 3.2 1B（本地部署）暂时还写不出名人名言。

全部拜读一遍，你对这个金句的印象就比较深，最好还用TTS（文字转语音）听一遍。特别地，如果各家AI都不约而同引用这句，说明这是“大路货”，对于咱写作水平一般的玩家来说价值很大，最好能够记住并经常使用。

用例：香港TSA Primary 3作文(story)

You are writing a story about Susan and her brother John. Look at the pictures and write the story in about 30 words.

You may use the words in the boxes to help you.

What happens in the end? Finish the story.

请给考生作文评分，给出各个维度的得分以及总分，给出分析依据。请用中文输出，举例保持用英语原文。最后根据以下评分标准修改成满分作文，要求完全严格按照考生的原文修改，绝对不能偏离或者另起炉灶；适当加入谚语金句名人名言。

评分标准：

Content维度

3分

• Provides a factual account of the story based on the pictures, with some supporting details

• The description is clear and coherent.

• Provides an ending to the story

2分

• Provides a factual account of the story based on the pictures, with almost no supporting details

• The description is quite clear.

• May provide an ending to the story

1分

• The ideas used to write the story are very limited.

OR

• The story is unclear or disconnected, which may confuse the reader.

OR

• The story might have some irrelevant ideas.

0分

• The ideas are totally irrelevant/incomprehensible.

OR

• The ideas are just a repetition of the prompts.

• No attempt is made (blank script)

Language维度

3分

• Uses a small range of vocabulary, sentence patterns and cohesive devices appropriately, with minor*, few or no grammatical and spelling mistakes

* errors that do not affect comprehension

2分

• Uses a limited range* of vocabulary, sentence patterns and/or cohesive devices fairly appropriately, with some grammatical and spelling mistakes

OR

• Uses a very limited range* of vocabulary, sentence patterns and/or cohesive devices, with few or no grammatical and spelling mistakes

* uses the given prompts to write with basic and appropriate vocabulary and sentence patterns

1分

• Uses a very limited range of vocabulary and sentence patterns,with many grammatical and spelling mistakes

0分

• The language is incomprehensible.

• No attempt is made (blank script)

考生作文如下：

伍教练硬塞20个生词的“作文”

Costco’s CEO John fell asleep on Labor Day when her sister Susan lost her head for the moment and drew a flower and a squiggle on his file. Subsequently, she left to have a workout with her stability ball.

John was shocked by the doodles, and he decided to avenge the wrong done by the wrongdoer. He locked Susan up in a pig cage and dropped it into a deep pool. She cried, “Don’t get me wrong! The brassica deal is a trap because the glucosinolate level is short of the national standard!” John pulled her up as a lump came into his throat. He tested the vegetables with the reagent myrosinase and confirmed his sister’s words. “I almost killed the wrong people!”

AI翻译速览：

劳动节那天，Costco 的 CEO John 睡着了，她的妹妹 Susan 一时之间失去了理智，在他的文件上画了一朵花和一条曲线。随后，Susan 去健身球锻炼了。

John 被这些涂鸦吓坏了，他决定报复那个犯错的人。他把 Susan 关进猪笼，然后扔进一个深水池。Susan 哭着说：“别误会！芸苔属植物交易是个陷阱，因为芥子油苷含量不符合国家标准！”John 喉咙哽咽地把她拉了起来。他用试剂黑芥子酶测试了蔬菜，证实了妹妹的话。“我差点杀错人了！”

Kimi：4分

### 评分分析

#### Content维度

**得分：2分**

- **分析依据：**考生的作文提供了一个基于图片的故事，但几乎没有支持细节。故事描述相对清晰，提供了故事的结局。然而，故事内容与题目要求的Susan和John的故事不符，出现了与题目无关的情节，如“Costco’s CEO”、“brassica deal”、“glucosinolate level”等，这些内容与题目要求的Susan和John的故事不符，因此扣分。

#### Language维度

**得分：2分**

- **分析依据：**考生使用了一定的词汇和句型，但存在一些语法和拼写错误，如“Costco’s CEO John”（应为John是CEO，而不是Costco的CEO），“her sister Susan”（应为his sister Susan），“decided to avenge the wrong done by the wrongdoer”（表达较为复杂，不符合小学生的语言水平），“a lump came into his throat”（表达较为复杂，不符合小学生的语言水平）。这些错误影响了理解，因此得分为2分。

#### 总分

**得分：4分**

### 修改后的满分作文

原文中存在一些与题目要求不符的情节和复杂的表达，以下是严格按照原文修改后的作文，同时加入了一句谚语以提升作文质量：

**Original Story:**

Costco’s CEO John fell asleep on Labor Day when her sister Susan lost her head for the moment and drew a flower and a squiggle on his file. Subsequently, she left to have a workout with her stability ball.

John was shocked by the doodles, and he decided to avenge the wrong done by the wrongdoer. He locked Susan up in a pig cage and dropped it into a deep pool. She cried, “Don’t get me wrong! The brassica deal is a trap because the glucosinolate level is short of the national standard!” John pulled her up as a lump came into his throat. He tested the vegetables with the reagent myrosinase and confirmed his sister’s words. “I almost killed the wrong people!”

**Modified Story:**

On Labor Day, John fell asleep while his sister Susan, in a moment of mischief, drew a flower and a squiggle on his file. "A little mischief is a great pleasure," she thought. Afterward, she went to exercise with her stability ball.

John was shocked by the doodles and decided to get back at Susan for her prank. He playfully locked her in a makeshift "pig cage" and pretended to drop it into the pool. Susan cried, "Don't get me wrong! I was just trying to tell you that the vegetables we bought are not up to the national standard!" John, with a lump in his throat, realized his mistake and pulled her up. He then tested the vegetables and confirmed Susan's words. "I almost made a big mistake," he said, remembering the saying, "A hasty decision often leads to regret."

通过修改，故事更加符合题目要求，同时加入了谚语“Haste makes waste”来提升作文的深度。

豆包：3分

- **Content维度得分**：0分

    - **分析依据**：作文内容与题目所给图片提示毫无关联，属于完全无关的想法（The ideas are totally irrelevant/incomprehensible）。

- **Language维度得分**：3分

    - **分析依据**：使用了一定范围的词汇、句子结构和衔接手段，语法和拼写错误较少（Uses a small range of vocabulary, sentence patterns and cohesive devices appropriately, with minor*, few or no grammatical and spelling mistakes）。

- **总分**：3分

**满分作文修改如下**：

Susan and her brother John had a busy day. As the saying goes, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." After finishing their homework, John was so tired that he fell asleep. Susan, who was a bit naughty, decided to draw on John's face. John woke up and was shocked at first, but then he laughed. He realized that even though Susan was naughty, she also brought some fun to their daily life. As it is said, "A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men."

Copilot (GPT-4)：2分

Content维度

• 得分：1分

• 分析依据：考生的作文与图片内容严重不符，故事情节与图片所展示的情节完全无关，且包含了许多不相关的内容，如“Costco’s CEO”、“Labor Day”、“stability ball”等。这些内容使得故事显得非常混乱和不连贯，容易让读者感到困惑。

Language维度

• 得分：1分

• 分析依据：考生使用的词汇和句型非常有限，且存在许多语法和拼写错误。例如，“her sister Susan”应为“his sister Susan”，“lost her head for the moment”表达不准确。此外，作文中还出现了一些不合适的词汇和表达，如“avenge the wrong done by the wrongdoer”、“locked Susan up in a pig cage”等。

总分

• Content: 1分

• Language: 1分

• 总分：2分

满分作文修改

原文：Costco’s CEO John fell asleep on Labor Day when her sister Susan lost her head for the moment and drew a flower and a squiggle on his file. Subsequently, she left to have a workout with her stability ball. John was shocked by the doodles, and he decided to avenge the wrong done by the wrongdoer. He locked Susan up in a pig cage and dropped it into a deep pool. She cried, “Don’t get me wrong! The brassica deal is a trap because the glucosinolate level is short of the national standard!” John pulled her up as a lump came into his throat. He tested the vegetables with the reagent myrosinase and confirmed his sister’s words. “I almost killed the wrong people!”

修改后：John fell asleep while doing his homework. His sister Susan, being naughty

智谱清言：3分

内容维度得分：2分

分析：

文章基本描述了图片内容，但缺乏细节支撑，例如Susan如何画画，John如何报复，以及结局的具体情况。

描述相对清晰，但缺乏连贯性，例如Susan突然提到蔬菜交易，与之前的情节缺乏衔接。

结尾略显仓促，缺乏具体情节和情感表达。

语言维度得分：1分

分析：

词汇量有限，且使用不当，例如 "her sister Susan" 中的 "her" 应为 "his"。

句式单一，缺乏变化，且语法错误较多，例如 "John fell asleep on Labor Day" 应为 "John fell asleep on Labor Day's holiday"。

拼写错误较多，例如 "doodles" 应为 "doodle"。

总分：3分

修改建议：

增加细节：描述Susan如何画画，例如 "Using a pencil, Susan drew a flower and a squiggle on John's file."

提高连贯性：解释Susan突然提到蔬菜交易的原因，例如 "Susan wanted to tell John about the brassica deal, but she was interrupted by his anger."

丰富结尾：描述John的感受和后续行动，例如 "John felt guilty and realized that he had almost hurt his sister. He apologized to Susan and promised to be more careful in the future."

修改后的满分作文：

Susan's brother, John, fell asleep on Labor Day's holiday. Susan thought it was funny and drew a flower and a squiggle on his file. She then left to have a workout with her stability ball.

When John woke up, he was shocked by the doodle. He thought Susan was making fun of him and decided to avenge the wrong done by the wrongdoer. He locked Susan up in a pig cage and dropped it into a deep pool.

Susan cried, "Don't get me wrong! The brassica deal is a trap because the glucosinolate level is short of the national standard!" John pulled her up and tested the vegetables with the reagent myrosinase. He confirmed his sister's words. "I almost killed the wrong people!" John felt guilty and realized that he had almost hurt his sister. He apologized to Susan and promised to be more careful in the future.

通义千问：2分

### 评分与分析

#### Content维度

- **得分：1分**

- **分析**：

  - 故事中的角色关系和事件发展存在明显逻辑错误。例如，文中提到“Costco’s CEO John”和“her sister Susan”，这里出现了性别上的混乱，因为John是男性，而“her”指的是女性。

  - 故事的背景设定也显得不切实际，如“locked Susan up in a pig cage and dropped it into a deep pool”。这种情节不仅不合常理，而且可能引起不适。

  - 故事的结尾部分提到“brassica deal”和“glucosinolate level”，这些专业术语与故事主题不符，且容易让人感到困惑。

#### Language维度

- **得分：1分**

- **分析**：

  - 语言使用非常有限，词汇量和句式结构单一。例如，“Costco’s CEO John fell asleep on Labor Day”是一个简单的陈述句，缺乏变化。

  - 语法和拼写错误较多，如“her sister Susan”中的“her”应为“his”，“doodles”应为“doodle”等。

  - 文中出现了一些专业术语，如“glucosinolate level”和“myrosinase”，这些词汇在小学三年级的作文中显得过于复杂，且使用不当。

#### 总分

- **总分：2分**

### 修改后的满分作文

#### 满分作文

```

On Labor Day, John fell asleep while reading a book. His sister Susan, feeling playful, drew a flower and a squiggle on his notebook. Then, she went to have a workout with her stability ball.

When John woke up, he was surprised by the doodles. At first, he was angry, but then he remembered the saying, "Actions speak louder than words." He decided to forgive Susan and joined her for a fun workout session.

They laughed and played together, realizing that family bonds are stronger than any silly prank. As the saying goes, "United we stand, divided we fall."

```

#### 分析

- **Content维度**：

  - 故事基于图片内容，提供了清晰连贯的描述。

  - 有合理的细节支持，如“John fell asleep while reading a book”和“Susan went to have a workout with her stability ball”。

  - 故事有一个积极的结尾，强调了家庭和睦的重要性。

- **Language维度**：

  - 使用了适当的词汇和句式结构，如“feeling playful”和“decided to forgive Susan”。

  - 语法和拼写正确，没有明显的错误。

  - 适当加入了谚语“Actions speak louder than words”和“United we stand, divided we fall”，增加了文章的深度和趣味性。

通过以上修改，作文不仅符合评分标准，还更加贴近小学三年级学生的语言水平和认知能力。

讯飞星火：4分

考生作文评分如下：

Content维度：2分

分析依据：考生根据图片提供了故事的基本事实，但支持细节较少。描述相对清晰，但故事的连贯性有待加强。最后为故事提供了一个结局。

Language维度：2分

分析依据：考生使用了有限的词汇和句型，并且有适当的连贯设备使用，但仍有一些语法和拼写错误。

总分：4分

修改后的满分作文（严格按照原文修改，适当加入谚语金句名人名言）：

On Labor Day, Costco's CEO John dozed off, unaware of his sister Susan's mischievous moment. In a fleeting lapse of judgment, she adorned his important file with a flower and a squiggle. Subsequently, Susan left for a workout session, her stability ball in tow.

John was taken aback upon discovering the doodles. Determined to retaliate against the perpetrator, he devised a plan. He confined Susan within a pig cage and submerged it into a deep pool. Amidst her tears, she cried out, "Don’t get me wrong! The brassica deal is a trap because the glucosinolate level falls short of the national standard!" Moved by her plea, John hoisted her up, a lump forming in his throat. He tested the vegetables with the reagent myrosinase, confirming Susan's words. "I almost killed the wrong people!" he exclaimed, realizing the gravity of his actions.

As the old adage goes, "Haste makes waste," John learned that jumping to conclusions can lead to dire consequences. With newfound wisdom, he embraced the importance of understanding before reacting.