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I'm Ah Ping, a 30-something man from Jiangxi province, now living in Hanoi, Vietnam. My journey to finding love has been quite the adventure, filled with unexpected twists and turns. Let me take you through my story, a tale of heartbreak, perseverance, and ultimately, finding happiness in the most unexpected place.
Growing up in a small village in Jiujiang, Jiangxi province, my parents were farmers who worked hard to raise my younger brother and me. Our family wasn't well-off, but we managed. I was a bit of a troublemaker in my younger years, but I buckled down in high school and eventually made it to university.
After graduating in 2014, I decided to start my own training institute. It was during this entrepreneurial phase that I met my first girlfriend, also from Jiangxi. We dated for two years, and for various reasons, I decided to give up my business and move with her to Shanghai.
In Shanghai, I worked in the educational materials industry while my girlfriend was mostly unemployed. I supported her willingly because I loved her deeply. We dated for three years before seriously discussing marriage.
Now, if you know anything about Chinese marriage customs, you'll know that the bride price in Jiangxi is notoriously high. Before my first visit to my girlfriend's parents to discuss marriage, I was incredibly anxious about the bride price. Cars, houses - these are non-negotiable in our culture.
Sure enough, my girlfriend's father demanded a starting bride price of 288,000 yuan, plus a fully paid house and car. When you factor in all the other wedding expenses and dowry requirements, the total came to about 1.5 million yuan. For a rural family like mine, this was an astronomical sum.
I had to be honest with them - I simply didn't have the financial means to meet these conditions. My previous entrepreneurial venture hadn't been profitable, and after two years of working in Shanghai, supporting both myself and my girlfriend, I had very little savings.
The next few years were a rollercoaster of emotions. My girlfriend and I were living together, so it was difficult for her to make a clean break. But I couldn't meet the marriage conditions, and her family wouldn't lower the bride price. We were in a constant state of breaking up and getting back together. To try and scrape together the money, I worked myself to the bone, feeling constantly anxious and exhausted. I managed to buy a car, but it was nowhere near enough for a house and the bride price.
Finally, in 2022, my girlfriend's family gave us an ultimatum - either get married or break up for good. By this point, my girlfriend herself was uncertain about marriage, and our constant arguments had worn away at our once-strong bond. And just like that, our seven-year relationship crumbled to dust.
Letting go of a seven-year relationship isn't easy, but as the writer Mo Yan once said, "One must have the ability to turn the page. Clinging on is like drawing a circle and trapping yourself inside. There are no truly happy people in this world, only those who can let go. Always believe that every dead end hides a turning point."
And how right he was! After ending my seven-year relationship, I unexpectedly found new love. My second girlfriend is my Vietnamese wife, An An. We met online when I was working in Shanghai in a foreign trade-related job. I had downloaded an app to communicate with foreigners for work purposes, and I would browse it in my free time.
One day in December 2022, while "strolling" on this international social app, I stumbled upon a profile with a pure and pretty avatar - it was An An. At the time, I had many Vietnamese clients and knew a bit about Vietnam's business environment. Seeing such a cute girl, I wanted to get to know her. So, I sent her a greeting in English, and to my surprise, she responded.
At first, we just chatted about Vietnam's business environment and some cultural topics. Gradually, we started sharing about our daily lives.
An An was pure, beautiful, and a university student - I found myself increasingly drawn to her. We seemed to have so much in common. Although I was concerned about our 10-year age gap, I couldn't control my growing feelings for her.
After chatting for a while, we developed mutual feelings for each other. Because the app we were using was paid, we hadn't video chatted. Later, she registered a personal social media account on her phone, and we finally met face-to-face, albeit virtually. Even though I saw her in person (on screen), I still had some reservations. After all, there are many stories of online dating scams, and I was talking to a foreign girlfriend - I had to be extra cautious.
To verify her identity, I asked for her phone number and an address where she could receive mail. She gave them to me without hesitation. I then bought a gift that girls typically like from Taobao and sent it to her as a Christmas present.
Soon after, she received the gift and happily told me she loved it. The fact that she successfully received what I sent proved that the phone number and address she gave me were real. It was on that day that I fully believed An An was a real and exceptional girl. I confessed my feelings to her, and she happily accepted. I decided to visit her in Vietnam as soon as possible.
However, going to Vietnam proved to be quite challenging. First, the pandemic wasn't over, and getting a passport was extremely strict. Secondly, Vietnam was considered a "high-risk country" in Southeast Asia. When I went to the Shanghai Border Management Bureau, the staff tried to dissuade me, warning that many Southeast Asian countries were involved in telecom fraud and that I might have trouble returning. Despite my explanations, they refused to process my application.
But I wasn't ready to give up. In February 2023, I tried again to apply for a passport, and this time, they approved it. I received my passport in March and told An An I would visit around the May Day holiday. She was overjoyed. I then busied myself with visa applications and trip planning.
On April 28, 2023, I flew from Shanghai to Hanoi, Vietnam. I landed at 1 AM local time, in the dead of night, but An An was already waiting for me at the airport. Meeting in person for the first time, we were both excited and happy. She looked just like she did in our video chats - slender and graceful, standing at 1.65 meters tall.
We called two motorcycle taxis to take us to her place. The ride was about 20 kilometers - quite far. I was touched thinking about how this young girl had come all this way to pick me up.
As I was basking in this warm feeling, I suddenly realized that the motorcycle carrying An An had disappeared, and the alley we were in had no streetlights. My heart started racing. I wanted to ask the driver, but I didn't speak Vietnamese. Had I fallen into a trap? Where was he taking me in the middle of the night? Kidnapping? Human trafficking? I was so scared I almost jumped off the bike.
Just as I was about to panic, I saw An An's motorcycle join us again. I let out a sigh of relief. Later, I found out that the two motorcycles had taken different routes for that stretch of the journey.
When we arrived at An An's place, she had me leave my luggage there and then took me to find a hotel nearby to stay in.
The next day, An An took me to meet her family. Her parents already knew about our relationship and didn't strongly oppose us dating, but they were more concerned and skeptical. They had heard stories about Vietnamese girls being trafficked to China and not having good lives, so they were worried that An An might face the same fate. At that time, we didn't discuss marriage.
My May Day holiday wasn't long, so I only stayed there for three days before hurrying back to Shanghai. After returning to China, we continued our online relationship, and our feelings grew deeper. We arranged a second meeting to discuss marriage with her family.
At the end of June 2023, I visited An An's family again. Her brother and sister, who usually worked in other cities, had come back specifically to discuss An An's marriage. Most of the family supported An An's freedom to love, but her brother was particularly against it. He adored An An and had previously wanted to introduce her to his teacher's son, hoping they would live nearby and take care of each other.
But An An was determined to be with me. Her brother had to give up his previous plan and came back specifically to "interview" me. He questioned me thoroughly about every aspect of my life but was still not satisfied. Although he didn't explicitly object, he wanted to continue observing. I stayed at their house for nearly ten days, walking on eggshells every day, afraid that I might not perform well enough and be vetoed by her brother.
Their ambiguous attitude made me very anxious. After returning to China, I was worried every day. After careful consideration, I thought it would be more convincing if An An came to China and gave feedback to her family after returning. An An agreed, so I booked her a flight for August 18th, helped her apply for a tourist visa, and she flew to Shanghai without her family knowing.
She stayed in Shanghai for a week, and then I took her to my home for three days. My parents had previously thought online dating wasn't very reliable, but after meeting An An, they immediately supported us.
After An An returned to Vietnam, she reported to her family about my work situation, family background, and what she saw in China. They finally believed that I wasn't deceiving them and stopped opposing our relationship. So in December 2023, I visited Vietnam for the third time, planning to settle our marriage.
I stayed in Vietnam until after the Spring Festival, but An An's brother was still not completely at ease. After some communication, he decided to come to China with An An's brother-in-law in late March or early April 2024 to make a final decision after seeing everything for themselves.
Although my "three visits" didn't achieve my wish, I didn't show any impatience. At least they weren't opposing us anymore, which meant victory was in sight.
In early April 2024, An An's brother and brother-in-law came to my home and stayed with my family for a few days. They felt that we were hardworking and down-to-earth people, and my parents were reasonable. They readily agreed to my marriage with An An. After discussion, we decided to set the wedding date for late May or early June, with the ceremony to be held in Vietnam.
On June 2nd, An An and I held a grand wedding in Vietnam. I paid for the banquet, gold, and other wedding expenses, which came to about 50,000 yuan.
After these expenses, I didn't have much money left. I gave An An a bride price of 30 million Vietnamese dong (less than 10,000 yuan). My in-laws added 70 million Vietnamese dong to make it 100 million, saying it would be our savings for future difficulties or major events.
However, I've never mentioned this 100 million dong and have left it with my in-laws. After all, they've raised a daughter with great effort, and I should give them a bride price as compensation. How could I take their money?
After the wedding, I quit my job in Shanghai and temporarily moved to Vietnam. My in-laws couldn't bear to part with An An and wanted us to live closer to them. They also thought An An had a bit of a temper and were worried that language barriers might cause conflicts with my family if she came to China.
Now, An An and I haven't had any conflicts. We mainly communicate in English. Although she can be a bit temperamental, I have a good temper and am very easy-going, so we never really argue. We discuss daily matters together.
My family has no objections to me living in Vietnam. My parents are open-minded and believe that I should live wherever I feel comfortable. Besides, they're not old and frail yet and don't need care, and my younger brother is there to look after them.
Currently, I'm mainly doing self-media work in Vietnam. In the future, I plan to keep this as a side job and try to start some business ventures. I'm gradually learning some Vietnamese, and An An is learning Chinese. Our communication will become smoother and smoother.
I've found that Vietnamese girls are more innocent. Especially those from rural Vietnam - they're very much like our mothers' generation, valuing emotions over material things, extremely loyal to their husbands, and very responsible towards their families.
Vietnamese people don't have a strong sense of comparison and generally live in the present, so they're easily satisfied. Since coming to Vietnam, my mindset has gradually changed, and I smile more often, which gives me more confidence to face my future life.
I'm sharing my marriage experience not to promote foreign girls as superior, as international marriages have both advantages and disadvantages. There are three main drawbacks:
Firstly, the procedures for international marriage certificates are complicated. Both parties need to obtain many certificates and stamps from various government departments in their own countries. Getting everything done can take anywhere from one month to three or four months, which really tests one's patience.
During this process, your partner may become anxious and irritable, potentially leading to conflicts. So, as the male in an international marriage, you must be emotionally stable and understanding towards your partner.
The second drawback is that regardless of gender, it's difficult to find work in your partner's country. So you must have a certain level of financial stability to support future family expenses and be creative in finding suitable ways to earn money.
The third drawback is the initial language barrier. Very few couples in international marriages happen to have a common language, and most rely on translation apps, which can be very inconvenient. Without patience in communication, it's easy for conflicts to arise.
So, dating a foreign girl and maintaining an international marriage are not easy tasks. As a man, you need to have more ambition, tolerance, and patience. You need to work hard to support your family, respect and treat your partner and her family well to maintain a harmonious and long-lasting marriage.
In conclusion, my journey from a small village in Jiangxi to finding love in Vietnam has been filled with challenges, growth, and unexpected blessings. It's taught me the value of perseverance, the importance of cultural understanding, and the transformative power of love. While international marriages come with their unique set of challenges, they also offer opportunities for personal growth and cultural enrichment. My story is a testament to the fact that love can indeed transcend borders and cultural differences. As I continue my life with An An in Vietnam, I look forward to the adventures that lie ahead, grateful for the twists of fate that led me to this point. My hope is that my story can inspire others to remain open to love, regardless of where it may come from, and to approach cross-cultural relationships with patience, respect, and an open heart.
