点击上方“知诸英语”关注我们
多年来,为初中的同学和教师提供写作建议是我们知诸英语老师们一直坚持做的事情。
什么?没读过!不了解?!!
请回顾:
今天上午,昆明市五华区的初三同学刚刚考完区统测。趁热打铁,我们来看看这篇新鲜出炉的作文。
24年11月20日昆明市五华区初三统测作文
微笑能温暖人心,能给予人力量。回忆一下,在你的生活中,谁的微笑令你印象深刻呢?请你以“A Smile l Can't Forget”为题,叙述一个你与“微笑”的故事。
题目分析和写作策略建议
微笑是人类共同的肢体语言,也是最常见的表情之一。考生一定不缺和“微笑”有关的生活体验和写作素材。因此,叙述一个和“微笑”相关的故事不是一件难事。
提醒大家一句话:英语水平一般的同学不要试图描写“微笑”的面部细节。原因不难理解,描写面部细节需要使用如“嘴角上扬”(A faint upward curve formed on the lips.)“眼中带笑”(eyes sparkled with joy)“露齿微笑”(A wide grin stretched across the face)等细化的词汇,然而英语水平一般的同学可能缺乏相关表达,容易用词不当,导致表述生硬或含义模糊。
对于大多数同学,我们建议大家不如用简洁的形容词来大致描述,如“温暖的微笑”(A heartwarming smile)或“鼓励的微笑”(An encouraging smile),直接传递情感和意义。要知道,在不少阅卷老师眼里,在中学阶段的英语考试作文实际评价体系中,语法和拼写的正确性是第一位的。
知诸英语张冉老师写作示范(137 words)
A Smile I Can't Forget
Smiles can always warm people's hearts. In my life, there are so many smiles. The one I remember most is my mother's smile when I was in Grade 8.
I had performed poorly on a math exam and was filled with fear and anxiety on my way home, expecting my mom to criticize me. However, when I showed her the test paper, she didn't scold me. Instead, she gave me a gentle smile and said, "Let's figure out what went wrong together." Her smile was full of understanding and encouragement, making me feel supported rather than ashamed. Together, we reviewed my mistakes and found ways to improve.
Now, looking back, I realize how much that smile shaped my attitude towards failure and growth. My mom's smile gave me the strength to face challenges and strive for better results.
写作点评
张老师的写作素材是非常具有学生和老师体验共性的。她讲到“我”初二的某一次数学考试考得很差,担心自己无法面对母亲,但没想到母亲用微笑和理性的分析帮“我”解除了焦虑找到了走出困境的办法。大家可以学习张老师的这种素材选取策略。选择简单且符合学生实际的故事来描述,很容易就能被阅读者(阅卷老师)理解。
另外,尽管此次考试出题人没有在题目中明确要求考生写“感悟”,但是在叙述故事结束之后,在文章结尾搞一些小“升华”、说一些“正能量鸡汤”是一种安全、稳妥、主流的中考英语写作习惯。张老师的“鸡汤感悟”是“…that smile shaped my attitude towards failure and growth. My mom's smile gave me the strength to face challenges and strive for better results.”
词汇和表达推荐
perform poorly (verb phrase) 表现不好
anxiety (noun) 焦虑
criticize (verb) 批评
scold (verb) 责备
a gentle smile (noun phrase) 一个温柔的微笑
figure out (phrasal verb) 弄清楚
encouragement (noun) 鼓励
ashamed (adjective) 羞愧的
review (verb) 回顾,复习
attitude (noun) 态度
failure (noun) 失败
growth (noun) 成长
strive for sth (phrasal verb) 努力争取某事
知诸英语时事新闻语法填空训练有纸质版了!!
过去两年多时间以来,不断有粉丝私信我们说,希望获得时事新闻语法填空训练的纸质版合集。 于是,知诸英语罗伦老师从过去两年的知诸英语公众号文章里精选出100篇训练汇集成册(外加20篇高考真题解析),通过清华大学出版社出版了这本《新高考英语语法填空120篇》,赶紧扫描下面的二维码购买吧!了解图书详情,请点击原文链接。
扫码购买
Scan to Buy
精选时事素材,
科学备考规划;
逐日积累提升,
稳步冲刺高考!
中考高考知诸英语陪你一起备考
With Spider English by your side,
Achieving success is a joyful ride.
扫描二维码关注知诸英语
更多英语干货持续奉送