Two weeks before I was due to travel with my 16-year-old daughter to America, I had a panic attack.
I texted my husband that I was scared to travel with our daughter.
He replied in amusement,
“She is our daughter!”
“That’s why I’m scared!”
As much as I hate to admit it, my daughter and I are very similar.
We love to procrastinate and only get up to speed when the deadline is ticking.
Till today I am still figuring out the art of time management, let alone advising my daughter to manage her time better.
The boys in our family are complete opposites. They map out schedules and timelines ahead and follow them regimentally (cue eyes rolling).
When we travel as a family, my daughter and I simply follow the boys and go where we’re told since they have long given up asking us girls to plan anything.
Now that it’s just the both of us, I will have to be the one doing all the work.
I was sure the responsibility would fall squarely on my shoulders while my daughter would be glued to her phone.
Simply picturing this scenario of me sweating away while she texted carefreely gave me anxiety and made me bitter that the boys couldn’t join us.
Because now, I’d have no one to depend on except myself.
This trip came about because our school had sent my daughter and her schoolmates to a history competition held in Washington.
You must have figured out by now that there was no way I initiated this trip.
Since we’re flying halfway across the world, we decided to make it worthwhile by travelling to New York and Boston for university tours before dropping her off for her first summer camp in San Francisco.
You know how Asian parents know where famous universities are?
Not me.
Thankfully with the help of her counsellors who must have felt sorry for my daughter for having such a clueless mom who also has no sense of direction, an emergency contingency plan was drawn up for us.
The entire mother-daughter trip would take three weeks.
Gulp.
Our first stop in Washington was blissful since we had company.
My daughter’s competition partner and her mom whom we had known since elementary were staying at the same hotel as us.
After pretending to offer help in navigating and checking out places to go, my daughter and I quickly resumed idle mode when we learned with delight that they are citizens who visit every summer.
Our week with them felt like a crash course in post-pandemic America.
I have been to the US numerous times before but somehow it felt…different and these observations apply to most of the countries I visited pre and post-pandemic.
The effect of trauma is insurmountable.
The National History Day closing ceremony parade, Washington.
When the competition ended and it was time to go our separate ways, saying goodbye to our friends felt like how my mom and confinement lady left me with my newborn all those years ago.
Then, it was me and my newborn in Shanghai.
Now, it was me and my teenage daughter in America.
Both are bone-chillingly terrifying.
As someone who advocates for living in the moment, I am known for changing plans at the last minute even for travelling.
Since my daughter and I belong to the same planet, the silver lining of our trip together means we are free to change our minds anytime without seeking anyone’s approval except each other.
Visiting a world-renowned museum in our itinerary today but we are vibing more with thrifting. Oh well, let’s skip the museum to thrift!
In a way, thrifting is a history lesson too and you get to bring them home.
The longest time we spent was in New York where we decided to come a day earlier than planned so the daughter could slowly digest the Big Apple.
Watching her marvel in awe at the reality of finally standing in a city where she learned so much from books, films, and social media, reminded me of the wonders of traveling and why I constantly drum into my kids to see the world when they grow up because it teaches you more than any school will.
It also reminded me of how people change with age.
Like her, I was once enamoured by New York’s charm where my favourite fashion shows and celebrities reside. Perhaps I have been spoilt by Shanghai and Singapore, but the stench wafting from the subways and streets made worse during summer had me slathering my temples with Tiger Balm ever so often.
While my daughter remained starry-eyed and unfazed – a luxury untainted by youth and wonder.
At Times Square in New York wearing another thrift men's linen shirt from The Salvation Army (US$12).
College tours, Boston
Of course, we fought and argued.
My long-standing pet peeve is her phone addiction.
“We didn’t spend all this money for you to be here texting your friends a galaxy away. Look up!! Look at America!!!”
My daughter would tell you that I was forever heading in the wrong direction like I knew where I was going.
“Mom, come back!! It’s the wrong way!!!”
_________
At the San Francisco airport lounge, a staff noticed I was tearing uncontrollably and asked if I was ok.
Embarrassed, I wanted to cook up a story that I had just sent my daughter off to college and wouldn’t be seeing her for a year, but in truth, she was only attending a summer camp and would return to Shanghai after three weeks.
But the thought of her alone out there in a foreign country without family or anyone she knew makes me worry.
Will she remember to clean up after herself? Will her roommate like her? Will she find friends? Will people be kind to her? Will she be safe?
Suddenly it dawned on me that all my fears about traveling with my daughter were the same ones I had when I first left home to venture the world alone.
Yet despite my fears, I went ahead anyway.
Just like my daughter and I right now, both standing in our fears on different continents, but we kept going.
Since my girl is very similar to me, I think she should be fine.
I hope.
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Chinese translation & Layout: Yan Yan
Illustrator: Ang Rei. Proofread: Ang Rei & John Meng
在华盛顿举行的国家历史日开幕式上，中国的徽章是最受欢迎的。
女儿在华盛顿纪念碑前。
在华盛顿的国家历史日闭幕式游行。
当比赛结束，各奔东西时，与她们告别的感觉不亚于多年前我坐完月子，母亲和月嫂离开我和宝宝时那样。
那时，只有我和新生儿在上海。
而如今，在美国，我与十几岁的女儿相依为命。
这两种情境都让人感到非常无助，毕竟能靠住的只有自己了。
虽然如此但旅行还要继续。
作为一个主张活在当下的人，我以擅长即兴安排而著称，这种特质贯穿我生活的方方面面，哪怕是在旅行中也是如此。
幸运的是我和女儿是同一颗星球的人，我们共同旅行的美妙之处在于，我们可以随心所欲地改变计划，而无需经过他人同意，只需互相商量即可。
今天在我们的行程中原本计划前往一家举世闻名的博物馆参观，但我们突然决定想去逛逛当地的二手店。
所以，为什么不直接放弃博物馆，改变计划去探索二手店呢？
毕竟在某种程度上，逛二手店也是一堂别具风味的历史课，而且你还能把那些独特的物品带回家，为旅程增添更多意义。
我的女儿提醒了我在美国逛二手店的乐趣，我也着了迷。我穿着一件男士亚麻衬衫（8美元）来自Goodwill，当然是洗过的。
我们在纽约停留的时间最长，因为我们决定提前一天抵达，让女儿有更多时间慢慢领略这座大苹果城市的魅力。
这样，我们可以更从容地探索纽约的每一个角落，更好地了解这座城市。
在来之前她通过书籍、电影和社交媒体对纽约有了许多了解，但是当我看着她惊叹地站在这座城市的现实之中时，让我想起旅行的意义，也让我深刻认识到为何我一直鼓励孩子长大后去探索这个世界，因为旅行能带给你的知识和体验比在任何一所学校都多。
此刻，我也开始意识到随着岁月的增长，人的观念和兴趣会逐渐变化。
曾经和她一样，我也曾为纽约的吸引力所倾倒，那里有我钟爱的时尚秀和名人风采。
然而，或许是因为我已经被上海和新加坡那干净整洁的街道所宠坏，纽约的地铁和夏日街头散发的难闻气味让我不得不时时在太阳穴上涂抹虎标万金油。
而我的女儿则依然目不转睛、毫不在意——这是一种年轻和好奇心才能带来的奢侈享受。
在纽约时代广场，穿着二手店The Salvation Army的另一件男士亚麻衬衫（12 美元）。
在纽约百老汇最新热门剧目《局外人》与演员的签名会。
在波士顿的大学校园参观
在加利福尼亚用公用电话给上海的弟弟打电话。
“抱歉15%小费算不过来”
值得庆幸的是，现在大多数支付都是自动化的，这样数学能力有限的人在面对令人头疼的小费文化时就不会感到那么有压力了。
当然在这次旅行中我们也争吵过。
我最讨厌的就是她一直在沉迷于手机。
"我们花这么多钱可不是为了让你在这里给银河系外的朋友发信息的。抬头看看美国！！！"
我的女儿会说我总是朝着错误的方向走，好像我知道自己要去哪里一样。
"妈妈，回来！方向错了！！"
_________
在旧金山机场休息室，一位工作人员留意到我失控地流泪，关切地询问我是否需要帮助。
尴尬之余，我想编造一个故事，说我刚送女儿去上大学，一年都见不到她了，而实际上，她只是前往参加一个为期三周的夏令营，很快就会回到上海。
但是作为一个母亲想到她独自在一个陌生的国家，没有家人或熟悉的人在身边，让我感到担忧。
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