Day 10 回顾
梧桐树被砍伐，Juli心灰意冷，不再坐公交车上学，对周遭事物的看法也发生了改变。围绕鸡蛋的故事又上线啦！Bryce为何害怕鸡蛋，竟然和一条蛇扯上了关系！
Day 11 Brawk-Brawk-Brawk (呸-呸-呸，快走开)
第三章标题中Brawk是个拟声词，很多版本译为“嘿-嘿-嘿，快走开”，个人感觉“呸-呸-呸”，更形象。
上文Bryce为了向爸爸交差，和好友一起偷窥Juli院子，观察辨别公鸡还是母鸡却无果。他姐姐嘲笑他懦弱还在找借口，对他嗤之以鼻，然后说出这个拟声词。
Day 11 男生视角
Eggs scare me. Chickens, too. And buddy, you can laugh at that all you want, but I'm being dead serious here.
我害怕鸡蛋。我也怕鸡。伙计，你想笑就笑吧，但我是认真的。
It started in the sixth grade with eggs.
And a snake.
And the Baker brothers.
我对鸡蛋的恐惧是从六年级开始的。
与一条蛇有关。
还有贝克兄弟。
The Baker brothers’ names are Matt and Mike, but even now I can't tell you which one's which. You never see one without the other. And even though they're not twins, they do look and sound pretty much the same, and they're both in Lynetta's class, so maybe one of them got held back.
贝克兄弟的名字是马特和迈克，但即使到现在，我也分不清谁是谁。他们形影不离。虽然不是双胞胎，但他们长相和声音一模一样，而且他们都在莱内塔的班上，所以可能其中一个留级了。
Although I can't exactly see a teacher voluntarily having either of those maniacs two years in a row.
反正我看不出一个老师会连续两年心甘情愿教这两个疯子。
Regardless, Matt and Mike are the ones who taught me that snakes eat eggs. And when I say they eat eggs, I'm talking they eat them raw and shell-on whole.
不管怎样，是马特和迈克让我见识蛇怎么吃鸡蛋的。我说吃鸡蛋，我的意思是生吃，而且连壳吞下。
I probably would've gone my entire life without this little bit of reptilian trivia if it hadn't been for Lynetta. Lynetta had this major-league thing for Skyler Brown, who lives about three blocks down, and every chance she got, she went down there to hang out while he practiced the drums. Well, boom- boom-whap, what did I care, right? But then Skyler and Juli's brothers formed a band, which they named Mystery Pisser.
要不是丽妮塔，我可能一辈子都不晓得爬行动物的这点破事。莱内塔和住在三条街外的斯凯勒·布朗是死党，一有机会，她就去那里玩，听他们练习敲鼓。嗯，砰砰砰，我不在意什么打鼓！但后来斯凯勒和朱莉的兄弟们组成了一个乐队，他们将其命名为“神秘尿尿”。
When my mom heard about it, she completely wigged out. “What kind of parents would allow their children to be in a band named Mystery Pisser? It's vile. It's disgusting!"
当我妈妈听到这件事时，她气疯了。“什么样的父母会让他们的孩子组建一个叫“神秘尿尿”的乐队？这太下流的。太恶心了！”
“That’s the whole point, Mom," Lynetta tried to explain. “It doesn't mean anything. It's just to get a rise out of old people.”
“这正是重点所在，妈妈，”莱内塔试图解释道。“名字不代表什么。这只是为了让老人生气。”
“Are you calling me old, young lady? Because it's certainly getting a rise out of me!”
Lynetta just shrugged, implying that my mom could draw her own conclusion.
“Go! Go to your room,” my mother snapped.
“你言外之意我老了，姑娘？这件事的确气死我了！”
莉妮塔只是耸了耸肩，暗示妈妈随便怎样想都可以。
“去，到你的房间去！” 我妈妈厉声说。
“For what?" Lynetta snapped back. “I didn't say a thing!”
“You know perfectly well what for. Now you go in there and adjust your attitude, young lady!”
So Lynetta got another one of her teenage time-outs, and after that any time Lynetta was two minutes late coming home for dinner, my mother would messenger me down to Skyler's house to drag her home. It might have been embarrassing for Lynetta, but it was worse for me. I was still in elementary school, and the Mystery Pisser guys were in high school. They were ripe and ragged, raging power chords through the neighborhood, while I looked like I'd just gotten back from Sunday school.
“为什么？” 莱内塔没好气回了一句。“我可啥也没说！”
“你当然知道为什么。现在你进去好好反省一下，小姐！”
所以莱妮塔因为青春期的冲动又一次面壁思过（关禁闭）。自那之后，莱妮塔每次只要迟到两分钟回家吃晚饭，我妈妈就会指令我到斯凯勒家喊她回家。莱内塔觉得尴尬，但对我来说更糟。我还在上小学，“神秘尿尿”一帮人已经上高中了。他们成熟，穿着时尚，弹奏电吉他的和弦，响彻整个街区，而我看起来就像刚从主日学校回来的小屁孩。
I'd get so nervous going down there that my voice would squeak when I'd tell Lynetta it was time for dinner. It literally squeaked. But after a while the band dropped Mystery from their name, and Pisser and its entourage got used to me showing up. And instead of glaring at me, they started saying stuff like,“Hey, baby brother, come on in!”“Hey, Brycie boy, wanna jam?”
我紧张要命，当我喊莱内塔该回去吃晚饭了，我的声音变得短促尖利。真的，一点儿不夸张。但不久，乐队把乐队名字里的神秘去掉了，“尿尿”和他们的一帮家伙习惯了我的出现。他们不再怒目而视，而是对我说：“嘿，小弟弟，进来吧！” “嘿，布莱西小娃娃，想吃果酱吗？”
This, then, is how I wound up in Skyler Brown's garage, surrounded by high school kids, watching a boa constrictor swallow eggs. Since I'd already seen it down a rat in the Baker brothers’ bedroom, Pisser had lost at least some of the element of surprise. Plus, I picked up on the fact that they'd been saving this little show to freak me out, and I really didn't want to give them the satisfaction.
这就是我怎样混入斯凯勒·布朗的车库，周围全是高中生，看着一条巨蟒吞食鸡蛋。由于我已经在贝克兄弟的卧室里看到蟒蛇吞食老鼠，“尿尿们”的把戏已经不再那么让我惊奇了。此外，我还识破了他们存心保留这个小节目来吓唬我，而我打定主意不让他们得逞。
This wasn't easy, though, because watching a snake swallow an egg is actually much creepier than you might think. The boa opened its mouth to an enormous size, then just took the egg in and glub! We could see it roll down its throat.
这并不容易，因为看蛇吞蛋其实比你想象的要毛骨悚然得多。蟒蛇张开血盆大口，然后把鸡蛋生吞进去！咕噜一声，鸡蛋就滚进它的喉咙。
But that wasn't all. After the snake had glubbed down three eggs, Matt-or-Mike said, “So, Brycie boy, how's he gonna digest those?”
I shrugged and tried not to squeak when I answered, “Stomach acid?”
He shook his head and pretended to confide, “He needs a tree. Or a leg.” He grinned at me. “Wanna volunteer yours?"
I backed away a little. I could just see that monster try to swallow my leg whole as an after-egg chaser. “N-no!”
但远远不止这些。蛇吞下三个蛋后，马特，还是迈克说：“嗨，布莱西那个小子，你知道他怎么消化这些蛋呢？”
我耸耸肩，极力使嗓音保持正常，回答说：“分泌胃酸？”
他摇了摇头，假装天机不可泄露地说：“他需要一棵树。或者是一条腿。”他对着我咧嘴一笑。“想奉献你的一条腿吗？”
我稍微往后退了一点。我仿佛看到那个怪物试图吞下我的腿作为餐后甜点。
He laughed and pointed at the boa slithering across the room. “Aw, too bad. He's going the other way. He's gonna use the piano instead!”
他大笑起来，指着爬过房间的蟒蛇。“啊，太糟糕了。他选择了另一种方式。他要用钢琴代替你的腿！”
The piano! What kind of snake was this? How could my sister stand being in the same room as these dementos? I looked at her, and even though she was pretending to be cool with the snake, I know Lynetta - she was totally creeped out by it.
钢琴？这是一条什么样的蛇？我姐姐怎么能和这些魔鬼呆在同一个房间里呢？我望向她，尽管她假装镇静，但我知道莱内塔——她完全被此情此景吓坏了。
The snake wrapped itself around the piano leg about three times, and then Matt-or-Mike put his hands up and said, “Shhh! Shhh! Everybody quiet. Here goes!"
蛇缠绕住钢琴腿三圈，然后马特，还是迈克举起双手说：“嘘！嘘！大家都安静。来了！”
The snake stopped moving, then flexed. And as it flexed, we could hear the eggs crunch inside him. “Oh, gross!” the girls wailed. “Whoa, dude!” the guys all said. Mike and Matt smiled at each other real big and said, “Dinner is served!”
I tried to act cool about the snake, but the truth is I started having bad dreams about the thing swallowing eggs. And rats. And cats.
And me.
蛇停止挪动，然后蜷缩起来。当它收缩时，我们可以听到他体内鸡蛋的嘎吱作响声。“哦，太恶心了！”女孩们哭着说。“哇啦，伙计！”男孩们都说。迈克和马特相视大笑，说：“准备开饭啰！”
我假装表现得很酷的样子，但实际上我开始做蛇吞鸡蛋的噩梦。吞老鼠，吞猫。
甚至吞食我。
图片：图文无关，只是记录生活中的一些小美好，留下印记
读后小记
谁家好人将乐队命名为“神秘尿尿”？只有叛逆期青春期的少年了！和弦打鼓敲得震天响也就算了，还现场直播蟒蛇生吞鸡蛋！的确有点恶心加疯狂！
童年关于蛇的记忆多多。走在农村田埂上，偶遇匆匆而过的不速之蛇；盘缠在老家房间门把上的家蛇，被母亲轻言巧语劝走；村里调皮男孩倒提水蛇尾巴，不停抖动，吓唬一群哇哇叫的女孩子们。
上世纪90年代上大学时，我们一组去宜兴浙江一带实习，男同学们在野外抓到一条超大蟒蛇（大约2米长？），被藏在旅馆的背包里，不料蟒蛇逃脱，却惨遭当地旅社老板杀害，最后蛇皮被张贴墙上。那时的遗憾，愤怒，至今耿耿于怀。（有照片为证，见封面图片，不贴这里，唯恐大家观感不佳。）
大学毕业后在农村初中任教。那年初春，一名体育老师徒手抓了一条蛇，起灶生火，煮了一锅鲜汤，承蒙他们客气，第一碗原汤让我品尝，因为当时我有孕在身，说喝了对婴儿有利，有什么好处已经忘了。记得当时硬着头皮喝了一点，其实心里是极其抗拒的。
回忆如丝丝凉风，带我短暂回到青葱岁月，回不去的美好时光...
