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My name is Xiao Xia. Born in 1993 in a small town in Hunan Province, I once dreamed of a life filled with love and adventure. At 22, I thought I had found the perfect love story when I married an American foreign teacher after a year of courtship. Yet, what awaited me was far from a fairy tale. It was a nightmare of domestic abuse, struggle, and survival.
This is my story - a journey through heartbreak, resilience, and ultimately, finding freedom.
Divorced but happy
As a second child during the one-child policy era, my very existence created challenges for my family. My parents had to pay substantial fines for having me, and in those early years, I lived with my grandmother while they worked to cover these penalties.
Growing up apart from my parents shaped who I am today. Though I had a carefree childhood with my grandmother, I spent many nights gazing at the stars, wondering about my parents and longing for family reunions. This early independence would later become my strength, though I didn't know it then.
Morning jogs
At 22, while studying at Changsha Normal University, I met the man who would become my husband – an American English teacher eight years older than me. Our story began simply enough: I wanted to practice English for my planned Southeast Asian trip, and he was often running along the same riverside path where I did my morning exercises. "Hi, good morning," I said one day, and that greeting changed the course of my life.
Yoga by the sea
He seemed surprised by my initiative, perhaps because many Chinese students excel at written English but hesitate to speak. We exchanged contact information after that run, and he opened up to me about his lonely life in China. I felt compassion for him and started showing him around – the Martyrs' Park, Orange Island, Du Fu's Thatched Cottage, and Mount Yuelu. What I saw as friendship, he interpreted as dating.
Wedding day photo
Three months into our relationship, I left for India to study yoga, hoping to become an international yoga instructor. During my eight-month stay, we maintained contact, and his persistence touched me. When I returned with my international yoga instructor certification, he was still waiting. One day, while we were sitting on the couch reading, he casually asked, "Want to get married?" I hesitated, saying I was too young, but he insisted that dating should lead to marriage. Without much thought, I agreed.
Surfing
We registered our marriage the next day. Unknown to me then, I was already pregnant. My mother insisted on throwing us a wedding when I was eight months pregnant, perhaps trying to make up for her years of absence. She even flew in my in-laws from America, arranging everything within a week.
Celebrating my daughter's birthday
In 2016, three months after our daughter's birth, we moved to America. My baby's persistent jaundice and Changsha's heavy pollution influenced our decision. As a yoga instructor, I thought I could work anywhere, and with my husband's master's degree, finding work seemed promising.
The strong me in the hospital
But life in America wasn't the dream I'd imagined. Living with my in-laws, I felt increasingly isolated. When we moved to Hawaii, things worsened. The high cost of living stressed my husband, who spent his evenings playing video games and growing more hostile. The verbal abuse started, then the physical violence followed.
Selfie before work
The worst came during an argument about our daughter's fever medication. He wanted to give her adult doses, and when I objected, he became violent. In desperation, I stabbed myself with a fruit knife. I didn't feel the pain then – the emotional agony of his daily verbal abuse hurt far more. When I started bleeding internally, I took a ride-share to the hospital instead of an ambulance, worried about the cost since I had no insurance. The doctors told me I would have died if I'd arrived five minutes later.
Working during the pandemic
My husband threatened that if I told anyone the truth, I'd be labeled crazy and lose my daughter. In my fear and ignorance, I believed him. Later, I learned that if I'd reported the abuse, the police would have protected both me and my child.
Determined to escape, I started working relentlessly. My first job was at a trendy restaurant in Hawaii, where I worked my way up from busing tables to serving, earning between $5,000 to $10,000 monthly. I tried over 20 different jobs – from luxury retail to ride-share driving, tour guiding to food delivery. I even obtained my Licensed Practical Nurse (LPN) certification.
Divorce agreement
The final breaking point came when he impulsively took our daughter to a Disney hotel for a week, spending over $10,000. After three police reports of domestic violence and multiple reconciliation attempts, I filed for divorce. I agreed to take on his credit card debt, student loans, and car payments just to end the marriage quickly.
Playing in the sand with my daughter
Today, four years after the divorce, I own a successful food truck and vegan restaurant in Hawaii. I live with my daughter and mother, and I've found love again with a kind man who treats both me and my daughter with genuine care. Though I'm expecting our child, I'm in no rush to marry. I've learned that marriage certificates don't guarantee security – only financial independence and inner strength can do that.
Running a food truck
Looking back, while the abuse I endured was traumatic, it taught me to be brave and resilient. I'm no longer that vulnerable woman; I'm a strong, independent business owner with love in my life and hope for the future. To other women trapped in abusive marriages: be brave enough to make choices for yourself. Even as a single mother, you can create a beautiful life. I'm living proof of that.
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