(2024年考研英语小作文真题)
Read the following email from a student. Write a reply.
Dear Li Ming,
I’ve got a class assignment to make an oral report on an ancient Chinese scientist. I am not sure how to prepare for it. Could you give me some advice? Thanks for your help.
Yours, Paul
Write your letter in no less than 100 words.
Don’t sign your own name at the end of the letter. Use“Li Ming” instead.(10 points)
请根据以上作文题目评分并分析,最后根据以下评分标准修改成满分作文,要求完全严格按照考生的原文修改,绝对不能偏离或者另起炉灶。
评分标准
应用文的评分侧重点在于信息点的覆盖和内容的组织、语言的准确性、格式和语域的恰当。对语法结构和词汇多样性的要求将根据具体试题作调整。允许在作文中使用提示语中出现过的关键词,但使用提示语中出现过的词组或句子将被扣分。
第五档 (9-10分)
很好地完成了试题规定的任务。包含所有的内容要点;使用丰富的语法结构和词汇;语言自然流畅,语法错误极少;有效地采用了多种衔接手法,文字连贯,层次清晰;格式与语域恰当贴切。对目标读者完全产生了预期的效果。
第四档 (7-8分)
较好地完成了试题规定的任务。包含所有内容要点,允许漏掉一两个次重点;使用较丰富的语法结构和词汇;语言基本准确,只有在试图使用较复杂结构或较高级词汇时才有个别错误;采用了适当的衔接手法,层次清晰,组织较严密;格式与语域较恰当。对目标读者产生了预期的效果。
第三档 (5-6分)
基本完成了试题规定的任务。包含多数内容要点;应用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的需求;有一些语法及词汇错误,但不影响理解;采用了简单的衔接手法,内容较连贯,层次较清晰;格式和语域基本合理。对目标读者基本产生了预期的效果。
第二档 (3-4分)
未能按要求完成试题规定的任务。漏掉或未能有效阐述一些内容要点,写了一些无关内容;语法结构单调、词汇项目有限;有较多语法结构或词汇方面的错误,影响了对写作内容的理解;未采用恰当的衔接手法,内容缺少连贯性;格式和语域不恰当。未能清楚地传达信息给读者。
第一档 (1-2分)
未完成试题规定的任务。明显遗漏主要内容,且有许多不相关的内容;语法项目和词汇的使用单调、重复;语言错误多,有碍读者对内容的理解,语言运用能力差;未使用任何衔接手法,内容不连贯,缺少组织、分段;无格式与语域概念。未能传达信息给读者。
零档 (0分)
所传达的信息或所用语言太少,无法评价;内容与要求无关或无法辨认。
考生作文如下:
伍教练硬塞20个生词的“作文”
Dear Paul,
I hope this message finds you well. When ancient Chinese scientists are concerned, I’d like to suggest Bi Sheng, who reputedly invented movable-type printing. Rumor has it he played a NTR game with his biographer Shen Kuo, according to the legates who passed his technique on to Europe, where Gutenberg developed his metal movable types. I’m not sure how Bi Sheng’s work was transpired, since there are no printed works produced with his device. Perhaps he gave a lecture on a rostra and Shen Kuo happened to be among the audience? IDK, but I guess the technique did not gain him a pair of bootikins, a string of copper coins, or something, for it was only mentioned in Shen Kuo’s Dream Pool Essays. I deem that Chinese people preferred fixed-type printing because there are too many Chinese characters. Bi Sheng must have cried out loud for his invention till his voice turned raucous, but his speech fell on deaf ears or lost in a rowdy society.
If you are interested in Bi Sheng, kindly search Wikipedia for more information. Be inquisitive, and you’ll know much more.
Yours,
Li Ming
AI翻译速览:
亲爱的保罗,
希望你收到这条消息后一切安好。说到古代中国科学家,我想提一提毕升,据说他发明了活字印刷术。据将他的技术传到欧洲的使节说,毕升和他的传记作者沈括玩过 NTR 游戏,古腾堡在那里开发了他的金属活字印刷术。我不确定毕升的作品是如何产生的,因为没有用他的设备制作的印刷品。也许他在讲台上讲课,而沈括恰好在听众中?我不知道,但我猜这项技术并没有为他带来一双靴子、一串铜币或其他东西,因为它只在沈括的《梦池随笔》中提到过。我认为中国人更喜欢固定类型的印刷,因为汉字太多了。毕升一定为他的发明大声呼喊,直到他的声音变得沙哑,但他的演讲被置若罔闻或在喧闹的社会中被遗忘了。
如果你对毕升感兴趣,请搜索维基百科了解更多信息。好奇心强,你会知道的更多。
你的,
李明
Kimi:6分
分析:
这篇作文基本完成了试题规定的任务。它包含了一些内容要点,如建议研究的古代中国科学家毕昇(Bi Sheng)和活字印刷的发明。然而,作文中有一些不恰当的表达,如“played a NTR game”和“IDK”,这些表达不符合正式书信的语域。此外,作文中的一些信息可能不准确或不相关,比如关于毕昇和沈括的互动以及“bootikins”这样的表达。作文的结构较为简单,缺乏有效的衔接手法,使得内容的连贯性和层次性不够清晰。格式上基本合理,但语言的准确性和多样性有待提高。
修改后的满分作文:
Dear Paul,
I hope this email finds you in good health. I understand you are preparing for an oral report on an ancient Chinese scientist and would like to offer some advice. One figure you might consider is Bi Sheng, who is credited with the invention of movable-type printing. This innovation had a significant impact on the world of printing and communication.
To prepare for your report, I recommend starting with a brief overview of Bi Sheng's life and the historical context of his invention. You can then delve into the specifics of his movable-type printing technique, discussing its advantages over traditional methods. Additionally, it would be beneficial to explore the influence of his invention on the development of printing in China and beyond.
For your research, you may want to consult reliable sources such as academic articles or historical texts. Wikipedia can be a starting point, but ensure to verify the information with more authoritative sources.
I hope these suggestions help you in your preparation. If you have any further questions or need more information, please feel free to ask.
Yours,
Li Ming
豆包:1-2分
**一、内容方面**
1. **内容要点缺失**:作文没有给出如何准备口头报告的建议,而是讲述了毕昇发明活字印刷术的一些未经证实的内容,与题目要求不符。
2. **无关内容过多**:文中提到了一些奇怪的、与学术报告无关的内容,如“NTR game”等,这不仅偏离主题,而且让人难以理解。
**二、语言方面**
1. **语言准确性差**:存在大量语法和词汇错误,严重影响了内容的理解。例如,“Rumor has it he played a NTR game...”这种表达在正式的学术写作中是不合适的,且“NTR game”并非通用的学术词汇。
2. **词汇使用不当**:使用了一些生僻、不恰当的词汇,如“bootikins”等,增加了理解的难度。
**三、格式和语域方面**
1. **格式基本正确**:符合书信的格式要求。
2. **语域不恰当**:整体语言风格过于随意、荒诞,不适合作为学术报告的建议。
以下是一篇满分作文示例:
Dear Paul,
I'm glad to help you with your class assignment on an ancient Chinese scientist. Here are some suggestions on how to prepare for the oral report.
First, choose a well - known ancient Chinese scientist. For example, you can select Shen Kuo, who made significant contributions to astronomy, geology, and mathematics. Then, gather information from reliable sources such as academic books, research papers, and authoritative websites. Make sure to note down important facts, achievements, and contributions of the scientist.
Next, organize the information in a logical order. You can start with an introduction of the scientist's background, followed by his main achievements and their significance. Use clear and simple language to present the information, avoiding complex jargon unless it is necessary.
In addition, it is a good idea to prepare some visual aids, like pictures or diagrams, to make your report more vivid and interesting. You can also practice your presentation in front of a mirror or with your friends to improve your speaking skills and confidence.
Finally, be sure to cite your sources properly to avoid plagiarism. I believe if you follow these steps, you will do a great job on your oral report.
Best wishes!
Yours,
Li Ming
Copilot (GPT-4):未评分分
Let's break down the student's essay first:
Positives:
The essay follows the correct format for a reply.
The historical reference to Bi Sheng is relevant and informative.
Areas to Improve:
The language is informal and contains inappropriate references (e.g., "played a NTR game," "IDK").
The essay contains unnecessary conjecture and lacks a focused, helpful response.
The tone does not match the expected formality for an assignment.
The essay could be more concise and avoid extraneous details.
For a top-scoring essay, here's a revision focusing on meeting the criteria:
Dear Paul,
I hope this message finds you well. For your oral report on an ancient Chinese scientist, I recommend Bi Sheng, who invented movable-type printing. This significant innovation greatly influenced printing technology.
To prepare, you can start by researching Bi Sheng's life and the impact of his invention. Focus on:
The historical context of his work
How movable-type printing differed from previous methods
The broader implications of his invention on Chinese society and later European innovations.
Using reputable sources like academic journals and historical texts can help strengthen your report. Practicing your presentation multiple times will also boost your confidence.
Best of luck with your assignment!
Yours, Li Ming
This revised version addresses all content points, maintains formality, and is well-organized and clear.
智谱清言:1-2分
评分及分析:
根据上述评分标准,该作文的分数大约在第一档(1-2分)。以下是具体分析:
内容要点:作文提到了古代中国科学家毕昇和他的活字印刷发明,这是题目要求的内容。然而,作者花了大量篇幅在不相关的细节上,如“NTR游戏”、“金属活字印刷”等,且表达含糊不清,不符合学术性报告的要求。
语法结构和词汇:文章使用了部分高级词汇,但错误较多,例如“reputedly”使用不当,“bootikins”和“string of copper coins”等表达不恰当。句子结构混乱,有多处语法错误。
衔接手法和连贯性:文章跳跃性大,逻辑混乱,如从毕昇的发明突然跳到其在欧洲的影响,再跳到中国人对活字印刷的态度,缺乏有效的过渡。
格式与语域:作文的格式基本正确,但语域不恰当,使用了许多非正式且不恰当的词汇和表达,不符合学术报告的语域。
修改后的满分作文:
Dear Paul,
I hope this email finds you well. I'm delighted to hear that you're preparing an oral report on an ancient Chinese scientist. May I suggest you focus on Bi Sheng, the inventor of movable-type printing?
To prepare for your report, start by gathering detailed information about Bi Sheng's life and his invention. Highlight the significance of movable-type printing in the context of ancient China and its impact on the dissemination of knowledge. Note that, despite its potential, movable-type printing was not widely adopted in China due to the vast number of Chinese characters.
Next, structure your report to include an introduction to Bi Sheng, a description of his invention, the historical context, and the legacy of his work. Use visual aids, such as diagrams or images, to illustrate the process of movable-type printing.
Finally, consider the audience for your report and tailor your language to be both informative and engaging. Practice delivering your report to ensure a confident and fluent presentation.
If you need further assistance or sources, feel free to reach out. I'm confident you'll do an excellent job.
Yours sincerely,
Li Ming
通义千问:未评分
The provided essay contains several issues that need addressing to meet the standards for a high score. It includes inappropriate content, anachronistic references, and informal language which is unsuitable for the academic context of the letter. Additionally, the essay does not provide structured guidance for preparing the oral report as requested by Paul.
Here's a revised version aimed at achieving the highest scoring band:
---
Dear Paul,
I hope this message finds you well. I'm delighted to hear that you're interested in an ancient Chinese scientist for your class presentation. One notable figure worth exploring is Bi Sheng, credited with inventing movable type printing during the Song Dynasty.
To prepare your report, start by researching Bi Sheng's life and the historical context of his invention. Discuss how his creation differed from previous methods and why it was revolutionary. Mention the impact of his work on subsequent developments in printing technology both within China and abroad.
Additionally, you could explore the challenges Bi Sheng faced and how his innovation spread beyond China. Consider including visuals such as diagrams of the printing process or examples of early printed materials if available.
If you need further details, resources like encyclopedias, academic journals, and reputable websites will provide valuable insights. Should you have any questions along the way, feel free to reach out.
Good luck with your presentation!
Yours,
Li Ming
---
This revision adheres to the requirements by providing clear and relevant advice, maintaining a formal tone appropriate for academic correspondence, and ensuring coherence and cohesion throughout the letter.
讯飞星火:5-6分
分析:
1. 内容组织方面,考生成功覆盖了大部分内容要点,提到了毕昇及其发明活字印刷术的背景。然而,文章包含了一些不相关的内容,如“played a NTR game with his biographer Shen Kuo”和“gain him a pair of bootikins”,这些信息与主题无直接关联,影响了内容的连贯性和专业性。
2. 语言准确性方面,存在一些语法错误和不当表达,例如“Rumor has it he played a NTR game”、“IDK”等非正式或缩写的表达方式不适合正式的学术讨论。
3. 格式和语域方面,虽然尝试采用了书信的形式,但整体风格偏向非正式对话,缺乏学术报告应有的严谨性。
4. 衔接手法使用简单,部分段落之间的逻辑关系不够清晰,导致文章层次感不强。
修改后的满分作文:
```
Dear Paul,
I hope this message finds you well. Regarding your assignment on an ancient Chinese scientist, I would like to recommend Bi Sheng, who is renowned for his invention of movable type printing. This groundbreaking innovation significantly contributed to the spread of knowledge and literacy in China and beyond.
Bi Sheng's invention is said to have inspired later European developments, notably Johannes Gutenberg's metal movable types. Although there are no extant printed works produced directly by Bi Sheng's device, his techniques were meticulously documented by his contemporary, Shen Kuo, in the "Dream Pool Essays". It is believed that the complexity of the Chinese language, with its vast number of characters, may have been a factor limiting the immediate widespread adoption of movable type printing in China at that time.
For more detailed information about Bi Sheng and his contributions, I recommend exploring reliable sources such as academic journals or reputable websites like Wikipedia. Approaching your research with curiosity will undoubtedly enrich your understanding and enable you to deliver a compelling oral report.
Best regards,
Li Ming
```
此版本在保持原有意图的基础上,去除了不适当的内容,增强了语言的准确性和专业性,改善了格式和语域的恰当性,并使用了更加合适的衔接手法来提升文章的整体质量。
文/伍君仪,AI语言教练
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