Skydived on New Year's Day 在新年第一天跳伞

文摘 2025-01-09 17:00 上海

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When I was a kid, I had a deep fear of crossing overhead bridges.

The thought of being suspended from a height with cars rushing beneath me would send shivers down my spine.

Like an old lady, I would clutch the handrails for dear life and speed across to reach the other end as fast as possible.

Suiting up for my first skydive in Wanaka, New Zealand

Another fear I have is cats.

When I was 16 years old, I was walking home when I heard a cat meowing.

Bored, I meowed back.

The cat meowed again.

I meowed back again.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, the cat pounced on me as I ran for my life and fell into an open drain.

I screamed in pain, and the cat got terrified and scurried off, but that fall gave me four stitches in my right shin.

You would think this was the end of my cat-chasing stories, but four months later, I was chased by another cat, and again, while fleeing, I fell into another open drain.

This time, I suffered three stitches on my left shin.

My fear of cats hasn’t left me, but it’s slowly improving.

I tell myself they are not much different from dogs - which I adore - but with different faces.

With my tandem skydive instructor, Anthony, with whom I will be trusting my life with

Growing up, I had all sorts of other phobias, like rollercoasters, riding bicycles, the deep sea, lizards, flying cockroaches, bees, rats, bats, public speaking, and horror movies.

I think phobias have a lot to do with environmental influence, life experiences and the stories we tell ourselves.

As a result, I wasn’t an adventurous kid and would rather read at home or hang out at my friend’s house.

My son jumping off, I'll be next

Then, at 31 years old, I became a mother.

I made a decision to pretend to be a fearless mom for the sake of my children.

My reason was simple: I didn’t want my kids to live in fear like me.

Now, I would like you to imagine the countless times I broke into cold sweat but faked my way through as an all-loving Earth mother who adored cats, lizards, and cockroaches whenever I was around my young children - who took my cue and welcomed their new friends with delight.

Whenever I sensed fear rising in them, I would nonchalantly wave it away.

“It’s just a rat. They are from the same family as Minnie Mouse but without polka dots.”

I would evade quickly as a chill ran down my spine, leaving my kids to smile and nod in agreement as they chased the rat with renewed vigour.

My turn!

My acting finally deserved an award when my daughter came home from her friend’s house one day and begged that we adopt a stray cat, too.

Minutes later, she broke into hives and started wheezing.

When she was diagnosed with cat fur allergy, I couldn’t help but breathe a huge sigh of relief and thank the heavens for my luck.

Freefalling from 15,000 feet

As the years went by, I think my fake-it-till-you-make-it voice started changing the narratives in my own head as I slowly defeated one phobia after another.

Seeing my kids boldly running towards my hidden perception of “danger” and appearing unscathed taught me to break down the walls of my mental barrier.

At times, my kids, now teenagers, sensed my fear and mirrored back to me the fake brave voices I'd used on them.

With reach speeds of over 200km/h, my face looked distorted...

In 2019, our family booked a year-end trip to Auckland, New Zealand.

I had planned to beat my fears and skydive with my husband and our then-11-year-old daughter.

Our then 10-year-old son wanted to wait till he was older.

But in October, I was hospitalized for a month for headache and vomiting caused by an unexplained pressure leak in my spinal fluid.

My neurologist banned me from skydiving for life.

I watched in envy (and mild relief) as the parachutes opened in the New Zealand skies in December 2019, safely bringing my husband and daughter to land.

...and I had difficulty closing my mouth

Five years later, I am back with my family in the South Islands in New Zealand.

It's 1 January 2025 at 7.15 am.

All four of us are getting suited up for our 15,000-feet tandem skydive in Wanaka.

The dive offers breathtaking views of blue lakes, vast Southern Alps, and evergreen forests.

This is our third attempt at skydiving on this trip.

Our two previous bookings in Queenstown got cancelled due to weather conditions.

Third time’s the charm, and 3 is my husband’s favourite number - who supported my decision to skydive after my five years of clean health.

My teens, not so much.

Are you sure you want to skydive, Mom?

100% YES!

Should you call your neurologist to get his clearance?

He will say no.

What if you die?

Then I died doing what I’ve always wanted to do.

Everything happened so fast during freefall that there wasn't time to take it all in

We are on the plane now, clad in bright orange jumpers, strapped tightly to our instructors, and wearing oxygen masks.

I don’t understand how these instructors do this for a living, jumping up to 14 times daily with strangers whose lives depend on them.

My heart beat wildly as the plane ascended, and our instructors ready us for our position.

I am the last to jump, so I sit the furthest away as I freeze the back view of the three people I love the most in my memory.

Last night, I'd texted my sisters a note, instructing them to send it to my family should anything happen to me,

“Live boldly and always lean towards love. I love you three forever.”

I feel like telling them now, but it’s too late.

When the parachute opened, I relaxed and enjoyed the view‍‍‍‍

On the count of 3, my husband jumps off the plane.

Followed by my daughter…

Then my son…

And finally, me.

I freefall for 60 seconds, and finally, the parachute opens as we glide to my waiting family who are waving excitedly at me from the ground.

I did it.

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Chinese translation & Layout: John Meng

Illustrator: Ang Rei. Proofread: Ang Rei & Darias Fang

当我还是个孩子的时候，我非常害怕过天桥。

一想到自己高悬在半空，而下方是疾驰而过的车辆，我就不禁脊背发凉。

那时的我，会像一位老妇人一样，拼了命地紧紧抓住天桥的扶手。

然后以尽可能快的速度穿过天桥。

在新西兰瓦纳卡为我的第一次跳伞做准备

我还有另一个恐惧对象，那就是猫。

16 岁那年，我正走在回家的路上，听到有只猫在喵喵叫。

一时无聊，我也回了一声“喵”。

那猫又叫了一次。

我又回应了它。

突然，那猫不知从哪儿冒了出来，朝我猛扑过来，我吓得拼命逃跑。

结果掉进了一个敞口的下水道里。

我疼得大叫，那只猫也被吓得仓皇逃窜，可这一跤让我的右小腿缝了四针。

你或许会认为我和猫之间这些倒霉事儿就到此为止了吧。

然而，让我意想不到的是，仅仅过了四个月之后，我又一次遭遇了猫的追赶。

而且在逃跑时，没注意脚下的状况，结果一不小心，我又掉进了另一个敞口的下水道里。

这次，我的左小腿缝了三针。

我对猫的恐惧至今仍未消除，不过这种恐惧正在慢慢消减。

我不停地在心里告诉自己，它们和我喜爱的狗狗没有太大差别，只是长相不同罢了。

和我的双人跳伞教练安东尼在一起

我将把自己的性命托付给他

从小到大，我还有各种各样的恐惧症。

比如对过山车、骑自行车、深海、蜥蜴、会飞的蟑螂、蜜蜂、老鼠、蝙蝠、公开演讲以及恐怖片的恐惧。

我真心觉得恐惧症与成长的环境、过往的生活经历，以及自我暗示有很大关系。

因为各种各样的恐惧症，结果就是，小时候的我压根算不上是个爱冒险的孩子。

我宁愿在家里看看书，或者去朋友家串串门，也不想去尝试那些会让我感到害怕的事儿。

我儿子跳下去了，接下来就轮到我了

后来，在 31 岁那年，我做了母亲。

为了孩子们，我决定假装成一个无所畏惧的妈妈。

我的理由很简单：我不想让孩子们像我一样生活在恐惧之中。

现在，请你们想象一下，无数次我吓得冷汗直冒，却还要装作是个充满爱心，热爱猫、蜥蜴和蟑螂的大地母亲，强装镇定，仿佛一切都安然无恙。

只要孩子们在身边时我就得这么做 —— 而孩子们也会效仿我，欣然欢迎这些 “新朋友”。

每当我察觉到他们内心的恐惧在滋生时，我都会佯装淡定，告诉他们不用害怕。

“那不过是只老鼠而已。它们和米妮老鼠是同类，只是没有波点罢了。”

我会一边说着，一边脊背发凉，赶忙躲开，而孩子们则会笑着点头表示认同，然后又兴致勃勃地去追老鼠了。

轮到我了！

有一天，我女儿从朋友家回来，央求我们也收养一只流浪猫。

那一刻，我觉得自己此前假装无所畏惧的演技都该得到认可，值得获个最佳表演奖了。

但是和猫咪接触几分钟后，她浑身起了荨麻疹，还开始喘粗气。

当她被诊断出对猫毛过敏时，我不禁长舒了一口气，暗自庆幸，感谢上天眷顾。

从 15000 英尺高空自由下落

随着岁月流逝，我觉得自己 “假装勇敢直至真的变勇敢” 这套自我暗示，开始发挥作用。

我慢慢改变自己内心的想法，我也慢慢地克服了一个又一个的恐惧。

每当看到孩子们大胆地闯入我内心深处认为的 “危险地带” ，但他们却总能毫发无损、平安无事，这让我学会打破自己的心理障碍。

现在这些已步入青少年时期的孩子们，有时候也会察觉到我的恐惧。

他们便会把我曾经对他们说过的那些假装勇敢的话，回敬给我。

时速超过 200 公里时，我的脸都变形了……

2019 年，我们全家预订了年底去新西兰奥克兰的旅行。

我原本计划克服恐惧，和丈夫以及当时 11 岁的女儿一起去跳伞。

当时 10 岁的儿子想等长大些再跳。

但在 10 月，我因为脑脊液出现不明原因的压力泄漏，导致头痛和呕吐，住院了一个月。

我的神经科医生禁止我终生进行跳伞。

2019 年 12 月，我怀着羡慕（还有些许宽慰）的心情看着降落伞在新西兰的天空中打开，丈夫和女儿安全着陆。

…… 我都合不上嘴了

五年后，我和家人又回到了新西兰的南岛。

时间是 2025 年 1 月 1 日早上 7 点 15 分。

我们一家四口都在穿戴装备，准备在瓦纳卡进行 15000 英尺的双人跳伞。

这次跳伞可以俯瞰各种美景，令人叹为观止的蓝色湖泊、广袤的南阿尔卑斯山，以及壮观的常绿森林。

这是我们这次旅行中第三次尝试跳伞了。

前两次在皇后镇预订的跳伞活动都因天气原因取消了。

事不过三，而且 “3” 是我丈夫最喜欢的数字 —— 在我保持了五年健康状况后，他支持我去跳伞的决定。

我的孩子们可就没那么支持了。

“妈妈，你确定要跳伞吗？”

“百分之百确定！”

“你要不要打电话问问你的神经科医生，征得他的同意呀？”

“他肯定不会同意的。”

“要是你死了怎么办？”

“那我也算死得其所，做了自己一直想做的事。”

自由落体过程中一切都发生得太快了

根本来不及把所有景象都看清楚

我们现在已经在飞机上了，穿着鲜亮的橙色跳伞服，紧紧地绑在教练身上，还戴着氧气面罩。

我真不明白这些教练是怎么以此为生的。

他们每天要和把性命托付给他们的陌生人一起跳上多达 14 次。

飞机上升时，我的心跳得厉害，教练们帮我们调整好姿势准备跳伞。

我是最后一个跳的，所以我坐在离舱门最远的地方。

我把生命中最爱的三个人的背影牢牢定格在记忆里。

昨晚，我给妹妹们发了条短信，嘱咐她们万一我出了什么事，就把短信内容发给我的家人，短信内容是：

“要勇敢地生活，永远心怀爱意。我永远爱你们三个。”

我现在好想跟她们说一遍，可已经太晚了。

降落伞打开后，我放松下来，开始欣赏起风景

数到 “3” 的时候，我丈夫跳出了飞机。

接着是女儿……

然后是儿子……

最后轮到我了。

我自由落体了 60 秒后，降落伞打开了。

我们朝着在地面上兴奋地朝我挥手的家人们滑翔而去。

我做到了。

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