英文原版书分享｜《被讨厌的勇气》：你永远可以选择过自己想要的生活
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2023-05-08 10:00
芬兰
书名：《被讨厌的勇气》
英文名：The Courage to be Disliked
作者：Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
阅读难度：⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️
推荐指数：💙 💙 💙
Is happiness something you choose for yourself? The Courage to Be Disliked presents a simple and straightforward answer. Using the theories of Alfred Adler, one of the three giants of nineteenth-century psychology alongside Freud and Jung, this book follows an illuminating dialogue between a philosopher and a young man. Over the course of five conversations, the philosopher helps his student to understand how each of us is able to determine the direction of our own life, free from the shackles of past traumas and the expectations of others.
幸福是你自己选择的吗？《被讨厌的勇气》给出了一个简单明了的答案。本书采用与弗洛伊德和荣格齐名的 19 世纪心理学三巨头之一阿尔弗雷德·阿德勒 (Alfred Adler) 的理论，讲述了一位哲人与一位年轻人之间富有启发性的对话。在五次对话中，这位哲人帮助青年人了解我们每个人如何能够摆脱过去创伤的束缚和他人的期望来决定自己的人生。
The Courage To Be Disliked 是第四期共读的书目，共读营的意义本身或许远远大于这本书，本来不打算分享的了，但是想了想我花了这么多时间和精力看这本书，为什么不写呢？这本书的阅读过程十分轻松，但也十分让人迷惑。我不能说这本书对我没用，在具体的问题上它的确在用车轱辘话一遍一遍提醒我一些十分重要的道理。我对看这类书也没什么排斥的，就像是吃快餐一样，我只要知道自己吃的是快餐就好。I’m not for everyone, and that’s okay.
I guess we all inevitably fall into the people pleasing type if we turn to this book for help. It’s hard to say that we don’t care about other people’s opinion at all. We want to be liked, seen and validated. But wouldn’t you find it tiring and exhausting? wanting to be everything to everyone at all times? Our personality, interests, skills or values will not be universally appealing to all. But that’s the great part! We don’t have to be! I’m not for everyone. I’m only for the one that gets me, resonates with me, and wants to bring me along on their journey. I’m not here to make everybody happy. I live my life to express myself so I start to attract the right people for me. I’m biased, and that’s okay.
This belief always rings true whether when I am creating online content or when I am making friends in real life. I have to admit that I do try to maintain neutrality with regard to passing ignorantly prejudiced judgement on the soul of others, but that’s fucking hard!! When I am with people from different cultural backgrounds, I always try to make everyone happy, support everyone, and make sure everyone feels seen and heard. The same goes for writing online contents, but that’s ridiculous!Pretending that I am able to be constantly and utterly objective feels absurd to me. If I don’t admit I’m biased, I have to water down every message to appeal to all points of view. In the process, I’m likely to end up with something bland and “nice” but not compelling.
I can’t do it all by myself, and that’s okay
I have to disagree with this book that it stresses too much on individuals to the point where people might start to blame the victims when there’s something unpleasant happening. If you shut yourself in the house, it’s you who does it on purpose to achieve your goals of not wanting to go out; if you have a fear of blushing, it’s you who are afraid of being rejected by others so you use your blushing to hide your fear. What the hell is even that?? Is this any different than the situation where women were sexually assaulted and they were blamed why they didn’t have the courage to fight back? Sometimes we have to admit even though we have all the power to change ourselves, but there are still something we can’t do it all by ourselves, and that is okay. Being hard on ourselves helps nobody. Keeping all the tasks and all the responsibilities on your own plates will end up overwhelming you. There is no badge of honor in blaming it all to yourself and doing it all on your own!I’m not ready to get started, and that’s okay
I guess you are also looking for some sort of change in your life if you want to read this book. At any given moment, most of us would say that our lives are messy in at least one area, if not many! That’s just the way it goes. You will never be in the perfect situation to get started. You will never have all the answers. You can’t wait until you have everything figured out, because that day will never come. You don’t need any more courage than what you have right now, you just need to get started. You won’t always get it right, so don’t beat yourself up. As long as you never give up, you will succeed! Let me believe in you until you’re ready to believe in yourself. You can do this. You’re amazing for even getting started. I believe in you completely. And please know, my reader, that it’s true.
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