这个月的公众号的更新断断续续，而开学生活的忙碌程度也超出了我的预估。九月的我陷入了一片无序的混乱，完全偏离了我之前的规划，这是我完全没有想到的。
开学除了原来的班级我还接手了一个新的班级。对于新的班级从认识学生，到熟悉部分学生这个过程并没有我以为的那么快，我把主要原因归结于新班级的特性与我之前所带班级有极大的不同，但是现在想来是否是因为我还在用常规方法去应对和处理从而造成了某种不适配呢？教师总是很容易用自己行之有效的经验去应对教学活动，但是事实是我们面对的每天都在变化的学生，教学经验无法变成万精油也不能作为万能钥匙。因为习惯了有效，面对失效，我陷入了混乱。
因为正式开始了研究生生活，作为一名大龄读研的人，我是带着极大的热情与期待的。虽然在刚开始时我的读后感被导师修改得面目全非，连标点符号正确的使用都变成了问题。但是之后的修正版通过了老师严正的审核，我又重新恢复了活力。但是随着研究生组会的参与，我开始更加具象化感受自己的僵硬，慢许多拍以及诸多陈旧的处理，我开始有点畏惧了，担心了。研究生生活没有我想象的那么简单，特别对于这个学得慢的年长的我而言更是如此。从踌躇满志到气馁不已中间不过两次组会就达成了。
就以这样节奏开始混乱的九月，我在手忙脚乱的应对着每天的突发。就这样终于在九月中旬左右，我的喉咙彻底罢工了，而这对于老师来说简直就是致命的，紧急到医院看病吃药，然后两天后终于发出了蜡笔小新般的声音，低沉而富有磁性。直到今天我的嗓子依然娇弱得半点辣椒都不愿意尝试，这对于有点喜欢重口味的我来说也有些折磨。
所以直至国庆假期的短暂休憩，让我有了片刻的喘息与思考。
九月原本不应该是这样的。我对于新学期生活的不适应，除了对于新班级管理上的固化，还有我对教学改革的大步尝试过于急促，导致步履并不稳健而是摇晃难安。而我对于研究生生活的期许本身并没有错，而是我本身需要对自己的能力水平有更加客观的认识，我需要花一些基础的笨功夫去学习，这是我必须去面对的，落实想做的事情与想法，这是我在开始学习首先需要调整的。就如同这篇月末的总结，这是在九月底我就应该完成的，而当时的我选择了回避问题。先开始做能做的，才能找到想做的，值得研究深入的。开始行动才是面对挑战的第一步。
十月休息期间，有句诗一直萦绕在我的脑海，欲买桂花同载酒，终不似,少年游。是的，我已不再少年，就如同十月的阳光终不似盛夏那般灿烂夺目，但是莫道桑榆晚，为霞尚满天不是吗？
所以呀，你好，十月，我调整好自己又出发了！
This month's official account has been updated intermittently, and the busy degree of school life has exceeded my estimates. In September, I fell into a state of disorder and chaos, completely deviating from my previous plan, which I never expected.
In addition to the original class, I also took over a new class at the beginning of the school year. The process of getting to know students and familiarizing myself with some students in a new class is not as fast as I thought. I attribute the main reason to the fact that the characteristics of the new class are very different from those of the class I previously led. However, now I wonder if it is because I am still using conventional methods to cope and handle it, which has caused some kind of discomfort? Teachers are always easy to use their effective experience to cope with teaching activities, but the fact is that teachers face students who are constantly changing every day, and teaching experience cannot be turned into a panacea or a master key. Because I was used to being effective, I fell into chaos when faced with failure.
As an older graduate student, I am filled with great enthusiasm and anticipation as I have officially started my graduate studies. Although my initial reading experience was completely altered by my mentor, even the correct use of punctuation became a problem. But after the revised version was approved by the teacher's rigorous review, I regained my vitality. But with the participation of the graduate student group, I began to feel more concrete about my stiffness, slow filming, and many outdated treatments. I started to feel a little scared and worried. Graduate life is not as simple as I imagined, especially for me, an older student who learns slowly. From being full of ambition to being discouraged, it was achieved in just two group meetings.
Starting the chaotic September at this pace, I was busy dealing with the unexpected events of each day. Finally, around mid September, my throat went completely out of control, which was deadly for the teacher. I urgently went to the hospital to see a doctor and take medicine, and two days later, I finally made a Crayon Shin-chan sound, low and magnetic. Until now, my voice is still so delicate that I don't even want to try spicy food, which is a bit torturous for me who likes heavy flavors.
So the brief rest during the National Day holiday gave me a moment of respite and contemplation.
September should not have been like this. My discomfort with the new semester life is not only due to the rigid management of the new class, but also due to my hasty attempts at teaching reform, which has resulted in unsteady and unstable steps. And my expectations for graduate life are not wrong, but rather I need to have a more objective understanding of my own ability level. I need to spend some basic effort to learn, which is something I must face. Implementing what I want to do and ideas is the first thing I need to adjust when starting my studies. Just like this month end summary, which I should have completed by the end of September, I chose to avoid the question at that time. Start by doing what you can do first, in order to find what you want to do, which is worth researching in depth. Taking action is the first step in facing challenges.
During the October break, a poem lingered in my mind, 'I want to buy osmanthus flowers and carry wine together, but it's not like a youth outing.'. Yes, I am no longer young, just like the sunshine in October is not as brilliant and dazzling as summer, but never say too late because of old age. Even at twilight, the sky is still full of sunshine, isn't it?
So, hello, October, I have adjusted myself and let's set off again!
