心灵驿站 | “尴尬症”犯了，怎么破？

也许你有过这样的经历：急匆匆出门，结果到教室后发现自己穿了两只不同的鞋子；偷看前任的社交媒体时，一不小心手滑点了赞……

Perhaps you've had experiences like this: rushing out of the door and realizing, upon arriving at the classroom, that you're wearing two different shoes; or accidentally liking a post on your ex's social media while creeping on their profile...

这些令我们尴尬得脚趾抠地、头皮发麻的场景，即使过去了很久，也难免时不时地在我们脑海里蹦出来。你也许一开始只是觉得尴尬，但情绪很快升级成了懊悔，伴随着各种责怪自己，最后深陷在那个状态里无法自拔。

These awkward situations, which make us feel so embarrassed that we could dig holes with our toes and our scalps prickle with discomfort, inevitably pop into our minds occasionally, even after a long time has passed. You might initially just feel embarrassed, but the emotion quickly escalates into regret, accompanied by various self-blame, ultimately trapping you in that state and making it hard to extricate yourself.

如果你也有这样的反应的话，无需过度担忧，这其实是因为羞愧综合征（Cringe Attack）。羞愧综合征是指因一段令人尴尬的记忆而发的突如其来的生理感受。

If you have such reactions, there's no need to worry too much. This is actually due to "Cringe Attack," or the Shame Syndrome.The Shame Syndrome refers to the sudden physiological sensation triggered by an embarrassing memory.

羞愧综合征是非常普遍的，尤其是如果我们对自己要求比较严苛时，我们会成为自己最恶毒的批判家。当我们做出违背自我认知的事情时，我们的大脑是不会放过我们的。这些自我认知也许充斥着“我应该一直保持庄重的。”“我应该一直做正确的选择的。”“我应该一直保持明智判断力的。”“我绝对不能让自己出丑。”等等。

Cringe attacks are very common, especially if we hold ourselves to strict standards, making us our own harshest critics. When we do something that contradicts our self-perception, our brains won't let us off easily. These self-perceptions may be filled with thoughts like, "I should always maintain dignity." "I should always make the right choices." "I should always possess wise judgment." "I absolutely cannot embarrass myself." And so on.

我们为什么会出现羞愧综合征？

 Why are we like this？

我们总是在大脑放松或注意力不集中的情况下突然想到过去的尴尬情形，比如在入睡之前。这些回忆出现在脑海中并不是毫无征兆的，是有诱因（Trigger）的。

We often suddenly recall past embarrassing situations when our minds are relaxed or distracted, such as before falling asleep. These memories don't pop into our heads out of the blue; they are triggered by certain cues.

比如，你在开会时突然想到的一件糗事，可能是因为你看到了某样东西，这个东西就是诱因。

For example, a humiliating incident that suddenly comes to mind during a meeting may be triggered by seeing something, and that something is the cue.

尴尬的场景会让我们站在别人的角度来看我们自己，比如：“Ta会不会觉得我很傻？”类似这种自我定义的记忆会比其他记忆在脑海中更鲜活。

Embarrassing situations cause us to view ourselves from the perspective of others, thinking, for instance, "Do they think I'm stupid?" Memories like these, which involve self-definition, tend to be more vivid in our minds than other memories.

 怎么应对羞愧综合征？

How can we cope with this?

那么如何应对呢？

以下是三种非常不同的方法：

So, how can we cope with it? 

Here are three very different approaches:

现实生活中，很多人觉得尴尬，出现自我贬低的重要原因，是给自己设立了太完美无暇的“人设”。但我们不可能一生零错误、零误判、零愚蠢，更何况很多我们时常想起的糗事其实他人早就不记得了。

In real life, many people feel embarrassed and self-deprecating mainly because they have set up a too-perfect "personal image" for themselves. But it's impossible for us to live a life without any mistakes, misjudgments, or foolish actions. Moreover, many embarrassing incidents that we often think about are actually not remembered by others anymore.

比如说：

① 15岁时想要给暗恋对象留下深刻印象却惨遭失败？原谅那个15岁的自己；

Failed to make a lasting impression on your crush when you were 15? Forgive that 15-year-old version of yourself.

② 当有位朋友披露其病情时自己给出了不近人情的反应？对那个不知所措的自己予以宽待；

Gave an insensitive response when a friend disclosed their illness? Be lenient towards that overwhelmed version of yourself.

③ 面试时叫错了面试官名字？原谅自己。

Called the interviewer by the wrong name during an interview? Forgive yourself.

总而言之，抛却那个“自己从来不会做任何尴尬或愚蠢事情”的期望。允许自己拥有完整的、正常人都会有的体验，其中也包括犯下各种“愚蠢”错误。

In summary, let go of the expectation that "you would never do anything awkward or foolish." Allow yourself to have a full range of experiences that normal people have, including making all kinds of "silly" mistakes.

羞愧综合征只是让某一个很短的片段闪回，把这些简短片段向前后扩展，给那个尴尬瞬间一些前后故事背景。比起纠结尴尬的细节，试图回忆当时的全部经过，会有意想不到的收获。

Cringe attacks often cause a very brief flashback of a moment. By expanding these brief clips both forwards and backwards, giving that embarrassing moment some context. Instead of dwelling on the embarrassing details, trying to recall the entire sequence of events can lead to unexpected gains.

比如在课堂上闹了一个笑话的你，可以回想课堂的收获，这样你会发现更多有意义，有价值的点；想一下与大家互动中的其他时刻，这样就不会被那些令人不适的“意外”一叶障目。

For example, if you made a mistake in class, you can reflect on what you learned from the class and find more meaningful and valuable points. Think about other moments of interaction with everyone, so that you won't be blinded by those uncomfortable "surprises."

羞愧综合征会令人感到痛苦，因为它会让人感受强烈的尴尬、羞辱或其他各种羞耻感，而羞耻感会警告我们再也不要提及这些经历。如果要停止这种恶性循环，那就需要反其道而行之。

Cringe attacks can be painful because it makes people feel intense embarrassment, humiliation, or various other feelings of shame, which serve as warnings to never mention these experiences again. To stop this vicious cycle, we need to do the opposite.

去与一个不会批判你的人分享这一经历，ta可以是一位会支持的你的人，一个会带着感同身受的态度告诉你“我也一样”的人，或者是一个能以其他任何方式减轻你羞耻感的人。

Share the experience with someone who won't judge you. This person can be someone who supports you, someone who tells you "me too" with empathy, or someone who can alleviate your shame in any other way.

总而言之，重新审视羞愧综合征，将其视为每个人都会经历的一种普遍现象——你、我、读这篇文章的每个人，我们都可能会触发“尴尬症”。这样一来，你不过是像每个人一样，在经历一种非常普遍的、完全正常的人类体验而已。

In summary, re-examine shame syndrome and view it as a universal phenomenon that everyone experiences – you, me, everyone reading this article, we may all trigger "awkward moments." In this way, you are simply going through a very common and completely normal human experience, just like everyone else.