Marriage 婚姻

文摘   2024-11-21 17:00   上海  

《〈《 向左滑动阅读中文版本 



My husband and I are celebrating our 19th wedding anniversary next Tuesday.

Initially, I had planned to write about us next year since the 20th anniversary sounds more ceremonious, but I’ve always done things intuitively, and now it seems perfect.

Besides, who knows what next year could bring?

I met my husband through work in Singapore.

The morning I arranged to have a business meeting with him, I decided to wear the grey trousers I had meant to declutter.

No matter how I styled them, the pants made me feel fat and ugly.

But since the weather predicted rain, I thought, why not give my unflattering pants one last spin before letting it go?

Now, there are two things you must know about me: 

1. I have a weakness for tall Asian men with small eyes. 

2. I dislike carrying an umbrella.

I arrived at his office, and the man I was meeting stood up to shake my hand. 

I was besotted by how tall this Asian man was and how small his eyes were.

I was also totally drenched with wet hair stuck to my face, and my grey pants now made me feel fuglier than ever.

We started with a work discussion, then veered off course to chat about food and travel, then pretended to return to work again, and before we knew it, we had exceeded our allotted one hour.

The energetic attraction between us was thick yet tender. 

All it took was destiny and courage from one of us.

He walked me to the door as I self-consciously tried to peel away my fugly pants that were now sticking to my legs while trying to fluff out my flat hair provocatively. 
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At that moment, I thought that was it.

There was no chance ever that I could redeem myself to show him my sexy, gorgeous side.

Forever, he would think of Eve as the dishevelled account manager with flat, wet hair and sticky, ugly pants.

We awkwardly said our goodbyes. 

When I arrived at my office, I realized that in my headiness, I had left my sales kit in his office—something that had never happened to me before. 

I had no choice but to call him that afternoon to retrieve it...and as they say, the rest is history. 

The rugby match, 2001


On our fifth date, he brought me to a rugby match.

If you’ve been to a rugby match, you’ll know the pre-match ambience is like a carnival with catchy, loud music and alcohol.

I don’t know rugby but know how to dance to good music.

We were seated on the bleachers, and I suddenly jumped up and started gyrating to a catchy tune.

He smiled happily at me but remained seated as I urged him to get up and dance with me.

Still, he refused to barge while I kept pulling him up to join me.

Suddenly, he tugged at my arm with a pleading look and said,

“There’s something you need to know about me.”

Oh no, he is a psychopath.

“I don’t dance, I don’t sing, I am not fun.”

That’s it. 

He is trying to rein me in like most men I've met. 

We are breaking up.

Then he carried on,

“But I will never stop you from being the fun-loving person that you are.”

And just like that, he leapt from zero to hero.

My mom gave me away on my wedding day, 2005‍‍‍‍‍‍


Four years later, on 26 November 2005, we married in Singapore at our favourite Chinese restaurant, Grand Shanghai. 

Our chosen wedding venue feels like a prophecy as we had no clue that we would later move to the real Shanghai and live here for 15 years.

If I were asked about the happiest day of my life, it would be my wedding day—being married to the man I love, surrounded by the people who love us and are still alive, and blessing our marriage with faith and hope.

Like every couple, we have conflicts, disagreements and cold wars.

But my husband’s insistence on having weekly date nights over the last 19 years has kept our marriage strong.

It wasn’t easy when our babies were born, and we had just arrived in Shanghai.

I was a new mom without my family, constantly fretting over my newborn and toddler, fearing our Ayi might murder them.

In my post-partum head, nobody else mattered except my babies.

My husband, who had been feeling invisible, sat me down one day and told me, 

“Our babies will grow up and leave us next time.

In the end, it’s just the two of us.

Our Ayi is not killing our kids. Trust.

Let’s go.”

Reluctantly, I left my babies and carried my heavy, worried heart to begin our weekly date nights.

Each week, I would rush home to find, to my relief, that our kids were still alive and that they hadn’t forgotten I was their mom.

Over the years, as both kids entered high school, I progressed from date nights to date trips - following my husband on his business travels.

It’s our way of exploring the world together, just as we did when we first met and bonded over our love for food and travel.

When newlyweds ask me the secret to a long-lasting loving marriage, I say keep dating each other, but please, leave your future kids home.

Trust the sitter and have a crazy time together like you used to.

When my husband indulges me in my craziness during one of our date trips, 2024


As I reflect on our 19-year marriage, the greatest gift that my husband has given me is the freedom to be myself, as he promised all those years ago at the rugby match.

With him, I have never felt the pressure to be somebody I am not or to tame down my crazy, fun self just to fit into a patriarchal box of how women should behave.

This comes from quiet confidence and love that transcends logic and tradition.

For that, I feel blissfully grateful.




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Chinese translation & Layout: Yan Yan 

Illustrator: Ang Rei. Proofread: Ang Rei & Darias Fang

我和我丈夫将要在下周周二庆祝我们结婚19周年纪念日。


起初,我本打算明年再写关于我们的故事,因为20周年听起来更具纪念意义,但我做事向来凭直觉,所以我感觉今年就挺合适的。


而且,谁知道明年会发生什么呢?


我和我丈夫是在新加坡工作时相识的。


那天上午,我安排了和他的商务会面,我决定穿上那条原本打算扔掉的灰色裤子。


不管我怎么搭配,那条裤子都让我觉得自己又胖又丑。


但由于天气预报说有雨,我就想,在扔掉它之前,何不让这条难看的裤子最后再派上一次用场呢?


现在,关于我,有两件事你必须得知道:


1.我对眼睛小小的亚洲高个子男人毫无抵抗力。


2.我不喜欢带伞。


我到了他的办公室,与我会面的那个男人起身和我握手。


我一下子就被这个亚洲男人的高大身材以及他那双小小的眼睛给迷住了。


而且我当时全身都湿透了,头发贴在脸上,而我那条灰色裤子此刻让我感觉比以往任何时候都更难看。


我们先是进行了工作上的讨论,然后话题就跑偏了,聊起了美食和旅行,接着又假装回到工作话题上,不知不觉间,我们已经超过了预定的一个小时。


我们之间那种充满活力的吸引力是浓烈而又易碎的。

这所需要的仅仅是其中一人的勇气和命运的推动。

他送我到门口,我一边局促不安地试图扯下那条紧紧贴在腿上的难看裤子,一边又试图风情万种地把扁塌的头发弄蓬松些。


在那一刻,我以为就这样了。


我再也没有机会挽回形象,向他展示我性感、迷人的一面了。


在他心里,我Eve永远都会是那个头发湿漉漉、扁塌塌,穿着又黏乎又难看的裤子、狼狈不堪的客户经理了。


我们尴尬地道别了。


当我回到办公室时,我意识到自己因一时匆忙,把销售资料包落在了他的办公室里——这在我身上从未发生过。


我别无选择,只好在那天下午给他打电话去取回它……正如人们常说的,接下来的事大家就都知道了。


2001年橄榄球比赛‍‍‍‍‍‍‍


在我们第五次约会的时候,他带我去看了一场橄榄球比赛。


如果你看过橄榄球比赛,就会知道赛前的氛围就像狂欢节一样,有着嘈杂的音乐,还有酒水供应。


我不懂橄榄球,但我知道怎么跟随好听的音乐起舞。


我们坐在露天看台上,突然,我一下子跳了起来,跟着一首动听的曲子就开始扭动身体。


他开心地冲我笑着,但当我催促他站起来和我一起跳舞时,他却依然坐着不动。


我不停地拉他起来和我一起跳,可他还是不肯起身。


突然,他一脸恳求地拉着我的胳膊说道:


“有件事我得让你知道一下。”


哦,不,他不会要说他有精神类疾病吧,我心里忐忑的猜想着。


“我不跳舞,我不唱歌,我对这些没什么乐趣。”


就是这样。


他这是像我遇到过的大多数男人一样,试图约束我呢。


我们要分手了。


然后他接着说道:


“但我永远都不会阻止你做那个充满乐趣,热爱生活的自己。”


就这样,他一下子从“零分男”变成了我的英雄。


2005年在我结婚那天,我妈妈把我的手交给新郎


四年后,也就是2005年11月26日,我们在新加坡我们最喜爱的中餐馆举办了婚礼——大上海餐厅


我们选定的婚礼举办场地感觉就像是一种预言当时我们完全没想到后来会搬到真正的上海,并且已经在这里生活15年之久。


如果有人问我一生中最幸福的日子是哪天,那一定是我的婚礼那天——嫁给了我深爱的男人,被那些爱着我们且依然健在的人们围绕着,带着信念与希望为我们的婚姻祈福。


和每对夫妻一样,我们也会有矛盾、分歧和冷战。


但在过去的19年里,我丈夫坚持每周都安排约会之夜,这让我们的婚姻坚如磐石。


我们的孩子刚出生那会儿,而我们又刚到上海,日子过得很不容易。


我初为人母,身边没有家人,总是为刚出生的宝宝和蹒跚学步的幼儿忧心忡忡,担心保姆会杀死他们。


产后那段时间,在我心里除了孩子,其他人都不重要了。


有一天,一直感觉被我忽视的丈夫让我坐下,然后对我说:


“未来我们的孩子会长大离开我们的。


到最后,就只剩下我们俩了。


保姆不会杀死我们的孩子的。要相信。


咱们走吧。”


我虽然不大情愿,但还是离开了孩子,怀着沉重又担忧的心情开始了我们每周的约会之夜。


每周,我都会匆忙赶回家,然后欣慰地发现孩子们都还活着,并且他们也没忘记我是他们的妈妈。


多年来,随着两个孩子都上了高中,我们的约会之夜也发展到了约会旅行——跟着丈夫一起出差。


这是我们一起探索世界的方式,就像我们最初相识时那样,因为对美食和对旅行的热爱而建立起深厚的感情。


当新婚夫妇问我维持长久且充满爱意的婚姻的秘诀是什么的时候,我会告诉他们,要一直和对方约会,但拜托要记着,把你们未来的孩子留在家里。


相信保姆,像你们从前那样一起尽情享受二人时光。


2024年我们的一次约会旅行中,我丈夫纵容我尽情地做些疯狂的事‍‍‍‍‍‍


当我回顾我们这19年的婚姻时,我丈夫给予我最珍贵的礼物就是能保持自己的自由,就像多年前在橄榄球比赛时他承诺的那样。


和他在一起,我从未感受到那种要去变成另一个人的压力,也无需为了迎合那种认为女性就该循规蹈矩的大男子主义而压抑我疯狂、有趣的本真个性。


这源于一种超越逻辑与传统的、默默的自信和爱。


为此,我满心欢喜且心怀感激。





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 中文翻译&排版: 燕燕
插画师: 汪瑞  校对:  汪瑞&房佳妮


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