哪些建议看似有益实则“有毒”？可以大众但不能从众...

今天我们要聊一个非常有趣并且比较深刻的话题，关于一些看似流行但其实可以被视为toxic (有毒) 的建议。

Today, we’re unpacking some of these popular “toxic” suggestions and exploring a healthier, more realistic way (更健康、更现实的方法) to approach them. 

This isn’t to say all advice is bad (并不是说所有的建议都是不好的), but it’s crucial to recognize when advice doesn’t quite apply to your own situation. 

It sounds positive. 但是这句话省略了一个非常重要的premise（前提）that is you’re already self-aware and respectful of others (你建立了自我意识和对他人的尊重). The problem with this advice is that it implies any version of yourself is perfect (任何时候的你自己都是完美的) just as it is.

But personal growth is about identifying areas where we can improve, not just accepting everything at face value (从表面上看). Growth is about learning, progress and transformation (转变) and going beyond yourself. 片面地理解这句话可能会lead you astray (让你误入歧途)。

So, instead of using “be yourself” as a blanket excuse, think of it as “be the best version of yourself (做最好的自己).” Ask yourself, “Am I truly living up to my potential (发挥了我的潜力吗)? Is this really my best self?”

This is the idea of proving others wrong by showing them you can succeed. 但是如果你的动力是建立在向别人证明自己的基础上，actually the mindset can become toxic.

If your motivation is solely to get validation (仅仅是为得到认可) or prove something to others, then your success isn’t really for you (你的成功不是真正为了自己), is it?

Live for yourself, guys. If you think their assertions (断言) are ridiculous and toxic, just stay away from them. Not all people are careful with their words (审慎发言), but you don't have to take responsibility for their mistakes.

一种更健康的说法是“Achieve your goals because they matter to you, not as a form of revenge or validation.” Let your accomplishments be something that fulfills you—not something that proves a point (而不是证明观点的东西).

Flora thinks, to a certain extent, the person who said it is demeaning other people's emotions (贬低别人的情绪). Because no one can fully empathize with someone else (完全感同身受), we never have the right to judge how they really feel.

It implies that external circumstances should control your emotions (意味着外部环境应该控制着你的情绪). 但是情绪并不是这样运作的。This kind of advice can make people feel ashamed of their sadness. But it’s just a natural emotion. So don’t ignore and disrespect your true feelings.

We should recognize that it’s okay to feel down even if things seem fine on the surface. Emotions aren’t something you can rationalize away (合理化)—they’re valid and deserve to be acknowledged (值得被承认).

Instead “Allow yourself to feel what you feel without judgment. Acknowledge it and give yourself the space to work through it.” Then your emotions feel taken care of. Sometimes you think that ignoring your emotions will save you more time, when in reality it will only accumulate more problems (积累更多的问题).

Sounds good, right? But sometimes, this advice can actually be misleading (误导性的).

Flora has heard a lot of successful entrepreneurs say this. It’s often well-intentioned (出于好意的) but it always seems like the reason why people find this quote valid isn't because all those who follow passion can be successful, it's that those who follow passion and aren't successful don't have a voice (而是那些追随激情而不成功的人没有发言权).

并不是每个人的热情都与一个stable career（稳定的职业生涯）或他们的技能相一致，这可能会导致很多frustration（挫折）。

Sometimes we discover new passions while working in a field. You might start out in something practical, and then realize you love certain aspects of it that you wouldn’t have considered otherwise (意识到你喜欢某些你不会考虑的方面). This gives you the chance to enjoy what you do while also having stability (稳定).

“Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get.”

Maybe what you felt was against your heart is exactly what you love. There are some things that you don't appreciate until you do them. 有些领域是真正接触后才会感受到它的魅力。所以关键就在于你有没有真正踏实去做。

So, rather than blindly following passion, maybe the better advice would be to find purpose in what you do and keep space for personal growth outside of work too (也为工作之外的个人成长留空间).

You might find a mix of stability and interest that actually works better in the long run (把兴趣和稳定性相结合才是长远之计).

没有失败这个选项，也就是只许成功不许失败了。听起来有一种破釜沉舟的决心。

It sounds so determined and tough (坚定而强硬), but if we’re honest, failure is almost always an option—and often the most available one.

Flora doesn't believe there should be anyone in the world who hasn't had a failure. Failure is something that is so common that if we don't allow ourselves to experience it, then it can be a huge blow (巨大的打击) to you when it does happen. 因为你假设自己能够成功但是却没有为失败做任何准备。

As Steven Crowder once said, failure is usually “the easiest and most readily available option.” Trying to pretend it doesn’t exist just isn’t realistic (试图假装它不存在是不现实的), and it doesn’t make you any more likely to succeed (这也不会让你更有可能成功).

A better way to look at it might be, “Failure is likely, but the odds of success increase when you try (失败很有可能，但如果你尝试，成功的几率会增加).”

Flora also has a favorite quote that is very similar to this one: the opposite of success is not failure, it's doing nothing (成功的反面不是失败，而是什么都不做). 总之也是鼓励大家不要惧怕失败，只要尝试就会有成功的可能。

Accepting failure as part of the process can actually be motivating. When you recognize that success often takes multiple tries (成功往往需要多次尝试), failure just becomes part of the learning curve, not some terrible end.

Knowing this will bring you closer to the truth, rather than being deceived by the lies you create (被自己的谎言欺骗). And that’s a mindset shift that helps. It turns failure into something manageable, rather than something you avoid at all costs (而不是一些你不惜一切代价避免的东西).

So, next time you hear popular advice, take a moment to consider how it applies to you. Just because advice sounds good doesn’t mean it’s always good.

Popular advice may be very eye-catching (引人注目的), but it may not always be right for you (不一定是适合你的).

That’s the key—make sure advice aligns with your values and goals. It’s okay to question (质疑) what you hear and even to reject advice if it doesn’t feel right for you.

树立自己良好的values（价值观）会让我们更有判断力，不会人云亦云、随波逐流。

Remember, the best guide for your life is your own informed perspective (你自己的知情视角). Thanks for joining today! Until next time, keep thinking, keep questioning.