Our societies are attached to a phrase which it can be a bit too easy to assume we understand. The talk is of people ‘growing’ and of having ‘grown’ which alludes to some kind of important psychological evolution and development. But what does ‘growing’ in this sense really involve?
我们的社会经常谈论成长这个词，理解起来似乎不费吹灰之力，人们谈及成长或和成熟，通常指的是人的重要心理变化和发展。但究竟什么是“成长”？
What is it that we are developing a capacity to do when we so-called grow and what are we leaving behind? And, crucially, how might we train ourselves to grow a little more – and a little more quickly?
所谓的成长，实际上是在培养我们的哪些能力？在成长的过程中，我们又会放弃什么？更重要的是，我们怎样才能让自己成长得更快一些？
What we may essentially be pointing to with the idea of growth is the ability to stop responding to situations in the present through lenses unconsciously distorted by our psychological histories and, especially, the quirks and biases bequeathed to us by our invariably somewhat complicated childhoods.
谈及成长，本质上是指我们学会了不再让过去的心理经历，尤其是童年时期那些复杂经历形成的古怪习惯和偏见，影响我们对眼前事情的反应。
A person who ‘grows’ is likely to be able to look more fairly at other people and situations – and to recognise the extent to which they might be aggravating conflict or heaping unwarranted suspicion or ruining their chances – because they bear within them presumptions shaped by hard-to-recall experiences of loneliness, fear, betrayal and humiliation.
一个“成长”了的人，更可能公正地看待别人和各种情况-能够认识到自己可能无意中加剧了冲突、猜疑或者搞砸了自己的机会-因为他们内心承载的是由不堪回首的孤独、恐惧、背叛和羞辱经历塑造的预设观念。
A person who has grown will more readily be able to check their first unhelpful responses to things and reach for a more complicated, objective set of explanations. It may not always have to be their companion’s fault. Perhaps a mistake was – in this instance – innocent. It might be their role to say a small sorry. Maybe they’ve misunderstood what was really being meant.
一个成熟的人能更快地检视自己对事情的第一反应可能不那么好，并寻求更复杂、更客观的原因。他们不会总是怪罪伴侣。可能这次的错误并不是故意的，他们可能需要说声对不起。也可能是他们误解了对方真正的意思。
To grow is to acquire the courage for new sorts of questions:
成长意味着有勇气去问自己一些新的问题：
– What if I were repeatedly defending myself against closeness and hope?
要是我总是抵触亲密和希望，会产生什么后果？
– Or, what if I was using busyness to block encounters with my own mind?
要是我用忙碌作为借口，逃避面对自己的内心，会怎么样？
– Or, what if I secretly manoeuvred to end a relationship prematurely because I felt safe with feelings of isolation and rejection?
要是孤独和被拒绝才会给我安全感，因而暗中操纵提前结束一段关系，那会怎么样？
– Or, what if I was running away from opportunities to show myself authentically to other people?
要是我逃避向别人展示真实的自己，会错过什么？
These questions can, in personal life, be what we might in science describe as Copernican; questions that involve a fundamental rethinking of one’s place in the order of things.
这些问题在个人生活中，就像是科学界的哥白尼学说一样，需要我们彻底重新考虑自己在世界中的位置。
The more one ‘grows’, the more one might have to give up a certain sort of confidence and certainty– not in the name of meekness or self-hatred, but for the sake of a newfound scepticism, a patient modesty and a humorous readiness to wryly acknowledge error and admit to fragility.
一个人越成长，他们越需要放弃一些自以为是的自信和确定感-这不是为了变得谦卑或者自我否定，而是为了培养出新的怀疑精神、谦逊品质，以及能幽默地接受自己的错误和弱点。
A person who has grown might:
一个成熟的人可能会：
– Operate with a vivid sense of how much they misunderstand.
很清楚自己有很多不懂的地方。
– They might appreciate their fear of intimacy and joy.
理解自己对亲近关系的害怕和对快乐的感受。
– They might more often say, ‘I don’t know’ or ‘let me perhaps think more about that.’ Even sometimes, on really special occasions, they might say, ‘I think you may have a point.’
他们可能会更常说，“我不确定”或者“让我再考虑考虑。”甚至在某些特别的场合，他们可能会说，“我觉得你说得对。”
– And they may be more receptive to friendships built around a recoginition of vulnerability and anxiety.
他们更能接受建立在相互承认脆弱和焦虑基础上的友谊。
What spurs growth is – unfortunately – almost always pain. We grow because we were fired and then, already shattered, were finally able to look at what colleagues around us might have found difficult about us for many years.
不幸的是，几乎总是痛苦促使我们成长。我们之所以成长，是因为我们被解雇了，心情已经很低落，但正是在这种时候，我们才会去反思自己一直以来让同事们感到不舒服的行为。
We grow because we lost a major love – and at last (as we weep in a corner of the airport lounge) we see that we might have been far too guarded or demanding or frightened. We grow because, in an hour of need, we can’t bear to be alone any more and realise (as if for the first time) what friendship could really be for.
我们之所以成长，是因为我们失去了一段重要的爱情-直到最后（我们在机场的休息区角落里哭泣时），我们才意识到自己可能太过保护自己、要求太多或者太害怕。我们成长是因为在最需要帮助的时候，我们再也不能忍受孤单，仿佛第一次突然明白了友情的可贵。
The greatest sign of growth might be a readiness to calmly take on board the scale of one’s silliness; how many basic things one is still learning; what a child one still is. A person who has grown won’t see anything offensive at all, indeed will stoically accept the idea that they have been, very often indeed, over some quite major things (if we can put this politely) a bit of an idiot – and they will be intensely committed to trying to be rather less of one in the precious time that remains.
一个人成长的最大标志可能是：冷静地接受自己的愚蠢程度；还有多少基础的东西自己仍在学习；自己还像个孩子一样。一个成熟的人不会觉得愚蠢无知有什么不好，反而会坦然接受自己过去在很多重要的事情上经常犯傻的事实，并且他们会非常努力地在余下的宝贵时间里，尽量让自己别再那么蠢。
来源：ONE字幕组
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