Summer has begun. 

The school holiday is officially upon us. 

It’s the time of year when parents brace themselves for their kids 24/7 for the next two months while trying to master self-control not to scream at them every hour. 

If you are a stay-at-home parent with young children, consider transforming your toilet into a meditative sanctuary so you can seek solace and escape when it gets too much. 

It’s called setting healthy boundaries, but at home, so you remain guilt-free.

Remember, it’s us, it’s never them. They are just childrening. 

Also, this is the Year 2024. 

Let's normalise conscious device usage for children already. 

If you've time-travelled from the 60s, this means babysitting your child with an educational electronic device. 

The keyword here is babysitting. 

We all need a break just as our kids need a change of scenery. 

Between them looking at our frazzled faces the whole day vs colourful animation that skips, talks, and is always happy, who do you think they rather see? 

You may stop reading from here if your answer is my frazzled face.

Good luck and see you next Thursday. 

______

My son at 7 years old once admired Batman so much that he cosplayed throughout the summer holiday. 

Summer holiday at Phuket 3D Museum in Thailand, 2016. 

Kids get to play make-believe and have a good laugh even looking at these fun memories years later.‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍

For the rest of you, follow me. 

Don’t believe parents who claim that they never use devices to babysit their children especially when they own a smartphone.

By using a smartphone, they are already modelling to their kids how smart a phone can be. 

Plus it's always easier to judge parents who do when they aren't full-time caregivers themselves. ‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍

Looking after young children is very tiring. ‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍

I think the crucial point here is to own any help proudly and shamelessly.  

If a naysayer gives you a dirty look for bringing factory-made cupcakes to the class party, I empower you to puff up your chest and roar at them.

Just as we hire Ayi to help us with chores or order wai mai when we don’t feel like cooking or paying for tutors to teach our kids, smart parenting relies on an octopus network because it’s simply impossible to do it alone. 

The result of trying to do it all, as my mom used to say, “is either I go crazy, or my kids go crazy.”

Most importantly, we outsource so we are less annoying. 

Show of hands for parents who have tried teaching their children their schoolwork? 

Bloodbath that’s what. 

This explains why good tutors are well-paid because parents rather farm out this blood-curdling Herculean task to others than strain the relationship with their kids.

It’s like investing in an insurance policy. 

We do whatever it takes to prevent our children from blaming us for their childhood trauma in the therapist’s room years down the road. 

Now you must be wondering, how did people in the past do it then? 

I once asked my grandmother how she parented nine children (yes nine) on her own and not go bonkers. 

She laughingly replied that the entire village rallied to help one another! 

Her eldest daughter – my aunt took care of her younger siblings who in turn took care of the little ones and so forth. 

The neighbours chipped in by snitching to her and my grandfather which kid got into trouble. 

When there’s a medical emergency, everyone including passersby applies their hearsay knowledge of primitive healing and then prays to the heavens that the child won’t die. 

Here’s an amusing one for treating a child with mumps. 

Get someone born in the year of the Tiger to write the Chinese character “虎” (Tiger) on the swollen face to scare the mumps spirit away.

I confessed I did that with my young son when he had mumps but don't tell him I autographed his cheek when he was sleeping even though I was born in the Year of the Dragon. 

But I figured the mump spirit should be flexible and know that in the Chinese zodiac sign, dragons are the most revered. 

I remember asking my mom over the phone, you mean all mump spirits are Chinese? What if we wrote “Tiger” in English instead? 

She pondered and replied, “Maybe Western kids don’t get mumps.”

My grandparents with their brood of eight, Year 1964. Six years later, they would welcome their last and littlest one, my aunt. 

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I firmly believe that getting help regardless of whether paid or unpaid, makes us better parents. 

According to author Oliver Burkeman, assuming we live till 80 years old, we only have four thousand weeks in total. 

If you are middle-aged like me, we’ve already clocked out half. 

And that is if we have the luxury of breathing till 80. 

Whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, our mortality clock is always counting down. 

My point is, if washing the toilets, changing bedsheets, and tutoring your kids spark joy and meaning for you, please carry on. 

Otherwise, know that we always have a choice to change the narrative of our lives and to place our time, attention, and resources toward what matters most. 

Those that don't? Get help.  

Start by asking yourself two questions: 

What do you enjoy doing most with and for your children? 

Do it more. 

What do you dislike doing most with and for your children? 

Do it less or even better don’t do it at all. 

Let’s be honest. We love our children but not everything in the parenting journey is euphoria. 

Just as our children love us, there are parts about us they find irritating too. 

It's fair play because none of us are always likeable whether we are 8, 18 or 80 years old.‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍

Take this summer holiday to figure out and before you know it, it’s time to return our kids to school. 

As parents collectively breathe a sigh of relief and rejoice secretly. 

______

我儿子在 7 岁的时候曾经非常崇拜蝙蝠侠，以至于整个暑假他都在玩蝙蝠侠的角色扮演。

2016 年在泰国普吉岛 3D 博物馆的暑假。

孩子们可以玩角色扮演，并且在多年后看到这些有趣的回忆时还能开怀大笑。‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍

我的外祖父外祖母和他们的八个孩子，1964 年。六年后，他们迎来了最后一个也是最小的孩子，我的小姨 。‍

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