Aunties are the G.O.A.T 乘风破浪的“阿姨”

文摘 2024-10-31 17:05 上海

In Singapore, once you become a mom, you’re automatically promoted to “Auntie” status.

There’s no special treatment accorded to us other than children addressing us as “Auntie” and parents introducing me as “Auntie Eve” to their kids as a form of respect.

The problem is that “Auntie” tends to have a derogatory meaning, indicating that you’re “almost” elderly since the auntie spectrum is broad, starting from the moment you push a baby out till you die.

Imagine a 20-year-old mom being called “Auntie” alongside a 70-year-old grandmother.

You get the gist.

This explains why young moms and moms who think they are still young find it hard to accept that they are part of the “Auntie” tribe.

When I first became a mom, I had no issue being called “Auntie” by little children.

But if kids over 16 called me “Auntie,” I felt like I’d just aged a decade.

And yet if they didn’t, they were being disrespectful.

That’s the problem with being middle-aged Asians.

We want respect but don’t want the stigma.

We are irritating like that.

Unlike in Western countries, everyone goes on a first-name basis regardless of seniority.

When I was younger, I preferred the Western way because it was hassle-free and non-ageist.

But as I grow older, I am veering towards preserving my Asian culture of respecting the elderly with proper salutations.

At this stage in my life, I love being an Auntie and have no qualms about referring to myself as Auntie Eve.

To me, Auntie conjures up an image of a steady, calm, and wise woman whose presence feels safe and strong.

She is in harmony with nature and accepts that life is a series of ebbs and flows.

Her experiences and struggles make her beam those around her with love, light, and compassion.

She is just as capable of rounding up an army of aunties for combat whenever necessary.

And she does all this while lugging around a bag stuffed to the brim with first aid kits, wet tissues, an umbrella, a scarf, snacks and a water bottle anywhere she goes.

My hilarious expat friends dressed up as "Aunties" for a themed party

Photos by Wei Kuan Tay (weikuan73@outlook.sg)

Whenever my daughter commutes alone and informs me that she is seated next to an “auntie”, I relax.

But the greatest challenge about being an auntie is being an Auntie Mom to your teenagers.

I have concluded that teenagers see their mom’s auntie-ness as “good timing” or “bad timing”.

Let me explain.

Good timing Auntie Mom:

Teenagers are closet kids metamorphosing into adults which makes them hybrid adult kids who still want to be mummied.

This is especially so when they are sick, hungry, tired and sad.

That’s when “good timing Auntie Mom” is welcomed as she swoops in with medicine, and food and fusses over the teenage child, so they feel comforted and cradled like babies.

Bad timing Auntie Mom:

WHENEVER THEIR FRIENDS ARE AROUND.

Auntie mannerisms like nagging, fussing over them, repeating yourself, insisting that they bring their jacket/ umbrella/ water bottle, feeding them Chinese medicine, acting cute, trying to be funny, trying to speak their Gen Z lingo, trying too hard, etc. - when their friends are around are strictly prohibited.

Which was exactly what happened one day.

Mimicking "Aunties" by TTT, an expat support group for Singaporean and Malaysian wives since 2009

Photo by Wei Kuan Tay (weikuan73@outlook.sg)

Two weeks ago, I flew to Hong Kong to cheer for my daughter's cross-country tournament.

It was a hot and humid day.

One of their teammates collapsed from heat exhaustion during the race and was promptly taken to a stretcher to rest.

The child was nauseated and delirious.

Immediately I dug my huge auntie bag for my Tiger Balm that I carry everywhere.

Tiger Balm is a traditional herbal ointment from Singapore that helps relieve many ailments.

If this child was a stranger, I would have splotched my tiger balm on her nose without warning as I do whenever I encounter strangers who fainted.

But this time I had a gatekeeper - my high school teenage daughter who was comforting the unwell child.

I knew that whipping out my Tiger Balm to help her friend would be a “bad timing Auntie Mom" moment because Tiger Balm alone screams "AUNTIE".

Now I’m in a fix:

Should I save the sick child or save my face?

I decided to tread this carefully by asking the sick child - who was now being surrounded and comforted by my gatekeeper and two coaches, for permission.

I slithered to the child as my gatekeeper eyed me warily,

“Hey sweetheart, I have a balm that will help you feel better, may I apply some on your nose?

The Gatekeeper turned and glared at me with daggers shooting from her eyes, “NO. MOM. PLEASE.”

Now I don’t know who was more embarrassed. Me or my daughter.

I looked at the sickly child and decided I had two options:

Option 1. Walk away to keep the peace but be guilty for life knowing I could have saved this child with my mighty Tiger Balm.

Option 2. Ignore the gatekeeper to follow my righteous heart, but be prepared she might hate me.

I chose option 2.

I used my finger to dig a glob of Tiger Balm and swiftly smeared it on the sick child’s nose and temples - much to my daughter’s horror.

Before my daughter could shoo me away like a stray cat, I hurriedly fled the crime scene whilst trying hard to appear arrogantly cool like I did nothing wrong.

My heart was racing.

What if the sick child got worse from my Tiger Balm?

It would be so awkward and embarrassing for my daughter.

But I figured at least I was now too far away for my daughter to chase after me.

Tiger Balm - Auntie's trusty remedy that's proudly made in Singapore

Two days later in Shanghai, I bumped into the sick child at school who is now back to her healthy normal self.

I was dying to know if my balm had helped her.

I casually asked if she remembered Auntie Eve applying Tiger Balm on her nose and if she felt...better.

My heart was thumping while waiting for my appraisal.

The child perked up instantly and said YES! She recalled someone applying some ointment on her nose that made her feel BETTER IMMEDIATELY.

She thanked me profusely as I waved her away as humble Aunties do.

I later smirked and flexed to my daughter, see? Told you aunties are the G.O.A.T!

FOLLOW PARENTS & KIDS

FOR BILINGUAL FRESH DROPS EVERY THURSDAY

Chinese translation & Layout: Yan Yan

Illustrator: Ang Rei. Proofread: Ang Rei & Darias Fang‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍

在新加坡，一旦你当了妈妈，就会自动被升到 “阿姨” 的辈分。

除了现在的孩子们会尊敬地称呼我们为“阿姨”，家长们也会向他们的孩子介绍我是 “Eve阿姨”，但是我们并没有得到什么特殊待遇。

问题在于，这个“阿姨”称谓往往带有贬义，意味着你“几乎”步入老年了，因为“阿姨”所涵盖的范围很广，从你生下孩子的那一刻起，一直到你去世都可能被这么称呼。

想象一下，一个20岁的妈妈，和一位70岁的老奶奶一样同样被人称作“阿姨”。

你就能明白这其中的意味了吧。

这就解释了为什么年轻妈妈以及那些自认为还年轻的妈妈们很难接受自己属于“阿姨”这个群体。

当我初为人母时，被小孩子叫“阿姨”完全没问题。

但要是超过16岁的孩子还叫我“阿姨”，我就感觉自己好像一下子老了十岁。

然而要是他们不这么叫，又显得他们没礼貌。

这就是中年亚洲人面临的问题。

我们希望得到尊重，但又不想背负那种被喊老了的耻辱感。

我们就是这么矛盾。

与西方国家不同，在那里不论辈分高低，大家都直呼其名。

我年轻时，更喜欢西方那种方式，因为这样既省事，也不存在年龄歧视。

但随着年龄增长，我逐渐倾向于保留亚洲尊重长辈并使用恰当称呼的文化传统。

在人生的这个阶段，我很乐意当阿姨，而且毫不介意自称Eve阿姨。

对我来说，“阿姨”这个称呼会让人联想到一位沉稳、冷静且睿智的女性，她的存在让人感觉安全又可靠。

她与自然和谐相处，明白生活就是潮起潮落的一系列过程。

她的经历和奋斗让她能用爱、光芒和同情心去温暖身边的人。

必要时，如果情况需要，她同样有能力召集阿姨大军投入“战斗”。

而且无论走到哪里，她都背着一个塞得满满当当的包，里面装着急救包、湿纸巾、雨伞、围巾、零食和水壶。

我的幽默的外籍友人在主题派对上打扮成阿姨模样

照片来自：Wei Kuan Tay (weikuan73@outlook.sg)

每当我女儿独自乘车并告诉我她旁边坐着一位“阿姨”时，我就会特别放心。

但当阿姨最大的挑战在于如何做好自家青少年子女的“阿姨式妈妈”。

我得出的结论是，青少年会把妈妈的“阿姨特质”视为“时机正好”或“时机不佳”。

让我来解释一下。

时机正好的“阿姨式妈妈”：

青少年正处于从孩子向成年人转变的阶段，这使得他们成为了既像成年人又像孩子的混合体，内心仍然渴望被妈妈呵护。

尤其是当他们生病、饥饿、疲惫又难过的时候。

就在这时，“时机正好的‘阿姨式妈妈’” 就很受欢迎了，她会带着药和食物迅速赶来，对青少年子女关怀备至，让他们感觉像婴儿一样得到了安慰和呵护。

时机不佳的“阿姨式妈妈”：

每当他们的朋友在身边的时候，以下这些类似 “阿姨” 的做派是绝对要禁止的。

比如唠叨个不停、对他们过分操心、反复说同样的话、坚持要他们带上夹克、雨伞、水壶、给他们喂中药、刻意扮可爱、努力想表现得很有趣、试图说他们“Z世代”的流行语，总之就是用力过猛等等。

而有一天，恰恰就发生了这样的情况。

模仿 “阿姨团”，TTT是一个自 2009 年起为新加坡籍和马来西亚籍妻子们设立的外籍人士支援团体。

照片来自：Wei Kuan Tay (weikuan73@outlook.sg)

两周前，我飞到香港去为我女儿的越野锦标赛加油助威。

那天的天气真是又热又潮湿。

她们队的一名队友在比赛过程中因中暑虚脱晕倒了，很快就被抬上担架休息。

这孩子感到恶心，并且已经开始神志不清了。

我立刻在自己那大大的挎包里翻找，拿出了我走到哪儿都带着的万金油。

万金油是新加坡的一种传统草药膏，可以缓解很多小毛病。

要是这孩子是个陌生人，我会像往常遇到晕倒的陌生人那样，二话不说就把万金油抹在她鼻子下面。

但这次我遇到了个“把关人”——我那上高中的女儿，她正在安慰那个身体不适的孩子。

我知道要是这会儿掏出我的万金油去帮她朋友，那就会是个“时机不佳的阿姨式妈妈”，因为单是万金油这玩意儿就透着股“大姨味儿”。

现在我可犯难了：

我是该去救这生病的孩子呢，还是该顾全自己的面子？

我决定小心行事，于是就向那个生病的孩子征求许可。当时她正被我的“把关人”和两位教练围着安慰呢。

我悄悄地朝那孩子走去，而我的“把关人”则警惕地盯着我。

“嘿，宝贝儿，我这儿有一种药膏，能让你感觉好点儿，我能在你鼻子这儿抹点儿吗？”

只见那“把关人”转过身，眼睛里仿佛射出利刃般狠狠地瞪着我，说道：“不，妈妈，求你了。”

现在我都不知道我俩谁更尴尬了，是我还是我的女儿。

我看着那个生病的孩子，然后认定自己有两个选择：

选项一：为了保持平静而转身走开，但余生都会心怀愧疚，因为我知道本可以用我那神奇的万金油帮助这个孩子。

选项二：不顾把关人的阻拦，听从自己正义的内心，但要做好她可能会烦我的准备。

我选择了选项二。

我用手指挖了一坨万金油，然后迅速地把它涂在生病孩子的鼻子上，这把我女儿吓得够呛。

还没等我女儿像赶流浪猫一样把我赶走，我就赶紧逃离了“犯罪现场”，同时还努力装出一副傲慢又冷酷的样子，仿佛自己什么都没做错。

我的心怦怦直跳。

我在想要是因为我的万金油那个中暑的孩子病情加重了可怎么办？

那对我女儿来说会是非常尴尬难堪的事情。

但我又寻思着，至少现在我已经跑得够远了，我女儿追不上我了。

万金油 —— 阿姨们最信赖的良药，令人引以为傲的是它产自新加坡。

两天后在上海，我在学校碰到了那个生病的孩子，她现在已经恢复了健康，和往常一样了。

我迫不及待地想知道是不是我的万金油帮到了她。

我装作不经意地问她是否记得Eve阿姨在她鼻子上涂了万金油，以及她之后是否感觉…… 好些了。

在等待她评价的时候，我的心怦怦直跳。

那孩子立刻来了精神，回答说是的！她记得有人在她鼻子上涂了某种药膏，然后她马上就感觉好多了。

她一个劲儿地感谢我，而我则像谦逊的阿姨们常做的那样，挥手让她不用客气。

后来我得意地朝我女儿笑了笑，还炫耀了一下，瞧见没？我就说阿姨们是最厉害的吧！

关注 PARENTS & KIDS

每周四更新双语文章内容

中文翻译&排版: 燕燕

插画师: 汪瑞校对: 汪瑞&房佳妮

Parents & Kids Recent Article 上一篇

The tricky terrain of friendship 友谊的棘手之处

ShanghaiFamily上海家庭

Shanghai Family is the most trusted guide for international families in Shanghai.