「背黑锅」的英文是什么？用英文聊聊职场黑暗面！

职场生活大不易，充斥各种黑暗面小手段。有些人「靠关系」、有些人「抢功劳」，有些人则不得不「背黑锅」。

[我们都有那么一个同事，那位大家都希望他辞职好让大家快活一点的同事。如果你不知道有这号人物，你自己先辞职吧。]

[Coworker left himself signed in to LinkedIn and now his skills include "mouth breathing".]

[同事自己登入了 LinkedIn 然后现在他的技能栏里多了一条「用嘴呼吸」。]

[I told all my colleagues at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I don't have to talk to them.]

[我告诉我工作的同事们我有一位双胞胎兄弟，好让我之后在外面遇到他们时不用跟他们打招呼。]

I remember once working with a woman who found it really frustrating that someone in her office loudly ate rice around lunchtime every day.

我记得曾经和一位女人共事过，她很受不了每天午餐时间有人在办公室里大声的吃饭。

And her metal fork would constantly be hitting against the bowl and she was so annoyed by it that she was actually going to go out and buy a wooden fork for this person.

对方的铁叉子一直敲到碗，而她最终受不了，她甚至打算跑去买一支木叉子给对方。

When you think we spend half our waking life at work if there's someone who really gets under your skin, it's crucial to cross that divide.

当你每天睁眼的时间有一半都在工作，若真的有人惹毛你，要如何跨过分歧是很重要的。

We've probably all worked with people we don't like.

我们大概都和不喜欢的人共事过。

But really?

但真的吗？

You hate them, you actually hate them?

你讨厌他们，你真的讨厌他们吗？

That takes an enormous amount of energy and it makes little or no difference to them.

需要很多精力应付他们，且对方很少或不会受到什么影响。

If they've really done something totally illegal or horrendous, there's probably much better remedies for it.

如果对方做了不合法或可怕的事，也许有更好的纠正办法。

Most of the time we find that people want to avoid having a conversation with the other person because they dislike them.

因为讨厌对方，所以大部分的时间，我们都避免和他人交谈。

But if you don't talk about it, it won't get better by itself.

但如果不摊开来谈，事情不会好转。

So some people try to put it off and develop coping mechanisms, but it rarely makes the situation much better.

因此有些人一天拖过一天、发展应对机制，但很难改善情况。

And soon, it's years down the line and you're still in the same boat, hating this person.

很快地，几年过去了，而你还是面临着一样的问题，讨厌这个人。

It doesn't have to be like this.

事情有转圜的余地。

A bit of short term pain, i.e. a difficult, but open and honest conversation, with the person you dislike, can bring a long-term gain.

一时的痛苦，例如和讨厌的人敞开心胸对谈，可以带来长期的收益。

We get people telling us we're intimidating when we think we're really cuddly, or telling us that we're shy when we consider ourselves thoughtful and serious.

我们自觉受人喜爱，别人却觉得我们吓人；或是自感细心又严肃时，别人认为我们生性害羞。

So think about what you give off to other people.

所以想想你给别人的印象。

Here's Ali. He's very bright.

有位 Ali 他非常聪明。

He's quite young, he's very highly educated.

年轻又高学历。

He's just got a great job so he's sent to a conference.

他刚得到一份好工作，所以被派去参加会议。

And because, as well as being bright, he's rather modest, he decides that he'll keep quiet, pretty much, and he'll just observe what's going on and listen to people who are more experienced.

因为他聪明又谦虚，所以他决定要保持沉默，观察一切并听取较资深者的想法。

The people around him who have heard how bright he is and how well-educated see him being a bit restrained and a bit withheld and start to think, "He's a bit aloof."

周遭曾耳闻他能力与学历的人，看他拘束又克制的样子，开始想「他有点冷漠」。

"He doesn't rate us."

「他不认为我们不怎么样。」

"He thinks he's too good for us", and so they start to freeze him out.

「他认为我们配不上他」，所以他们开始排挤他。

We end up with a situation where everybody's misunderstanding each other and nobody is getting the benefit of their different abilities and experiences.

我们最终都会有大家彼此误会的情况，而没人有机会从他人的能力、经验中学习。

Ask questions and seek to understand the other person's viewpoint.

问问题，然后试着从别人的角度出发。

Then show them you've understood their viewpoint by summarising back to them what they have said - an incredibly powerful little tool for building rapport.

然后藉由总结对方的话，让对方知道自己了解其论点。这是建立友好关系的小小工具，效用非常强大。

Too often, people just try to persuade others of their case.

大家常常想以自身案例说服他人。

But if you show that you're open to listening to the other person and genuinely want to understand where they're coming from, you'll have a much more constructive conversation.

但若是你表示自己愿意听对方说话，且真的想要了解对方，那你们的对话会更有建设性。

I remember once in a mediation where one person shouted at the other "You're a pathological liar"!

有次调停时，我听到其中一方喊着「你这有病的骗子」！

Now I don't have a problem with someone saying that if that's how they feel.

如果有人这么说是因为他们真的这么认为，我也没意见。

But I do, actually, with how it's worded.

可是我对言词的表达有意见。

If you tell someone they're a liar, they'll automatically disagree.

如果你说某人是骗子，对方自然会不同意。

We all would.

大家都这样。

But if you calmly point out that on this occasion and this occasion they have lied to you, you can have a conversation about it without them getting as defensive.

但如果你冷静地指出对方在那些情况下说谎，你们就可以好好谈谈，而不会引起对方的防备心。

It's probably not personal.

也许这对事不对人。

Remember that you don't have to learn to like the person that you're in conflict with - you just have to work with them.

记得：你不需要喜欢和你有冲突的人，你只要和对方共事。

Be willing to challenge your assumptions and then learn from that.

乐意挑战自我的假设，再从中学习。

Welcome other's ideas and approaches.

接纳他人的想法与方法。

Be yourself, be open, be honest about your own strengths and contributions.

做自己、放开心，以及诚实展现自己的实力与贡献。

The really great thing is if you're doing those things, not only does it diminish that feeling of dislike and make you better at working with people, but you might actually get to enjoy working with them.

如果你这么做，不仅能消除「不喜欢的感觉」，还能让你更擅长与他人合作，甚至享受共事的感觉。