Press "PandaGuides" above to follow us!
A recent video by an American woman, featured on the popular Chinese video platform Bilibili, has ignited a debate about marriage and financial expectations within relationships. The user, known as "Harry and Xiaomei’s American Adventure," posted a video with her husband Harry discussing their unconventional approach to marriage and finances, which has sparked heated discussions on social media platforms like Xiaohongshu (Little Red Book), where cultural norms around gender roles are frequently discussed.
In her video, Xiaomei, the American woman, expressed her frustration with some comments on Xiaohongshu, where users criticized Harry for not spending enough money on her and questioned why they had not held an elaborate wedding ceremony. She noted that many people in China seem to believe that a man should bear most of the financial responsibilities in a relationship, such as paying all the bills, while the woman’s role should focus on managing the household. However, Xiaomei shared that she and Harry take a more balanced approach, preferring to split expenses and share responsibilities, which they feel strengthens their relationship.
Xiaomei explained that in her home country, large, extravagant weddings are not as universally expected as they are in some other cultures. She noted that while some Americans do have big weddings, many couples prefer simpler, more intimate ceremonies. For Xiaomei and Harry, the decision to delay a large wedding ceremony was practical. Currently a student, Xiaomei mentioned that she does not have the time or energy to plan a big event, and both she and Harry are content with their simple celebration for now. She hinted that they might consider a larger ceremony in the future when their circumstances are more favorable.
The couple’s view on celebrations extends beyond their wedding. Xiaomei mentioned that they do not celebrate holidays such as Valentine’s Day or Christmas in traditional ways. Instead, they believe in showing appreciation for each other throughout the year rather than on designated days. According to her, even birthdays are celebrated modestly, which aligns with their preference for a low-key, less materialistic lifestyle. She remarked that Harry’s favorite birthday gift from her was simply her agreeing to be his girlfriend.
The video quickly went viral, gathering thousands of comments on Xiaohongshu and other platforms. Opinions were divided, with some netizens supportive of Xiaomei and Harry’s approach, while others criticized it. Supporters praised the couple’s focus on genuine affection and mutual respect, rather than on expensive gifts or extravagant ceremonies. One user commented, “The weaker a relationship, the more it needs grand gestures to reinforce it. True love doesn’t need a show; it’s sweet in every moment, even without ceremonies.” Xiaomei appreciated the comment, responding that it made her feel even more confident in her choices.
Some commenters pointed out that modest weddings are not uncommon in the U.S., where many couples prefer simple ceremonies in parks, on beaches, or in small venues with just close family and friends. One user shared their own experience, saying, “In America, many young people don’t have much money, so a modest wedding is often enough, and they’re still happy. My coworker recently had a small wedding and went on a budget cruise for their honeymoon, and they had a wonderful time.”
However, others found the couple’s views difficult to accept. Some netizens expressed concern that Xiaomei might be missing out on proper treatment from her husband due to cultural differences. “In China, we have a tradition of men showing their commitment by providing financially. Without a big wedding, it feels like he’s not respecting her enough,” one commenter wrote.
Some commenters went further, accusing Harry of objectifying Xiaomei by not spending enough on her or their wedding. Xiaomei addressed these criticisms in her video, expressing confusion and disappointment over the harsh judgments from strangers who, in her words, “do not understand the full picture.” She also mentioned that she appreciates the kindness of many Xiaohongshu users who showed concern for her, but she felt that some accusations were based on misunderstandings and unfair cultural expectations.
The debate also highlights a growing divide in perspectives on gender roles in relationships. In China, traditional views often place men in the role of primary financial provider, while women are seen as caretakers within the home. However, younger generations are beginning to challenge these norms, and Xiaomei’s video has brought this tension into the spotlight. Some Chinese users criticized what they see as an overly materialistic culture in relationships, where love is often measured by the financial contributions a man can make. “In China, girls hope to sell themselves for a high price. By breaking this monopoly, you are seen as threatening their privileges,” one user bluntly commented.
Some netizens encouraged Xiaomei to ignore the negative feedback, attributing it to jealousy over the couple’s happiness. “Don’t pay attention to the criticisms,” one person advised, adding, “They are just envious of your happiness.” Another commenter suggested that Xiaomei’s critics were likely projecting their own insecurities and societal pressures onto her, unable to understand a relationship that did not conform to their expectations.
Many users admired Xiaomei and Harry’s emphasis on simplicity and mutual support. Their decision to focus on what makes them happy, rather than what society expects, resonated with those who believe in valuing personal happiness over social norms. A user shared their experience of a simple marriage, noting, “When I got married, my wife was a beloved daughter in her family, and I was the one who initially took care of the household chores. We pooled our resources together and never split finances. It’s not about who spends more or who does more; it’s about working together.”
For others, Xiaomei’s story served as a reminder of the importance of finding a partner who shares one’s values. One commenter, echoing a sentiment of respect and admiration, wrote, “I hope I can meet a girl like you one day. Someone who values love over material things and believes in mutual respect.”
38-year-old woman’s marriage requirements stir debate online
Chinese woman chooses African partner, left broke after cancer
Chinese man shares photos with German girlfriend, gets bullied
Foreign woman fined for dating on tourist visa in China
Chinese man marries African girl 12 years his junior for ¥9,000
Chinese PhD's €88,000 dowry request makes Dutch boyfriend flee
