When family visits 家人来访

文摘 2024-12-19 19:38 上海

《〈《向左滑动阅读中文版本

My brother-in-law Eric texted me two months ago to ask if he could bring his family of four from Singapore to “nua” at our Shanghai home for 16 days during the school holidays.

“Nua” is a Hokkien term to describe sloth and rot.

Eric is an easygoing and chill guy married to my youngest sister, Seryn, who is hardworking and driven.

They have two daughters, aged 14 and 11, who are riding through the waves of adolescence, which could be the reason for this relaxed travel arrangement.

My sister and I are close.

Although we are four years apart, her pore-less, smooth baby face makes me look much older next to her.

She was my fake daughter until my real daughter came, in every sense of the word.

During her teenage years, my permission was her last hurdle before she could proceed.

Receiving this text from my brother-in-law instead of my sister meant one thing: Seryn must be too busy grinding in her job as a realtor, as usual.

My littlest sister Seryn and me

Having lived in Shanghai for 15 years, most people would assume I know Shanghai at the back of my palm.

Because of this assumption, my greatest fear is when people ask me for recommendations on where to visit.

Everyone knows you avoid crowded, touristy places when you’ve lived there for a long time.

You gradually become a local by returning to the same restaurant, mall and routine.

My sister’s family arrived on a cold day in Shanghai at the end of November.

When Singaporeans travel, our grandest intention is to escape the heat and plunge into the cold, where our winter fashion fantasy finally comes to fruition.

With 365 days of heat in the tropics, cold is always preferred.

However, this also results in my sister’s kids wanting to be home 24/7, where there is a heater, food, and WIFI.

If you remember, their parents intended to sloth and rot at our home, and they should be happy this is working out as planned.

Not driven and hardworking, working mom like Seryn, though.

Every day, my sister would be caught in a mental loop of limbo:

Are my kids wasting their life away by rotting in my sister’s home? Shouldn’t we be out there in the thick of the action, learning about Shanghai and snapping our footprints to file them for our social media?
But then again, the kids have worked hard in school; they deserve a break. Besides, they look blissfully happy at home, and their happiness matters more than anything else. According to a podcast, resting nourishes an adolescent’s soul and growing body.

With my littlest niece Li-Ern on a staycation in Pudong Shangri-La, Shanghai

As a realtor in this digital age, my sister can cut deals through her phone.

When your job has no assurance of a monthly salary, every opportunity is a potential future income, even when you’re on holiday.

So here she is, locked in her daily battle of should haves, could haves, and would haves playing on repeat as she juggles her life as a mom, realtor, wife, and sister while trying to have a relaxing vacation.

Finally, after two days of fermenting at home, my sister dragged her reluctant girls out “to see Shanghai”, led by China’s best tour guide – me.

We agreed to set off before 11 am the next day.

Weather is expected to be sunny with a temperature of 9 degrees Celsius.

Perfect for a city walk in Puxi historical landmarks as I frantically searched and saved all the routes from 小红书.

The next morning arrived, and the pain of dressing up for the cold hit my nieces, who are used to putting on a tee, shorts, and flip-flops back home.

My sister was glued to her phone, negotiating a deal that was about to close and had no choice but to outsource the kids' fashion styling job to her husband.

To Eric, style is the last thing on his mind.

His priority is making sure his daughters are dressed warmly, as both girls find it hard to believe it’s cold outside when it’s warm indoors.

Not my sister, though.

She still believed firmly in marrying style and practicality as she gasped in horror at her husband’s taste.

Finally, after much wrestling, we fashionably left the house at 2 p.m., which left us with 3 hours of daylight.

Perfect!

We walked the historic routes of the old Xuhui district and had to coerce the girls to look up from their screens to see Shanghai and take family photos.

My sister and I were lamenting how, when our kids were little and phone-free, it was so easy to fool them into doing anything we parents wanted.

But starting pre-teens, the jig is up.

We can continue insisting on our way and seeing our divide with our children widen, or just let them be and trust that they will eventually forge their path.

The most ideal is the middle way, but when it comes to parenting advice, its always easier said than done.

At the iconic Wukang Mansion with sister

On the eve of their departure, we huddled around the fireplace on our balcony to reflect on their trip.

My older niece Shyuen, who loves staying home to read, declared this trip her best vacation because she got to do what she loved.

The younger one, Li-Ern, is already counting on our return next month for a family’s wedding.

As for my sister and me, we managed to condense our lives in 2024 into bite- sized portions to update each other throughout the 16 days we spent together.

Sometimes, a nice vacation is staying home to “nua” with the people we love, trying to bridge the gap that we’ve been apart.

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Chinese translation & Layout: Yan Yan

Illustrator: Ang Rei. Proofread: Ang Rei & Darias Fang

两个月前，我的妹夫 Eric 给我发来了消息，询问是否能够在学校放假期间，带一家四口从新加坡来上海，在我家中惬意“nua”上16 天。

“Nua”是闽南语里形容慵懒、无所事事的一个词，也就是现在说的躺。

Eric 是个随和、洒脱的人，他娶了我最小的妹妹 Seryn 。Seryn 工作勤奋、积极努力，很有上进心。

他们育有两个女儿，分别是14岁和11岁，正处于青春期的波动阶段，我猜想这可能是此次旅行安排的主要原因。

我和妹妹的感情向来亲密深厚。

虽说我们在年龄上仅仅相差四岁，但她那张光滑无瑕的娃娃脸，让站在她旁边的我显得老了许多。

在我亲生女儿尚未降临人世之前，从各方面来说，她就像我的“假女儿”一样。

犹记得她十几岁的时候，无论做什么事都得先经过我的同意，这仿佛也成为了她成长前行道路上需要跨越的最后一道坎。

此次收到妹夫而非妹妹发来的消息，意味着一件事：Seryn 肯定像往常一样，在房地产经纪人的工作中忙得不可开交。

我小妹Seryn和我

在上海生活了15年，大多数人会下意识地以为我对上海了如指掌。

正因为有这样的想法，我最害怕的就是别人问我有什么地方值得推荐。

但是其实大家都知道，当你在一个地方生活久了，便会对那些拥挤、游客扎堆的地方避而远之。

你会渐渐变成一个“本地人”，总是去同一家餐厅、同一个商场，过着一成不变的生活。

11月底的一天，上海已是寒冬凛冽，妹妹一家抵达了这里。

新加坡人外出旅行时，最大的愿望就是逃离终年的炎热，一头扎进寒冷之中，这样我们憧憬的冬衣时尚就能实现了。

在热带地区一年到头都是炎热的，相较之下，寒冷天气总是更受青睐。

但这也导致妹妹的孩子们一天到晚都想窝在家里，毕竟家里有暖气、有食物，还有无线网络。

读到这里要是你还记得的话，她们父母原本的打算是在我家慵懒放松一下，那他们现在应该高兴一切正按计划进行呀？

但为人父母者可不这么想，尤其是像 Seryn 这样积极上进、勤奋工作的职场妈妈。

每天，妹妹都会陷入一种纠结的精神困境中：

我的孩子们在姐姐家这样无所事事，是不是在白白浪费生命呢？我们难道不应该出去走走，去深入了解上海的魅力所在，拍些照片留作纪念并发到社交媒体上吗？
可话说回来，孩子们在学校里学习很辛苦，她们也该休息休息，不是吗？而且，她们在家看起来开心极了，毕竟孩子的快乐比什么都重要，不是吗？正如某档播客说过，适当的休息对于青少年的心灵世界以及正处于成长发育关键时期的身体而言，皆是一种不可或缺的滋养源泉。

和我最小的侄女 Li-Ern 在上海浦东香格里拉酒店享受度假

作为数字时代的一名房地产经纪人，妹妹可以通过手机随时随地开展业务洽谈。

当工作没有稳定的月薪保障时，每一个闪现的机会都潜藏着转化为未来可观收入的可能性，哪怕正处于度假休闲的时段也毫不例外。

所以她就这样陷入了自己每日的内心挣扎中，脑子里不断想着那些本应该、本可以、本来会怎样的念头，一边努力平衡着自己作为母亲、房地产经纪人、妻子和妹妹的生活，一边还想度过一个轻松的假期。

终于，在家“憋”了两天后，妹妹下定决心，要拉着不情愿的女儿们出去领略“上海风光”，而肩负引领她们重任的，正是堪称中国最佳导游的——我。

我们商定好第二天上午11点前全家五口人务必一同出门。据天气预报所示，当日天气晴朗，气温9摄氏度。

这般宜人的气候条件极为契合在浦西历史地标区域中悠然漫步，我赶忙在小红书上搜索并保存了所有路线，确保万无一失。

第二天早上到了，对于习惯了在家穿T恤、短裤和人字拖的外甥女们来说，为抵御寒冷而穿衣成了一件痛苦的事。

妹妹一直盯着手机，忙着谈一笔即将敲定的生意，无奈之下只好把给孩子们搭配衣服的活儿交给了丈夫。

对 Eric 来说，时尚的穿搭风格是他最不关心的事。

他最在意的是要确保女儿们穿得足够暖和，毕竟，在温暖室内环境待久了的姑娘们，很难想象室外是另外一番寒冷刺骨的景象。

但妹妹可不这么想，她依然坚信穿搭要兼顾时尚与实用性，故而看到丈夫的搭配品味时，吓得倒吸一口凉气。

经过一番折腾，我们终于在下午2点时髦地出了门，这时离天黑还有3个小时的充裕时间。

实在是妙极了！

我们沿着徐汇老城区的历史路线漫步，期间还得劝着姑娘们把目光从手机屏幕上移开，用心看看上海这座城市，并且我们还在沿途的美景中，拍摄了一组组温馨满满的全家福照片。

我和妹妹不禁感叹，孩子们小时候还没被手机“侵略”的时光，哄着她们做家长想让做的事，是多么的容易啊。

但从十一二岁开始，这招就行不通了。

我们固然可以继续坚持自己的做法，可如此一来，却只能眼睁睁地看着与孩子们之间的隔阂越来越大，又或者，索性彻底放手，随孩子们去，笃信孩子最终会走出自己的路。

当然，最为理想的做法是走一个折中的路线，但这一半与另一半之间分寸的把握，说起来容易做起来难啊。

和我的妹妹在上海的标志性建筑——武康大楼

在他们即将返程的前一晚，我们一家人围坐在阳台的壁炉旁，回味这次的旅行历程。

我大外甥女 Shyuen，生性喜静，喜欢宅在家里看书，她说这次旅行是她度过的最棒的假期，因为她可以做自己喜欢的事。

小外甥女 Li-Ern 已经在满心期待地开启了倒计时模式，盼着下个月我们全家一起回来参加一场亲友的婚礼了。

至于我和妹妹，在共同度过的这16天里，我们把2024年的生活交织融合在一起，彼此分享着生活中的点点滴滴与喜怒哀乐。

有时候细细想来，一段美好的假期，或许并不在于游历多少名山大川，而仅仅是与我们所爱的人一起在家 “nua” 着，悄然地弥合因彼此分开而产生的情感距离，让亲情在这平凡的相伴中愈发的醇厚深沉。

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