（图片原文来自《The Crimson》）
哈佛本科录取文书第五篇分享---关于Ella 的种族主义认知（招生官点评翻译在文章的最下方）
黄媛的个人分析解读：
1、文章用对话的形式开始，这种风格在去年的时候也算新颖和流行，但是当我查看大量的范文和录取文书之后，也不禁感叹，这种对话场景开头用在今年的申请中，可能有点俗套了，毕竟当大众学生的文书开头都在用这样的句子：“我小时候的梦想是。。。”，“我出生在。。。样的家庭中，所以我。。。。”的时候，已经有学生使用对话场景开头了，但是当大众的人都意识到用对话场景开头的时候，就又陷入了“俗气”的循环。从招生官的角度来看，本科的学生申请，其实不需要对这个专业的理解有多深刻，而是说能不能看出这个学生到底有没有用心去做这个事情，其实从写作的文字中，就能看得出来，有没有用心做这个事情。懂的都懂，不需要辞藻多华丽，多复杂，一个单词字母有多长。
2、然后第二行 ，小作者很坦然地说出回答不出来教授的问题。其实大部分学生都是想尽量在文章中把自己夸的有多好，有什么优点，但是从招生官的角度也许更想看到的是真诚的一面，是真实的故事，是发现自己的不足，而努力去进步，去完善成长的过程，比较从儿童成长到青少年再到成人，不可能是一点错误都不犯，而且发现自己不足之后如果是成长的。或者是通过这一点到底要引出下文的什么内容来。
3、在接下来，是对教授当时表示疑惑场景的描述，从而引出下文，小作者的解释，为什么回答不出来教授的问题，以及对这个领域的感悟是什么？直奔主题：种族，政治，宗教（这个主题是一般学生不敢去碰的主题，无论是本科还是研究生，这个主题就是一把“双刃剑”，写好了就能取得招生官的青睐，但是也要考虑大众招生官的感受）。
4、通过描述作为韩裔美国人在美国南部生活，因为口音的问题而受到的轻视，比如去麦当劳想多要一些番茄酱这种小事情，都可能会使因为种族歧视问题而精神敏感的人变得紧张。这使他们的生活变得更加的困难，小作者通过以小见大的方式举例子，对社会的真实状态进行了发人深省的评论。
下面我们一起来看下正文吧：
“Ella, what did you think of Douglass’s view on Christianity?” I gulped. Increasingly powerful palpitations throbbed in my heart as my eyes darted around the classroom – searching for a profound response to Dr. Franklin’s question. I took a deep breath while reaching the most genuine answer I could conjure.
“Professor, I don’t know.”
Dr. Franklin stared at me blankly as he attempted to interpret the thoughts I didn’t voice. My lack of familiarity with the assigned text wasn’t a consideration that crossed his mind because he was familiar with my past contributions to class discussions. I was a fervent critic of the corrupted culture behind Christianity of the Puritans in Hawthorne’s “Young Goodman Brown” and modern evangelicals involved in the puzzling divinity of Donald Trump. He arched his flummoxed brows as he began to open his mouth.
“Professor, what I mean is that I’m not sure whether or not I even have a say on Douglass’s statements on Christianity in his Narrative of the Life.”
In class, I often separated the culture of Christianity from the religion. To tie these immensely disparate concepts as one and coin it as Christianity would present fallacies that contradict with the Christianity I knew. Lack of tolerance and hostility were products of humans’ sinful nature – not the teachings of Christ. People were just using Christianity as an excuse to exalt themselves rather than the holy name of Jesus. These were the “facts.”
My greatest realization came when Douglass declared Christian slave-holders as the worst slave-holders he ever met because of their deceptive feign of piety and use of Christianity to justify the oppression of their slaves. I realized that I couldn’t bring myself to raise the same argument that I used to convince myself that my Christianity of love was the only true Christianity. To Douglass, Christianity was the opposite. I didn’t want to dismiss his story. People use this sacred religion to spread hatred, and to many, this is the only Christianity they know. Their experiences aren’t any bit falser than mine.
Christianity isn’t the only culture that harbors truth that transcends the “facts.” America’s less of a perfect amalgamation of different ethnic cultures and more of a society severed by tribal conflicts rooted in the long established political culture of the nation. Issues such as racism, white privilege, and gender disparity are highly salient topics of current political discussion. However, during a time when people can use online platforms with algorithms that provide content they want to see, we fail to acknowledge the truth in other people’s experiences and express empathy.
As a Korean-American in the South, I am no stranger to intolerance. I remember the countless instances of people mocking my parents for their English pronunciation and my brother’s stutter. Because their words were less eloquent, people deemed their thoughts as less valuable as well. I protect my family and translate their words whenever they have a doctor’s appointment or need more ketchup at McDonald’s. My protective nature drives my desire to connect with different people and build understanding. To do so, however, I step outside my Korean American Southern Baptist paradigm because my experiences do not constitute everyone else’s.
Excluded from the Manichaean narrative of this country, I observe the turmoil in our nation through a separate lens - a blessing and a curse. Not only do I find myself awkwardly fixed in a black vs. white America, but I also fail to define my identity sandwiched between Korean and American. In the end, I find myself stuck amongst the conventional labels and binaries that divide America.
“You seem to work harder than most to understand other people’s points of view,” Dr. Franklin said after I shared these thoughts to the class.
“I find this easier because I spent my childhood assuming that my culture was always the exception,” I replied. As an anomaly, accepting different truths is second nature.
招生官点评：Professional Review by Crimson Education
At a time in which the Black Lives Matters movement was sweeping America and racial tension was at a high, Ella was able to offer a powerful and brave perspective: how she feels to be neither Black nor White. The true strength of this essay is its willingness to go where people rarely go in college essays: to race, to politics and to religion.
当时，“黑人的生命很重要”运动席卷美国，种族关系高度紧张，Ella能够提供一个强大而勇敢的视角:她觉得自己既不是黑人，也不是白人。这篇文章的真正力量在于它愿意去写大学作文中很少有人去写的地方:种族、政治和宗教。
Her dedication to her religion is evident - but so is her willingness to question the manipulation of the word ‘Christianty’ for less than genuine purposes. It requires intellectual bravery to ask the hard questions of your own religion as opposed to succumbing to cognitive dissonance. This is a trait that exists in a powerful independent thinker who could push all kinds of debates forwards - academic ones or otherwise.
她对宗教的执着是显而易见的，但她也愿意质疑“Christianty”这个词被操纵的不真实目的。它需要拥有智慧的勇气去问你自己宗教的难题，而不是屈服于认知失调。这是一种存在于一个强大的独立思想家身上的特质，他可以推动各种辩论——学术辩论或其他辩论。
Her word choice continues to emphasize bravery and strength. “I protect my family” inserts Ella as the shield between her family and the daily racism they experience in the south because of their accents and heritage. Her humorous quirks show the insidious racism. She even needs to shield her family from the humble request for some more Ketchup at McDonalds! Imagine if one is nervous to ask for some more Ketchup and even such a mundane activity becomes difficult through the friction of racial tension and misunderstanding. This is a powerful way to deliver a sobering commentary on the real state of society through Ellen’s lived experiences.
她的用词继续强调勇敢和力量。“我保护我的家庭”这句话成为Ella在保护家人和日常种族歧视主义之间的“盾牌”，因为和家人在南方生活时，因为父母和哥哥因为口音问题而被轻视的经历。她幽默的怪癖显示出潜藏的种族主义。她甚至需要保护她的家人，不让她在麦当劳卑微地要求更多的番茄酱!想象一下，如果一个人很紧张地想要更多的番茄酱，即使是这样一个平凡的活动也会因为种族紧张和误解的摩擦而变得困难。这是一种强有力的方式，通过Ella的亲身经历，对社会的真实状态进行了发人深省的评论。
She connects major societal debates (Trumpism for example) with daily experiences (her translations at the doctor’s office) with a gentle but powerful cadence. She demonstrates her intellectual prowess in her discussion of somewhat high-brow topics but also grounds herself in the descriptions of her daily acts of kindness.
她将主要的社会辩论(比如特朗普主义)与日常经历(她在医生办公室里的翻译)用一种温和而有力的抑扬顿挫联系起来。她在讨论一些高格调的话题时展示了她的智慧，但她也将自己置身于日常善良行为的描述之中。
Creatively Ella weaves numerous literary devices in and out of her story without them being overbearing. These include alliteration and the juxtaposition of longer sentences with shorter ones to make a point.
Ella创造性地在她的故事中编织了无数的文学手法，但它们都不显得专横。这包括头韵和长句与短句并列来表达观点。
Her final dialogue is subtle but booming. “....my culture was the exception”. The reader is left genuinely sympathetic for her plight, challenges and bravery as she goes about her daily life.
她的最后一段对白很微妙，但很精彩。“....my culture was the exception”。”读者会由衷地同情她日常生活中的困境、挑战和勇气。
Ella is a bold independent thinker with a clear social conscience and an ability to wade in the ambiguity and challenge of an imperfect world.
Ella是一个大胆独立的思想者，有着清晰的社会良知，能够在不完美的世界的模糊性和挑战中涉水前行。
-----原文引自哈佛大学校报《The Crimson》
