hello大家好！或许，还有人记得这位颜值网红鼻祖——
“世界最美男孩”吗？
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6年前，这个叫威廉·弗兰克林-米勒（William Franklyn-Miller）的13岁男孩，凭着这张脸一夜爆红：
五官立体深邃，偏偏还有小脸和尖下巴，精致得像人偶。
威廉的家里人也知道自家孩子长得好看，在威廉8岁时，就送他去当模特，拍拍童装广告。
但他们或许没想到，自家孩子这么好看——好看到在亚洲爆红了。
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现在6年过去，大家最关心的是：
他有没有长残？有没有发福？过得咋样？过早成名，有没有让他“堕落”？？
答案显而易见：成年的威廉，是标准的俊朗小伙子。
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不得不说，随着年龄增长，他的眉眼间距变窄、脸型变长。
眼睛在脸部所占的比例变小，所以在视觉上也给人“眼睛变小”了的感觉；
而逐渐硬朗的脸部线条，也让幼态感下降，渐渐脱离了当年让小伙子爆红的“性别模糊”。
其实这个年龄段的孩子，最容易出现大家说的“长残”。
教育家杰罗姆·亨特 (Jerome Hunter) 说，中学是一个与众不同的时期，在这段时间里，重大的生理和情感变化与个人成长同时发生。在他创办的男子中学，他以他所谓的三个“C”为教育中心，——自信、沟通和社区——帮助重新定义男子气概。他分享了他在鼓励男孩探索自己的同理心时所看到的成长——以及它如何导致一个更加公正的世界。
演讲者：Jerome Hunter
演讲题目：3 skills every middle school boy needs
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Whenever I tell people I work at a middle school, they often lean back and suck their teeth.每当我告诉人们我在一所中学工作，他们经常倒吸一口冷气。It's like they're having a visceral reaction to the mere mention of those years, and it makes sense.简直像是只要提到了那些年他们就会产生应激反应，这是有一些道理的。Middle school is a time like no other.It's when significant biological, neurological and emotional changes are happening all at the same time.So how do middle schoolers respond to these changes?Well, some might ignore deodorant but overuse Axe body spray.好吧，有些人可能忽视除臭剂但过度使用Axe身体喷雾剂。You can find them holding up the walls during the school dance.And there's usually a desire to be treated like an adult, but they can't quite let go of their action figures.他们通常都希望被像成年人一样对待，但他们又不能完全放弃他们的手办，You might imagine that it looks a little like this.This was me in sixth grade, and like many middle school students, I was earnest, I was goofy, and I was just discovering who I wanted to be.这是六年级的我，和许多中学生一样，我很认真，也很傻，我才开始探索自己想成为什么样的人。Now I had no idea that I'd go on to teach middle school.They say the grade levels you teach are most reflective of your personality.So I'm not quite sure what it says about me that I later went on to found a middle school for boys.所以我不太确定对我来说它指什么，因为我后来又创办了一所男子中学。But in all seriousness, it didn't take long as a teacher to realize that my male students were acting kind of strange.但说真的，当老师没多久我就意识到我的男学生们表现得有点奇怪。I remember there was this one year,we were doing a get-to-know-you activity where students would use old magazines to create collages representing who they were.我们正在做一个“介绍自己”的活动，学生们会用旧杂志来创作代表了他们自己的拼贴画。And many of the collages had all of the things that typical middle schoolers like: the outdoors, sports, the latest fashion, the hottest shoes,许多拼贴画都有典型中学生喜欢的所有东西：户外、运动、新潮时尚、最热门的鞋子，you know, all the important stuff.However, there were some that were not exactly what I had in mind.A group of middle school boys created these collages that were comical, if not concerning.一群中学生创作了这些有趣，但又有些令人担忧的拼贴画。It was almost as if they had made templates of who they thought that they should be.Girls in bikinis, fast cars, professional wrestlers, first-person shooter video games.One collage actually had to have had at least 25 different images of Kim Kardashian.一幅拼贴画实际上至少有25幅不同的金·卡戴珊的肖像。And this wasn't an isolated incident.Whether it was going down a somewhat sketchy YouTube rabbit hole or mindlessly indulging in meme culture,无论是进入一个感觉哪里都不太对的YouTube世界，还是盲目地沉迷于那些火得很快的梗文化，which we know can get really hairy really fast, I was noticing a pattern with my boys.Instead of chalking it up as mindless activities or typical middle school behavior, I decided to investigate.我并没有将其当作随意打闹或当作典型的中学行为，我决定进行调查。I became a mentor for an afterschool program called My Brother's Keeper.我成为了一个名为“兄弟的守护者”的课后项目的导师。And in this space, we could have more in-depth conversations.Inspired by the 2016 presidential debates, I asked this group of boys an age-old question: "Does absolute power corrupt absolutely?"受到2016年总统辩论的启发，我向这群男孩提出了一个老生常谈的问题：“绝对权力是否绝对腐败？”Students began to discuss amongst themselves.And then I asked, "Now what would you do if you had this kind of power?And what if it was unchecked?"Students continued talking and then they shared out.Many of them said that they would use their power for good or even share it.他们中的许多人表示，他们会善用自己的权利，甚至分享它。And as I listened, I felt hopeful.Realizing that young men could take a different path.And then I brought the group together and I just said, "Does it have to be this way?"然后我把大家召集在一起，我说，“一定只能这样吗？”Their collective light bulbs lit up, realizing that they could reject this version of masculinity.他们的思维灯泡亮了起来，意识到他们可以拒绝这种男子气概。And at the same time, I too had an "aha!" moment.It became clear to me that middle school boys are so impressionable and so full of potential.我越来越确定，中学男生是如此易受影响，如此充满潜力。But what if I told you those same middle school boys could lead us to a more just and equitable society by redefining masculinity?但如果我告诉你，同样是这些男中学生只要通过重新定义男子气概他们可以带领我们走向一个更加公正和公平的社会？Now in the days and weeks that followed, I continued to reflect on this idea.What actually is masculinity?If we reject the gender binary and affirm people of all genders, how does masculinity fit into that?如果我们拒绝“性别二元论”并肯定所有性别的人，那么男子气概如何融入其中？What are the expectations of masculinity when it comes to race, class and other social factors?当涉及种族、阶级和其他社会因素时，我们对男性气质的期望是什么？I knew that middle school is fertile ground for this work.And my reflection led me to identify three critical skills that middle schoolers can practice to redefine masculinity.我的反思让我确定了三项中学生可以练习重新定义男子气概的关键技能。I call them the three C's.The first one is confidence, the second is communication, and the third is community.第一个是信心（confidence），第二是沟通（communication），第三是社区（community）。Now these three C's stand as the pillars of my school to show people that middle schoolers can redefine masculinity.现在，这三个C作为我学校的支柱，向人们展示了中学生可以重新定义男子气概。Now number one, confidence is essential to teach in middle school.Students are exploring their identities, and they're more open to abstract thinking.I believe that having a healthy and balanced confidence allows boys to feel good about who they are rather than feeling uncomfortable for trying to be someone they're not.我相信拥有健康和平衡的自信可以让男孩们对自我感觉良好，而不会因为试图成为他们不是的人而感到不舒服。It's different than simply being praised or rewarded for achievements but rather rooted in a deep sense of self.这不同于简单地因成就而受到表扬或奖励，而是源于深刻的自我意识。And so what my school does is move away from either-or thinking.Instead of boys believing that they have to choose between being smart or athletic, poetic or pragmatic,男孩们不必再认为他们必须要选择要么聪明要么运动、要么充满诗意，要么务实，we guide our boys to a more holistic version of masculinity that includes both-and.我们引导我们的男孩们去获得更全面的男子气概，这包括两者兼而有之。And as bell hooks and Olga Silverstein said, we need men who are empathetic and strong; autonomous and connected; 正如BellHooks和OlgaSilverstein所说，我们需要有同情心和坚强的人；既能自理也能与他人相处；responsible to self, friends, family, to community; and capable of understanding how those responsibilities are ultimately inseparable.对自己、朋友、家人、和社区负责；并且能够理解这些责任始终是不可分割的。And from a purely academic standpoint, we provide opportunities to teach confidence through cross-curricular work and projects that include math,从纯粹的学术角度来看，我们提供了学习自信的机会通过跨学科的工作和项目，包括数学、science, the humanities, art, home ec, sports to show them that deep learning and critical thinking often require an integration of all of these subjects.向他们展示深度学习和批判性思维通常需要整合所有这些学科。Teaching confidence allows boys to understand that there's an entire spectrum of how they can express themselves,通过教会他们自信，男孩们明白他们有很多方式来表达自己，and they can feel good and value the complexity of their identity and stand firm in it with confidence.他们可以感觉良好并重视他们身份的复杂性并怀着信心坚定地站在其中。The second C represents communication.Now communication is key.To counter the messages that society tells boys to constrict their emotions, my school practices a variety of communication methods,为了反驳这个告诉男孩们要抑制情绪的社会，我的学校会练习多种沟通方式，both intrapersonally and interpersonally.Now intrapersonally is how you communicate with yourself, and interpersonally is how you communicate with others.现在，个人内部是你与自己沟通的方式，人际沟通是你与他人沟通的方式。One example of our intrapersonal communication methods is we'll have students arrive at their desks at the beginning of the day.举例一个我们练习自省的方法，我们会在一天的开始让学生坐在他们的桌前，They'll close their eyes, breathe evenly for about a minute so they can just check in with themselves, see how they're doing, what they're thinking,他们会闭上眼睛，均匀地呼吸大约一分钟，这样他们就可以检查自己，看看自己怎么样，在想什么，It allows them to put a frame around their thoughts and emotions so they can focus on it a little more deeply throughout the day.它可以让他们为自己的想法和情绪设定一个框架，这样他们就可以在一天中更深入地关注它。Students also keep gratitude journals.Research shows that when students express gratitude on a regular basis, it increases positive emotions toward themselves and toward others.研究表明，当学生定期表达感激之情时，它会增加对自己和他人的积极情绪。An interpersonal practice that we like to do is at the end of the day,we'll have students gather in a circle to offer an appreciation for someone or something.Open it up to an apology or talk about a social issue that might be on their hearts.And we normalize these forms of communication to show boys that it is perfectly human to open your minds and your hearts to your community.我们将这些交流形式规范化向男孩们表明，你完全可以向你的思想，你的心灵以及你的社区敞开心扉。Now the third C represents community, to counter this false sense of individualism and having to pull yourself up by your bootstraps.现在第三个C代表社区，为了对抗这种错误的个人主义意识，导致人们觉得只能靠自己的力量振作起来。While we also know that there is great value in teaching our boys the importance of independence, it can be stymied when taken to an extreme.尽管我们也知道教导我们的男孩独立的重要性有很大的价值，但如果走向极端，它反而会变成阻碍。And so what we do is we engage in an inquiry process where we observe what's going on in our communities, either locally, nationally or globally,所以我们所做的是参与访问调查，观察我们社区中发生的事情，范围可以在地方、国家或全球，and then pose an essential question.One year we posed an essential question to our students that asked, "How can we create a community where everyone feels a sense of belonging?"有一年，我们向学生提出了一个重点问题，“我们如何创建一个让每个人都有归属感的社区？”Students took this question.They generated initial thoughts.They sought multiple perspectives from their peers, their teachers, community leaders.And then they came back to us and said, "We'd like to address homelessness in Seattle."然后他们回来对我们说，“我们想解决西雅图的无家可归问题。”And so we partnered with a local construction company to design, build and donate a tiny house.因此，我们与当地一家建筑公司合作设计、建造并捐赠了一座小房子。Now what we realized is through this community learning process, students felt a greater sense of satisfaction with studying,我们意识到，通过这个社区学习过程，学生对学习、承担学术风险感到更加满意，taking academic risks and just valuing the overall learning process.In addition, students felt more comfortable taking on leadership roles inside and outside of the classroom.One thing to note that in each of these three C's the adults involved modeled this new version of masculinity to prove to students that they don't have to fit into a stereotype.需要注意的是，在每一个C中参与其中的成年人都模仿了这种新的男性气质，以向学生证明他们不必适应刻板印象。And while I'm often impressed by the vulnerability and kindness of each of my students, it's still a middle school.虽然我经常钦佩于每个学生的脆弱和善良，它仍然是一所中学。It's this liminal space between childhood and adulthood.And amongst our sophisticated conversations, there's a lot of nonsensical humor.And very few of them have taken up regular usage of deodorant.And I know that this is lifelong work and there's no quick fix, but they show me that a better future is possible.我知道这是终生的工作，没有快速解决办法，但它们告诉我，一个更美好的未来是可能的。What if masculinity meant having a healthy and balanced confidence, communicating clearly, being connected to your community?如果男子气概意味着拥有健康和平衡的自信、清晰的沟通、与社会紧密连接？Just imagine how different our world would be.My students don't even show me that this future is possible, but this future is here, with middle school boys leading the way.我的学生甚至没有向我证明这个未来是可能的，但这个未来就在这里，由中学男生带路。Remark：一切权益归TED所有，更多TED相关信息可至官网www.ted.com查询！![]()
