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My Ah Ma’s vase which she kept for more than 50 years
My second sister (left) and I with our grandparents at our childhood home
Two summers ago, our family was vacationing in Japan.
We had just checked into our hotel room that overlooked Mount Fuji.
I was admiring the majestic view when I received a call from my sister that our 86-year-old Ah Ma had just been diagnosed with final-stage colon cancer.
The doctor estimated that she had about six months left.
We made a family decision to keep the diagnosis from her so she could be home during her final months.
I spent the next few months shuttling between Shanghai and Singapore to be with her.
In my childhood home, we reminisced about my childhood, her childhood, my mom’s childhood, her recipes, Hokkien idioms, and all the memories I could grasp before she was gone.
I wanted to make up for all the lost time I was away.
Eventually, the time drew nearer as she grew weaker and visibly gaunt.
The cancer had hijacked and eroded her body and mind such that my Ah Ma no longer felt or looked like her anymore.
My Ah Ma and me when I was in primary school
As four generations of the family started filling the house, my Ah Ma who had been dipping in and out of consciousness unanticipatedly acknowledged everyone’s presence.
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Chinese translation & Layout: Yan Yan
Illustrator: Ang Rei. Proofread: Ang Rei & Darias Fang
2024 年 11 月 4 日是我阿嬷的一周年忌日。
我正在步入式衣帽间里写这些文字。
我在窗台处放置了一个纪念台，摆放着我所爱却已逝去的亲人和宠物的照片。
照片旁边是一个花瓶，插着新鲜的花朵，这个花瓶曾属于阿嬷，她保存了五十多年。
每天，我都会焚烧鼠尾草、点燃香烛，以此作为日常仪式来缅怀我的外祖父母、母亲和我的两条狗狗。
看到他们的照片摆放在一起，这给我以慰藉。
这让我相信，在另一个世界里，他们也在一起。
对于外籍人士来说，在异国他乡时失去所爱之人或许是最为艰难的时刻之一。
那些萦绕心头、将你吞噬的悔恨，就如同一个时不时出没作祟的幽灵一般，紧紧附着在你身上。
作为肩负着孝道责任的华裔，与悔恨相伴而生的愧疚感更是让这种痛苦变得愈加煎熬难耐。
谢谢您。”
在阿嬷确诊后，我安排了一次全家福拍摄，还送了她一双运动鞋。阿嬷就提议我们一起摆个姿势拍张照。
2023 年 8 月 13 日，我亲爱的阿嬷在她 87 岁生日时，于新加坡滨海湾金沙酒店的无边泳池旁。
照片来自：Wei Kuan Tay（weikuan73@outlook.sg）
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