心科普
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我们经常做的2件事让生活变得更糟
忽视我们的弱点和长处如何导致潜能得不到发挥？
本文要点：
·我们经常会做出让生活恶化的行为，但所有这些行为都可以归纳为两个关键点。
·我们常常忽视自己的弱点，认为这些弱点并不急于解决，从而破坏了自己的生活。
·我们也容易忽视自己的长处，未能开发出能给我们带来成就感的潜能。
我们在心理上做了什么会让生活变得更糟？当我刚刚开始思考这个问题时，我首先发现许多潜在的行为和想法会让我们的生活变得更糟。比如坏习惯、怨恨、嫉妒、傲慢、自卑等等。然而，当我进行更深入的分析并提取这些行为的要点时，我意识到所有这些行为都可以恰当地归纳为两个要点。
在我们讨论这些问题之前，请允许我分享一个我自己生活中的例子。最近，有一位来访来找我咨询，乍一看，他似乎是一个理想男人的形象。他只吃健康的食物，每天练习瑜伽和冥想，收听有关身心健康的有意义的播客，并且在一家声誉良好的公司拥有一份前途无量的职业。
从表面上看，他的生活似乎蒸蒸日上。然而，他寻求我的帮助是有原因的。当我们交谈时，我意识到他所从事的正是我所发现的两种有害行为。尽管他有很多积极的生活习惯，但这两种行为严重损害了他的整体健康，使他的生活变得不那么充实。那么，这两种行为是什么呢？
我们知道自己的弱点，但我们却不加以克服
在面对个人弱点时，一般有两种人。第一种人是那些声称自己没有任何弱点的人，因此，他们认为没有必要在任何方面下功夫。对此，我只能说：这是一种危险的自欺欺人。
我们都有可以改进的方面。自称完美无瑕往往是缺乏自我反省和成长意愿的表现。这种心态导致我们在问题没有立即造成破坏时就会忽略它们。我们往往会想：“除非这个问题彻底毁了我的生活，否则我就不需要去解决它。”却忘了未解决的问题通常会在被触发时再次出现。
第二种人承认自己有弱点，但却拖延不改。他们可能会承认：“是的，我内心有一些东西需要改进”，但由于种种原因，他们迟迟没有采取行动。我遇到的许多人都表示希望有一天能向心理学家或咨询师寻求帮助。这恰恰说明，在他们的内心深处，他们知道自己是有一个问题需要解决的。然而，我看到的是，他们继续在犹豫中浪费时间，几乎可以肯定，他们永远不会开始为自己努力。
别误会，我并不是说我没有这些行为。恰恰相反，我之所以能写这篇文章，完全是因为我在自己的行为中不断发现这些倾向。因此，我也鼓励大家像我一样诚实地面对自己。如果你审视一下自己的行为，你能找到类似的地方吗？你知道自己的弱点在哪里吗？你是否喜欢对它视而不见？
我们知道自己的强项，却没有在这上面下功夫
忽视弱点的另一面是容易忽视我们的长处。我认识很多生活不如意的人。是什么让他们变成了这样？他们从未努力去发现自己的长处，更不用说自信地使用它们并进一步发展它们了。我们对生活的无意义感和不满，往往源于我们可以为世界做出贡献的潜能没有得到发挥。
让自己生活痛苦的人，往往是那些未能发挥自己潜能的人。你可以说，他们是对生活本身不负责任，因为他们没有给世界带来他们本可以提供的东西。事实上，世界上有许多可怕的事情，你、我或我最近的来访都可以解决。然而，我们常常选择沉默，躲避那些只要我们发挥自己的长处就能实现的潜在的伟大事业。
当我们有以下想法时，我们的生活就会遇到更多问题：“哦，不，我不能要求升职，我还不够优秀”，或者“我还没准备好。我需要成为重要人物才能承担这个责任”，或者“我害怕别人会怎么看我”。这些都是自愿的，有时甚至是有意识的错误，它们显然让我们的生活变得更糟。
它将把我们引向何方？
如果你觉得你的生活比你想象的要糟糕，请检查一下你是否做了我今天描述的两件事。你是否有一些弱点、坏习惯、嗜好、社交焦虑、抑郁情绪、缺乏沟通技巧，或者对别人对你的看法犹豫不决？问问自己为什么没有采取措施解决这些问题。
此外，还要考虑您是否忽视了发展自己特长的机会。你是否缺少一份好工作或一项你热衷并擅长的爱好？如果是，你为什么不采取措施去追求这些兴趣？
或者，你已经有了一份体面的工作，并取得了一些成功。然而，你觉得自己并没有达到你所能达到的高度，也没有达到你想要的高度？为什么不朝这个方向努力呢？
我希望这篇文章能帮助你认识到，我们对生活的不满很大一部分源于我们自己在个人成长方面的作为或不作为。如果你觉得自己的生活不如意，也许是时候关注我所描述的两个关键方面了。
2 Things We Constantly Do That Make Our Lives Worse
How ignoring our weaknesses and strengths leads to unfulfilled potential.
KEY POINTS
·We often engage in behaviors that worsen our lives, but all of them can be summarized as two key points.
·We often sabotage our lives by ignoring our weaknesses, thinking they're not urgent enough to address.
·We also tend to overlook our strengths, failing to develop the potential that could bring us fulfillment.
What do we do psychologically to live a worse life? When I just started to think of this, I first found many potential actions and thoughts that can make our lives worse. Consider bad habits, resentment, jealousy, arrogance, low self-esteem, and many more. Yet, when I conducted a more thorough analysis and extracted the gist of those behaviors, I realized that all of these actions can be aptly summarized under two key points.
Before we discuss them, let me share an example from my own life. Recently, one client came to my consultation who, at first glance, seemed to embody the image of an ideal man. He ate only healthy food, practiced yoga and meditation daily, listened to meaningful podcasts about physical and mental health, and had a promising career at a reputable company.
On the surface, his life appeared to be flourishing. However, he sought my help for a reason. As we spoke, I realized that he was engaging in precisely the two detrimental behaviors I had identified. Despite his many positive habits, these two actions were significantly undermining his overall well-being and making his life less fulfilling. So what are those things?
We know our weak sides, yet we don’t work on them
There are generally two types of people when it comes to confronting personal weaknesses. The first type are those who claim they don’t have any weaknesses, and therefore, see no need to work on anything. As a response, I have only one thing to say: this is a dangerous form of self-deception.
We all have aspects of ourselves that we could improve. Claiming to be flawless is often a sign of a lack of willingness to self-reflect and grow. This mindset leads us to ignore our problems when they are not immediately disruptive. We tend to think, “Unless this issue completely ruins my life, I don’t need to address it,” forgetting that unresolved issues usually resurface when triggered.
The second type are those who acknowledge their weaknesses but procrastinate on addressing them. They might admit, “Yes, there is something within me that needs work,” but for various reasons, they delay taking action. Many people whom I met expressed a desire to seek help from a psychologist or coach someday. This exactly shows that somewhere in the back of their mind, they know that there is a problem they could work on. Yet, what I see is that they continue to waste their time in hesitation and almost certainly will not ever start working on themselves.
Don’t get me wrong—I’m not saying that I don’t engage in those behaviors. On the contrary, I was able to write this piece only because I constantly find these tendencies in my own behavior. So, I also encourage you to be honest with yourself as I am. If you look at your own behavior, can you find something similar there? Do you know where your weak side is? Do you prefer to turn a blind eye to it?
We know our strong sides, yet we don’t work on them
The flip side of ignoring our weaknesses is the tendency to overlook our strengths. I know many people who live an unsatisfactory life. What unites them? They never made an effort to identify their strengths, let alone to use them confidently and develop them further. Our feelings of meaninglessness and dissatisfaction with our lives often stem from the unrealized potential that we could contribute to the world.
People who make their own lives miserable are often those who leave their potential under a parapet. You could say that they are being irresponsible to life itself, as they fail to give the world what they could have offered. Indeed, there are many terrible things in the world that could be fixed by you, by me, or by the client I recently had. Yet, we often choose to remain silent, hiding from the potential great things we could achieve if we only developed our strengths.
We add more problems to our lives when we think along the following lines: “Oh, no, I can’t ask for this promotion; I’m not great enough,” or “I’m not ready for this. I need to become someone important to take on this responsibility,” or “I’m scared of what people will think if I do this.” These are voluntary, and sometimes even conscious, mistakes that evidently make our lives worse.
Where does it lead us?
If you feel that your life is worse than you think it should be, check if you do the two things that I described today. Do you have some weak sides, bad habits, addictions, social anxiety, depressive moods, lack of communication skills, or hesitation about what people think about you? Ask yourself why you haven’t taken steps to address these issues.
Additionally, consider whether you are neglecting opportunities to develop your strengths. Do you lack a good job or a hobby that you are passionate about and could excel in? If so, why aren’t you taking steps to pursue these interests?
Or perhaps you already have a decent job and have achieved some success. Yet, you feel you are not as high as you could be and as you wanted it to be? Why don’t you go in this direction?
I hope this post has helped you realize that a significant part of our life's dissatisfaction stems from our own actions or inactions regarding personal growth. If you feel your life is not as good as it should be, it might be time to focus on the two key aspects I’ve described.
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翻译 | 丁艺
编辑 | 杨悦
