心科普
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每段成功的恋爱关系都必须经历的 5 个阶段
从初识到结婚：成功的恋爱关系也会经历类似的阶段
本文要点：
无论您是刚开始认识某人，还是正处于交谈阶段，抑或是已经与对方建立了一段时间的关系，您可能都会想知道你们的关系正处于哪个阶段。了解约会处于的阶段可以让你了解你们关系的真正进展，让你在不同阶段都能驾驭复杂的爱情。
根据克纳普的 "关系模型"，从初次见面到最深层次的承诺，关系发展有五个不同的阶段。
每个阶段都有独特的沟通行为、情感和心理动态。当与潜在的匹配对象共同经历这些阶段时，他们会体验到不同程度的自我披露、情感投入和相互承诺，这些共同促进了彼此关系的发展。
以下是成功约会的五个阶段，这些阶段会促成一段深厚的关系。
1. 主动约会
约会的第一阶段包括认识新朋友，努力给对方留下好印象，了解对方是否吸引自己，以及决定是否进一步发展关系。这时的对话可能仅限于闲聊和调侃。
在这些初始对话中，直接表达兴趣可能会有所帮助。2020 年的一项研究发现，使用直接的搭讪台词，比如“嗨，我觉得你很可爱。我可以请你喝一杯吗？”与更含蓄的方式或俗气的搭讪相比，更有可能导致交换电话号码或同意第二次约会。
研究还表明，在初次见面时，男性倾向于高度评价外表的吸引力，而女性在决定是否与对方建立联系时，往往更看重对方的品质，如善良、聪明和幽默。
2. 尝试
第二个阶段是寻找信息阶段，目的是减少对方的神秘感和不确定性。个人开始探索共同的兴趣爱好和背景信息，以确定彼此是否契合。随着分享喜好、厌恶、爱好和个人经历，对话变得更加私人化，试探是否有可能建立更深层次的联系。
研究表明，发现相似之处和共同点可以增强情侣之间的吸引力。这也可以加强双方的兼容性，让情侣们有信心开始认真对待彼此。
3. 加强
在第三阶段，关系加深并加强，在情感上变得更加亲密。伴侣之间会表达更深的情感，进行更有意义的对话，并开始向对方敞开心扉。
2021 年的一项研究发现，花大量时间在一起交谈并向对方敞开心扉的情侣，关系的满意度和亲密程度都很高。在这个强化阶段，随着彼此信任和感情的增长，他们可以在展示脆弱中找到安全感。
4. 整合阶段
在第四个阶段，关系的双方共同发展出一种共同的身份感，即 “伴侣身份”。虽然他们在很大程度上保留了各自的自我，但融合使他们在生活的不同方面产生了一些相互依存的关系。
情侣们开始更多地融合他们的生活和社交圈，以情侣的身份出现在他人面前，向重要的朋友和家人介绍对方，并建立起共同的生活习惯。他们还可能使用“关系符号”，如彼此的昵称、内部笑话或共同的故事，这标志着他们生活中更高层次的联系和相互关联。
2020 年的一项研究发现，清楚地知道自己作为情侣的身份与更高水平的承诺有关，这为情侣进入约会的最后阶段做好了准备。
5. 结合
最后阶段标志着深层次的承诺。这是 Knapp 所描述的“走到一起”阶段的顶峰。2023 年的一项研究发现，准备好对一段关系做出承诺会增强情侣的心理健康。
对不同的人来说，这个阶段可能会有所不同，因为除了传统的婚姻之外，情侣们还可以有各种方式来象征他们的承诺。结合的行为使他们结合在一起，并以最符合他们共同价值观和信仰的方式庆祝他们的爱情。
对于一些人来说，这可能涉及到正式公开承认他们的关系，比如订婚或举行婚礼仪式。对另一些人来说，承诺可能会以不同的形式表现出来，比如举行承诺仪式、共同建立一个家、选择为人父母，或者承诺实现特定的共同生活目标并一起规划未来。
每个阶段都是迈向更深情感亲密和相互承诺的垫脚石。然而，在一段承诺的关系中，并不是要急于通过这些阶段或达到社会的爱情基准。而是要培养一种充满真挚感情、相互尊重和对未来共同愿景的关系。
5 Stages Every Successful Relationship Must Navigate
Just met to just married: Successful relationships progress similarly.
KEY POINTS
Whether you’re getting to know someone new, are in a talking stage, or have been building a relationship with them for a while now, you may wonder what stage your relationship is in. Understanding dating stages allows you to learn about the true progression of your relationship, equipping you to navigate the complexities of love in all its different phases.
According to Knapp’s Relationship Model, there are five distinct stages of relationship development, from the initial meeting to the deepest levels of commitment.
Each stage is characterized by unique communicative behaviors, emotions, and psychological dynamics. As potential matches move through these stages, they experience varying levels of self-disclosure, emotional investment, and mutual commitment, which collectively contribute to the evolution of their relationship.
Here are the five stages of successful dating that result in a deeply committed relationship.
1. Initiating
The first stage of dating involves meeting someone new, striving to make a positive impression on one another, understanding whether they are attracted to each other, and deciding whether or not to pursue a relationship further. Conversations here may be limited to small talk and flirty banter.
In these initial conversations, direct expressions of interest can be helpful. A 2020 study found that using a direct pick-up line, such as “Hi, I think you’re cute. Can I buy you a drink?” was more likely to lead to exchanging phone numbers or agreeing to go on a second date than a more subtle approach or a cheesy pick-up line.
Research also shows that while men tend to rate physical attractiveness highly in these first meetings, women tend to value qualities such as kindness, intelligence, and humor in their decision to pursue a connection.
2. Experimenting
The second stage is the information-seeking stage, to reduce the mystery and uncertainty around the other person. Individuals start to explore common interests and background information to determine compatibility and conversations become more personal as they share likes, dislikes, hobbies, and personal experiences, testing the waters to see if a deeper connection is possible.
Research shows that discovering similarities and common ground can enhance the attraction a couple experiences. This can also strengthen perceived compatibility, giving couples the confidence to start getting serious about each other.
3. Intensifying
In the third stage, the relationship deepens and intensifies, becoming much more emotionally intimate. Partners express deeper feelings, have more meaningful conversations, and begin to openly confide in each other.
A 2021 study found that couples who spend a large amount of time together talking and opening up to each other experience high relationship satisfaction and closeness. In this intensifying stage, they can find safety in displaying vulnerability as their trust and feelings for one another grow.
4. Integrating
In the fourth stage, couples develop a shared sense of identity together, known as a “couple identity.” While they very much retain their individual selves, integrating allows them to create some interdependence in the different aspects of their lives.
Couples start to merge their lives and social circles more, present themselves as a couple to others, introduce each other to significant friends and family members, and establish routines together. They may also use “relational symbols” such as having nicknames for one another, inside jokes, or shared stories, signifying a higher level of bonding and interconnectedness in their lives.
A 2020 study found that having clarity about knowing who you are as a couple is associated with higher levels of commitment, which prepares couples for the final stage of dating.
5. Bonding
The final stage signifies deep levels of commitment. This is the peak of what Knapp describes as the phases of “coming together.” A 2023 study found that the readiness to commit to a relationship enhances psychological well-being for a couple.
This stage can look different for different people, as couples can have various ways of symbolizing their commitment beyond traditional marriage. The act of bonding serves to bind them together and celebrate their love in a way that most aligns with their shared values and beliefs.
For some, this may involve a formal and public acknowledgment of their relationship, such as getting engaged or having a wedding ceremony. For others, commitment might be expressed in different forms, such as a commitment ceremony, creating a home together, choosing to become parents, or committing to specific shared life goals and planning a future together.
Each stage serves as a stepping stone toward deeper emotional intimacy and mutual commitment. However, being in a committed relationship is not about rushing through these stages or achieving societal benchmarks of love. It is about cultivating a relationship filled with genuine affection, mutual respect, and a shared vision for the future.
It is also important to appreciate the fluidity and individuality of these stages. Not everyone will follow this timeline in the same way, and that is perfectly natural. Some relationships may skip certain stages, move through them in a different order, or spend longer in one stage than another. Embracing this fluidity allows couples to adapt and evolve together, creating a relationship they love.
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翻译 | 刘彦志
编辑 | 董江海
