哑柳：
死刑！立即执行
/// 死刑！立即执行
今夜
做了一个梦
我犯法了
但是不知道犯了什么法
而且还是死刑立即执行的那种
行刑人是老家的大队支书
黑咕隆咚的夜
连个法场都没有
更没人宣读我的罪状
就在我家
老屋里
我身边除了大队支书
还有村主任
治安队长
就那么几个人
一时间
我一想到我就要死了
心里十分难受
因为大队支书手里那把枪
十分耀眼
行刑时
我悄悄问大队支书
我想活
你能不能打枪的时候
故意打偏一点
不要打中我的心脏
支书看看众人
说
不行
坚决不行
因为我罪大恶极
我放弃了
我知道挣扎是徒劳的
但是不知道怎么的
心里不恐惧
闭上眼睛
等待子弹射进我的身体里
一种不想死而又不得不死的无奈
非常强烈
唉
死就死吧
我想
反正活着也没啥意思
枪响了
我分明听到
支书开了两枪
然后我什么都不知道了
一会儿
我又听到支书说
好了
家属可以把尸体领走了
此时
我也不认识支书说的家属
到底是谁的家属
因为我不认识
走的时候
支书好像还特意嘱咐着
走吧
走得越远越好
最好别回来了
我知道我没有死
支书的话
让我心里非常透亮
让我走
一是他不讨厌我
二也是极度讨厌我
我对我的家
尤其所谓的老家
也是极度的爱
但是那种不想回家的感觉
又非常坦然
走了
我对自己说
但愿再也不要回来了
回来
除非天明
唉
这种祝愿
对我来说也是一种无奈
只是
天什么时候亮
连我自己都不知道
直到现在
甚至
我连大队支书的名字
都想不起来
2023/9/21
Ya Liu:
Death penalty! Execute immediately
/// Death penalty! Execute immediately
Tonight
I had a dream
I broke the law
But I don’t know what law
And it was the kind that would lead to immediate execution
The executioner was the brigade secretary of my hometown
It was a dark night
There was not even a court of execution
No one read out my charges
It was in my old house
Besides the brigade secretary
There were also the village director and the security captain
There were only a few people around me
For a moment
I felt very uncomfortable when I thought I was going to die
Because the gun in the brigade secretary’s hand
was very dazzling
During the execution
I quietly asked the brigade secretary
I want to live
Can you deliberately shoot a little off the target when you shoot
Don’t hit my heart
The secretary looked at everyone
And said
No
Absolutely not
Because I was guilty of a heinous crime
I gave up
I knew it was futile to struggle
But I don’t know why
I didn’t feel scared
I closed my eyes
Waiting for the bullet to shoot into my body
A kind of helplessness of not wanting to die but having to die
Very strong
Alas
Let me die
I thought
Anyway There is no point in living.
The gun went off.
I clearly heard that the secretary fired two shots.
Then I knew nothing.
After a while, I heard the secretary say that it was OK.
The family members can take the body away.
At this time, I didn’t know the family members the secretary was talking about.
Whose family members were they?
Because I didn’t know them.
When I left, the secretary seemed to have specifically told me to go.
The farther the better.
It’s better not to come back.
I know I’m not dead.
The secretary’s words made me very clear.
Let me go.
First, he doesn’t hate me.
Second, he hates me very much.
I love my home, especially my hometown.
But I feel very calm when I don’t want to go home.
I left and said to myself,
I hope I won’t come back again.
Come back only when it’s dawn.
Alas, this wish is also a kind of helplessness for me.
It’s just that I don’t even know when it’s dawn.
Until now,
I can’t even remember the name of the brigade secretary.
2023/9/21
哑柳，六零后，祖籍河南，日常煮酒和写诗打发日子。著作有《哑柳诗选》《雨的繁华终归海》《尖叫集》《祭祀国》《屠》《猪猡记》《北方之北》。
Ya Liu, born in the 1960s, originally from Henan, spends his days cooking wine and writing poems. His works include "Selected Poems of Dumb Willow", "The Prosperity of Rain Returns to the Sea", "Collection of Screams", "Sacrifice to the Country", "Slaughter", "The Story of Pig" and "North of the North".
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