背景介绍：
如果你每天都要参加大大小小的会议，那么你一定需要一本会议生存手册。参加会议，掌握技巧至关重要。调整心态，以舒适得体的装扮展现自信。避免过度参与破冰游戏，保护隐私，保持谦逊。精选参会环节，利用小组讨论和“走廊哲学”建立深层联系。积极亮相，明智选择座位，提升存在感。同时，将会议视为充电机会，享受慢节奏时光，保持离线状态，以最佳状态吸收会议精髓，让收获更加闪耀。
Your conference-survival handbook
你的会议生存手册
Rules to make gabfests vaguely useful
让冗长会议变得有点用的规则
An email urging you to download the “forum-networking app” to start “making new connections” ahead of next week’s “knowledge-sharing experience” reminds you of something you had pushed to the back of your mind: you are going to a conference.
收到一封精心撰写的电子邮件，诚挚地邀请您下载“论坛网络应用程序”，旨在为您即将参加的“知识分享盛宴”活动提前铺设人脉桥梁，这温馨提醒让一件几乎淡出记忆的事件悄然浮现：一场意义非凡的会议正等待着您的光临。
If you are a paediatric nephrologist meeting colleagues to discuss the latest in children’s dialysis, a founder looking for investors or a speaker, you know what to do. But if—like most conference attendees, including, on occasion, this guest Bartleby—you are not sure why you are here, you need a strategy.
无论您是儿科肾病领域的权威专家，渴望与同行共探儿童透析技术的最新进展；或是初创企业的创始人，寻觅着志同道合的投资者；亦或是一位即将登台的演讲者，心中早已酝酿着启迪人心的讲稿——您定能游刃有余。然而，对于众多与会者而言（包括有时略显迷茫的笔者，巴托比），面对未知的目的地，一份策略显得尤为重要。
First, manage your expectations: “convention”, “summit”, “event”, “roadshow” and “festival” sound more fun than a conference, but don’t bring your Glastonbury or Burning Man kit. You are still just going to a gabfest.
首要之务，调整心态，合理设定期望：“大会”、“峰会”、“活动”、“路演”和“节日”等词汇虽听起来激动人心，实则不过是一场智慧与思想的交流盛宴，无需携带格拉斯顿伯里音乐节或火人节的狂欢装备。
No need to wear a three-piece suit, and by all means dress for comfort, but avoid the Midwest-account-manager-out-for-a-golf-weekend look. You never know whom you might run into.
着装上，以舒适得体为准则，无需穿着商务正装三件套，也要避免打扮成中西部客户经理周末外出打高尔夫球的样子。因为，你永远不知道你会遇到谁。
Next, remember that all icebreakers are a trick. If you are encouraged to draw something jolly on your name badge or use a “fun” sobriquet, politely resist. Similarly, if you are asked to share something nobody knows about you, this is a trap. Never say anything awkward about your own body or physiology (“I have a third nipple”, “I can burp the alphabet”), or anyone else’s.
其次，识破破冰游戏的“甜蜜陷阱”。面对胸牌上的涂鸦邀请或“趣味”昵称的提议，不妨以微笑和礼貌婉拒。分享环节，更要警惕那些试图挖掘隐私的提问，坚守底线，避免任何可能引发尴尬或不适的自我介绍，如身体特征的特别之处（比如“我有三个乳头”、“我可以用打嗝声说出字母表”），也不要谈论其他人的这些事。
Avoid the temptation to be a pompous ass: “I was a junior swim champion and once dated Kylie Minogue.” Being memorable means people will expect you to be both present and attentive. Blandness is a good goal.
不要自命不凡：“我曾是青少年游泳冠军，还和凯莉·米洛约会过。”记住，真正的难忘不在于炫耀，而在于那份低调中的专注与真诚。
Pick sessions selectively. Keynote speeches are usually reruns and can be skipped, unless bragging rights are useful in your line of work (“Check out my selfie with Elon”). Panels with more than four talking heads are always pointless.
参加会议，需有所选择。主题演讲虽精彩，但重播的便捷性让现场聆听不再是必选项，除非它能为您的职业履历增添光彩（“看看我和埃隆的合照”）。
The term “fireside chat” has become wildly misappropriated—unless there is an actual fireplace, you are unlikely to get a cosy, honest conversation. If the breakout “tracks” do not appeal, choose the hallway track: lingering in the corridors and chatting with people too important to be in sessions.
多人参与的小组讨论，则需警惕“人多口杂”的陷阱，超过四人的圆桌往往难以聚焦有效交流。若遇“围炉夜话”之名不符实，不妨转而探索“走廊哲学”，那里往往汇聚着无法分身参与正式议程的重要人物，是建立深层联系的理想之地。
Do turn up every day. But do not expect a prize for being a super-attender. If some form of presenteeism is required—ie, if you are accompanying your boss—apply the “first round” rule: stand up and ask a decent question early in a session, ideally near a photographer. Like getting the first round at the bar, people will remember you well after you have left.
每天都要出席。但请铭记，出勤率并非奖赏的依据。若需展现存在感，不妨借鉴“首轮效应”，会议初便以积极姿态亮相，靠近摄影师，提出高质量问题。就像在酒吧喝酒第一轮一样，让您的身影成为众人难忘的第一印象。
Choose your seat wisely. Too close to the front and you cannot escape a dull session, too near the back and nobody will see you. As in aeroplanes, avoid the middle of rows. Standing in the wings offers maximum flexibility (though it brings the risk of an organiser asking you to sit down once all the good seats have been taken).
明智地选择座位。既非前排的束缚，亦非后排的隐匿。就像乘坐飞机一样，要避免坐在中间位置。站在侧边最具有灵活性（尽管这会带来风险：组织者可能会要求你找个地方坐下来，而此刻所有好座位都被占了）。
Done well, a conference is the perfect alibi for getting some much-needed rest, recuperation, maybe even inspiration. Research shows productivity gains from holidays are greatest when people truly disconnect.
最后，将会议视为一次身心的充电之旅。研究表明，远离日常工作的短暂逃离能显著提升后续的生产力。
To maximise the RoC (return on conference), stay offline. Start the day slow, use the hotel gym or pool, take yourself out for a leisurely breakfast. Make the most of being away from the office: go for a walk in a new city and take catnaps between sessions.
因此，请充分利用这段时间，保持离线，享受慢节奏的清晨，利用酒店的健身设施焕发活力，或是在会议间隙漫步新城市的街巷，小憩片刻。
This is what others do when they say they “have to take a call”. With spirits lifted, and some of the snark shaken off, you might actually get something out of this thing. Oh, and don’t be afraid to leave early.
当他人以“紧急电话”为由悄然离席时，正是如此。勇于提前离场，当您以饱满的精神状态回归，那些会议中的收获将更加熠熠生辉。
