在每个人的内心深处，都可能藏着一些未曾表达的情感和需求。我们害怕一旦说出这些话，可能会引发不可预知的后果，比如伤害到别人，或者让自己陷入尴尬。但压抑的情绪就像是身体里的毒素，说出来就像是把毒素排出去。我们有时候会想，只有对着有血有肉、专注的真人说话才有用；但实际上，能说出心里话，哪怕没人听，对我们来说也很重要。
，时长03:57One of the simplest and most useful exercises that psychotherapy has gifted to us is known as the Empty Chair Technique. A client who has been wrestling with their feelings towards someone is gently requested to stop discussing them in the third person and is instead invited to face a chair and start talking to this bit of furniture as if there were on it – to all intents – the specific troubling person in their life, perhaps a long dead absent father, a neglectful mother or a traitorous so-called friend.
心理治疗中一种最简单且最有用的疗法叫做“空椅子技术”。来访者在处理对某人的感情时遇到了困扰，治疗师会温柔地引导来访者不再用第三人称来叙述这些情感，而是请他们面对一把空椅子，将椅子想象成那个让他们感到困扰的人-可能是一个已经去世的、在他们生活中缺席的父亲，一个忽视他们的母亲，或者是一个背叛了他们的朋友-然后直接向这把椅子表达他们的感受。Many of us spend a good deal of time ruminating on difficult people in the recesses of our minds. We say that so-and-so ‘really deserves a comeuppance’ or that we would ‘love to give X or Y a taste of what we actually think.’ We find ourselves returning to them again and again late at night and on the journey to work, their offences interrupting our sleep and spoiling our digestion.我们很多人常常在脑海里反复思考那些让我们头疼的人。我们可能会想，某个人“恶人有恶报”，或者我们“真想让某人尝尝我们真正的想法”。我们总是在夜深人静或者上下班的路上不自觉地想起他们，他们那些冒犯我们的行为不仅扰乱了我们的睡眠，还影响了我们的食欲。And yet we rarely speak with any degree of clarity or sincerity – out of fear of retribution, a dread of vulnerability, a pessimism as to the chances of being understood or perhaps stubbornly ingrained good manners. The feelings remain in us in a latent form, contributing to a layer of static frustration that damages our health and lends a compulsive quality to our moods.但我们通常不会直截了当地表达自己的想法，可能是因为害怕遭到报复、担心显得脆弱、对被理解的可能性感到悲观，或者是因为我们固执地坚持着善良的举止。这些没说出口的情绪深埋在心底，累积成一种持续的挫败感，这种挫败感不仅对我们的健康有害，还让我们的情绪变得容易冲动。Now, under the aegis of a therapist, we can give form to our cloudy annoyance. Once we move past a hesitation at the particular strangeness of discoursing with a seat, we may find that we are a great deal more eloquent than we supposed, far more sure of what we needed to say; far more at home with letting the world energetically know how things look through our eyes. 在治疗师的指导下，我们可以把那些说不清道不明的烦恼整理清楚。一旦我们排除掉犹豫，不再觉得对着椅子说话这件事很奇怪，我们可能会发现自己比想象中更能表达自己，更清楚自己想要说什么；我们也会更容易地让外界感受到我们眼中的世界是什么样子。‘Dad, why did you have children if you couldn’t ever be bothered to get to know them? Why did you think that your responsibility stopped at providing for them materially?’ “爸，既然你从没想过要真正了解我们，当初为什么还要生下我们呢？难道你觉得只要在物质上供养给我们就尽到责任了吗？”‘Chris, why do you pretend that you don’t want to be intrusive when in fact, you just never take an interest in me – despite the hours that I have listened to your troubles?’“克里斯，你为什么假装不想打扰我，实际上你根本根本就不关心我-相反却让我花了那么多时间听你倒苦水？”All this might not seem so different from previous remarks like ‘I’m pretty angry with X or Y…’, but the impact of a concrete articulation and public audition is of a different order. Anger is a poison – and to speak it is to drain it of its malevolent force. We falsely imagine that the only speeches we can ever usefully make are to flesh and blood attentive listeners; in truth, it may matter far less that we are heard than that we have a chance to speak.这些话可能听起来和我们平时抱怨“我对谁谁谁挺生气的……”没什么不同，但当你真的把心里话讲出来，而且有人认真听你说，那种感觉就大不一样了。愤怒就像是身体里的毒素，说出来就像是把它排出去一样。我们有时候会想，只有对着有血有肉、专注的真人说话才有用；但实际上，能说出心里话，哪怕没人听，对我们来说也很重要。The Empty Chair Technique is liable to be especially helpful to those of us who had to grow up to be extremely good boys and girls. There may be few opportunities to be anything but when dad is an alcoholic or has a violent temper, mum is neglectful, or a sibling is very ill. We may lack any knowledge of how to complain because, in our formative period, we sensed correctly that our survival depended upon meekness and good humour.“空椅子技术”对于那些从小就被教育要特别听话的乖孩子来说，可能特别有用。比如，如果爸爸酗酒或者脾气暴躁，妈妈不关心我们，或者家里有人病得很重，我们可能就没有机会表现出不听话的一面。我们可能不知道怎么抱怨，因为在我们成长的过程中，我们很明白，要想过得好，就得表现得温顺和乐观。We learnt to smile and appease, when we would have needed a long wail at the unfairness and cruelty of it all. Our silence may have won us a safe enough passage into adulthood; its ongoing nature threatens to ruin the remaining years.我们学会了用笑容和妥协来面对事情，哪怕心里其实很想大声哭诉这世界的不公和无情。这种沉默可能让我们平平安安地长大了，但如果我们一直这么憋着不说，可能会让我们的余生都过得不开心。We may fear that we won’t be able to get too far into a speech without either collapsing into humiliating tears or escalating into unmanageable fury. The Empty Chair Technique can reassure us on both fronts. There can be ways of speaking without shouting, of saying ‘no’ without being alarming, of standing up for ourselves without coming across as entitled or unworthy.我们可能会害怕，自己在说话的时候，要么会因为太伤心而哭出来，要么会因为太生气而变得控制不住自己。但是，“空椅子技术”能帮我们解决这些问题。我们可以学会用平静的方式说话，不用大声嚷嚷；可以学会不慌不忙地说“不”，而不会让别人觉得我们是在发火；可以学会为自己争取权益，而不会显得自己太自大或者不够格。We can assert our needs without bringing about the catastrophe we fear. And we can start right now, without even waiting for a psychotherapist, by looking across the room to the nearest available chair and asking: who should be sitting there? And what have I needed to tell them for the longest time?我们完全能够大胆说出自己的需求，不必担心会引发我们所畏惧的大麻烦。我们现在就可以使用空椅子技术，不需要非得等到心理治疗师来指导，只需要看看房间里最近的那把椅子，想想：谁应该坐在那儿？我有什么话一直想对他们说？
