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自恋者是否更容易被“已婚”对象吸引？
关系状态与浪漫兴趣之间的联系
本文要点
· 自大型自恋者认为自己独特、特别，并有权享受特权。
· 尽管自大型自恋者有负面特质，但他们在社交上非常熟练且有魅力。
· 自恋者通过让伴侣猜测他们的承诺程度来保持关系中的权力。
我们都熟悉“禁果”的概念，即一些禁止的东西往往显得更有吸引力。在浪漫的背景下，这通常包括对他人配偶或伴侣的吸引力。我们在任何情况下都正当地谴责伴侣挖角行为。但我们有时会指责自恋者从事这种行为来提升自我。真的是这样吗？他们的特权意识是否超越了他们的体面感？研究结果揭示了一些有趣的现象。
1.注意自恋：自大特质的表现
Amy B. Brunell 等人（2018年）专门探讨了自恋者是否基于关系状态而被他人吸引，[i] 他们研究了表现出自大型自恋特质的参与者是否从事伴侣挖角行为。
Brunell 等人描述，自大型自恋表现出傲慢、自私、对自我的膨胀看法，以及高外向性与低宜人性和神经质的结合。他们指出，自大型自恋者认为自己独特、特别，并有权享受特权。也许正因如此，他们利用他人，感觉到的内疚较少，并且在日常可能对他人有害的行为中表现出较低的道德推理水平。但这其中也有一个被认为是积极的一面。Brunell 等人解释道，尽管有这些负面特质，自大型自恋者在社交上非常熟练且有魅力，这使他们能够上升到权力和领导地位。不幸的是，他们保持关系权力的一种方式是让他们的伴侣对他们的承诺和兴趣程度捉摸不定。
2.识别短期行为者
关于关系风格，Brunell 等人指出，自大型自恋者更可能支持无承诺的随意性行为，有更多性伴侣，并且偏爱短期关系。他们还指出，对影响力和权力的渴望将自大型自恋与性态度和行为联系起来，包括女性的性胁迫和男性的性侵行为。
关于关系选择，自大型自恋者报告更频繁的伴侣挖角行为，即采取某些行为意图吸引已经与他人有浪漫关系的人发生性关系。毫无疑问，助长这一行为的是自大型自恋者被认为是“性感”的，这可能激发了他人的性欲。Brunell 等人认识到，故意从事自我提升的个体更容易吸引更多的短期性伴侣。他们还指出，也许不足为奇的是，自大型自恋者倾向于夸大他们对自己吸引力的评价，这可能导致他们与那些“超出自己能力范围”的人追求短期关系。
3.对禁果的渴望，还是仅仅一场风流？
Brunell 等人指出，尽管自大型自恋者倾向于报告短期伴侣挖角行为，但仍存在一个问题，即他们是否更有兴趣追求已经有伴侣的人，而不是单身的人。在他们的研究中，他们发现自大型自恋者并不特别有兴趣将某人从现有关系中吸引出来，而是会考虑自己的关系状态来评估对他人的兴趣，无论是为了短期恋情还是长期关系。他们总结道，显然，自大型自恋者追求的是最让他们感兴趣的人，而不考虑对方的关系状态。
结论似乎是，考虑到自恋者在关系中带来的不良特质，最好的做法是远离那些寻求短期无承诺浪漫关系的人。理想的伴侣应展现出培养健康、快乐和健全关系的愿望，并关注长期关系的质量和稳定性。
Are Narcissists More Attracted to Someone Who Is “Taken"?
The link between relationship status and romantic interest.
KEY POINTS
· Grandiose narcissists view themselves as unique, special, and entitled.
· Despite their negative qualities, grandiose narcissists are socially skilled and charming.
· Narcissists maintain relational power by keeping partners guessing about their level of commitment.
We are all familiar with the concept of forbidden fruit, where something that is off-limits is viewed as more desirable. In a romantic context, this often includes an attraction to someone else’s spouse or partner. We justifiably denounce mate poaching in any context. Yet we sometimes accuse narcissists of engaging in this practice to boost their egos. Is that true? Does their sense of entitlement overcome their sense of decency? Research presents some interesting results.
1.Noticing Narcissism: Grandiose Qualities on Display
Amy B. Brunell et al. (2018) explored specifically whether narcissists are attracted to others based on relationship status,[i] examining the practice of mate poaching by participants who exhibit traits of grandiose narcissism.
Brunell et al. describe grandiose narcissism as marked by arrogance, selfishness, an inflated view of self, and a high amount of extraversion paired with low amounts of agreeableness and neuroticism. They note that grandiose narcissists view themselves as unique, special, and entitled. Perhaps accordingly, they take advantage of other people, feel less guilt, and experience reduced levels of moral reasoning about day-to-day behavior that could be harmful to others. But there is a perceived bright side. Brunell et al. explain that despite their negative qualities, grandiose narcissists are socially skilled and charming, allowing them to rise to positions of power and leadership. Unfortunately, one way they maintain relational power is by keeping their partners guessing about their level of commitment and interest.
2.Spotting the Short Timer
Regarding relational style, Brunell et al. note that grandiose narcissists are more likely to endorse casual sex without commitment, have more sexual partners, and prefer short-term relationships. They also note that a craving for influence and power links grandiose narcissism with sexual attitudes and behavior, including sexual coercion for women, and sexual aggression among men.
Regarding relational choice, grandiose narcissists report more frequent mate poaching, defined as behaviors deployed with an intent to attract someone to engage in a sexual encounter who is already in a romantic relationship with someone else. No doubt aiding this endeavor is the fact that grandiose narcissists are perceived as “sexy,” potentially exciting sexual desire in others. Brunell et al. recognize that individuals who intentionally engage in self-enhancement are better able to attract a greater number of short-term sexual partners. They also note that perhaps not surprisingly, grandiose narcissists tend to inflate their own ratings of their attractiveness, which can lead them to pursue short-term relationships with others who are “out of their league.”
3.An Appetite for Forbidden Fruit, or Merely a Fling?
Brunell et al. note that although grandiose narcissists tend to report short-term mate poaching, there is a question regarding whether they are more interested in pursuing people who are already in relationships rather than people who are single. In their research, they found that grandiose narcissists were not more interested in drawing someone away from an existing relationship, but instead, considered their own relationship status when evaluating interest in someone else, either for a fling or a long-term relationship. They conclude that apparently, grandiose narcissists pursue whoever interests them the most, regardless of the other person’s relationship status.
The bottom line appears to be that considering the undesirable traits narcissists bring to a relationship, the best practice is to steer clear of others seeking short-term uncommitted romance. Ideal partners showcase a desire to cultivate healthy, happy, wholesome relationships with an eye toward long-term relational quality and stability.
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翻译 | 周怡伶
编辑 | 董江海
