名家写圣诞故事：谭恩美的Fish Cheeks

I fell in love with the minister’s son the winter I turned fourteen. He was not Chinese, but as white as Mary in the manger. For Christmas I prayed for this blond-haired boy, Robert, and a slim new American nose.

14岁那年的冬天我喜欢上了牧师的儿子。他不是中国人。整个圣诞节，我都在为这个长着金发的男孩祈祷，他的名字叫罗伯特，长着一个很别致的、纤细的美国式鼻子。 

（谭恩美幼年照）

When I found out that my parents had invited the minister’s family over for Christmas Eve dinner, I cried. What would Robert think of our shabby Chinese Christmas? What would he think of our noisy Chinese relatives who lacked proper American manners? What terrible disappointment would he feel upon seeing not a roasted turkey and sweet potatoes but Chinese food?

当我得知父母邀请了牧师一家到家里来吃圣诞晚餐时，我哭了。如果罗伯特看到了我们寒碜的中国式圣诞，他会怎么想？他会怎么看待我那些闹哄哄的、缺乏美国式教养的亲戚们？当他看到的不是一只烤火鸡和甜马铃薯而是“中国菜”时，会多么的失望！ 

On Christmas Eve I saw that my mother had outdone herself in creating a strange menu. She was pulling black veins out of the backs of fleshy prawns. The kitchen was littered with appalling mounds of raw food: A slimy rock cod with bulging fish eyes that pleaded not to be thrown into a pan of hot oil. Tofu, which looked like stacked wedges of rubbery white sponges. A bowl soaking dried fungus back to life. A plate of squid, their backs crisscrossed with knife marking so they resembled bicycle tires. 

圣诞节前夜，我看到母亲竭力地准备着一些奇怪的菜式。她拔出了肉虾背部的沙线。厨房里乱糟糟地堆满了惊人的大量的生鲜食物：一条粘乎乎的石斑鱼双眼外凸，仿佛正在哀求不要被扔到热油锅里；豆腐看上去像楔状的白色橡胶海缘干蘑菇浸泡在一碗水里面泡发；一盘鱿鱼的背部切着十字花刀，状如自行车轮胎。 

And then they arrived – the minister’s family and all my relatives in a clamor of doorbells and rumpled Christmas packages. Robert grunted hello, and I pretended he was not worthy of existence. 

然后，他们来了一一牧师一家和我所有的亲戚一一伴随着一阵喧闹的门铃声和一堆皱巴巴的圣诞节礼盒。罗伯特嘀咕着打了个招呼，而我装着没看见他。 

Dinner threw me deeper into despair. My relatives licked the ends of their chopsticks and reached across the table, dipping them into the dozen or so plates of food. Robert and his family waited patiently for platters to be passed to them. My relatives murmured with pleasure when my mother brought out the whole steamed fish. Robert grimaced. Then my father poked his chopsticks just below the fish eye and plucked out the soft meat. “Amy, your favorite,” he said, offering me the tender fish cheeks. I wanted to disappear.  

晚餐让我更加绝望。亲戚们舔着筷子，然后在饭桌上伸来伸去，在一堆盘子里夹菜。罗伯特和他的家人则耐心地等待着人们将大浅盘递给他们。当母亲端出清蒸鱼时，亲戚们很高兴，低声评价着。罗伯特做了一个鬼脸。这时我父亲用他的筷子伸到鱼的眼睛下面，夹出了鳃边软肉，“阿美，你最喜欢吃的！”他一边说，一边把嫩鱼肉夹给我。那一刻，我真恨不得马上消失。

At the end of the meal my father leaned back and belched loudly, thanking my mother for her fine cooking. “It’s a polite Chinese custom to show you are satisfied,” explained my father to our astonished guests. Robert was looking down at his plate with a reddened face. The minister managed to muster up a quiet burp. I was stunned into silence for the rest of the night. 

晚餐快结束时，父亲倾着身子，一边大声地打着饱隔，一边感谢母亲的好厨艺。“表示满意是中国式的礼貌。”父亲向诧异的宾客解释着。罗伯特红着脸，低头盯着他的盘子。牧师则设法不让自己的饱嗝发出声音。而我则很吃惊，在接下来的时间里一直保持着沉默。 

After everyone had gone, my mother said to me, “You want to be the same as American girls on the outside.” She handed me an early gift. It was a miniskirt in beige tweed. “But inside you must always be Chinese. You must be proud you are different. Your only shame is to have shame.”  

待客人都走光了以后，母亲对我说：“你想在外表上与美国女孩子一样。”她递给我一份提前准备的礼物。那是一条米色的斜纹软呢迷你裙。“但是骨子里你必须永远做中国人。你必须为自己的与众不同而骄傲。如果你因为身为中国人而觉得羞耻，这才是最让人羞耻的。” 

And even though I didn’t agree with her then, I knew that she understood how much I had suffered during the evening’s dinner. It wasn’t until many years later – long after I had gotten over my crush on Robert – that I was able to fully appreciate her lesson and the true purpose behind our particular menu. 

尽管那时我并不同意她的话，但我知道她了解我当天晚餐时有多痛苦。直到多年以后，我不再喜欢罗伯特了，才真正感激她给我上的那一课和那份特别的菜谱后面的目的。 

For Christmas Eve that year, she had chosen all my favorite foods.  

那一年的圣诞前夜，她挑选的食物都是我最喜欢吃的。

（选自《新东方英语》杂志，英文文章标题“Fish Cheeks”）