英文书分享｜《你好，我是阿斯伯格女孩》做自己，不必“正常”！

书名

《你好，我是阿斯伯格女孩》

Aspergirls Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome

作者

Rudy Simone

译者

朱宏璐/苏相宜

关键词

Autism Spectrum

Asperger Syndrome

Self-identity

Personal growth and development

感谢本书的译者苏相宜，给我分享这本书，开始读是因为我喜欢深入了解各种边缘女性群体的心理，但读的过程中我发现不仅如此，我还有了非常多的自我和解！

阿斯伯格女孩‌是指那些患有阿斯伯格综合征的女性。阿斯伯格综合征是一种自闭症谱系障碍（ASD）的一种，主要表现为社交互动和沟通能力的困难，以及刻板的行为和兴趣。

阿斯群体许多独特的思考、行为和学习方式让我从中学到了很多认识自己并自我教育的点，我也开始重新看待从小到大“古怪”、“任性”、“不懂社交”这些与世界格格不入的特质。

社会总有很多关于生活、学习、工作、社交的标准，但当你真的愿意把自己放在第一位，像看待阿斯伯格女孩一样看待自己，就会对自己多了很多耐心。

你就会慢慢告诉自己，你不用和别人一样按照既定的教育系统和规则去学习，但是你照样可以按照自己的方式达到自己想要的学习效果和生活方式就好了，学习真的没有那么难，是比较和竞争太为难人了，是社会的单一标准太为难人了。

看完这本书，我好像可以饶恕自己，不再为自己的“自闭”而感到痛苦，不再为自己的执拗、矛盾、迟钝和过度敏感而感到羞愧。我甚至要感谢上帝，一次一次将我推向边缘，又一次一次为我指明方向。

阿斯伯格综合征是孤独症谱系中程度较轻的一种。与阿斯伯格男性相比，阿斯女因不容易诊断和固有的偏见，成了边缘人中的边缘人。 本书是阿斯女们必备的手册。作者本身即是一个阿斯女，对阿斯女在个人生活、职业、友谊、婚姻、养育孩子等方面遇到的种种问题，给出了实用性的建议；从早期到成年，从身体到情感等各方面都有涉及。如果你是个阿斯女，或者你怀疑自己是却还没有得到诊断，这本书将帮助你更加了解自己；对于专业医疗和心理辅导执业人员，以及阿斯女父母和所爱的人来说，这本书更值得一读再读。（摘自豆瓣）

Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome is a non-fiction book written by American author Rudy Simone. It deals with a variety of issues that females on the spectrum face, such as the variety of relationships, employment, and depression. The more than thirty-five women with Aspergers interviewed for the book ranged in age from their 20s to their 50s. The women share their life stories and also give advice to readers on how to deal with their diagnosis. It was written to help girls and women who have been diagnosed with Asperger's.

我花了三天的时间整理这些书中的一些采访和给阿斯女孩的一些建议。当我们对阿斯伯格更加了解时，不仅能够对这类边缘人群更加了解，也能够更加客观地看待自己的一些“不符常规”的行为状态。看到阿斯女孩的具体症状时，不知道为什么，我一下子释然了很多 —— 原来这不是我的错！原来我也可以允许自己这样“不正常”！也希望下面摘选的文字能够启发到你。

Many women with AS are leery about coming forward with the suspicion they may be an Aspie because, as much as many of us like to say it isn’t so, a diagnosis of any kind brings with it a heap of stereotypes and prejudice. Simply put, it is downright difficult to tell the world you are a square peg jamming yourself into society’s round hole.

很多阿斯女性很担心被贴上“阿斯派”（Aspie，指阿斯伯格综合症患者）标签，因为这个标签常常伴随着负面的刻板印象和偏见。更重要的是，诊断意味着她们将被迫面对自己与社会期待之间的巨大差距，就像一个方形的钉子试图硬塞进圆形的洞里，这种不契合感让她们感到困难和有压力。

“We like to teach ourselves just about anything we’re interested in, not only because of impatience but also because we have our own methods for ingesting and comprehending. We might not “get it” from other’s instructions, particularly verbal ones, and we take information in, in our own way.”

我们倾向于自学感兴趣的事物，不仅因为我们缺乏耐心，还因为我们有独特的学习和理解方式。与其依赖他人的讲解，我们更喜欢用自己的方法获取和消化信息。

“What really makes me uncomfortable is when Aspie campaigners couch that “leave us alone” argument in the myth that all AS people are super intelligent mathematician science savants and some sort of master race. That makes me feel, as an Aspie who doesn’t have any of that, I’m a double fail—I fail at being normal, and also fail at being AS. (Polly)”

当一些阿斯伯格综合症的倡导者把“阿斯自由”这种论点包装成一个神话，认为所有阿斯伯格患者都是超级聪明的数学家、科学天才，甚至是某种“优越种族”。作为一个并不具备这些特质的阿斯伯格患者，我觉得自己是双重失败——我既不符合正常人的标准，也没有达到所谓的“阿斯派”理想中的聪明和能力。

ADVICE TO ASPERGIRLS

Do not let peer pressure dissuade you from doing what you love and what you are good at. Life is about making a contribution, not about being popular and fitting in.

不要因为外界的压力或对社会认同的渴望而放弃做自己真正喜欢和擅长的事情。人生的价值在于通过自己的努力和贡献去影响世界，而不是为了迎合他人的期望或追求短暂的流行和认同。

Socializing

Despite a love of learning and an appetite for information, Aspergirls do not really enjoy school the way others might think that they would. For some, school is too slow; too restrictive, for they are often unable to read what they like or study in the areas of their passions.

尽管“阿斯女孩”喜欢学习并渴望获得信息，但她们并不一定像其他人那样享受学校生活。对一些人来说，学校的节奏太慢，规则太多，既不能读自己喜欢的书籍，也不能在自己热衷的领域深入学习。

Bullying happens when someone is different and is seen as a threat in some ways, yet seen as weak in others. Aspergirls fit that bill perfectly. To a young and innocent child, bullying is a shock and often turns the world from a safe and happy place to a complete nightmare. For a spectrum child, it can be the beginning of lifelong post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

欺凌往往发生在那些与他人不同、被视为“威胁”或“异类”的人身上，而阿斯伯格症的女孩往往处于这种困境。对于一个普通的孩子，遭遇欺凌可能会让他们的世界从一个安全快乐的地方变成一种恐惧和不安的环境。对于自闭症谱系的孩子，欺凌不仅仅是短期的创伤，它可能成为长期心理健康问题的根源，甚至引发创伤后应激障碍（PTSD）。这意味着这种经历可能会对他们的情感和心理健康产生深远的影响，甚至影响一生。

ADVICE TO ASPERGIRLS

Socializing is a big part of the school experience, just ask anyone who has ever had to sit alone at lunch every day. Try to find friends who will accept you as you are, rather than trying to hang with the cool kids.

学校生活中，交朋友和融入集体是一大部分经历。对于那些不得不独自吃午餐、没有朋友的人来说，学校的社交体验可能会显得孤独和痛苦。与其追求与“酷孩子”们交朋友（通常是那些社交圈广、受欢迎的人），不如去寻找那些能够接受你真实自我的朋友。建立友谊的关键在于找到真正理解并尊重你的人，而不是迎合别人对你的期望。

Sensory Overload

People used to think that autistics felt less, felt nothig, were less than human in some ways. Actually the opposite is true—we feel everything, we smell everything, we hear everything…and we sense things others can’t.

人们通常会认为自闭症患者情感冷漠或感觉迟钝。实际上，自闭症谱系的人通常具有不同的感知方式，可能比其他人更敏感，甚至能够感受到一些常人无法察觉的细节。

“We only like tight hugs, but those aren’t appropriate in all situations so we’ll avoid polite hugs people seem to enjoy giving each other…. We are affectionate when we want to be and particularly when we can control the amount of physical pressure involved.”

自闭症患者可能偏爱某种特定形式的身体接触，比如紧紧的拥抱，这种方式让他们感觉安全、舒适，可能带来安慰。然而，许多自闭症患者会避免在不适合的场合进行拥抱，尤其是那些属于社交礼节性质的“客套”拥抱，因为这种不太自然的接触往往让他们感到不舒服。

ADVICE TO ASPERFGIRLS

Stress and sensory overload need to be looked at as a total package. Environmental sensitivity will always exist for most of us with AS but our reactions to triggers can be managed through taking good care of ourselves in general.

对于有阿斯伯格症的人来说，感官过载（如对噪音、光线、气味等的过度敏感）和心理压力通常是紧密相关的。这种敏感性可能无法完全消除，但通过适当的管理，可以减轻其带来的困扰。

Many of us are more in our minds than in our bodies, and we think just because we focus on work or hobbies 14 hours a day and are tired, that we have exercised. We haven’t. Try things that integrate the mind, body, and spirit.

很多自闭症患者或高度专注的人可能花费大量时间进行思考、工作或从事个人兴趣爱好，长时间的精神集中可能让他们感到身心疲惫，但这并不等同于锻炼身体。为了真正获得身心的健康，需要尝试一些既能锻炼身体又能激发思维和精神的活动。

Social Behaviors

Autistic people have an innocence, a childlike quality, regardless of age or education. … By the time we grow up, we know what isn’t acceptable to do in public but sometimes we forget ourselves.

自闭症患者通常会表现出一种较为直接、真诚的行为方式，类似于孩子的单纯和坦率，这并不取决于他们的年龄或教育背景。这种天真可能使他们在人际互动中不太遵循社会的隐性规则。尽管知道哪些行为是不可接受的，但由于自闭症患者可能在社交互动中更加专注于自己的感受和表达，有时他们可能会忘记这些社交规则，表现出不符合社会期待的行为。

It makes it difficult to go out and have fun when we know that if we are just ourselves, people will think we’re strange. Fear of ridicule is just one more thing that keeps us isolated Others’ misperceptions might be that we’re immature, mentally challenged, or that we’re acting silly on purpose to attract attention. Since we are often stoic, when we’re happy and exuberant, it can be misconstrued as flirting.

自闭症患者常常因自己的行为或表达方式与他人不同而感到害怕不敢做自己，尤其是害怕别人觉得他们奇怪或异类。这种恐惧让他们很难放松和享受社交活动，甚至避免外出。即使他们的行为并无恶意，也容易被外界误解，这让他们更难融入社会活动。

ADVICE TO ASPERGIRLS

I don’t want to spend a lot of time in environments or around people that can’t handle the real me. But I do realize some of you are in jobs or communities that are a but straight-laced. Let your hair down when you can. Make sure that at least some of the time, you can let it all out, or you will damage yourself—your nerves, your psyche, and you will diminish your potential for happiness. Smile and stim. Stim and smile. Sure is better for you than smoking.

自闭症患者往往更喜欢处于能够接受和理解自己真实表现的环境中，而不是在那些不容忍或无法理解他们的场合中。然而，现实中许多人可能需要在较为“守规矩”的工作或社交环境中待较长时间，这让他们感到不适应和压抑。在这种压抑的环境中，人们至少应该在某些时刻允许自己放松和释放情感。

  On blame and internalizing guilt

In addition to the embarrassment of having our stims pointed out to us, we will have all of our other idiosyncrasies pointed out as well, one after another, starting when we’re young—by our families, our friends, our teachers, and everyone else who might be a witness. We are blamed for our erratic and often uncontrollable behavior. Even those who were well-behaved were blamed for social awkwardness and botched interactions. Because we never knew what we did wrong, a profound sense of confusion, alienation, and guilt crept into our psyches, displacing normal childhood emotions.

小孩子很难理解自己的行为为什么会被别人看作不对或者奇怪，尤其是在面对批评和指责时。当别人总是关注并评论你的行为时，会让你感到很困惑，不知道自己哪里做错了，渐渐地就产生了一种孤立无援的感觉。随着这种情绪的积累，内疚和自责也开始侵入，取代了原本应有的轻松和快乐。这不仅影响到一个人的心理发展，也可能让他们在与人交往时感到更加不安和不自信。

“I lived in a very controlling, hostile environment. Everything I did was watched under close eye with immediate criticism. Nothing I did was right. I was not allowed to do much. I displayed social avoidance, selective mutism, horrible eye contact, soft, slurred speech, rocking, constant fidgeting. Being that I am a female this was all considered shyness, then they chalked it up to puberty, then it was being a young adult. I was always told, ‘You’ll grow out of it.’ (Elle)”

“我在一个控制欲强和批评声不断的环境中长大，几乎所有的行为都被人监视，并且经常受到批评。无论我做什么，都觉得自己不对，几乎没有自由去做我真正想做的事。我会表现出一些我控制不了的行为，比如回避社交、沉默不语、眼神接触差、说话声音低且含糊、摇晃身体或不停地动手指。因为我是女生，大家都觉得这些行为只是“害羞”或是“青春期的表现”，他们总是告诉我，“长大就好了”，就好像这些问题会随着时间自动消失，而不是去理解或帮助我。”

ADVICE TO ASPERGIRLS

If you had a rough start in life, and were unsupported, I was going to tell you not to let it cloud your mind, prejudice it against people, because there are good people out there in the world, and you will find them. But the truth is, every person you meet in your life will have good and bad traits, positive and negative qualities. Some will have more good than others. Some will see things in you that they admire, that they resonate with, and others will see your so-called weaknesses as an invitation to criticize, bully, etc. Some will want to befriend you, nurture you, and even protect you, while others will exploit and abuse. Some people may do both things at varying times.

当我们经历过艰难和缺乏支持的成长之后，不要让这些过去的经历影响我们对他人的看法，因为这个世界上确实有好人，最终我们会遇到他们。但事实上，每个人都有好的一面和不好的一面，正如我们自己也不完美一样。有些人会欣赏我们，认同我们的优点；而另一些人可能会把我们所谓的“弱点”当作批评或欺负的机会。也有些人会愿意成为我们的朋友、关心、保护我们；而另一些人则可能会利用我们，甚至伤害我们。而且，同一个人有时可能表现出既支持又伤害的两面性。

The best thing you can do is believe in yourself and know that there is good in most people. You can bring it out in them if you know how to. A tuning fork, when you strike it, can make a guitar string resonate with the same note if it’s close enough in pitch. You are special, you have special qualities, and you can bring out similar qualities in other people. You can spur them to examine life from a perspective that they contain within themselves, but rarely bring out into the light. You are here for a purpose and a reason. You grace the world with your presence, and there will be people who appreciate you.

要相信自己，相信大多数人都有善良的一面。你不仅拥有独特的品质，还能激发别人身上美好的一面。如果你懂得如何与他人互动，能够触动他们内心深处潜藏的积极面，你就像是一个共鸣的音叉，能让别人展现出更好的一面。每个人都有存在的意义和目的，你的存在为这个世界增添了价值，也一定会有一些人懂得并欣赏你的价值所在。

Gender roles and identity

“I discovered that, in fact, most if not all Aspergirls have similar perceptions about gender. Our amina and animus seem to be of equal influence and power. For some it manifests in obvious ways—being the breadwinner in a relationship, or allowing children to live with their father while she pursues her career. For others, it manifests sexually; although most of the Aspergirls are heterosexual, a substantial number said that their partner’s gender didn’t matter. Mostly it manifests as frustration, and disinterest in society’s expectations at what being female means. As usual, we march to our own drum.”

阿斯女孩通常不太关心是否符合社会对女性角色的传统看法。她们往往不在意社会对女性应该扮演的角色，而是倾向于根据自己的需求和愿望来塑造自己的身份。对于一些阿斯伯格女孩来说，她们可能承担了传统上认为是男性的角色，比如成为家庭的经济支柱；而有些则可能在感情关系中不在乎伴侣的性别，重要的是关系的兼容性，而不是性别的匹配。她们更倾向于按照自己的方式生活，而非被社会框定。

“Are we just impressionable or are we true chameleons? Does this changeability stem from a mind hungry to experience life from many angles, a dissatisfaction with who we are, or really just not knowing who we are? When I was a child I wanted to see, be, and do as much as I possibly could. I read and later traveled voraciously to seek this out. I remember that I always felt like an empty vessel that needed to be filled with experiences so that I could craft identity out of them. Other people, throughout my life, seemed like they already had identities and therefore, seemingly, had less need for experiences.”

“我们只是容易受影响，还是说我们是真正的变色龙？这种变化无常是源于一种渴望从多个角度体验生活的心态，对自我不满，还是仅仅因为我们不知道自己是谁？小时候，我总想尽可能地多看多做多体验。我觉得自己是一个空白的容器，渴望通过大量的阅读和旅行来积累经历，以此来塑造自己的身份。而其他人似乎早已拥有了固定的身份，不需要像自己一样通过不断地经历去定义自我。”

ADVICE TO ASPERGIRLS

Most of us don’t really need any advice in the gender department, just validation… our anima/animus seem pretty balanced and that is something to be proud of. If kids make fun of you, just know we’ve all been there, and the kinds of kids who make fun of us in school usually end up right where they are, are lucky in some ways, but they are perhaps less challenged to grow. We have a thirst for knowledge; our personalities will develop if we don’t hold ourselves back.

大多数阿斯女孩在性别方面并不真正需要什么建议，而是需要一种认同…… 拥有平衡的“女性特质”和“男性特质”（即内心的女性和男性特质的和谐共存）是一件值得骄傲的事。那些在学校取笑我们的人，最终很可能会停留在原地，而未能经历像我们一样的成长。只要我们不让外界的偏见和限制束缚自己，在自我认知不断更新和不断探索下，自己的个性和身份会变得更加丰富和成熟。

Puberty and mutism

Periods do throw up more hurdles on and already difficult terrain fraught with social hazards and budding acne. And because we may not have friends, we won’t have anyone to talk to about it and so we don’t really understand what’s going on. Those turgid movies they used to show at school make us feel embarrassed and don’t actually describe very well what periods are for.

月经对于很多阿斯女孩来说是一个既生理又心理上都很复杂的过程。除了身体上的不适，社交压力、对月经的误解以及缺乏开放的交流也让这一经历变得更加艰难。传统的教育方式，比如学校播放的电影，往往缺乏真实感，无法很好地解释月经的意义，反而让人感到尴尬。没有朋友可以交流，也使得许多阿斯女孩在面对月经时感到孤独和困惑。

Virtually every Aspergirl I interviewed experienced selective mutism at some point in her life, and some still experience it. This occasional inability to speak strikes the minds and tongues of both males with Asperger’s and Aspergirls, and it is very unpleasant for all, but girls are “expected” to be socially competent creatures. When was the last time you heard the term “still waters run deep” applied to a female? A woman who cannot speak when spoken to will just seem overly shy or unfriendly; perhaps she will even appear mentally challenged. In a culture which currently seems to prize confidence over substance, this extremely public illustration of our shyness and withdrawal is very embarrassing and isolating.

阿斯伯格症（尤其是女性）患者的一个常见但往往被忽视的困扰——选择性缄默症（Selective Mutism）。选择性缄默症是一种症状，表现为个体在某些情境下无法说话，即使他们在其他情况下能够正常交流。对于患有阿斯伯格症的女孩来说，这种无法说话的现象更加痛苦，因为社会普遍期望女性是社交能力强、善于交流的。在她们无法回应别人时，社会往往会误解她们为过于害羞、不友好，甚至认为她们有智力障碍。这种误解使得女孩感到更加孤立和尴尬。

ADVICE TO ASPERGIRLS

It will pass, I promise. If you are in a place where you are not comfortable, for example a party, then leave is you can safely do so. Go home, put on your favorite music, cuddle your kitten or soft toy, write down your thoughts. If you have someone to talk to, do so once you can speak again.

一切都会过去的。在不舒服的环境中，如果条件允许，选择离开，去一个更加舒适和安全的地方，做一些让自己感到放松和舒心的事情，如听音乐、抱猫咪或写下自己的感受。

Many of you do have someone that “gets” you. But even those of you that don’t, you still have paper and pen or a PC. Write. Writing has saved my sanity if not my life and the lives of countless Apergirls I’ve spoken to. It will validate your thoughts — you will read them later with a clear head and you will see that much of what you think is reasonable and true. Some of it will be quite negative — in those cases you need to reframe what you are looking at and what you are thinking about. Think of our psyches as colored lenses—sometimes we see everything in grey, sometimes the same view is rosy. You have some control over what lens you look through, but it takes focus and discipline which you have in abundance.

即使没有可以倾诉的人，纸和笔仍然能帮助你整理思绪，释放情感。通过写下自己的想法和感受，你能在稍后回顾时以更清晰的心态审视这些文字。这样做能够让你发现，许多时候自己的想法和情感是合理和真实的。写作不仅是一种情感释放，也是一种认知整理的过程，帮助你从困惑中走出来，获得自我确认。写作中可能会出现一些负面情绪，这时就需要重新审视这些情绪和思想。人的心理状态就像带有不同颜色的眼镜，不同的心态让我们看到世界的方式有所不同——有时是灰色的，有时则是充满希望和美好的玫瑰色。我们可以通过调整心态来改变自己看待世界的方式，但这需要一定的专注和自律。这种专注和自律是每个人内在具备的品质，尤其对于经历心理困境的人，保持自律和专注是获得心理平衡的重要途径。

Dating and Relationships

Girls are “supposed” to play hard to get, but Aspergirls don’t play games. Besides not understanding gender roles and expectations, we are logical, direct creatures. We may think things like “I want to go out with him; therefore I should ask him out,” and set ourselves up for ridicule and rejection. The whole process of dating and what to do and how to do it is beyond most of us. We try and fail to behave in a way that attracts dates. We may be rejected frequently because of our inappropriate behavior, both in high school and as adults. We may become very afraid of rejection and avoid anything to do with romance as a result. A life-long love affair with solitude may begin here.

社会上有一种期望：女孩应该“装作”对追求者不感兴趣，或者玩“难追”的游戏，但对于阿斯伯格症女孩来说，她们通常不理解这些性别角色和社交规则。她们倾向于直接和逻辑性地处理问题，会想着“我想和他约会，那我应该直接约他”，这样直接的行为可能导致嘲笑或被拒绝。对她们来说，约会的过程和规则十分陌生，她们往往不明白怎样才能吸引他人，结果可能遭到频繁的拒绝。长期的拒绝体验可能让她们变得害怕被拒绝，甚至回避浪漫关系，最终可能选择孤独为伴。

Relationships with other people is where we are most out of element, so we may not realize it when someone is treating us badly or we may think it comes with the territory. When we’re younger we may settle for anyone, just to have someone—we may just be surprised and pleased that someone wants us. Because we can’t always get the hype of person we want, we often let our first partners choose us; we may not be very discriminating.

与他人建立关系对阿斯伯格症患者来说通常是最困难的部分，因为她们可能不太理解别人如何在情感上对待自己，甚至可能不察觉别人是否在不尊重自己。年轻时，由于缺乏经验和对人际关系的深刻理解，她们可能只为了有伴侣而选择一个人，甚至可能对伴侣是否合适并不在意，只要对方愿意和她们在一起，就会感到满足。由于理想伴侣往往难以得到，她们可能会接受任何一个选择她们的人，缺乏挑选伴侣时的标准和判断。

ADVICE TO ASPERGIRLS

By all means work on yourself, but most important, be yourself. Don’t dumb yourself down. Revel in your uniqueness. Be proud of your intelligence, your faculty with words. Celebrate geek power.  

努力提升自己是完全可以的，但最重要的是，做你自己。不要为了迎合别人而降低自己。享受你的独特性。为自己非凡的智慧而感到自豪。庆祝属于你自己独特的力量。

Friendship

In lieu of human friendship, many Aspergirls allow only four-legged, furry, or feathered friends into their hearts. All but a few said that her pets were her closest companions.

由于缺乏人类友谊，许多阿斯伯女孩只允许四条腿的、毛茸茸的或有羽毛的朋友进入她们的心中。大多数阿斯女孩都表示，她们的宠物是她们最亲密的伴侣。

“I tend to put people on a pedestal and then fall off very quickly when I find they don’t share one of my narrow interests even though they presented to in the beginning. I feel betrayed by their lie. (Sam)”

“我会在一开始对别人产生很高的期望，把他们视为理想的朋友或伴侣，但如果后来发现对方并不真正共享自己看重的某些兴趣或观点，就会感到极度失望，甚至觉得自己被欺骗了。”

ADVICE TO ASPERGIRLS

Don’t throw a friend away because you don’t like or agree with 10 percent of their behavior and don’t give people a small window of time to perform to your expectations. There is no human piece of perfection that will meet all our criteria. We have control issues and we need to know what to expect, but give yourself and your friends a little room to maneuver and to mess up without judging too harshly. For we do judge, don’t we? —both ourselves and others.

不要因为他人的某些小缺点或行为上的分歧就完全放弃与他们的友谊。人无完人，每个人都无法满足我们所有的期望。尽管我们可能有控制欲，喜欢事情按一定的方式进行，但应该学会给自己和他人一些空间，容忍一些错误和不完美，而不是过于苛求。

Higher learning

Society expects us to handle things well based on our intelligence and appearance of normality. Unfortunately, we often demand the same of ourselves. Even if we can handle it academically or intellectually, it doesn’t mean we can handle it physically or emotionally.

对于那些看起来“正常”或智力高的阿斯女孩，社会通常认为她们可以处理所有问题，不论是学术、工作还是其他方面，然而这种期望忽略了阿斯女孩情感和身体上的需求

ADVICE TO ASPERGIRLS

Don’t bite off more than you can chew and take five classes when you should only be taking one. Your intellect may be able to handle it, but your emotions and senses might not. We need extra time, extra patience, and more sensitivity than most people. Full stop.

不要过度要求自己，不要拿自己承担超出能力范围的任务。虽然我们的智力可能能应对更多的工作或责任，但情感和感官的负担可能超出了承受能力。我们可能比别人需要更多的耐心、敏感度和自我照顾。

If your college counselor says that your problems have more to do with depression or some other psychological condition than Asperger’s, change counselors! Find some who understands and will take into account the pervasive underlying nature of AS. If your counselor is willing to read this book and others on Asperger’s, particularly female Asperger’s, then give him or her a chance, for you are doing your part to educate another human being on the topic. They may then help others like you in the future. Never underestimate how many people you can educate and how many others they can, in turn, help.

如果你的大学辅导员说你的问题更多的是与抑郁症或其他心理状况有关，而不是阿斯伯格症，那就换辅导员！找到一个理解你并能够考虑到阿斯伯格症潜在普遍性的辅导员。如果你的辅导员愿意阅读这本和其它关于阿斯伯格症的资料，特别是女性阿斯伯格症的书籍，那就值得给ta一个机会，因为通过教育他们，可能会帮助更多类似的患者。

Employment and career

“I work in the media, and it was my first choice. I’m an autistic person who communicates for a living, and relishes the irony! I got a job with my current employer straight out of uni and I’ve stuck with them ever since. I’m very, very grateful, because the organization I’m with has quite a high population of Aspies (whether they know it or not!) and is very tolerant with eccentricity. (Polly)”

Polly作为一名自闭症患者，选择了一个需要频繁沟通的职业——媒体。这个选择看似有些反常，因为自闭症往往使得人们在社交和沟通方面遇到困难，但Polly反而享受这种“讽刺”——她在一个与沟通密切相关的行业中找到了自己的位置。她所在的公司有很多可能是自闭症谱系的人，并且公司非常包容个体的“怪异”性格。

“My first choice from age five or so was to be an artist. I’m now a successful artist in Australia, also a speaker on ASD (autistic spectrum disorder) issues. I work in isolation and live reclusively but successfully. I sell my work, represented by commercial galleries and have won awards. However, over the years I had many menial jobs for periods of time. I usually left jobs after a year or so because I could not cope. (Camilla)”

“从五岁左右起，我的首选职业就是做一名艺术家。现在，我是澳大利亚的一名成功艺术家，同时也是自闭症谱系障碍（ASD）问题的演讲者。我喜欢一个人工作，过着隐居的生活，但却非常成功。我通过商业画廊出售我的作品，这些作品也获过奖。在过去的几年里，我也做过许多重复性的工作，每次做的时间都不长。通常我在一年左右就会离开这些工作，因为我无法应对那些工作带来的压力。”

ADVICE TO ASPERGIRLS

Take the time to get to know yourself and really be honest about what you want and what you can handle. Make financial stability and independence your passion and seek it with the same legendary focus and diligence with which you do almost everything.

花时间了解自己，真正诚实地面对你想要什么，能承受什么。把财务稳定和独立当作你的热情，并像对待几乎所有事情一样，以非凡的专注和勤奋去追求它。

Marriage and cohabitation

“We try to be patient and tolerant of one another’s idiosyncrasies and quirks. Both of us were alone long enough to make us very grateful for our marriage. Years of loneliness and isolation taught both of us that no problem or issue in a marriage merits making a big deal of it, particularly to the point of damaging the relationship.(Heather)”

“我们尽力对彼此的怪癖和个人特点保持耐心和宽容。我们俩都曾长时间独自一人生活，这让我们非常珍惜我们的婚姻。多年的孤独和独居教会了我们，婚姻中的任何问题或争执都不值得大动干戈，尤其是不值得让它们损害我们的关系。”（Heather）

ADVICE TO ASPERGIRLS

For those who are alone and happy, just check every now and then to make sure you are happy and not just resigned. Is it true happiness, or just the lesser of two evils? Just because you haven’t met the right one yet, he or she may still be there. Do know that someday you decide life’s a little richer when you have someone to share it with. Keep a little window of opportunity open even if you do not actively seek a mate.

那些独自一人且感到幸福的人，定期反思自己的内心，确保自己的幸福感不是一种无奈的妥协，而是真正的满足。有时人们可能会误以为自己幸福，但其实他们只是在接受孤单，避免面对复杂的人际关系。只是因为你还没有遇到对的人，他或她可能仍然会出现。

“To find him, I stopped wishing for someone I used to have, and I stopped thinking about what I didn’t want. Instead I used a simple but powerful visualization technique. I wrote a list of traits of the man I wanted as if I already had him. I started a list with “I have the perfect partner” and then went on to list his characteristics, always speaking in the present tense. I didn’t include anything negative, as in things I didn’t want, only positive things I did want.

要找到理想的伴侣，首先要放下过去的情感包袱，不再执着于以前的关系或未实现的愿望。只有放下过去，才能为未来的幸福腾出空间。你可以运用显化——通过想象你希望实现的结果，让自己感受到目标已经实现的状态。

“我列出了我希望的伴侣的特征，就好像我已经拥有他一样。”使用现在时是实现愿望和目标的常见技巧。通过把愿望表达为已经实现的事实，可以增强你对目标的信念，进而吸引或创造使目标实现的机会和条件。

“我没有写下任何负面的内容，比如我不想要的东西，只列出我想要的积极特质。”在列出自己理想伴侣的特质时，专注于积极的方面，不考虑那些你不希望拥有的特征。这样做有助于将注意力集中在你真正想要的东西上，而不是担心不想要的东西。

Having Children

“Despite trying very hard, I always had the sense that what I was doing was never enough. Pre-AS awareness, my daughter had to witness my many transformations. Other mothers had more money, more patience, more stability, and never seemed as stressed as me. They talked to each other in playgrounds, they met each other for coffee. I was never invited.” Once my daughter cried “Why can’t you be normal like other moms?” That hurt. I’d been singing opera very loudly in the car. Apparently other moms didn’t do that.”

“尽管非常努力，我总是觉得自己做得不够好。在对自闭症没有过多认识的时候，我的女儿不得不见证我经历的许多变化。其她妈妈有更多的钱、更多的耐心、更多的稳定性，看起来从不像我这么不安。她们在操场上互相交谈，喝咖啡时会见面。我从未被邀请过。一次，我的女儿哭着说，‘为什么你不能像其他妈妈一样正常？’那真的很让人伤心。我当时在车里大声唱歌剧，显然其她妈妈都不会这么做。”

ADVICE TO ASPERGIRLS

We are lucky to live in a world where it is no longer unusual or undesirable to be a single lady or childless couple. Don’t worry about justifying your choices to anyone—it’s your life. For those of your who do want a family. A few words of caution: Remember that having a built-in universe is great for a while. But those children will grow up and they will move on, especially if they do not inherit your Asperger’s. While you will probably like the idea of being able to live for yourself once again, of you have relied too heavily on them for companionship and meaning in your life, you will be left completely without a social circle. This is empty nest syndrome taken to the nth degree and can be quite devastating. All of a sudden you have no one to watch films with, or go shopping with, etc. You then realize how alone you’ve allowed yourself to become. Unless you are totally happy being totally alone, try to find some friends before that happens.

我们很幸运生活在这样一个世界里，在这里做单身女性或丁克夫妻已经不再是稀奇或令人不愿接受的事。不要担心需要向任何人解释你的选择——这是你的人生。对于那些想要家庭的人，几点忠告：记住，拥有一个‘内建的宇宙’在一段时间内是很棒的。但那些孩子会长大，他们会离开，特别是如果他们没有遗传你的阿斯伯格症。虽然你可能会喜欢重新为自己而活的想法，但如果你过度依赖他们来提供陪伴和生活的意义，你将会发现自己完全没有社交圈。这就是‘空巢综合症’的极端版，可能会非常令人痛苦。突然之间，你没有人一起看电影、一起购物等等。然后你会意识到自己允许自己变得多么孤独。除非你完全开心于彻底的孤独，否则尽量在那之前找到一些朋友吧。

Bluntness and being misunderstood

All but one of the Aspergirls interviewed said they are frequently misunderstood. This takes the form of having our words and/or intentions misread, and having autistic behaviors misinterpreted, causing unintended offense. We may be accused of something we haven’t done, at least not intentionally, and are probably not even capable of.

由于阿斯女孩的行为与传统的社会行为模式有所不同，很多时候她们的言语和行为容易被他人误解。即使没有恶意，这些误解也可能导致不必要的冲突或关系问题。

We are logical beings who try to be genuine. We are blunt. The result is we won’t often say what others want and expect to hear. We process things differently and in our own time.

阿斯伯格症的思维更直接，他们不会修饰或婉转地表达，而是说出自己认为最准确的内容，这种直白有时可能不符合社会中更为“圆滑”的交流方式。

ADVICE TO ASPERGIRLS

Admitting you have little tact is actually quite liberating. Give yourself scope to screw up and you won’t get so devastated when you do. I am still often misunderstood, but of course being  “out” I use disclosure and education to inform people of what my intentions and actions are really all about. I now go out into the world knowing full well I will probably be misread, but at least I don’t get angry at people anymore because of it. Tact is a fine art. Approach it the same way you would approach learning a new dance. Pay attention to your steps and practice not stepping on any shoes.

“承认自己缺乏圆滑和世故的能力其实是一种解脱。给自己犯错的空间，当你真的犯错时，你就不会那么沮丧。我仍然经常被误解，但当然，因为我已经‘出柜’，我通过公开身份和教育他人让人们了解我的意图和行为到底是怎么回事。我知道自己很可能会被误读，但至少我不再因为这个而生气。圆滑是一门精细的艺术。把它当作学习一支新舞蹈一样去练习。注意你的步伐，练习不要踩到别人脚上。”

Diagnosis and Misdiagnosis

“I was misdiagnosed several times: mentally challenged, ADHD, manic depressive (based on my meltdowns and zone outs). Next it was Tourette’s (at age 13), based on hand flapping, double speaking words under my breath, the inability to keep focused on a person’s face and occasional sound outburst. The AS diagnosis for me didn’t come until after both of my sons were diagnosed with autism. (Dame Kev)”

“我曾被误诊过几次：智力障碍、多动症、躁郁症（基于我的情绪崩溃和发呆）。接下来是抽动症（13岁时），根据我拍手、低声重复说话、无法专注于别人的面部表情和偶尔的声音爆发。直到我两个儿子都被诊断为自闭症，我才被诊断为阿斯伯格症（Dame Kev）。”

“Most of the practitioners I have spoken to about the Asperger’s diagnosis just don’t believe it, as they see me as a functioning adult who is capable of carrying out activities of daily living. (Brandi) ”

许多专业人士在面对阿斯伯格症的成人时，容易将其误解为“功能正常”或“无显著障碍”，因为这些人通常能够独立生活并完成日常任务。这种表面上的“功能性”往往导致他们忽视或低估了自闭症谱系的复杂性。

ADVICE TO ASPERGIRLS

In addition to the burden of having Asperger’s, you also have the burdens of: getting a diagnosis; getting follow-up advice and support; and you may always have to try and convince people and practitioners to believe you and the diagnosing physician.

得到阿斯伯格症的诊断并非易事，很多时候需要经历长时间的等待、诊断过程中的反复评估和质疑。即便最终得到了诊断，患者仍然可能感到一丝不被理解的压力。然而，诊断只是开始，之后如何获得有效的支持和建议是一个重大问题。许多患者可能在获得诊断后，依然缺乏足够的专业支持和资源，难以找到合适的治疗、康复或心理辅导。即使有了诊断，患者仍需不断努力说服他人，特别是医生、家人或同事，去理解和接受他们的状况。

Depression Meltdowns

Depression meltdowns are like being in solitary confinement, in a dark, damp basement, full of filth and spiders. They are like death, the loneliest place on earth, the worst nightmare you’ve ever had come to life. They make me wonder if I’m possessed, if I’m insane, if I am cursed and if I will ever be happy again. Do I need a doctor? Do I need a witch doctor to shake some sort of snake rattle over me and cast out the evil entities? Why was I chosen to feel this way?

抑郁症就像是被关进了孤独的监禁，身处一个黑暗潮湿的地下室，四周都是污秽和蜘蛛。它就像死亡，像是地球上最孤独的地方，是你曾经做过的最可怕的噩梦变成了现实。它们让我怀疑自己是否被附身，是不是疯了，被诅咒了，还会再次感到快乐吗。我需要看医生吗？我需要一个巫医，拿着蛇铃摇晃，驱逐我体内的邪灵吗？为什么是我被选中，感受这种痛苦？

“It feels like I have a black hole in my stomach that is sucking my entire body in. My insides hurt, sometimes to the extent that I make myself sick. There is nothing I can do other than curl up in a little ball and cry. This can last for hours and at times for days. It’s horrible, and can be really hard to recover from. (Andi)”

“我感觉肚子里有一个黑洞，正在把我的整个身体吞噬。我的内脏痛得有时让我自己恶心。除了蜷缩成一团哭泣，我别无他法。这个痛苦可能持续几个小时，有时甚至是几天。它很可怕，恢复起来真的很困难。”（Andi）

“During the really terrible depressions, day after day I lie in bed; anguish has taken my body and thoughts are not my own. (Brandi) ”

“在那些非常糟糕的抑郁时期，日复一日，我躺在床上；痛苦占据了我的身体，我的思想不再属于我自己。”（Brandi）

ADVICE TO ASPERGIRLS

Human being need love, they need companionship(even Aspies), they need support and they need understanding. The absence of these things should indicate a need for a change in plan, a change in strategy, maybe a change in environment and who we surround ourselves with, not a need for medication. Even if we are predisposed to depression, wise choices, especially with regard to who we let into our lives, are going to prevent the circumstances which would push us over the edge.

所有人都需要爱与陪伴，包括那些可能有自闭症谱系特征的人。这些是维持心理稳定的基本需求，如果缺失了这些，应该作为一种警示，提醒我们重新审视当前的生活状况，寻找问题的根源，而不是简单地依赖药物治疗。明智地选择身边的人能够极大地影响我们的心理健康，避免那些可能导致情感崩溃的负面影响。

Try reframing each and every issue that is plaguing you. So much of life is how you look at it. Negative thinking is habit-forming and no matter how understandable it is in our case, we still want to be the ones to bring the world to a higher place, and not let it pull us down to the depths.

如何框定问题和应对挑战的方式决定了我们感受到的压力和痛苦的大小。负面思维是习惯性的，容易在生活中形成一种惯性，但这种惯性并不必然要决定我们的生活态度。即使面临困境，我们仍然有能力去选择如何看待这些问题，力求提升自我，保持积极向上的态度，而不是让外界的负面因素拖累自己。

Getting Older on the spectrum

Another trait of getting older is that we get tired of hiding our quirks and our sensitivities. Many Aspergirls tell me that people in their lives, doctors, employers, family members, etc., expect them to get more “normal” as they get older, more able to deal with certain aspects of life. But what is more likely to happen for us is that we get more quirky and more eccentric; we don’t ever seen to assimilate into the mainstream. That is why so many older folks are getting diagnosed— we’re fed up with pretending because we just can’t keep it up any longer.

随着年龄的增长，她们反而更倾向于坚持自己独特的思维方式和生活习惯，而不是强迫自己去适应社会的“标准”。她们不再愿意继续伪装自己，忍受那些让自己感到不适或痛苦的社会期待。她们不再像年轻时那样试图“适应”，因为这种伪装已经变得无法维持，反而选择了接纳自己的怪癖和敏感，去更真诚地面对自己。

ADVICE TO ASPERGIRLS

It is possible to grow old with grace, dignity, style, and flair. And as stated we finally begin to come into our own in so many wonderful ways.

年龄的增长带来的不仅仅是身体的衰老，而是内在的智慧、风度和独特的个性魅力的提升。随着经验和岁月的积累，我们开始更加自信和自在地表达自我，突破以往的局限，展现出更多的内在美。

Asperger is a disability or a gift

“I would never ever want to change or be more “normal.” I get so much out of my special interests, my collections, and am easily stimulated and satisfied in most ways of life. I see AS more like a large part of my personality, and I can’t think of myself without it. (Siv)”

“我永远都不想改变自己，也不想变得更‘正常’。我从自己独特的兴趣和爱好中获得乐趣，并且能在生活的方方面面找到满足感，我把AS看作是我个性的一大部分，我无法想象没有它的自己。”（Siv）

“Over the years I’ve noticed, as I became more “normal”/less visibly autistic, I have much less focus than I did. I suspect that my visual memory is less sharp because I rely on and practice language more often than my first language. Get rid of the disability and you also get rid of the gift. (Stella)”

当自己变得“更正常”，不再显现出明显的自闭症特征时，似乎也失去了一些自己与生俱来的能力或天赋。自闭症谱系的特征虽然可能带来挑战，但它们也与独特的认知方式、记忆能力和创造性思维密切相关。改变自己以符合社会期望的标准，可能会剥夺她的一部分本能和才能。

Advice form Aspergirls to Aspergirls

Be proud to be different.

为自己与众不同而感到骄傲。

Study and work in your field of interests, and AS will not stand in your way.

在你感兴趣的领域学习和工作，AS将不会成为你的障碍。

Cultivate your talents and try to turn them into a marketable skill.

培养你的才能，并努力将它们转化为可变现的技能。

Be yourself. That way you’ll be found and liked by all the other people like you.

做自己，这样你就会被和你同频的人发现。

You can be happy with Asperger’s or miserable with Asperger’s. I’ve tried both. I prefer happy.

AS会带来的不同生活体验，有痛苦有快乐，我选择快乐。

Autism gives us perseverance, not just to become enthralled with special interests, but to succeed in life.

自闭症谱系并不只是带来挑战，它也赋予了个体许多宝贵的品质，如毅力、专注和耐心，这些品质能够帮助他们在生活中取得真正的成功。

You have Asperger’s, Asperger’s doesn’t have you.

AS只是你的一部分，是你个性和体验的一种特质，它不决定你是谁，不是你生活的全部。

Revel in solitude.

享受孤独。

Don’t worry about what others think. It’s just between you and your best self. Success is closing that gap.

成功的标尺并不是外界的认同，而是你自己如何实现个人内在的成长，如何缩小当前的自己和理想中的“最好的自己”之间的差距。

Life is not about being someone else’s perfect anything.

生活不是为了成为别人眼中的完美人选。

Don’t be worried about social stigma. Fight false media messages that autism means being less of a person.

AS无需被社会的偏见所定义，应当坚持自我，反击那些不准确的刻板印象和负面标签。

If you feel too uncomfortable conforming to a role, change your role.

生活中我们不是被动地接受已设定的角色，而是可以主动选择并创造符合自己内心需求的角色。

Read a lot, not just about Asperger’s.

多读书，不只是关于AS的书。

Don’t care so much about what people in school think of you. You’ll never see them again in your life after you graduate.

不要太在意学校里的人怎么看你，毕业后你就再也不会见到他们了。

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